ambi bambi
Was My Life Just cookies and Ice Cream?
Nov 10, 2012
And chips, pop, cookies, popcorn, take out, pizza hut, fast food and ready made meals?
It's been an interesting journey. After surgery I feel like I rushed back to work and hadn't yet learned how to feed myself, and I sure wasn't feeling foods in my puch as I am now.
I've bounced around in the rules of eating a bit, I have eaten the wrong things - just to see what would happen and if I still enjoyed them. I have eaten the righ things for the same reasons. My tastes have changed and so have my tolerances. I don't enjoy many of the old foods I did. Which in many instances is a good thing. In some cases I like the old food choices as much as ever and I mentally put those on the DO NOT EVER list. This is my process. Because I have to know for myself what I can and can't tolerate and once is enough for me. I don't have to retry something to know how it effects me now.
Some may say this is a bad thing to do, I understand why, but I still try some old bad foods here and there because I need to know IF the satisfaction is still there. Since I have gone for a long time without these foods, mostly I find that it ISN'T there and I wonder why I ever like that in the first place -I also try old bad foods to see if that food stuff will lead to cravings for more or other foods that are bad (so far this has not happened.) A few of bad old foods still rate high on the ENJOY list, and so I try to avoid them
Some may think I'm torturing myself, but I'm not. It's been helping me to steel my resolve since I can't recall that I didn't enjoy that food I just remember I did like it once. And then it calls to me, or it used to. Now I just wonder. Not about everything mind you, just the odd thing. I have tried a french fry. I have had potato chips and even take out pizza and chinese. I take so little of all of those things, and so far have not enjoyed most of them so they fall off the radar of wants - except fried rice - I still have a weakness for it. The pizza was a disaster, I can't tolerate much bread so I had to pick off the toppings, and those were so greasy, it was disgusting and I can't believe I used to live off pizza in College.
Of course I'm not eating much of the bad food since I can barely eat anything in a 'regular' size. It's disconcerting that, because I know I used to be able to eat more and I sometimes still take it for granted that I when I'm hungry I'm going to have a big meal and I can't! It feels kind of weird when I find I can't eat the 'regular' portion, like I'm missing something good.
I do remember that it's good to stop when you are full and I savour what I am eating more then I did before so that 'weird' feeling is more like a pang of guiilt. I was raised to eat everything on my plate, and I really took that to heart I guess. It's diminishing, that guilt over not finishing everything, but every now and then I wonder at that change in my eating. I wonder if it will last and if I will forget how I used to be and evolve into this new person who isn't so incredulous that I have changed so much and don't seem to like or want what I used to love and live for.
I really end up wondering how it can seem to mee that I am still eating so much (because I am full you see) and yet really be eating so little compared to others. This may be because I live alone so don't eat around other people enough to notice this daily, I get struck with this about once a month when I'm out with people and they're all looking at me like it's a pity I can't eat my meal. That kind of bugs me, because it's not such a deprivation - to really think about your meal and enjoy it - that's not a bad thing at all.
Now if only I could crave more vegetables!
