And a year later...

Oct 28, 2009

Wow, I haven't updated.  For like, almost a year.  Wow! 

So, nothing really new here.  I keep my weight between 127 and 130lbs pretty easily and haven't gained or lost anything outside of that for 12 months now.  Doc says I'm right where I ought to be.  I wear a 4, nothing has changed or moved around since I did my clothes shopping last winter.  Eventually I plan for plastics, at least a lower body lift, but with four little kids at home and having to do it all out of pocket, I think that is probably still a year or two away.  It's not medically necessary, but I am very self concious, especially naked, about some of the excessive skin.  Still, I'd take this over the fat any day.  

Playing dodgeball with hubbie.  He's learning guitar and we hike alot.  I like yoga but don't go as often as I should.  I dance alot.  Even just at home, in the car, pretty much just throughout my day.  I was running but I hit a lack of motivation patch.  More into physical stuff you can do with other people and hard core housework - ie. painting the kids bedrooms, staining the deck, rebuilding the pantry, etc.  

My hair - well about half of it fell out after surgery.  So even though it went to my butt before, it was kinda mangled.  So I got a bunch cut off - to my shoulders.  And it went all crazy super curly.  It had been straight - my whole LIFE it was STRAIGHT.  But now it's been a year, and it's still all curly, crazy and gets all afro-ed out.  I don't mind, but it is quirky.  It changed color too.  So I had straight blonde hair and half of it fell out and the new stuff that grew in is dark brown and super curly.  I never heard of that before.  Luckily I'm pretty laid back and that kind of thing doesn't phase me too much. 

Kids are good, dog is good, hubbie is good.  I can do caffine now, but not TOO much at once (ie. couple sodas or one coffee a day - no espresso!).  Carbonation is fine.  I burp alot more now when I do soda.  I do eat sweets, not like before just something little occasionally.  I don't dump easy but I don't crave the crap like I used to and definately only need a little to satisfy me.  Before I swear I really do not think there was a limit when my brain ever said "enough".  Eventually I just ate there was and so then there was no more.  Do I ever eat a half a donut?  Sure.  Do I ever eat two or three?  HELL NO.  And I have no desire to.  I'm sure it would make me sick but even if it wouldn't, it's like the surgery was on my brain and the part of me that NEEDED that to be OK was removed.  

I didn't touch alcohol or caffine or carbonation for the first year post-op (March 2008-March 2009).  Now I sometimes have a rum-and-diet-pepsi in the evening.  I get a buzz easy.  I don't get drunk, I hate the feeling and I limit myself - no more than 2 always - even at an all evening party.  But I get tipsy off barely anything.  It passes very fast, though.  I get a buzz after literally two sips of anything, but a half hour later I'm cold sober.  Again, just something I didn't expect.  I knew post-ops usually get drunk very, very easily and have low tolerance, but I didn't expect that it was something that passed as quickly as it came on.  

I have days I forget about my sugery and my pouch.  I ran into an old co-worker and she didn't know who I was and I was deeply offended.  Hubbie pointed out that since I saw her last I went from a size 22 with long blond hair to a size 4 brunette with short curls.  Right.  Duh!  But I forgot how much the physical had changed.  I just got my feelings hurt when I yelled out "Hi Suzy!" and she said "Uh, I'm sorry, but I don't know you".  Hubbie thought that means I have accepted my body as it is today as "normal" and replaced my previous mental image with the person I look like now.  I think he might have something there too.  Takes awhile to get there, but I am getting good at knowing if something will fit before I try it on and I naturally head to the right clothing racks and I am no longer suprised when I see a mirror or my reflection in a store front.  Pleased, yes.  Surprised, no.  

So I guess in all my journey is almost two years now.  I made the decision Christmas eve 2007 to persue this.  I went to my first informational meeting the first week of Jan. 2008.  March 25, 2008 was my surgery date.  By November I was to goal weight and have stayed there now for 11 months.  My one year check up came in great, my labs were just fine.  Last week I donated blood - no problems with anemia - passed that test just fine. 

I still eat protein first, but I don't track it daily.  I have a pretty good idea in my head, though, if I need to eat more to have had the right amount for the day.  I can tell you how much protein most things have and where in general my daily number is if I think about it.  But I don't log it in The Daily Plate.  Climbed some mountains this summer.  Made the kids so some of them with me.  I still get cold easy but not as bad as last winter.  I think I'm just more used to it.  Body is adjusting to having less insulation.  I still like to cook.  I still like to eat good stuff.  There is some stuff I don't eat, because my body doesn't like it so much but very, very few things like that.  I'm good with spicy, or sweet, or whatever.  Certain odd foods that I like don't like me back - rice, chex mix, odd things.  They don't have anything much of value nutritionally anyhow but it's odd when you can eat crackers but not chex mix or oatmeal but not rice.  I can always tell before I have one bite too many and I can always tell when I'm pushing it with the sugar and need to stop.  But what that is changes day to day.  Can I have a baby sized ice cream cone.  Maybe on Monday.  But a week later I might try the same exact thing and after one bite my pouch says "trust me, put it down.  Now."  I DO always listen to my pouch as I've learned the hard way that taking ANOTHER bite when you get THAT CERTAIN FEELING is just stupid.  

And gee, I guess that's me.  That is a year in life of a post-bypass, post-goal weight 35 year old woman.  Things are good, nothing too weird.  I have my quirks but none of them bother me.  Life goes on.  We adjust so much faster than I expected.  I am absolutely certain I will never gain the weight back.  Not just THE weight but ANY of the weight.  Sometimes I go over 130lbs when it's my period or I'm really sick and bloated and etc. but within about 48 hours it drops back down.  Jeff, the psychologist, says that if we ACCEPT a 5lb weight increase then we set the bar THERE instead of what we wanted before.  So when we have another five pound weight increase the next year we label it in our heads as "it's just five pounds" not the cumulative amount of "holy shit, I've gained 10 pounds!".  So he suggests we come up with a range that our body functions well in that is not too difficult to maintain and then log that in as acceptable and only that.  You go over your high number, you better eat a little less or work a little harder but it should be a big old RED FLAG for you.  Same comment if you drop below.  You better make sure you are eating what you should and taking care of yourself.  So I know my body, I know my pouch, I know my range, and making it work is easier than I could have dreamed.  Gastic bypass is no longer who I am to me, but just a part of life.  And there are other parts, too.  Those first months post-op you are a PATIENT and then you are a BUTTERFLY LEAVING THE COCOON and then you are TRANSFORMED and it really takes quite a while to just be a person again.  But I am.  I'm just me.  

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