Hubby thinks I am taking the easy way out!
Hello all! It's been a long time since i've posted, but havent gone anywhere. I have done all of my preop requirements and am hoping for an April date.
Ok.. Now to the reason i'm posting. Ever since I told my husband about my plans to have the vsg, he says he will "be supportive" but he will NEVER understand why i just cant lose it on my own. "Wouldnt it feel like more of an accomplishment?!" he says. He says if i want it bad enough i will do it. I've spent a lot of time explaining my reasons for wanting surgery and have tried to educate him on the specifics of the vsg and what i entails. What frustrates me the most is that he has an closed minded attitude & wont even look at my side. I told him that i was going to come on here for advice and was going to read your comments to him. My hope is that one of you will be able to get thru to him, because i certainly cant :(
Sorry for typos... I'm on my phone & it wont let me go back to edit.
Thanks in advance!!
Becky
Ok.. Now to the reason i'm posting. Ever since I told my husband about my plans to have the vsg, he says he will "be supportive" but he will NEVER understand why i just cant lose it on my own. "Wouldnt it feel like more of an accomplishment?!" he says. He says if i want it bad enough i will do it. I've spent a lot of time explaining my reasons for wanting surgery and have tried to educate him on the specifics of the vsg and what i entails. What frustrates me the most is that he has an closed minded attitude & wont even look at my side. I told him that i was going to come on here for advice and was going to read your comments to him. My hope is that one of you will be able to get thru to him, because i certainly cant :(
Sorry for typos... I'm on my phone & it wont let me go back to edit.
Thanks in advance!!
Becky
5'4" HW: 222 SW: 212 GW: 140 CW range: 118-123
Easy, huh?
Submitting your body to surgery, knowing you may or may not wake up; getting wheeled into the OR as your family watches on; waking up to the worst gas pain you've ever known, being so thirsty and not being able to take a chug of water; changing your entire relationship with food for the rest of your life because your body depends on it; seeing that your 5 year old nephew can finish the small container of yogurt but you cant; loving chicken but for some reason the darn thing doenst go down quite comfortably; keeping track of up to 15 vitamins a day (some need to be taken at specific times and not together); being a water lover that can't seem to force in the 64oz a day; having to refrain from high carbs, high sugars or else it feels extremely uncomfortable; seeing everyone else's portions get bigger and bigger while yours must stay at less than a fist's worth; having to pre-plan, pre-cook your meals to do this right; having to stay motivated,FIT, and active in order to meet YOUR end of the bargain with your body; not being able to have raw fruits/veggies or salads for a long time post-op (who would have thought); dealing with a gassy bloated body on a daily basis and finding ways to be discreet; coming to the realization that the secret was in the portions you consumed all along - and how hard it is to restrain when your stomach grew to accommodate all your emotional issues; having to hear people tell you that after all these sacrifices, THIS is the easy route and you're taking it!
Easy?
Yeah, right!
Submitting your body to surgery, knowing you may or may not wake up; getting wheeled into the OR as your family watches on; waking up to the worst gas pain you've ever known, being so thirsty and not being able to take a chug of water; changing your entire relationship with food for the rest of your life because your body depends on it; seeing that your 5 year old nephew can finish the small container of yogurt but you cant; loving chicken but for some reason the darn thing doenst go down quite comfortably; keeping track of up to 15 vitamins a day (some need to be taken at specific times and not together); being a water lover that can't seem to force in the 64oz a day; having to refrain from high carbs, high sugars or else it feels extremely uncomfortable; seeing everyone else's portions get bigger and bigger while yours must stay at less than a fist's worth; having to pre-plan, pre-cook your meals to do this right; having to stay motivated,FIT, and active in order to meet YOUR end of the bargain with your body; not being able to have raw fruits/veggies or salads for a long time post-op (who would have thought); dealing with a gassy bloated body on a daily basis and finding ways to be discreet; coming to the realization that the secret was in the portions you consumed all along - and how hard it is to restrain when your stomach grew to accommodate all your emotional issues; having to hear people tell you that after all these sacrifices, THIS is the easy route and you're taking it!
Easy?
Yeah, right!
Easy huh? Well, I'm only about 9.5 mo out, but there hasnt been anything "easy" about this except my hunger is more controlled and I'm satisfied with less. It's a SMALL part of the equation. I am basically on a diet every day, with those added benefits.
I did lose 85 lbs before surgery, but my post-op weight loss is no less satisfying, doesn't make me less proud because I have had to work for every pound I lose.
I still have to measure and watch my portion sizes.
I still have to CHOOSE to put high quality food in my body
I still have to choose to put protein in my stomach before carbs
I have to be very careful and vigilant about staying hydrated
I have to take my vitamins because I dont usually eat enough to get them all in
I still have to make myself go exercise
I still have to use every ounce of will power to walk away from donuts, pizza, chips, candy, soda, cake, etc.
I suffer physical pain if I over-eat - I had my choice to pig out taken away from me when they took my stomach. I have to deal with foamies from time to time (some people might vomit)
It took me 6 weeks to recover from a major surgery - nothing easy about that.
Basically, every day I wake up, I'm on a "diet" and I have to use my will power to lose weight, and from time to time, when that fails, my sleeve is a back up plan. I'd say that this kind of surgery absolutely requires a major life style change, because for me it did, but some people seem to get away with eating junk food (they lose for a bit and then stop and/or start gaining again).
Your hubby should jump on board, and be there by your side to help you make those life style changes so that you can reach your goal and enter a life long maintenance plan. Statistically, youre never going to reach your goal or maintain - WLS is your best option at this point, so he can either be supportive or watch you struggle forever.
I did lose 85 lbs before surgery, but my post-op weight loss is no less satisfying, doesn't make me less proud because I have had to work for every pound I lose.
I still have to measure and watch my portion sizes.
I still have to CHOOSE to put high quality food in my body
I still have to choose to put protein in my stomach before carbs
I have to be very careful and vigilant about staying hydrated
I have to take my vitamins because I dont usually eat enough to get them all in
I still have to make myself go exercise
I still have to use every ounce of will power to walk away from donuts, pizza, chips, candy, soda, cake, etc.
I suffer physical pain if I over-eat - I had my choice to pig out taken away from me when they took my stomach. I have to deal with foamies from time to time (some people might vomit)
It took me 6 weeks to recover from a major surgery - nothing easy about that.
Basically, every day I wake up, I'm on a "diet" and I have to use my will power to lose weight, and from time to time, when that fails, my sleeve is a back up plan. I'd say that this kind of surgery absolutely requires a major life style change, because for me it did, but some people seem to get away with eating junk food (they lose for a bit and then stop and/or start gaining again).
Your hubby should jump on board, and be there by your side to help you make those life style changes so that you can reach your goal and enter a life long maintenance plan. Statistically, youre never going to reach your goal or maintain - WLS is your best option at this point, so he can either be supportive or watch you struggle forever.
www.sexyskinnybitch.wordpress.com - my journey to sexy skinny bitch status
11/16/12 - Got my Body by Sauceda - arms, Bl/BA, LBL, thigh lift.
HW 420/ SW 335 /CW 200 
85 lbs lost pre-op / 135 post op
~~~~Alison~~~~~
I usually don't write on this site much but, I have to say this process is nothing but easy, The writers above listed all the reason why, But to me the most imfortant is people that think this is easy are way out. they are way off mark you have to exercise and watch everything you eat. I hate when someone tell me it is the easy way out!! because it is anything but easy.
Note---Don't have a spouse and I do have a family that was/is 100%+ supportive of WLS.
Why don't you agree with your husband and others who say this is the "easy way"?
Then point out (in no particular order)----
---97% of folks who lose a large amount of weight put it back on plus some
---You've attempted (I assume) and lost weight in the past and put it back on
---The technology is available. We take advantages of improving tech all the time (your phone) Why not take advantage of this?
---They are not going to remove fat---you have lots of work ahead of you with exercise and lifestyle changes to lose the weight.
---This is the easiest way for your long term success and health after trying different methods.
---Not as much of an accomplishment to lose weight with WLS? Yikes, have him call me!
etc., etc., etc. Take the offense....don't be defensive about your surgery.
Why don't you agree with your husband and others who say this is the "easy way"?
Then point out (in no particular order)----
---97% of folks who lose a large amount of weight put it back on plus some
---You've attempted (I assume) and lost weight in the past and put it back on
---The technology is available. We take advantages of improving tech all the time (your phone) Why not take advantage of this?
---They are not going to remove fat---you have lots of work ahead of you with exercise and lifestyle changes to lose the weight.
---This is the easiest way for your long term success and health after trying different methods.
---Not as much of an accomplishment to lose weight with WLS? Yikes, have him call me!
etc., etc., etc. Take the offense....don't be defensive about your surgery.
Yes, I have pointed all of those things out, plus some. I have done a TON of research and have made up my mind; I feel like this is the best thing for me. I am 29, have 3 little kids, have high bp, high cholesterol, and am on meds for both. I need to do something. I am going through with this regardless. (I should also mention that I do have great support outside of my husband-- My siblings, parents and a few close friends, along with OH-- So, i'm definitely not alone). I honestly feel like he will come around after seeing all of the positive changes that will come from this. I'm just sick of having the dreaded conversation with him every so often trying to defend my choice! I needed to come here for help...
Thanks to all of your for your words of wisdom. I really hope he will read this and have a change of heart. I honestly don't know what I would do without OH!
Thanks to all of your for your words of wisdom. I really hope he will read this and have a change of heart. I honestly don't know what I would do without OH!
Agree with the above, as i'm sure all of us do, or we wouldn't be here... lol... there is nothing easy about this process, but it is an invaluable tool that we couldn't do it without... cutting portion sizes can be done by anyone with will power (short term) but maintaining those tiny portions with a big stomach screaming "im hungry, FEED ME" is just not realistic! just look at all the success stories! each one of those ppl had to have massive will power to stick to the plan! Because even with surgery u can graze and eat junk food and not lose at all or regain! it's not magic as so many ppl think it is (esp. those who have never struggled with their weight!). i hope that in reading these responses, he realizes this is part of a treatment plan... I mean u can put a diabetic on tons of insulin, but if they're non-compliant their sugars can still be out of control... you can put someone with a broken leg in a cast but theycan do more damage if they don't use the crutches u give them... I could go on and on... with examples of tools that may or may not work depending on how much effort ppl put into sticking to the plan... this is just another example of that, like so many other medical treatments... it will by no means be easy!!! It simply becomes ATTAINABLE where it may not ever be without the proper tool added to the treatment plan!
Good luck to u and i hope for ur skae ur husband comes around, as it will make ur life, and ultimitely his as well, easier! Even if he doesn't come around now, stick with ur plan n do this for u... because u deserve to have this tool to help u on ur journey... and i highly doubt he will complain after the fact about havin a little hotty on his arm!!!
Good luck to u and i hope for ur skae ur husband comes around, as it will make ur life, and ultimitely his as well, easier! Even if he doesn't come around now, stick with ur plan n do this for u... because u deserve to have this tool to help u on ur journey... and i highly doubt he will complain after the fact about havin a little hotty on his arm!!!
HW:344 SW:329 CW:207.8 Losses: pre-op - 15/ post-op - 121.2
M1 - 25 M2 - 18 M3 - 14.2 M4 - 11.8 M5 - 14 M6 - 9.6
M7 - 6.6 M8 - 7.0 M9 - 5.6 M10 - 7.8 M11 - 1.6+ M12- ??
Has he gone to the surgery center meeting?
Has he gone to support group meetings?
Has he gone to the psych consults with you?
Has he gone to nutritionist with you?
It's easy for someone without a weight issue to judge (assuming he doesn't have one).
If he hasn't gone to support group with you, that he go...also i would suggest counseling for the both of you. You need a support system...what kind of support will it be after surgery? "See? if you didn't have surgery, you wouldn't be puking!" You don't need THAT kind of support. He needs to get on board the train now....otherwise it'll be nothing but problems later on in your relationship!
Just my opinion/observation.....
Has he gone to support group meetings?
Has he gone to the psych consults with you?
Has he gone to nutritionist with you?
It's easy for someone without a weight issue to judge (assuming he doesn't have one).
If he hasn't gone to support group with you, that he go...also i would suggest counseling for the both of you. You need a support system...what kind of support will it be after surgery? "See? if you didn't have surgery, you wouldn't be puking!" You don't need THAT kind of support. He needs to get on board the train now....otherwise it'll be nothing but problems later on in your relationship!
Just my opinion/observation.....
Obesity Help Support Group Leader
No, No, No and No. ...and No, he doesn't have a weight issue. If he decides he wants to lose 10lbs, he does it with little effort.
He has offered to come with me, however I have to travel about 2 hours down to all of my appointments where my bariatric center is. For him to get off of work (he recently started a new job within the year) is pretty difficult.
One poster mentioned below that it helped for her hubby to come with so the surgeon could explain the medical side of obesity and why we're all different. I plan on asking him to come with to my appointment with my surgeon and hopefully he will be able to enlighten him.
I truely feel, and I have said this to him, that he is just un-informed. There is only so much I can say to him. He needs to take the time to learn the in's and out's of this and educate him self a bit instead of going off of what he "thinks" and the opinion he's formed in his mind about WLS.
He has offered to come with me, however I have to travel about 2 hours down to all of my appointments where my bariatric center is. For him to get off of work (he recently started a new job within the year) is pretty difficult.
One poster mentioned below that it helped for her hubby to come with so the surgeon could explain the medical side of obesity and why we're all different. I plan on asking him to come with to my appointment with my surgeon and hopefully he will be able to enlighten him.
I truely feel, and I have said this to him, that he is just un-informed. There is only so much I can say to him. He needs to take the time to learn the in's and out's of this and educate him self a bit instead of going off of what he "thinks" and the opinion he's formed in his mind about WLS.
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