I am so much better, mentally!

Jan 10, 2011

Okay, so last time I wrote, I was completely frustrated. I have found my patience since, completing my 2nd sleep study and looking forward to my appointment on the 24th!

The sleep study to calibrate the nasal mask was horrific. Not only am I claustrophobic, I have always dreamt of having my air supply cut off. I thought I was going to die. I panicked and actually went into a panic attack...then the sleep tech wouldn't let me wuss out. So I gasped and coughed and settled down into something resembling sleep. I lived. I still have glue in my hair, but I lived.

I am wanting to start an Atkins diet tomorrow. I've had it with gaining a little bit here and a little bit there. I am SO tired of being fat. I know it won't come off easily or quickly - and I don't want it to. Same with the surgery, I realize it's not magical and will NOT solve my problems. The beauty part is: I am well. Mentally. I can condition myself to health. First mentally, second physically. I will follow through. I will make mistakes, but I will make it. I am ready.

I'm not sure when my surgery will be, I am frustrated to a point with that, still. I guess it is MO HealthNet insurance. Who knows. Just as long as I don't go to my work insurance before the surgery. I am not willing to start again. I wouldn't be too keen on it. I guess I'd live and keep the choices I've made. I just really am hoping for low complications. I expect some, really, from all I've read. However my best friend is a RN (love my Jules!), and she may not realize it, but I will be asking her for advice and help in what to do when ___ happens.

I am also doing better on here, even posting a successful question on the boards. Wow, this is such a supportive environment. I've known that and felt at home for the 2+ years I've been a member...it's just more real now. I guess you can't get support if you don't ASK FOR IT, huh? LOL I'm a mess.

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