One year post-op - Feeling pride and shame all at once (pics)

Congratulations!!  Running that 5k is a HUGE accomplishment. Be PROUD of yourself!!

As for the rest of your post, I could have written it. Im in the same place. Wish I had some words of wisdom for you. Try to enjoy where you are and dont forget where you came from.

You have made excellent progress. Kudos to you for recognizing your food demons. We all have them. It's a minute by minute battle some days, isn't it?

I track my food in myfitnesspal. The thought of recording my diet--the good and not good-helps me toe the line. Even though I know the website is not sentient and cannot make judgements, it helps me see it in black and white.

Before surgery I seemed to think I had the right to eat anything I wanted in any quantity--and I do, but only if I am willing to accept the consequences. For me the consequences of that brought me to 314 pounds; I'm not willing to accept those consequences now. It also helped me to really examine my all-or-nothing mentality. One cookie doesn't mean I have to chuck the whole day and eat a package of cookies. It's been an adjustment for me to realize that.

We're here for you.

 I used myfitness pal too. And the more I got off-track, the more I stopped recording it. 

Jenny I  appreciate your honesty, and I'm going to give you mine.
 
I do believe you would benefit from some kind of help.  You may think you are not an emotional eater, but if you can not stop eating to the point of making yourself sick, you have a problem.
 
Do something to help yourself, even buy or get some self-help books from the library.

Eating a King size pack of twizzlers and drinking 16oz of milk with it?
Well ,eating and drinking is a no-no across the board. Twizzlers? Pure crap and sugar. 

I believe if you continue to eat like this you will gain all of your weight back.

Holy **** There's honesty and then there's downright rudeness. 

You don't know me at all and a few paragraphs of my writing that mention ONE extreme example of a slipup do not constitute a full picture of my life. I do not always eat until the point of sickness. I did it ONCE. 

Fact is, I am currently taking in enough calories to maintain my current weight, and have been for the past 6 months. I have not gained a single pound. My doctor is happy with me and my labs are great. So to declare that I am going to "gain all of my weight back" when you know nothing of my regular daily food intake and exercise regimen is just obnoxious.

But hey, I guess it's easy to be so "honest" when you have complete anonymity.

 Ack! Not taking any claims for "blowing sunshine up the butt", nor do I think it's healthy to enable self-harm, but sometimes you just gotta roll your eyes at people.  Or use the block button. Few & far between have I had to do that - and a couple were when I was a hormonal newbie. Jenny, just take the wisdom that some vets can offer, the support the others can offer (hopefully I'm in that category), and ditch the rest. You know how to do you!

Well, you handled that a lot nicer than I was going to. You are a real class act.

Once?

"If something tastes good to me, I will continue to eat it to the point of stomach pain, ignoring fullness cues"

Yes, ONCE.  

I have only eaten too much to the point of feeling sick ONCE.

The quote you are using is referring to eating yummy foods too quickly and not realizing I'm full until my stomach hurts and that is completely different from compulsively eating until you feel physically sick.

If you insist on being a self-righteous douche, at least get your argument straight.

Now go away.

Who says the journey is over at one year?  I know I am facing my one year date in 16 days, and I certainly don't believe my journey is any where near over.  I view the one year marker as just that, a marker of time.  It's been one year since you, me and a whole bunch of other folks started our journeys. 

Certainly some are at goal, some are part of the way, and probably some have given up (but we don't hear from them, do we?).  I think you are truly just beginning to grasp what this surgery means.  Me too...I'm slow on the uptake sometimes ~grin~.  You're a runner, I'm a runner, you've lost weight, I've lost weight, you have food demons, so do I.  But at one year out, did you or I (for that matter) expect perfection and something akin to magic to have happened?  Maybe, but when you really think on it, no.  It's just a date, a milestone, a marker of time. 

You've thought about where your journey has brought you and the changes you've made, and the ones you've yet to make.  So have I.  And we continue on, it's that simple...well at least in my slow-uptake mind it is.  Tomorrow we'll get up and run and exercise and feel proud of what we are achieving (notice present tense, not past tense).  Because each day we achieve something.

Find that something everyday that makes you in AWE of your awesomeness (for instance today for me it's my incredible collar bones!) Reli**** get jiggy with it, and then continue down the path that you are on (except leave the twizzlers at the 7-11, okay?).  Because this marker that you and I and lots of others are just approaching, just leaving or just at, is only a marker of time...not a judgement of time, just a marker of time.  And damn-it, I personally think we KICK ASS at this one year marker.  A 34 minute 5K is enviable and you are KATN (kicking ass and taking names).  Relish that, and keep putting one foot in front of the other and envelop yourself in your success and your family's pride.  That's a powerful, powerful tool in itself.

Kudos and heartfelt wishes to you at this moment in time.