Whitney H.
Tuesday cannot come soon enough!!!
Jul 05, 2009
Six days into my liquid diet. Two days till surgery. I've lost 19 lbs. I'm shocked I have made it this far but the last week has been tough. I am an extremely black or white person so when the Dr. said 4 Atkins shakes a day + calorie free liquids, I followed it to the tee. The only other option for me is to eat everything in sight. Sometimes this all or nothing thinking serves me well... but often it destroys me. There is no such thing as 'just one bite' for me. I will eat it all or nothing. So yesterday was difficult watching family enjoy two meals of bar-b-que. But it was made even more difficult cause I don't feel quite right. I noticed I was feeling dizzy if I moved too quickly, by the afternoon. But I could not break my diet. My friend is having RNY 2 days after me. His Dr. told him he could substitute some of his shakes for lean protein. So all weekend he is trying to convince me I could also have some. I wanted it soooo bad, But I know me. I can't just have some. At the same time though I felt so bad I think it probably would have been the best thing for me. I just could not bear to think that I was 'ruining' my diet though. Ahhhh. All the crazy stuff that occupies my thoughts. I got into therapy recently to begin to unravel and restructure this thinking. My prayer is that one day I can choose on my own to just have 'some'. That I can be okay in the grey area without losing control. 
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