The age old adage "If you don't have anything nice to say. Then don't say anything at...

Amanda F.
on 5/22/13 6:52 am - Toronto, Canada
VSG on 01/10/13

I only came back to read this... as per your request... so I cannot relate to this thread at. all.

Referral to Bariatric Program at TWH: 08/09/11     Orientation at TWH: 08/17/11                 Nurse Practitioner: 10/12/11
Social Worker: 12/02/11                                         Nutrition Class: 12/21/11                         Nutrition Assessment: 01/26/12
Psycho-Social Assessment: 05/31/12                      Meet Dr. Penner (TWH) 11/30/12            Pre-Admission: 12/10/12

Surgery Date: January 10, 2013
LilySlim Weight loss tickers

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kayakgirl
on 5/22/13 7:19 am - Canada

Well said, Shelley

Initial referral: March 21, 2013; Orientation: April 26, 2013 (OWMC); Nurse Practitioner: July 10, 2013; Nut/Beh: July 15, 2013; Pre-op Class: September 18, 2013; Internist: September 18, 2013; Surgeon: October 1, 2013; Surgery: November 25, 2013 (Dr. Yelle)

    

    

    
Anastasia_Marie
on 5/22/13 7:23 am - Kingston, Canada
RNY on 11/20/13

All I have to say is "MMMM Cake!"

Referral December 3/12 ~ Orientation April 24/13 ~ Nurse Practitioner May 27/13 ~ Nutritionist May 31/13 ~ Social Worker June 3/13 ~ Sleep Study June 24/13 ~ Ultrasound June 27/13 ~ Sleep Study Results August 20/13 ~Nurse Prac. Appointment September 10/13 ~ Surgeon Appt. Dr. Glazier & Dr. Hagen October 16/13 ~ Pre-Surgical Class October 23/13 ~ PATTS November 7/13 ~ Surgery November 20/13

    

Lorieliz
on 5/22/13 7:28 am - Canada

I really don't get it either.

I guess you have been here longer, but I haven't seen anything lately other than some people asking questions, not liking the answers, and then being a little bit sensitive about it.

I don't recall anyone intentionally inflicting pain or punishment - that is what member services is here to take care of.

IMO, people are here to get information, opinion, advice and the wisdom of experience. Opinions mean that people will disagree. Some people are more "strict" than others (just like the centres) and some people aren't as hard line. The point of getting advice is to take everything you get and decide what to do. I very much doubt that anyone hangs around here to be mean.

As I said before, it is everyone's responsibility to educate themselves and use the tool that they have been given. If you are going to "put it out there", then be prepared to hear the good, the bad and the ugly. By no means should you expect to be deliberately hurt, but take what you are given as an honest effort to be helpful, and understand that people get frustrated when you ask for help and then tell them to shut up.

 

    

Referral St. Joe's, Hamilton - Surgery May 28, 013 

    

willowraine
on 5/22/13 8:12 am - Guelph, Canada
RNY on 02/06/13
You rock!!

Referral Aug/11, transferred to HRRH May/12, Orientation July 4/12, Surgeon July 17/12,     RD, SW  Aug 3/12, RN Aug 22/12, Dr. Glazer/Sleep Study Sept/12, Surgeon Nov 2/12, 1st surgery date (cancelled due to to sickness) Dec 13/12, Re-scheduled for Feb 6/13

    
Unpleasantlyplump
on 5/22/13 8:23 am

Well hello stranger!  I was feeling the exact same way!!!!!  The day is coming so fast!   Hope you are doing well.

     

    

            

    
Arlio1207
on 5/22/13 8:33 am - Belleville , Canada
RNY on 04/04/13

I love you Shell, whether we talk everyday day, every month, whatever....U got me through my nerves, opti fast and well my surgery. You were at my bed side when I got out of surgery. First one to my room !!! So If you need time away...do not deny yourself that. Besides, we have a dancing, clubbin date. Who could ever forget that !!!!  

Arlene enlightened

Referred June 26, 2012, Orientation Nov 7, Nurse Nov 19. Dietician and Psychologist Nov 21, Dietician #2 Jan 4, 2013, Final Nurse Jan 24, Meet surgeon Feb 20th, Pre Surgical class Mar 6th, Dr Glazier March 7, PATTS March 7, Surgery April 4th !!!!!

    

    
Dar_Mab
on 5/22/13 8:44 am - Kitchener, ON, Canada
RNY on 03/08/13

I hear you!   Nice to hear from you !   

    

HW: 305   SW: 272  CW: 155  Height: 5'4"

 

    

Onward and
Downward

on 5/22/13 9:00 am - Canada
RNY on 11/07/12

Nice to see you, Shell. :)

What I've noticed during my time on OH is that there seems to be a difference of opinion between some folks and others about something that I think of as "tough love" posts.  I call them that because I know that the motivation behind them is often good.  Some of those posts are a lot tougher than others, and everyone has a different tolerance level for how much of that they can take (or how much of it they feel they should be able to dish out).  And every once in a while, some posts can be downright critical and hurtful.  When someone gets hurt by a post, they often get told that they're being "supported" and that all support isn't necessarily positive reinforcement, and that they're being told whatever it is that they're being told "for their own good".

While I get that, and while I haven't been on the receiving end of any hurtful posts that I can remember (or maybe I have a thicker skin, I don't know), I'm not a fan of "tough love" style posts, personally, and I try not to dish them out.  Why?  Because I've been on the receiving end of my own "tough love" and self-criticism for most of my life.  I already have that voice inside me that says, "Oh god, look what you did!  You cheated!  You don't deserve this surgery/Weigh****cher's membership/whatever!  It's just wasted money on you - other people deserve it more than you do!  Didn't you LISTEN to the instructions?  What is wrong with you??"  Etc.  And then I'd feel worthless and like I'd blown everything anyhow, and comfort myself by eating, because who cares, it's not like I'm not a complete failure at this whole thing anyway.

I'm now out of that mindset.  I try not to beat myself up anymore.  It's why, when people come here and post the "cheating on opti" threads where they're already horrified and upset at themselves for cheating on Opti and they're panicking about what to do next, I tell them to just pick themselves up, figure out why they did it, and not to beat themselves up about it.  Because I don't think berating ourselves (or having other people berate us), even in the name of "tough love", works.  If it did work, we'd all be skinny and would never have needed surgery, because I think most of us have been our own worst critics our whole lives.  If it worked, then we'd all still be with that asshole boyfriend or girlfriend or husband or wife who kept making nasty comments about our weight, thinking it would shame us into losing weight in the name of "tough love", and owe our size 2 bodies to their input.

Shame has never helped me stick to a diet yet.  Neither has all-or-nothing thinking.  Have I slipped up since surgery?  Yep, I've had a few not-so-great days.  Days where I didn't track.  A day where I ate something I knew was a poor choice, knowing I was slipping into an old habit.  But the difference is, instead of berating or beating myself up about it, I just moved on and tried to do better the next day.  No penance.  No begging myself (or others) for forgiveness.  I'm through with that.

So, when people post about their struggles, even if it's a request for information that seems obvious to me, or something they really shouldn't have done, I try to be encouraging rather than critical.  I'm my own worst critic; I don't need to be anyone else's.  I like Lolabug's comment about asking ourselves whether what we're going to say will actually help the person we're saying it to, or whether we're just venting or expressing our own frustration.  If it's the latter, I try to refrain.

Referral to registry: Oct 21, 2011    Orientation (TWH): Feb 22, 2012     Surgery: Nov 7, 2012

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Marny B.
on 5/22/13 9:06 am, edited 5/22/13 9:24 am - Canada
You need to take the good and the "bad" as you see it and find the truth that speaks the most to you. I have been on this board more than three years now, and I can tell you, that it has gone through many bumps, but has always remained overall, a very positive place to be. As with anything, you need not to take things so personally. If the kind of threads you've mentioned make you upset, then simply don't read or become involved in them. Or, if you need to read them, then be the positive vibe to the negative you see. You'll never please everyone though.



Here is where I see a lot of the problems and differences in opinion arising....As you can see, everyone (with the exception of 1 poster), who has responded positively, thus far to your post, is less than 5 months post-op. I am not meaning to be offensive or condescending in any way, however, people past the 1.5-2+ year post-op mark know where you are all heading, and it is HARD. if you don't start with your strongest foot forward, then watch out. It is way harder than being newly post-op. and so, yes, they tend to play more "hard ball", because they have fought hard to get to where they are, and are fighting even harder to stay where they are. It makes them worried and frustrated to see people making allowances early out, or heck, before even finishing Optifast.



Let's face it... We (as a collective), are not an "all in moderation" bunch. If we were, we would have figured out how to live that way by now and we wouldn't need WLS. The only reason you feel like you can eat in moderation at this point and be successful at it, is because your pouch is still itty bitty. The pouch does not mature until you are about 2 years post-op, at which point you can eat way more and tolerate way more than you ever could before, and by that point, unless you've engaged in some pretty hefty cognitive behavioural therapy, you will be the same person you were pre-op, with the same habits and tendencies. I had this conversation with someone just last night. I shared that at just before 1 year post-op, I would have told you that I'd beaten all my food demons, and that my former relationship with food had been resolved. Now at 2.5 years out, I can tell you that every day is a massive battle against all my old habits. I wish I had been able to keep my resolve for longer. I wish I hadn't strayed. So by all means, have your cake (and I'm not saying I haven't also had my share of cake), but know that in 2 years, just a bite, can easily become just a piece or two, or three, or more.... And that is the caution, and that is what many of the "unsupportive" people you reference are dealing with, and that is why they are so hard lined about it.

Referral Sent:  March 19, 2010
Surgery date with Dr. Denis Hong: December 9, 2010

    
    
          
                                                        

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