VickyO

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I needed a reality check so I finally got on the scale yesterday.  It's been a long, long time and I knew there would be a weight gain.  I've gained 21 lbs from my lowest weight of 175. My goal weight has always been 180.   I've been going through lots of body image stuff this year.  So I was pretty happy with some weight gain.  I've just celebrated a year of sobriety so you can imagine all the emotional ups & downs that does with that.  My fiance has been dealing with depression and that's hard to watch.  I'm letting my daughter finally grow up and not fixing all her problems.  Started smoking a few months ago, so if you think that helps curb your appetite, I'm hear to tell you it does not.  So physically I've got the tummy buldge over jeans and back buldge around my bra, buying bigger sizes (underwear, bras, pants, dresses). Scary...yes.....giving up...NO WAY!  My life has changed for the better because I had surgery.  It's been 2 years.   I asked myself what has changed....and the answer is pretty much "everything".  I hardly exercise and I used to do this "daily", absolutely loved bike riding and would even go on long rides up to 30 miles.  I used to belong to a gym, had a trainer, walked (other than a quickie walk with the dogs).  I was always moving my body.  I eat out 98% of the time.  Been away from OH for awhile. Haven't logged my food or weighed in "forever". That's crazy!  I'm now a night eater.....obsessed with dry cereal and granola before bedtime.  I do pretty good at work, eat a good and healthly breakfast/lunch, but after 4:30pm, all hell breaks loose.  I'm hungry almost immediatly after I eat.  I can't eat as much, so the sleeve still works, but I just save the leftovers and eat them later. So, today is a new day, a day I need to start getting back to basics, just for today, it's honesty and awareness.  I will stay close to the board.  My goal today is "no cereal/granola tonight. I will email Dr. Osano today to let her know where I'm at and stop hiding out from her.  It's time to get honest with myself and you.  I don't want to get too crazy like the old diet days.  I just want to take this one day at a time and get back to basics.  I read on OH the other day where someone said "watch the underwear", that's where you can tell the weight gain first....so, so true!  I'm not depressed about my reality check.....I feel empowered about getting honest!
Love you guys!

Wow, I can't believe it's been 2 years since my VSG.  My life is so different today and seems to get better and better every day and in every way.  The biggest change for me the last year has been sobriety.  My weight goes up and down depending on what I eat.....Duh!!  I haven't weighed in awhile but can tell I gained some by the way some of my clothes fit.  I actually told someone I like the extra weight cuz my body isn't so flabby and I do.  I'm getting used to my body still.  My head still likes to play "fat games" with me.  Gotta watch that "head", cuz it'll mess me up.  I try and stay positive.  I'm working my spiritual connection with a power greater than me.  I don't go on this board like I used to and I think of many of you often.  I occasionally hit a support group and am thinking about going back to OA to check things out.  Not sure how they feel about WLS,  see that's my head again.  I thank God for VSG and my new life.  It's not easy and you don't realize that until after surgery.  My surgery was on 8/3/2009, by Dr. Kim at Kaiser West LA.  I'm grateful, so so grateful.  My top weight was 305.  Today......I'm not sure what I weigh.  I love this picture of my fiancé and I taken last month year. 
Love you guys

A year ago today I was sleeved and my life changed forever!  I've lost 129 lbs since I started my journey, an that includes some that I lost prior to surgery, but it all counts baby!  That's my motto! I have so many favorite things I do today, bike riding, crossing my legs, walking, eating healthy and more organic than ever, shave my legs and paint my toes with ease,and SHOPPING, just to name a few!  It's been an incredible ride.  Today is day 18 without alcohol.  Someday, I hope to be happy about this part. I still log my food, weigh daily, don't stress over stalls "to much", lol, drink lots of water, take my vits, and take better care of myself than ever before.  My daughter is so proud of her Mom.  My fiance, Marty is so happy for me and is my biggest supporter.  It's been an emotional day reflecting over the past year.  I've meet some really incredible people on this site and wish you all great success.  We are in this thing together!  Here's a pic of me from today.  Love you guys!  

I don't ever want to forget the courage it took for me to post today and the wonderful support and encouragement I received from my beautiful OH family.  Today I am sober because I reached out and shared my pain. Very scary, but oh so necessary! I am as sick as my secrets and I am so glad my Higher Power gave me the courage and strength to push the submit button for me.  I'm still scared. Love you all!

VickyO
Riverside, CA
VSG (08/03/09) Member Since: 03/27/09 Post Date: 7/16/10 8:42 am

It's not the end.  It's the real beginning. (Thank you SUSAN L.)  I read this phrase this morning and it hit me like a ton of bricks!  I hit my personal goal on 7/4 and have been on a roller coaster ride ever since.  I even went below my goal and was ecstatic at 177, but today I'm 182.  In my blog I said it was time to work on "me" now, but I've been doing crazy things.  "Alcohol" takes me where I want to go.  I don't want to feel the feelings right now.  I'm having a hard time dealing with my new body.  I feel numb.  I want to cry. I want to drink to numb the feelings.  I don't know if I can or want to let go of the alcohol and that scares the shit out of me.  Talk about transferring additions.  I don't feel safe. I'm afraid to let you know how I'm feeling.  I don't want to disappoint you.  I want to just hide out and come back when all is peachy again.  That's how I deal with shit.  Pray for it to "just pass" and get through it.  I'm getting so tired of hiding out.  I had my gall bladder removed 2 weeks ago, been off work since, going back on Monday. It feels like too much time on my hands.  I haven't been able to exercise, except for some swimming/walking.  I just know that I'm in a danger zone right now and not sure if I can get out.  I'm so afraid to hit the submit button, God forbid anyone sees I'm not perfect, but I need help! So, here goes....
                                         

It's a beautiful summer evening & I'm on my way to starbucks for a short soy latte....life is good!

  Before 290+, After 182 :) 

OMG!  I got up this morning and jumped (I never jump....I ease onto it...LOL) on my scale to weigh (after peeing of course!) and what do you know...I HIT GOAL. Well, actually below goal…179.4!!! My first goal was to get to 1-DERLAND, which was surreal!  Then, to get to180 because that's was when I was happiest in my younger days. I was in OA, and felt like I was on top of the world. So, everything below that will be a total gift!  I will continue to do what I'm doing to work my beautiful sleeve!  It's amazing, I had my gall bladder removed 3 days ago and I've been losing ever since with no complications. I must say that I've not been able to eat as much, feels like the early days of my sleeve and no exercise, except for some walking for now. I'm 11 months out and have had an amazing journey.  I'm so grateful for my life.  Today I can: cross my legs, shop anywhere, exercise, go on long bike rides, park far away, walk up stairs, paint my toes, wipe my butt, shave my legs, eat healthy, love myself, sleep well, wear necklaces, stand up for myself, be active, have sex on top, not be afraid to walk into a room of new people, not be afraid to specify how I would like my meal prepared, look normal, focus on something else besides my weight, LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST!  I want to thank all of you who came before me and all that are just starting your journey.  You are all inspirations to me!  WOW!  What's next?  It’s time to really start working on me!

 

  I feel so beautiful (at least with my clothes on...LOL).  I had a follow up with my bariatric doctor yesterday and all is going well.  My weight currently bounces between 183 and 188 and I'm doing what I need to be doing, so all is good!  Going to have my gall bladder removed tomorrow and am a bit nervous about this.  I love my life, I love wearing neclaces, funky earring, funky hair, bracelets, swimsuits, riding my bike, swimming, and asking to have more roasted peppers & onions instead of rice/beans at Chipotle and not being embarrased about it. People difinately treat you differently when you are at a more normal weight.  My self esteem is up, that's for sure!  I would love to get below 180, but I know what I need to do to get there, just need to tighten the rains a bit.  I will see my surgeon at the end of Aug or early September for my 1 year.  I can't wait to see Dr. Kim, Selah and Dr. Mirdamonte at Kaiser West LA.

So, today I went bike riding in Citrus Park, Riverside, CA.  VSG gave me my life back!