yankeeblue08

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One Year Later.. August 2011 My Sleeve journey   It’s hard to believe it has been a year already! At times, it feels like just yesterday, and then other times, I feel like I have always been this way. The body’s ability to recover and rebound is amazing. I actually cannot tell I had surgery at all except when it comes time to eat! I feel better than I have in years and years. Im healthier than I have been in years too! Since I was so big at the start of this journey, I still have a ways to go, but I have more than exceeded the average of losing 50% of your excess weight. I started at 404 lbs...I wanted to lose 200 lbs in total since that sounded good to me at the time...(I’ve since changed my mind and want to go smaller!) I’ve lost 144 lbs so far...that’s just 56 lbs short of my goal!! That seems like nothing when you look at the big picture! I’m so excited and so happy! It would take writing a book to tell you how much my life has changed with this weight loss. I’m alive again! I can do things again! We spent most of this summer going places! I walked and walked and walked! Last summer, I could not move. I was almost bed bound because of my weight. I was starting to use wheelchairs and electric carts because lifting and hauling my body around was just too much for me. The pain...my joints, knees, and of course my back!! I have ruptured discs in my back, bone spurs and my sciatic nerve often flared up. All of this was aggravated by my weight. The final straw was when the doctor told me that the arthritis in my hip was so bad, the hip joint was almost bone on bone. I was destined for a hip replacement unless I got the weight and pressure off of that area. I was going down hill fast. My body was falling apart, rebelling on me. I had so many complaints from being heavy. Personal issues with cleaning, bathrooms, moving, any and all things of being this big is a horrible thing. I see big people now and hear them say how they are fine that way, and I know inside they are just lying to themselves. There is no way being this heavy is ok. But of course, no one can tell you, you need to find out yourself. The best statement I know now is...”NOTHING tastes as good as thin feels”!!!!!!!!! this is so so true! I didnt understand it before, but I do now. I FEEL fantastic! I FEEL thin! I know I am not, since I am still over 200 lbs, but what a difference! I feel TINY! LOL Everything becomes easy when you lose weight...no more seat belt extenders, no more tables in restaurants, I can fit in any booths now!, no more wondering if anyone has chairs that will hold me, or if they have bathrooms that will be wide enough for me. I can spend the day with my grandson, I can go shopping, I bought a bathing suit!! First time in 25 years!!!!!!!! I went in my daughter’s hot tub. I took a tub bath at home!! Something I could never do before. I couldnt lift myself up or down in the tub, now I can.   Again, life is so amazing now. My diet is not one of rigid strictness. I had this surgery not to spend my life denying myself foods that I like forever. I just wanted to be able to control my eating, to eat like normal people do. I eat like a skinny person does. Small amounts. My sleeve has allowed me to eat everything and all things. There is nothing I cannot eat, BUT, there are foods I no longer eat because it is my choice and I feel helps me in my loss, or just because it doesn’t feel good anymore.   I do not eat sugar at all because I think it is a poison on our society. Not good for anyone. I do not eat alot of carbs, because it slows down my weight loss, I am carb sensitive. Carbs send my body into cravings and the old urges come back. I do not eat most breads, rolls, biscuits, buns because they are just too heavy feeling in my tiny tummy. It feels uncomfortable, so I stay away. I do not eat most pastas for the same reason. I have never been sick or thrown up –ever.   I did get uncomfortable to the point of crying once...it was because I ate a small plate of speghetti too fast. I told myself, the taste was not worth it and I haven’t had speghetti again. I love it, but don’t like how it feels. I found that a perfect way to measure my food is to always, always know that I cannot hold more than 8 ounces (1 cup) of any food at one time. Ever. It just won’t fit and I will be miserable if I try, so I always measure at home or if out, I try to picture a deck of cards.   A deck of cards is about the size of my tummy now and that’s all I can eat.   I eat alot of chicken and beef. I have never liked pork, that’s just me. I eat alot of salads. My favorite food is chicken salad, tuna salad, or egg salad. They fill me up, and taste great, and don’t leave a heavy feeling in my stomach. A typical day for me is breakfast, one boiled egg, 4 pieces of turkey bacon. Lunch tends to be some deli meat, cheese or a cup of soup. Dinner is whatever we make for the family, but small amounts. Example...1/3 cup of mixed vegetables, 1/3 cup of baked potato, 1/3 cup of roasted beef was yesterday’s dinner. YUM!! I don’t eat desserts, I don’t drink soda. I never liked it, so that’s the reason. Im a tea or water person. I can and have drank diet pop. I can and do use straws daily. I prefer it since drinking gulps doesn’t feel as good as sipping does. I drink regular coffee with splenda and sugar free hazelnut creamer daily. I often have 3 cups a day of coffee. For snacks, I enjoy SF puddings, SF popsicles, SF ice cream bars, or occassionally, some pop corn. I have gone to birthday parties, weddings, etc, and yes, I do have a cupcake or a tiny slice of cake at these events. If I deny myself, I get very depressed and want it even more! So I allow myself a bite or two of whatever it is, and then Im happy. It’s a mental thing, but it works for me. The worse it gets is if I really really want to eat my favorite foods like a full chinese meal of sweet/sour chicken, won ton soup, egg roll, rice, etc...and I absolutely cannot. It’s two bites of chicken, ½ cup of soup and Im done. Full. Sometimes that makes me sad. I miss my favorite foods, but again, being thinner is so much better! It is just not physically possible for me to eat like I used to eat. Im amazed at how much people can put in their bodies now! I watch people eat, and wonder where they are putting that! LOL I have lots of hanging skin, but you know what? It doesn’t bother me too much. It shows me where I was, and where I am now. It shows me what will happen if I let myself go and get back there again. It’s like my badge of honor that says,..”hey, look at me, I’ve lost ALOT of weight.” LOL At first, everyone noticed my weight loss, now, not so much. People have stopped commenting, and that is understandable. Im still a big girl, but at least I am not the HUGE girl in the room anymore. I am somewhat normal looking now. No one says, “oh my god, look at how big she is!” like they used to. My husband calls me “tiny”. I have to laugh...but to him, I am so different. It feels so good. Im very happy and content with my new tummy and the way I eat. We went on vacation last week, and I had one slice of pizza, and two deep fried cheesecake bites during the week!! AHH! So good, but I was full from the small amount, plus I was satisfied with being able to sample some. Then the guilt hit. I feel guilty if I eat stuff Im not suppose to. That’s a good thing for me. It keeps me in line. It keeps me from just grabbing a bag of chips and dip and indulging. I didnt have this surgery just to ignore the old ways of how I ate. I had to learn to eat properly and watch every bite I put in my mouth. I count caleries now. I stay around 800-1000 per day. That’s comfortable for me and and Im still losing weight at this amount. The weight loss has slowed way down. The months of June/July, I only loss 1 lb each month! But I know it was due to eating stuff I shouldn’t have, and once I got back on track, I know how to control it and go back to the way I know works.   I lost 4 lbs last week! It feels so good! As long as I am on a downward cycle, Im happy and doing what’s right for me. The advice I would have for newbies is this.....this aint’ easy. It’s surgery, and at first, it sucks. You’re going to hurt, heal and learn an entire new way to eat and live. But in just a short short time, you will feel normal again. You will barely be able to remember the surgery at all. The sleeve allows you the control you didnt have with your old, stretched out stomach. I still want bad foods, but I can say no now. I couldn’t before. I couldn’t control my food addiction before surgery. Now, I rarely get hungry, and when I do, a bite of cheese or just a slice or two of deli meat satisfies me. I no longer hide candy in the house or eat an entire pizza like I used to. This surgery is the best thing I ever did for myself. I would do if over and over in a heartbeat. Anything I went thru in the beginning, is so so so, worth it in the end.  If anyone is on the fence about this surgery...don’t hesitate, run to the nearest surgeon and sign up for classes to learn about it. I was one of those that put it off for years, and on the day of my surgery, I sat and cried and didnt want to go . I thank God I did! Losing that small bit of stomach changed my life 100%. All positive. Read all you can about the surgerys, come to the forums for support and know that you are about to start your new, and exciting life “FREE” from pains, free from the curse of obesity. You won’t regret it. 

 What I've learned....LOL  well, I guess that there are no secrets, no easy way outs.
It's pretty much exactly what everyone will read on these forums.   I have had stalls, slowed weight loss, but I know it eventually goes down if I stick to the program and do what I know works.  What works for me is not eating carbs if I can help it, because I am carb sensitive and the weight loss stops when I let myself have some noodles or potatoes.  Which is rare.
I never thought I would be eating the way I do now, back nine months ago.  If someone would have told me that I wouldn't care for the sweets, the pastas, the potatoes and the breads, I would have laughed them out of the room! there was no way I felt I would ever stopped loving nor eating those foods.  but today, I don't really care for them anymore, and certainly can ignore them and eat healthier foods today, which never would have happened presleeve.   I pretty much stay with protein first, then veggies, and carbs lastly, but usually don't have room for the carbs.  I do not have the rapid hunger that I had presleeve.  yes, I still get hungry today, but nothing like before.  It is tolerable now.  I can eat a piece of cheese and be satisfied, whereas before, I would have to have a full blown meal.  I was cranky if I didnt eat, I would get nauseous if I didnt eat something carby presleeve, I thought I wasn't eating much, but I was consuming tons of caleries.  Im amazed at how many caleries everything has now that I keep track.
I am not always good at tracking my food intake, but I do find it invaluable to keeping to plan.  I stay with my 800 caleries per day, 40 carbs or less and 64 ounces of water per day. 
WATER is the key to everything.  water makes you pee, which makes you lose weight.  water keeps you hydrated, and being hydrated is so very important to everything in your body.  I feel lathargic if I don't drink enough.  My skin feels different if I dont drink enough.  so many things have to do with drinking water.  I never ever drink soda (pop here), I didnt much before surgery, so it was not hard to give up.  I drink sf drinks alot.  ice tea is my fav.  Im loving MIO added to my water lately, but also buy alot of the crystal light single powder mixes.  I love all the flavors.  I also drink about 2-3 cups of reg coffee a day, with sf hazelnut creamer.  YUM! 
My diet is very simple most days and I find that I tend to stay with what makes me feel good.  I have never been sick on any food, never throw up, never had foamies, so I can eat anything I want.  BUT, there are foods that sit heavy in my tiny tummy, so I dont feel good when I eat them..I feel sort of like I just ate an entire thanksgiving dinner and it sits like lead in my belly.  so I shy away from those foods...potatoes, breads, and pasta do that to me.  I would rather pass them up and eat lighter foods.  I love eggs, so I eat alot of them.  Also chicken is a fav.  I love chicken salad, chicken breasts cooked a zillion different ways, and I love beef!  all kinds.  I now eat turkey bacon and turkey sausage.  Anything is good once you get used to it.  :)
My snacks are cheese, carrot sticks, celery, pepperoni, popcorn and sf popsicles/sf jello!  can never have enough of those two! bonus! winning!! LOL
I have had at times during these nine months: pizza, cake, pie, cookies and some salsa & chips.  They were at special times, birthday parties, etc.. and I did not eat tons of them...just a handful and i was satisfied.  presleeve, I would have eaten entire packages and been unable to stop eating them.  I used to eat entire cakes..it would take me a few days, but I did it.  Today, I only have a small sliver of a piece and I am happy with that.  It just doesnt appeal to me anymore.  My tastes have changed so much.  Food no longer controls me.  Food is no longer the center of my attention.  Food no longer holds me hostage all day long.   I didnt have surgery to stay on a diet and deny myself all things good, so I take a bite if needed.  Once that happens, I am usually over it and move on.  I dont beat myself up about it, but I do go back the next day to watching what i put in my mouth and watching the scale.  I will never allow myself to have that scale go UP in numbers.  never again.  That's a creeper slide to me, and I refuse to go back to those days.  I don't really do the protein shakes anymore, although there are times if I am busy and dont have time to eat, I grab a protein shake.  the protein bars have too many caleries for my taste.   When I crave chocolate, I keep sf pudding in the house and those cute little cups of heaven at 70 caleries each, are my best friends!
As the weight comes off, I am able to do more and more excercise.  Right now, I walk and walk and walk.  We go to stores, just to walk around.  I prefer it to walking outside around the block.  I want to join the YMCA so I can start swimming soon.  I never imagined me in a bathing suit 130 pounds ago! 
I have tons of hanging skin, but it doesnt bother me.  physically, maybe the stomach flap does, I have to put powder and cream there to keep it dry, but mentally, Im ok with it.  It means I did something... I lost ALOT of weight.  It shows me where I was, and where I could be again if I let myself go with my love of food.   That will never happen again.  I do have restriction with my lovely sleeve! I can only eat about 1 cup (8 ounces) of food at the most, if it is something like soup or salad.  less if it is dense like meat.    I love that.  I love restriction.  My eyes may say..."look, big breakfast....hashbrowns, toast, 3 eggs, 2 sausage, 2 bacon, ham, then dessert after!!", but my sleeved tummy says..."three bites eggs, 1 sausage, 1 bacon, DONE."   I love when we have that conversation, because the sleeve always wins.  :)
I NEVER drink and eat the same time.  just plain cannnot.  I have to choose...either drink or eat, the two won't fit together.  that is hard when eating out, but still doable. 
Take home boxes are my new accessories.  seems like I always have one in my hands, so I try to match them to my shoes.  :)   SHOES!!! OMG!!  I have bought like six pair just in the last few months.  I no longer have chubby, swollen feet, so shoes look cute on my now!  I love wearing darling sandals with my painted toes showing! something I never did before.  I only owned three pair of ugly CROCS!!! a black dressy pair(like there is such a thing), a comfy pair and a winter pair with fur in them!! My feet were too fat to wear regular shoes, and it was too much of a chore to put them on, so slide in shoes were all I owned.  and socks? fergetaboutem!!! I never wore socks.  couldn't put them on.  too fat.    Today, I can not only wear warm socks, but nylons too! :)
Wow, this certainly is getting long.  LOL 
What I would tell newbies that ask me is this...yes, it sucks in the beginning, yes it hurts, it is major surgery and surgery is not easy.  The first two months are gonna SUCK  because you are like a newborn baby learning to eat again, healing, starting over with a new life, and a new attitude.  Take it slow, don't sweat the small stuff, and know in the end, it is sooooooooooooo worth it!!  they are right when they say, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels".  I would do the surgery again in a heat beat! I had no idea how good I would feel at a lighter weight.  Remember, I am still currently at 273 pounds! for me, I feel positively THIN!  I know I am not, but it sures feels a hell alot better than 404 did!!  Im healthier by miles and Im back in the game of life once more.  it's all good!!  WINNING!!  :)

well, that didn't last long.  even though I have lost alot of weight, my high blood pressure is still there.  I went to my PCP today, and she told me I need to stay on the medication for awhile yet.  it is still too high to go off my meds for BP.  sigh...oh well...still down to one pill from the two I used to take, that's something!  :)

I have had high blood pressure for about 25 years now.  I have been on two different meds per day. One of them was at the highest dose allowed.  My "norm" was about 155/95.  that's where it pretty much stayed all the time, but I have seen it go up to as high as 174/106.   When I would go to the Dr, they always questioned my BP, but I would just let them know, that was normal for me.
until my Sleeve......
right after surgery, I came off of my secondary bp meds.  As of three days ago.. I am off all my BP meds.!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am so used to being on them, that honestly, it feels weird not to take them and Im scared something is going to happen.  The opposite started happening.  I was feeling dizzy, and lightheaded at times, so my surgeon and GP told me it might be my bp meds are no longer needed.  so I went off and here are my results..
So far all three days, we have been taking my bp about every three hours just to make sure (partly because I can't believe it).  my readings have been:
125/70         121/65        120/72     120/64    those are just some of the readings.  we are keeping track on a journal.  120/80 is the normal range. 
As my British friend would say,  I AM GOBBSMACKED!!  in total shock and awe!  after spending most of my life with high bp, this is so new to me and so awesome!  maybe no longer do I have to worry about having a stroke or heart attack because of my bp.  I feel so healthy with these readings!   This sleeve surgery is truely a miracle for me!  a life saver!
once again, I am doing the happy dance!!!!  

on the day of my surgery, I had a BMI of 67 and was considered SMO!! Super Morbidly Obese!
today, my BMI is 49 and I am now just Extremely Obese! woohoo!!  a new label!  hehe
sometimes it's the little things that make you feel better.  today, that was one of them! :)        smiling and doing the happy dance again! 

I've struggled with this issue . I felt bad that I have lost so much weight, but yet, I am still wearing most of my same clothes. yes, I did have to buy new undies and bras, but I am wearing the same shirts and pants. They are baggie on me, and that feels wonderful!! to go from clothes that were tight and embarrassing, to clothes that hang on me, just makes me feel small and thin. I feel like I have accomplished something by wearing the big clothes. Plus they feel like wearing a comfy pair of sweats. something I could never do before. I would come home and immediately take my clothes off and put on a housecoat of some kind because clothes used to feel so bad to me. everything was tight, uncomfortable and made me feel so fat.
Plus, I also cant understand why I have lost so much weight, yet I am not in the smaller sizes like so many here seem to be. I know of a couple people that were my size and now wear size 18 or so.. I lost 100pds and Im still a size 26. that's still a big size, granted smaller than when I was in the 30s..I dont know my real size because I only bought clothes that ended in X..like 4X was my shirt size before. I now wear a 2X shirt and 1X pants.  that's down two sizes in my tops and one size in my pants.
My kids have told me to wear smaller clothes now.. I just can't seem to let go of the big sizes..I think in my head, I still think the weight is going to stop or come back, and I see myself as still huge, so I dress the same. I guess it will take time for me to adjust my brain to being a smaller person. I saw pictures from 12 years ago, and I am smaller now than then!! that is awesome! it's hard to change a lifestyle that you are used to. for me, its wearing big fat clothes. they feel secure to me.

I have not had a good week this past week. Winter is getting to me too..Im hungry more often, I can eat way too much, and I let myself down.
At a baptism on sunday, I ate a red velvet cupcake w/cream cheese frosting..all of it. then had a slice of pizza that night. Then, on Fat Tuesday, I had a paczki. 400 calerie doughnut!! also had a few fries at dinner. The end result? I gained one pound. It just shows that you cannot give in to temptation, that grazing or just having "one" doesn't work if you have "one" every day.
I felt so guilty that I felt like I let down everyone I know, including myself.
Today, I am determined to get back on track and back to the basics. My weight loss has slowed waaaayyyyy down since I lost the first initial 100. I need to work hard now.
I can do this.

NOT getting recognised by your own daughter!! :)
I went to our Autorama yesterday. (feb 25, 2011)  I called my daughter on her cell phone to meet me in the lobby area so we could hook up since both her and my son have entries in the car show.
As she was walking the long entrance area, I see her searching for me, and I was standing just about 20 feet from her!! so I wave and say hello.. she looks shocked, and says..."OMG! I didnt recognise you!  I guess I am finally starting to look so different with my weight loss, that people are looking for the old me, and not finding her!   PLUS, last year, I was in a wheel chair due to my size not being able to walk around that giant display area/center.  Wow, what a difference a year makes and 100lbs gone! I walked, and I enjoyed myself. 

Then, ANOTHER person didn't recognise me! I was standing next to my son's auto club president and he was talking to my son, then suddenly, he did a double take to me...he went..."OMG!! oh....HI!!"   he didnt know it was me standing there until he looked closely a second time!  so awesome!!
Then his wife came up to me and said..." I just want to say, you look fantastic.  I hear you lost alot of weight.."  when I told her yes, 100lbs...she congratulated me and said..."well, it sure shows and you look wonderful." 
Most of the people here have not seen me in one year...so they can really see the difference.  Finally!!  I love it!

Besides not having to rent a wheel chair, which is a huge NSV, having people be shocked when they saw me, has to be the best feeling in the world.  This surgery just gets better every day..
:)  happy dancing again!!

After a two week stall, the scale finally moved again, and I broke through to the 200s!!!!
I'm in TWOERVILLE!!!!  WOOHOO!! CELEBRATE, CELEBRATE!!! 
I can't tell you how happy this makes me!! I haven't been in the 200s in years and years!!  I've been sitting on the verge at 301 for the past two weeks and it was soooooooooooo frustrating to be that close!  Today, I can feel almost normal again! in my mind, weight in the 400s, extremely not normal, in the 300s, not normal, but if you weigh in the 200s, closer to normal!  now my goal is to get to Onederland!
As you can see by my ticker, I started this journey five months ago, and 404lbs.  I feel like I skipped right on by the 300s at a lovely pace.  Now the real work begins as I go for the gold and get down to the 100s.  My goal weight is only to around 180.  for me, I appear very skinny at that weight.  I shall see and maybe readjust when that day comes.
For the newbies...RUN as fast as you can to the nearest surgeon.  It is so worth the hard work and journey you put in.  I feel better and Im healthier than I have been in most of my life.  I like how my life is what I call, on a downward spiral.  before, I was always gaining and going up with my weight..now, it is down, down, down.  How great is that? it feels wonderful, like I have accomplished climbing mount everest!!  I'm a loser, and I LOVE IT!

oh yeah, how I got the scale to move after the long stall...combination of lots of moving, we went shopping most of the day, and I really didnt have time to eat much all day.  I had half a packet of oatmeal with real blueberries on it (cant' eat a whole packet) plus my usual cup of coffee for breakfast, then around 1pm, I ate a protein bar,  still not hungry....we went out shopping around 3:30pm.  About 6pm, I started to feel really tired and realized that I had not eating much all day nor drank enough fluids, so we stopped at a fast food place! OMG!!  now, I am not a fast food person.  never have been.  we always ate at sit down restaurants for chinese or mexican when we went out.. never hamburgers and fries.  but this shopping center had Wendy's sitting right there, so we stopped in.
Newbies, here is what I ate...  small chili, only ate half of it, and five piece chicken nuggets, I only ate 3 of the five.  nothing to drink.  I was full, satisfied and ready to shop more!  My hubby ate a double burger, a chicken sandwich, two small fries, and coffee.  I wasn't even tempted to eat the burgers or fries.  They just dont appeal to me anymore.  Ok, I admit, I really wanted a frostie, but I couldn't fit it in, so I passed. 
Im amazed at how I've changed in my food choices.  the other night, I had about one ounce of califlower, one ounce of squash, one ounce of mixed veggies, and half of a bratworst.  (no bun) I was totally wanting more squash! I never thought I would crave the good foods instead of like prior to surgery I would have wanted potatoes, fries or something real carby with my brat.  I just love to eat foods that dont feel heavy in my tummy more than the "lead belly" foods.  Amazing to me.

Today, my husband and I went out and celebrated the fact that I have lost 70 pounds as of today!!  WOOHOO!!  I am almost 11 weeks out.  I have never been so happy in my life!!
I have lived the past few years in misery at almost 400lbs.  I had stopped living, and never left my house much, and most of all, almost never left my bed.  It was the only place that I didnt feel all the pain from my back, knees, hips that being so obese does to you.  Life was passing me by.  I had tried diet after diet, only to lose, then regain, the old roller coaster ride that most of you all know so well.  I have NEVER lost 70lbs ever!!  This is sooooo amazing to me!! I can barely contain myself! I want to shout from the roof tops..."I"VE LOST 70 pounds!!"  It just feels so damn good!! I can walk so much more, I can stand for long periods of time, I am free of my prison that the weight was holding me in. 
Today, I got up early, cook turkey bacon, swept the kitchen floor while it was cooking, dusted the living room, tidied up the house, prepared a crock pot roast, potatoes and carrots, danced around the kitchen, none of which I have done in a LONG time.... and felt more alive than I have in years!  The weight loss is a new life for me. 
After church, we went to a bookstore, shopping, and then out to lunch (Applebees) where I ate ONE provalone stuffed meatball, one bite of fettacini noodle, and two boneless chicken wings, and I was not only full, but fully satisfied!!  AMAZING!! I can honestly say   I. LOVE. MY. SLEEVE!!!!
sooo much!! 

To anyone hesitating about surgery....go for it!! sure, it is not easy the first month, but it is so totally worth it in the long run!! My health is so much better, I have dropped two of my former meds, and I dont get out of breath anymore.  My blood pressure is almost normal. 
Sure, I am still a heavy weight and still weigh over 300lbs.. but you know what? today, I feel like the skinniest person in the world!!  I can eat anything, have never been sick or miserable and the weight is coming off.  WOW...  Im still in shock.  Sometimes I think...is this real? or will I wake up and find out that my scale was wrong and the weight is suddenly back? 

Thanks for listening to my gushing, I am just so happy and had to shout it to the world!!
RUN, don't walk to the nearest surgeon!!  It will change your life, it did mine!!
my name is Cheryl and I approved of this message!!  :)  :)  :)
Can you imagine what I will be like when I lose even more?? I can't even imagine it...but I'm really looking forward to it!! I'm so enjoying this journey!!