I am having surgery in 15 days. I was talking with a few people about the surgery and one of my friends say well you can kiss your baby face goodbye because people that have the surgery age before their time and that most people gain all of it back. She said that she know a lot of people that failed with the surgery. So even though I have researched and researched I didnt read anything about me aging quickly. I do know about some gaining it back. She also mentioned that there is no long term success and that you never see anyone more then 3-4 years out keeping the weight off and being happy. So now I am scared. I dont want to fail at this like I have failed at dieting etc. I need some hugs and encouragment from you guys.

Dear Diva,

I am more than 4 years out and I am healthy and happy. Not only that, but your friend doesn't really know what she is talking about. Statistics show that 80% of RNY patients will be successful 5 years post op and at least 50% 10 years post op. Outside of WLS, there is no other weight loss method that has such a success rate. Success is not just the loss of the weight, but the long term maintenance of that loss. 

Regarding aging prematurely: You can look at my photos. I'm in my mid fifties, you can look and see if you think I look like I have aged prematurely. While it is true that you may experience some excess skin issues, and I have them myself, many more people say that I look younger than that I look older. 

Regain is generally because people find ways to work around their surgery. The surgery provides you a wonderful tool to help you strip off and keep off the weight, but if you want to undermine it, you can. Like you, I was concerned that I would not be able to keep the weight off and I think it's a reasonable concern. For all of us, our history tells us that we are likely to fail, but we never had this tool or the support that we have now. That combination of  malabsorbtion, restriction and learning new coping skills are what have enabled me and so many others to be successful in the long term. 

I run a large in person support group in Raleigh NC and we have a large number of people that are anywhere from a few years to a decade out from surgery that have been very successful. 

I hope that this helps to ease some of your concerns.

All the best,

Barbara thank you for this post.  You have helped with my fears also.  I am printing this out and saving this and will read it when I am starting to have doubts.  Your group is lucky to have you. 

Are you aware of any support groups in Moore County for RNY? I'm 5 years out, gaining...ready to stop and turn it around. But I am in need of support. I've turned to alcohol as a crutch instead of food--so working on that, as well. Just need some moral support. Know of anything this way :) 

 

Hi Laura,

I'm sorry that I didn't see your message sooner. I've had a LOT going on in my personal life and haven't been on OH much lately.

I'm not aware of support groups in Moore County. I'd start with contacting bariatric programs in your area to see if they know of any. Some programs will welcome members even if you didn't have surgery with their program. It's definitely worth a try.

Regarding addiction transference; while this doesn't happen to everyone, it does happen. If I were in your shoes, I think that I'd find a counselor to help me deal with the issues that were driving me to using substances to cope... I still find myself drawn to carbs, so please don't hear me being judgmental... I'm anything but, judgmental. What I'm trying to say, is that this is not likely something to try to conquer on your own. Also, it may help to recognize that many of the behaviors that we have regarding food addiction can transfer to other addictions. Getting help managing whatever it is that is driving  you there and causing you to unravel may help in multiple areas. I have more than a handful of members that struggle with the same issues that you have. I can't really divulge who, because that would be invading their privacy, but I want you to know that you are not alone. I don't know if you have considered counseling and/or something like a 12 step program. Many of the tools you would find in a program that deals with alcohol actually translate well to addressing and managing food issues.

Your regain is likely multifaceted and probably is fueled by the alcohol because there are sooooo many empty calories there.

I'm available to 'talk' if you'd like to do so.

Wishing you all the best,

Barbara

P.S. One of my friends who is about 5 or 6 years post op that has an alcohol issue as well is a part of this group, but hasn't really been active. I can ask her to contact you, if you'd like. It would be up to you if you want her contact and up to her if she feels comfortable reaching out. I won't reach out to her unless you ask me to do so.

It sounds like your friend does not know a lot of facts about RNY.

I'm not sure what she means by "age before your time."  Morbidly obese people are often told they have the body of a much older person.  Like the knees or other joints of an 80 year old or something like that.  So in that regard, I would say losing weight actually takes years off, rather than making you age.

I'm guessing the reason you didn't read about aging when you did all your research is because RNY does not cause people to age.

Perhaps your friend has never seen anyone more than three to four years old keeping the weight off and being happy.  I've never seen the Grand Canyon but I believe it exists.

Perhaps you should tell her to shut up.  In a  nice way, of course.

Wow, that doesn't sound like much of a friend to me. Number one, what's so good about looking 21 when you feel like and have the health of an 80 year old? Number two, I lost 100 lbs so far and don't look older....well in my face that is.  Heck, I've been running circles around my younger colleagues lately.

I think maintaining is up to you. From what I've read on this forum a little weight regain is very possible, but remember to really learn new habits, and instill this new lifestyle as a life changing event and make it a permanent change...Embrace it...it's not that bad.  I think if you really want to do that, you should be just fine.

I aways use Eggface (eggface.com) as my Role Model. She has lost a lot of weight and kept it off. She looks fabulous and has an astounding personality along with great recipes. (Not to slight ya Nik, your recipes are GREAT too).

Lastly, with friends like this one, you don't need enemies. Maybe right now it's better to hang out with those more supportive of you.

Best Wishes for Success!
Kat

I agree with what everyone here has said. I don't think you should pay any mind to what your friend is telling you because she is obviously just citing rumors and other things that are said as discouragment than actual facts. This board itself can be a great example of people who have had the surgery years ago and who are maintaining most if not all of their weight loss.

I personally take advice from anyone who makes such overgeneralized statements very lightly and rathen than believe them, I just do the research myself.

 i have a friend i seldom talk to only because of time and distance we lost track and because of FB we have met again but still seldom talk.  She writes to me this morning and asks if i had my surgery  and i said yes and then she says and i quote "my uncle had the surgery 4 years ago and had never been a drinker now has a drinking problem. his counselor said it happens all the time with bypass. alcohol, drugs or you start overeating eating".   I told her i don't drink or do drugs and don't have any reason to start just because i lost weight.  And yes its true some people do change addictions.  And then she said  something about her uncle and brother losing lots of weight and gaining it all back.  I said hey they didn't use their tool properly..   Besides my sister totally ignoring the fact that i had surgery and never even acknowledging it this is the first person i have dealt with. 
so your not alone.  you know its good for your health and well being and you can give in to what they say or let what others say slide off you like butter and go on with your life.   Good luck 

As for the aging part - when you first login there are pre op and post op photos on the right.  Take the time and look through - I think most people there look YEARS younger after the weight loss.  I know they must feel years younger too.  I am not halfway there and I feel better than I have in years. 

Besides that, I think I'd rather look old than be unhealthy and lethargic!