Valerie C.

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

 

I've been through a lot in the 4 years since my surgery. Not all of my battles with food demons have been successful. My lowest weight from my surgery was in the 260's. earlier this year at the doctor I weighed in at 340. I was only 25lbs under surgery day and 54lbs under my heaviest. Now I'm 317 and struggling.

I had a... Mental breakdown in April this year. I have PTSD from childhood trauma and have been working really hard on my mental health. I can't heal my body until I heal what makes me eat.    I have a blog about my mental health struggles   Chocolateorpoop . com    

So, I'm back here. This was a great support when I had my surgery. I'm going to try to be more mindful of my tool and listen to my pouch. Follow the rules. No drinking with meals. 

 Well, I'm down 123lbs.  I can wear size 20 jeans.  I think those particular ones run big, so I bet I'm about a size 22.  That is a long way from 32.

I've started exercising.  I am up to 45-46 minutes on the stationary bike and I can go about 9 miles.  Yep...  NINE MILES.  That is crazy to me.

My weight has pretty much been at a standstill.  Up and down the same 4lbs since after Thanksgiving. I've finally crossed under the 270 mark this week.  I was in the 270's since November.  I was not good with my eating this holiday season.  I know where I need to be with my eating and am trying to get back there.  I didn't realize I'd still fight to not snack or make crappy food choices.  Stupid of me I know.  But it's just as hard now to turn down the sweets as it was before.  It's just as hard now to choose a healthy snack over a tasty carb ladened one.  It's still hard to eat right and make myself do the things I need to do.

I'm still happy for the decision I made to have surgery, but I wish I'd had it earlier.  I wish I'd had it when I weighed in the high 200's instead of high 300's. If I'd had my surgery at 269 instead of 369, I'd be at goal right now.  I'd be working at maintaining instead of losing.  I don't really see any difference now 7 months post-op between how hard it was regular dieting before.  


Thea told me the other day that I may have gone as far as the surgery will take me.  That now it's all on me, on how much I exercise, how good I am about what I eat.  I've used up my bariatric tool, and now it's just me.

Probably true...  if I eat candy and unhealthy foods at meals I can eat over 1500 calories a day and will gain weight.  I feel like I BROKE my metabolism.  what 270lber out there GAINS weight eating 1100-1500 calories a day?!

I guess I do.

At least my hairloss has slowed.  Thank the holiday truffles.

I can MOVE.  I am so grateful for that.  So grateful in fact that I'm headed out to eat a healthy breakfast and then get my ass on the bike.  I think I'll figure out how far it is to bike to Bend from here and see how long it takes me to "get there."

I'm home.  I was in the hospital a day longer than expected.  I'm so tired.  I had no idea how bad this was going to be.  i was scared and worried, and things are NEVER as bad as you expect they'll be right?  This was worse

I'm so lonely.  I don't get to sleep with my gf in the bed.  I can't really hug her, or even sit next to her on the couch.  I'm in a chair that has arms and a foot stool.  She's here helping me.  She's been so helpful, but she is more my caretaker than my partner right now.  We only talk about how I'm feeling, and that I need to drink more (it's a constant battle to drink for me)  we don't talk.  The stress of how hard a time my surgery went started her smoking again.  She goes outside to smoke and i sit in the house alone while she does something that was such a struggle to stop. 

I'm dehydrated.  i had upset stomach for 2 days and anything I took in went right out the other end.  I had labwork done and may need to go in and get IV fluids if i don't get more liquid in me.

I have a headache, feel lightheaded and get so exhausted just walking around the house for 2 minutes.

I can't even hold my dog.

I question why I did this.

I've lost 17lbs.  I gained 3 in the hospital, but have lost over 17 since being home.  5 days.  17lbs.  I guess that's why I did it. 

right now it's not worth it.  I feel horrible.  I was prepared for pain but I'm suprised at the sadness i feel, the loneliness and te depression.

i just feel so down.

My surgery is a week from today.  I'm...  scared.  I have been so focused on getting everything ready and planned, now it's almost time to do it.. and I'm scared.

I'm anxious, having problems falling asleep at night.  I'm worried and irritable.  what is up with that?  I can't wait until it's done.

Monday June 8th is my surgery date!!!!!

It's a little backwards.  I got my date from the surgeon and NOW they submit for insurance approval.  They work with many people that have my insurance, and it will almost certainly be approved.

I'm so excited!!!

Oh...I'm on prednizone for 11 days because of my asthma.   Last time it made my appetite CRAZY.  I'm really hoping I keep within a few pounds of my req'd weight.

Well, ALL of my pre req's are completed for insurance approval.  I'm just waiting now.  waiting...  waiting... waitiing... then I can get my surgery date!