Sarah G.
Will any of this make me a stronger person?
Mar 03, 2010
So its been a LONG time since Ive logged onto OH. Sadly enough...my life hasn't gotten easier in any way since my last post. Hence, the reason for my absence. But...this morning I woke up super early...and the first thing that crossed my mind was all of you. To those of you that wrote me and have been patiently waiting for a response, I am truly sorry. Ive wanted to be here and offer my time, advise, and encouragement. But Ive needed all those things myself. I do believe that over the last few months Ive reached what will be one of the lowest points in my life. Therefore, I didn't feel I could log on and be positive...or of any real help to anyone. But, I'm going to share what Ive been through lately. Weather or not anyone can take anything from it, I don't know.*Following my last post...I'm still not divorced. My husband wound up coming back to me and begging forgiveness. And also asked for his place, back in my life. You never wed expecting or wanting divorce. But after everything Ive been through with him, I couldn't walk back into it. Not now. I knew that if God intended for us to be together, that Id know. And at that time, I wouldn't doubt or question our ability as a couple to get over the past and move forward. But I wasn't at that place. And I'm still not today. Ive met this wonderful man that shows me what love truly is. And though theres always room for that to change...right now I'm content with what we have. And hope its one of those things that NOT too good to be true. Time will tell.
*In regaining a friendship with my husband, he agreed to help me out a little financially. It is what has allowed me to keep my car, as the money he gives me is only enough to pay my car payment and insurance. I still struggle to find money to get the other things I need. Shampoo...food for my animals...vitamins and protein. We really do take those little things for granted. Ive never in my life gone without so much. Ive learned to appreciate the simplest of things. I'm ecstatic every time I can make my 45 minute trip to walmart to spend $20 on foaming hand soap, or a refill card to keep the texting on my pre-paid cell phone from expiring. Those are my "good days." I still receive food stamps...thank GOD. Without that, I really don't know what Id do. I guess its a blessing having had gastric bypass, as $200 a month would never have been sufficient enough to provide for someone with a normal appetite or food intake.
*Months ago I had a very unfortunate health crisis. I cannot dive into details. Its extremely personal. But I will note, it was one of the most traumatic experiences Ive ever been through. Next to my surgery. My health was comparable to domino's. One problem lead to another...and it kept going...and going...and going. Through this, my sugar problems spiked. I started having sugar attacks daily. What started at 1-2 a day quickly became 3...4...5...and so on. I have never been more ill. After a month of pure hell, I decided to do some research. I found out that I had developed a severe form of Hypoglycemia specific to post-Gastric Bypass patients. Its called Postprandial Hypoglycemia. Here is a link where you can read more on the condition. http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/31978.php
After reading this, and many other posts, blogs, and documentation...I realized I needed to make huge changes in my diet. To counteract the sugar attacks and stop them, I would eat sugar. Something I had not done since surgery..it was the only way to bring my sugar level back up. After the attack would stop, I would dump from the sugar intake..which at times was huge. I'm talking 20-30 grams of sugar. Which was what it took to stop these attacks. So I then would dump to the point that I wanted to die. It would last for hours. Id foam at the mouth...since I no longer can throw up...shit my brains out...you name it. Unfortunately, as the above article explains, dumping syndrome triggers the sugar attacks. So after all that, once again my sugar would drop...It would literally go on ALL DAY...over and over. Sugar attack...DUMP...sugar attack...DUMP again. So...I decided to stop eating. Not completely. But once I realized that food and dumping was what was causing all of this, I had to do something about it. So I went back on a liquid diet. I didn't have the money for protein..so I was drinking tea, water, crystal light, coffee, light yogurt smoothies and Adkins shakes. My hair started falling out in clumps. My skin dried out and developed rashes. I stopped sleeping...and became lethargic. All symptoms of protein deficiency. At that time I had gained almost 30 lbs because of all the sugar and food I was eating in a desperate attempt to keep my sugar at a normal level. Being back on a liquid diet caused me to loose all 30lbs in about two months. I was pleased about this...but I cant say it was the healthiest way to drop the weight.
*I'm at a place now where Ive started eating solid foods again. So I'm maintaining at 127lbs. Which I feel is a good weight for me. Ive been trying to get protein in...although there are times I go a week or two without as my finances wont allow me to stock up. And Ive only had five of these attacks in the last month or so. So I'm doing better. I can only pray it stays this way..as Id like to keep my pancreas.
*I'm still unemployed. It seems I'm not alone. Ive never done so many job searches that turned up absolutely nothing. I guess its the times...economy...whatever.
*My car finally broke down...as I expected it would. Its been parked for some time now. Thank god for my mother and grandfather. They allow me to use their cars when I need to run errands. But its still a royal pain not having my own vehicle. I hope God provides me with a way to fix it.
*To add to my stress...by boyfriend has been incarcerated. He made the mistake of standing up to a man that was harassing me and eventually tried to take advantage of me physically. This resulted in a fight that landed the jerk face in the hospital, and my boyfriend in jail with a simple assault charge and fines that will take years to pay off. Its been very challenging without him here....I am responsible for taking care of almost all of his bills...and anything else he needs. Thankfully he only has 1.5 months left. I cannot begin to describe how this whole thing has affected me emotionally.
*All these events have taken me to a place emotionally, physically, and mentally that I never thought Id be. So I decided it was time to see a shrink. Despite the fact that it cost $300 for the visit...I am now on medication to help me sleep and a strong anti-depressant to help me deal. I had forgotten what real sleep felt like. I cant tell you how nice it is to dream again...even if they are bad dreams...at least I'm not awake all hours of the night. My mood is stabilizing slowly. I initially felt very sick from the depression medication. But as each day goes by, I feel my body adjusting. Its making me feel a bit detached..somewhat numb. But I guess its better than my overwhelming desire to give up.
*With all this said, Ive not begun to even scratch the surface of the pure hell Ive lived over the last several months. I don't think anyone would want to know the even more traumatic personal battles I have fought. But in the end...I thank God I'm still alive. And miraculously...able to find strength to wake up each morning and start a new day. I hope that through my experiences, I'm able to help others. Maybe instill hope...or provide a dramatic soap-opera of a read.
Have a fantastic day all~
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About Me
PA
Location
26.5
BMI
Surgery
08/20/2007
Surgery Date
Sep 19, 2006
Member Since
Before & After
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