Body image/acceptance and WLS

So, a friend of mine has introduced to this excellent plus-size model named Tess Munster and she is such an inspiration/advocate for body acceptance. She is stunning and owns her size.

As we were talking about her, my friend seemed to get kind of huffy with me and basically said that I "couldn't" admire her and have had WLS...that her message and advocacy for body acceptance and WLS are mutually exclusive of each other...

What I then tried to explain was my reason for WLS wasn't all for body image...it was for my health, my mobility, and peace of mind...not that I hated myself or that I didn't feel attractive (although there were days)

so, I guess my question for all of you is...are they exclusive of each other? Can you not be an advocate/supporter of/ for body acceptance/owning the skin your in if you've had WLS?

Any thoughts on this?

 

Ridiculous, they are not the same. People really get hung up on thinking they know why people get weight loss surgery, it is the easy way out, we all want to be skinny people...blah, blah, blah. I don't understand why people can't stop to think about all of the health aspects, I mean I hear people smearing all the reasons why things were wrong with me when I was so heavy....everyone has their own opinion. My Drs blamed everything (it seemed) on my weight...but wouldn't you know...120lbs smaller and a lot of those issues have gone away...how about that is why I did WLS, to not deal with all that crap. To live longer...to be able to breathe normally LOL, buying cuter clothes in a regular store is an added bonus!

You can't make everyone happy I guess....now I am 25lbs from goal and people ask me all the time when I am going to stop losing, that I am getting too small. Too small? I am still not even considered normal. Talk about people being uncomfortable with the resident fat girl not being the fat girl! 

Definitely, yes! Your reasons were right on....many of us decide on this drastic measure to improve our health more than any other reason.  I know for me, too, I was unable to get to a weight where I felt better physically and better about myself anymore.  No matter how many trips to the gym or diets I tried, I was consistently over 100 lbs higher than I needed to be.  I could not accept that morbidly obese weight.  However, I have been a healthy weight that was still above the "normal" BMI in the past but was a.  healthy and b. very happy with my body image.

I love when others try to tell me what I'm "allowed" to feel; it doesn't work that way! 

I totally disagree with your friend.  WLS is about being healthy, not skinny, for most of us.  A few years ago, I was driving and kind of just had this epiphany-type thing where I realized I loved my life and I was really blessed to feel that way.  I was a happy, chubby person.  Fast forward to this year when I started working in a school and it seemed as if all of the physical issues just slapped me in the face.  I am having surgery for a host of different reasons and body  image is not even in the top 10.  To me, looking better in (and out) of clothes will be a bonus.  The actual payoff will be better health (no diabetes, no high cholesterol, etc) and the ability to participate in all aspects of my kids' lives... sitting "criss cross applesauce", included.

Having lost a lot of weight, I can tell you that this concept of "body acceptance" has very little do with someone's actual size - it's an issue for women (and men) of all shapes and sizes. 

I thought I'd learn to love my body when I lost the weight. 

I hated my loose skin. 

I thought I'd love my body if I had extensive PS. 

I still hate my body. 

"Body acceptance" is just as much an issue for women dealing with anorexia as it is overweight/obese women. So your friend - her thinking is a little flawed there. 

I just find people so ironic. They preach "acceptance" but it only applies if you accept THEIR beliefs! I think the proper term for them is hypocrits. Sorry if that sounds harsh. But i know for me, and likely most people who have had WLS, it was a very VERY personal decision to have surgery that frankly goes much deeper than body image. My motivating factor was a quote that has haunted me since i was a teenager.... "If you're comfortable with yourself, you'll be comfortable with others." I am not that far out in time or lbs from surgery...3 months and 30 lbs...but i now have HOPE of someday living that quote. I am honestly thrilled for big girls who accept their size and clearly i am the last one to judge them, actually quite the opposite, i admire them, i just could not do it for myself and thank God i have been blessed with this opportunity to take control so that i am owning my own skin. And the additional benefits of realizing the importance of and ownership of every decision... candy bar or banana...walk or sit...its my choice and i have a new outlook that allows me to realize these daily or hourly 'micro decisions' do matter.

Friends, my other epiphany in this journey is that there will always be people out there who will tell you that you are doing something wrong, remember they were there telling you that you'd be 'so much prettier if you lost a little weight' or that you just need more control, eat less , exercise more, portion contrrol, blahblah blah. Now that we are in control, maybe different people, but you will still have the naysayers for what you are doing now.

Bottom line, you are the captain of your own ship now. If people want to come along and enjoy the journey with you...welcome aboard! If not, and they want to weigh you down like an anchor, leave them ashore. You've made the decision for WLS so your ship IS now sailing, lets go and lovingly leave the anchors behind and focus our energies on the journey ahead!

Ok, i now step down from my soapbox. Sorry for the boldness, but i am clearly passionate about my newfound views of controlling my own destiny and not allowing negative or at least less than positive influences direct nor distract me from my course and i encourage others to do the same. The future is bright, keep it that way!!!

I don't think weight loss surgery is a vanity surgery at all.  Or at least it shouldn't be.  Sure, it's great to fit into smaller clothes, but this is about getting healthy, living longer, etc.  Accepting your body and weight loss surgery aren't mutually exclusive.  Also accepting your body after losing a lot of weight isn't a given.  I wi**** was.  I'm almost at goal, and I still look at myself and see nothing but flaws.  I'm have mad respect and admiration for people who love their bodies at whatever size they are.  I have an appreciation for my strength and what my body can do, but I don't feel like I'll ever be happy with how it looks.

I agree with you and everyone, the main reason I did this surgery was because my doctor told me I would not be able to enjoy having grandchildren because I wouldn't live that long.  That scared the bejesus out of me.  My daughters are only toddlers but the thought of not sharing in their adult lives was terrifying!  So I made the decision to get healthy.  I could care less about anything else but living to see the day when my daughters have families of their own.

Body acceptance doesn't mean that you accept yourself as fat.  It just means that you love who you are and the choices you make.  And that's what we are all working on isn't it?

 

Since losing weight, I don't see how being morbidly obese is loving your body.   I believe that everyone should strive for health.  I am SO OVER glamorizing obesity as if it's a good thing.  Tess is amazing and I adore her but I see so many health issues for her as she gets older.  How many morbidly obese seniors do you see walking around?  Um, you don't!  They are dead or using a scooter.  My mother in-law who is in her early 60s can't even get up off the floor by herself.  I am utterly thankful for this WLS.  Making healthy choices is really loving your body. 

I am a huge proponent of body acceptance and the acceptance of fat people as full members of the human race (and not deficient people). I never felt like I was betraying my ideals at all when I decided to have the surgery. I have a lot of thoughts on this.

1. I believe there is too much pressure on people, especially women, to lose weight in order to fit a beauty ideal. Ultimately, most women will still find something about their body that they hate and skinny women aren't all that happy with their bodies either. That's because the beauty ideal is a myth. I did not have this surgery to become "beautiful".

2. I believe fat people are fully human and worthy of human dignity. Fat is not an insult, in my opinion, it's a physical descriptor though I know it bothers other people. Whatever you want to call us, "plus-size" or "people of size" or "big" or plain ol' fat, we can be funny, smart, attractive, worthy people regardless of weight. I believe the same about people who others call "underweight" or "anorexic".

3. I think if someone has an eating disorder that contributes to their weight (either gain or loss), that doesn't detract from their value as a person nor does it make their body a "bad" body. It's their body and they only get one so there is no point in shaming them because shaming their body is indistinguishable from shaming them as a person, Body does not determine character.

4. I strongly believe body acceptance goes a long way towards making health goals attainable, whether or not you have surgery. If you love your body you will do what is best for your body (and your body only, not what someone else found best for theirs). Body acceptance and weight loss surgery are not mutually exclusive if you don't hate your body. Body acceptance would come naturally to people if they weren't constantly bombarded by messages that they aren't good enough. Small children accept different shapes and sizes with curiosity and openness and there's a lot we could learn from that. They don't dislike their own body shape until given reason to.

5. I made sure to take a smiling before picture in an outfit I like. I did this because I hate seeing all the sad, miserable before pictures in weight loss commercials. I really hate when people say things like "That old me is gone/dead/bad" because this harms personal integrity. And it's sad that people feel that way about themselves because they are big. I wish people didn't want a part of themselves to die and didn't have to feel like their larger self wasn't worth much. I don't blame this on individuals because it's hard to feel otherwise but I wish the world were different.

Before I had surgery I worked with a nutritionist who specializes in mindful eating and does not promote any type of weight loss. She also does not believe in good or bad foods, just food, and that was a real weight off my mind. It helped me conquer my more "rebellious" eating habits, which were bad for me and made me feel bad but that's how I responded to anything resembling "healthy eating". Take away the diet mentality and the good vs. bad dichotomy, and I found myself loving vegetables and smaller portions and all that stuff. The things I learned with her have helped me immensely and I'm glad I had that influence to balance out the other nutritionists who base every recommendation around whether or not weight will be lost.

As to why I had the surgery, it's because I found out I had diabetes. Prior to that the surgery was way off my radar. Both my parents have diabetes and I really didn't want to be dependent on medications and wearing diabetic shoes and stuff like that. It's usually incurable and the thought of an incurable disease made me mad so I did something I thought would stop it in its tracks and now my doctor says I don't have diabetes.