Almost 5 Years Out - am unsure what to do

I had VSG in November of 2010.  I actually got too thin (104 pounds at 5'5" tall, 59 years old).  Everyone, including my doctor, was on me to gain some weight.  I do know that I looked terribly gaunt and the word, "anorexic" was used quite a bit.  The doctor kept telling me how concerned he was about how thin I had gotten.

Anyway, I started eating some sugar-free snacks, bu****ching the amount of calories.  Then, the snacking got worse and now it seems like once I start eating, I can't stop.  I have never been a snacker, but now I want to eat constantly after I start.  It's like something has been turned on in my brain once I eat ANYTHING (even protein) and I start craving carbs (sweets in particular).  My doctor said that the reason I crave sweets is because my blood sugar was getting too low (and he is right - I have measured it a few times and it was in the 50's. It is better now that I have gained some weight but still on the low side). 

I am currently at 126 pounds and trying to get myself under control.  I weigh myself regularly and really try to stop the binging that happens (usually at night).  It is just that I feel so out-of-control and, when the cravings start, my addiction takes over and I start telling myself things like, "everyone is saying how much better you look," "being so thin, family and friends were worried that you would get sick and have no reserve weight to lose" and, "the doctor told you that you have 10-12 pounds of extra skin so you have to take that weight into consideration."  In the meantime, my clothes are starting to get tight (I was actually having a hard time finding clothes small enough and was wearing children's sizes sometimes and a size 0 in Levi jeans).  Now I feel really fat and this is making me incredibly depressed, but I can't seem to stop the hunger for sweets.

So - I guess what I am really asking for here is some assistance with getting myself back where I need to be mentally.  I do know that 104 pounds was too thin, but I am so very scared that I have woken-up this hunger "monster" and I won't be able to stop gaining.  I keep thinking about the holidays coming up (I bake 12-18 different kinds of cookies, several dozen of each, that I give as gifts to friends, co-workers and family - it is a tradition that many people look forward to and would be heartbroken if I didn't do).  

As a side note, this past year has been incredibly stressful and depressing for me.  I won't go into all that has happened, other than to say that it has been really bad.  I don't want to use that as an excuse for gaining, but to be honest - chocolate is my comfort, mood-elevating friend (evil friend, but friend nonetheless).  Also, I was put on some medication that increases my hunger; going off of this is unfortunately, not an option.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me so that I can stop the negative thinking and feelings and feel in control again?

Thanks.

Marilee

First off big (((HUGS))). Sorry you have had such a hard year. Sounds like it is past time to see a mental health specialist is you are not already seeing one. I wish you the best!

Are you seeing a therapist?  If you aren't, I would highly recommend that you add one to your team.  It sounds like you're going through a lot and it's easier to fall back on old bad habits if you're not doing what you need to do to shore up your foundations.  A therapist can really help with that.  

Also, and I know this is probably even more challenging to do, it's okay to not bake cookies this year.  You need to hear that from someone.  Your friends and family will survive.  They're get over it.  They might be heartbroken figuratively, but it won't be a literal heartbreak.  You need to take care of yourself and your own needs, if you know that baking cookies will damage your health, or be an added source of stress, don't do it.  Really.  It'll be okay.  

Not to mention.. there are probably other people out there who are struggling with their own food demons and the cookies don't help with that, but they're too kind to ask you not to send them.  

Take care of you.  

I'm so sorry that you had a hard year.  I've also had more than a normal amount of stress this year, so I can understand how the need for food as comfort can be overwhelming. 

I think you need to go cold-turkey on the carbs and sweets, as they cause carb cravings.  If you can cut out all the bad carbs and limit your carbs to those in dairy and low-carb veggies, in a few days, you should see the cravings diminish.

And then its just back to the plan - you know how to do it.  Weigh and measure and log your foods.  Dense protein firsts, avoid liquids with meals.  You know the drill.

best wishes,
Carol

A couple of things:

1. Night time binging is often due to a lack of proper nutrition during the day. Really track your intake and make sure you are getting the proper nutrition (macro nutrients) throughout the day. Will help keep your blood sugar stable. 

2. At 104 you were medically underweight. At 126 you are still on the low end of a healthy BMI for a woman. 

2. You describe several thought processes of disordered eating in your post. I think it is time you seek some professional advice to help you stabilize your weight and your thinking. You might consider a nutritional counselor, too. I have had a very positive experience using a nutritional counselor. I highly recommend one. People with  disordered eating sometimes need very individualized plans to help them heal. I know I did. The get back to basics things just didn't work for me. There was too much other garbage in the way.

Best of luck.  

Ditto what Kairk said. In addition OA really helped me eliminate sugar and simple carbs from my diet prior to my VSG. You may want to explore that.

Kairk has a great post somewhere about getting off of sugar cravings and back to healthy eating.  look for it.

I also got too thin and reversed the trendy eating more nuts and cheese - not sweets.   sugar spikes insulin and leads to more cravings.  nuts and cheese have their issues too but far healthier than sugar.   gl. diane

Here's a post from just yesterday from a sleever with the same problem. She's only a few months post-op, but this problem can strike anyone at any time, not matter how long ago one got the sleeve. Pay particular attention to kairk's response. Good luck.

http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/VSG/5368732/In-dire-need-o f-help/

psychoticparrot

Have you seen a therapist lately to help dealing with some of these fears, feelings and lifestyle. You are still very petite for your height actually the lowest weight was under weight BUT I understand how you are scared about sliding down that slippery slope of going down that road. Have you thought about maybe this year letting people know that you may not be able to make the sweets - that way you won't need to battle that. I love to bake also but haven't done it in a while due to my lack of strength and you know my family still loved me. 

Buy a book on healthy living and eating. Something to motivate you to slow it dow. Sounds like you are at a good weight now. 

Just relax and enjoy the healthy you. Join a gym and change things up. 

Tale your energy off of food and other things. This will pass.. You got this.