Fears and Dreams

Sep 24, 2011

Here it is.......I am afraid.  I waited so long for this surgery and thought it would be the answer to all the ills that have plagued me all my life. Now that I feel hungry after a meal, it has me scared senseless. This is more of the same I have been living my whole life....dealing with chronic hunger and cravings. I am seriously committed to making this a success but I need more control. I think the biggest issue really is in my head and maybe I am still mourning the lost of my old friend, bad foods. I need to retrain my head to crave the healthy, wholesome foods, not only for me but for my family.
Now, for the dreams. The things I have always wanted to do but couldn't because of my struggle with obesity.  This is a bucket list of things I am hoping to accomplish:
1. Go SCUBA diving. As an insulin dependant diabetic, this is out of the question as no one will take me down. I love to snorkle but would dream to go down into the depths.
2. Wear a bathing suit without shame.
3. Run--marathon or a least a run...would like to run accross finish line.
4. Go splunking--currently do not have the strength to pull myself up and crawl through small crevices.
5. Sit in a room of women and not feel like the fattest and ugliest.
6. Have a cute (sober) guy try to pick me up.
7. Go out with my boys and not feel embarrased for them about how fat their mother is.  

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