Support Group Mtg. - Good, Bad, Ugly

Well, attended first support group meeting last night.  The good?  My surgeon was there to give a presentation on fluid and obesity, and it was really informative.  I think I may have lucked into a really good doc who is not only going to do a good job surgically, but is also committed to his patients and to providing treatment for the disease of obesity.  I'm really excited about that.  He also said he really likes to attend all the support group meetings, which I found amazing!  FYI, I used the term "lucked", because I live in a relatively small city, and the choice of bariatric surgeons is very limited, both in numbers, and in providers approved by my insurance compny.  So to be able to have a great surgeon is a real bonus, in my opinion.   


The bad is that while there was a good presentation, and he gave time for people to ask questions about their experiences, etc., there wasn't time for people to really share what's going on with them.  I found that a little disappointing.

The ugly?  Well, the NUT was there, and every time I see (hear) her, I like her less.  Maybe it's just me, but I talked with another patient (who I met here on OH), and she mostly feels the same way.  The NUT is very young, very flippant, and seems to think she knows everything about everything related to obesity, but I'd bet dollars to donuts that she's never weighed a pound more than she should.  I have a hard time believing she can empathize with those of us who are struggling and have real live-or-die issues related to our weight.   When I first met her for my doctor's required pre-op nutrition class, she spent a grand total of about 5 minutes with those of us who were new, gave us a couple of hand-outs, a sample of Bariatric Advantage vitamins without explaining how they were to be used (and there were no instructions inside the little sample packet), and rushed out the door so she could watch the tip-off for the NCAA finals.  I'm sorry, but I'm taking this decision about WLS very seriously, and it would be great to deal with people who also appreciate the seriousness involved, and are senstive to the needs of bariatric patients. 

Okay, off my soapbox.  I hope some of you will share your support group meeting experiences.  How are they run, and by whom?  Are they helpful?  How frequently do you meet?

Thanks for letting me vent!

Beth   

 I was initially unhappy with my in-person support group, but kept going, sticking to the adage that most people who attend support groups have more success in keeping the weight off.... and a year later, I'm glad I did. The people who I HATED when I was a newbie, are still obnoxious, but less so. The lack of support that I felt, I've created in other areas of my life. The facilitator still comes off wrong to me, but I'm sure I come off as arrogant to others at times too. So, my advice is, give it time. Your opinions may change. Though, possibly not - never settle for subpar guidance & info! I'd been to 2 different NUTs in my journey - mainly due to my surgeon changing practices - and had to make a choice of who was going to fit my needs best, not where I had to go.

I have been to one meeting and was so put off by the cheerleaders that I don't know that I can go back.  I want information not entertainment.  There is another group in my area that I might try.

 In general I find that most support groups I encounter (and I encounter a lot of them since I do post-op food demos) are too short of a period of time to really get anywhere with the support stuff. I have seen a FEW formats that were either longer OR broke folks into surgery age groups for smaller discussions and that works well but an hour is simply not enough time for 20-30 people to express themselves, frankly.

That being said, as a "veteran" I go to group mostly to lend support. I get support insofar as people care about me, but 95% of folks who come to my group are a year out or less and have totally different issues than I do at 4 years post-op. I've implored my surgeon's office to have a long-term post-op group that is separate from the general group but no go. And I don't have time to start one...so I get a lot of support here. :)

I think the dietician's job is to educate patients and help them with meal plans, vitamins, etc.  So even if she's never been overweight in her life (and how exactly would you know if she had or not?), that should not prevent her from doing a good job.  However, I agree that handing you vitamin samples and not providing any instructions and then rushing off to watch TV is not good.

I've never been to the support group at my surgeon's office because it's too far away.  I have a support group that meets once a week.  We do it on the phone, on a conference call, which works out pretty well although it does present some challenges.  The group members take turns facilitating it.  I really like that part.  I find my group to be very helpful.

It seems like many surgeons use their support groups more for education than for providing emotional support.  Which is important too but it's not quite the same thing.  In my support group, we sometimes ask each other questions about vitamins or meal plans or labs or stuff like that, but mostly we talk about things like how we deal with head hunger, how we feel about our bodies and how our body image has changed, how we keep ourselves on track, how we feel about the changes we're going through, etc.  It's support, not education.

I haven't been to a single support group meeting outside the ones I had to attend pre-op. I just really don't have time, and lugging two kids into the city isn't my idea of a great time. I probably SHOULD go, I guess. But I'm having a hard time digging up the desire.

I also have never met with a nutritionist, outside my pre-op reqs.
I know what I'm supposed to eat and consult my surgeon's pamphlet or call the office when I have questions, or I come ask you all! :) I'm not even sure I know who my nut is. If you don't like your nut, you don't have to have much contact with her if you can do your own research. But if you need the guidance and nutritional advice, you can always ask your surgeon or NP for a referral to an alternative. There's no reason you should HAVE to keep seeing someone who annoys you.

I have actually enjoyed the support group meetings I have been to with my program. They give a yearly agenda of the dates and the topics of each meeting. At the meeting they first do the topic, opens the room to questions pertaining to the topic, and then opens the room to people to ask general questions. It was great to hear about post-op life from people that weren't too far out. I can't wait to be able to share my experiences there too.

I went to one support group meeting and never went back.  The nut ran the meeting, and she wanted each person to "share their experience". 

It turned into an hour and a half of people trying to outdo the last story with the most horrible surgery, terrible recovery, awful complications.

I didn't have much to say because I had a good surgery and uneventful recovery.  Had I been a preop, I probably would have run home screaming and cancelled my surgery.

I don't need that crap.

I knew the dietician i was assigned was going to be trouble when i told her what medications I take for my diabetes and she had never heard of them. She graduated the year before.
I consulted with three other Registered Dieticians with a ton more of experience than her and they were all able to rattle off what the medications do, especially the one that costs $300 a month. Nobody agreed with her based on their experiences.
You can always go to another dietitician for a second opinion. I eventually left that program for that and other reasons but I live in an area where there are at least 4 other programs in town and more within easy driving distance.
But for a consultation it might be worth the drive. Maybe, since you are in a small town, this dietician is the only one they could hire. Or maybe this one expect you to speak up if you don't understand things.
The other dieticians figured out that with my intelligence I was the type that needed to know how things worked and why. Many other patients are content with just being told what to do.

I regularly attend the support group at my surgery program.  We meet for 2 hours once a month, and usually have 30 to 50 people in attendance.  I started going a few months before I had surgery, and was greatly encouraged by all the post-op attendees.  There are always a lot of questions and comments, and a wealth of information is shared each meeting.  At our last support group, we had the nurse manager of the program, a therapist who has worked with the program for 10 years, the program's NUT, someone who handles insurance claims/precert, and a personal trainer.  We have several attendees who are 2-3 years post-op, and one lady who is 8 years post-op who is almost always there; but, most of the attendees are less than 2 years post-op.

I can't imagine not being part of a good support group.  I get great info and lots of encouragement; and, when I hear how someone else messed up (one lady admitting to eating a whole bag of chips) it makes me all the more cautious not to make that mistake.  Support group really helps keep me on track.

Hope you can find one that is helpful for you.

Nathan