I have been maintaining my weight at 135 and that is good. I feel great and that is good. My blood pressure and cholesterol are trending upward again and that is not good. It is a family thing but I had hopes that since I have been off statins since I got my band and off the bp meds since my sleeve that I would be able to stay off them. Well, since I did all of this for my health I guess if meds are needed I will cooperate.

At my 6 months checkup my surgeon was pleased with everything until I asked him if getting stuck and having to bring food back up was normal at that point. He was emphatic that it was not normal and scheduled me for another endoscopy and stretched another stricture (Number 3). It seems to have worked and I am eating much more normally now. I still haven't tried steak and I am really hungry for a very tender rib eye. As soon as it is grilling weather here in our neck of the woods I will try some.

My eating has been terrible for the past 2 weeks and I need to get back on program but never forget how it was before wls and I could never stop a binge. I have that power now and I appreciate it. I wish I still didn't have the binge bug inside but it never, ever, gets as bad as it ddid back then. I could probably still eat 8 candy bars at a time but I have not done so in 3 years. I remember times when I did that and later went back for more. I don't do that now. My binges are nothing in comparison but they bother me so they need to be dealt with. Because of the things I have learned since wls I no longer beat myself up for being less than perfect. I don't even aim for perfect; I just try to learn from my mistakes. Some lessons are bigger than others as are the mistakes. I feel as if the best thing I can do is to not pressure myself and to learn what I can. I am not a failure nor have I failed if I eat things that are not in my best interests. In fact that is all those so called "bad foods" are. They are not inherently evil, just not in my best interest. If I choose to let myself eat them I have to understand that there may be consequences such as increased cravings, weight gain, continuing until it becomes a full out binge. They are my decisions to make and there is no program that fits everyone. Every person has to find their own way and should not expect others to fit into the same program. I have just decided on something I can live with the rest of my life.

Now, about exercise. I wimped out this winter, totally. Due to financial constraints I couldn't join the gym or take classes and I just didn't walk but rarely. Part of it is my hubbie being worried I would fall on ice but most of it was just me being lazy. While there hasn't been a weight gain I have found my midsection being more flabby and I know I have lost more muscle tone. I'm just waiting until the cold moderates and is less windy.

Dealing with Alzheimers has consumed a large part of my life the past several months and I really need to get out walking just for stress relief, especially while I can. I really look forward to doing some swimming , too. Of course most of my beach time consists of sitting in my chair, right in the water, and reading. Talk about relaxing. I just try to get some activity in so I don't look too lazy. Gardening season is getting close, too. I don't do much real heavy duty yard or garden work but just walking back and forth multiple times gets me moving and it is another stress reliever I treasure. I do feel guilty about not doing more exercise but don't feel guilty enough to get out and do it heavily. I ride my bike but not large distances just mostly around town but when you add up the smaller amounts it is enough for me. Now if I could convince myself to do it consistently, year round.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I began maintenance 5 months after getting my lap band and managed for 2 years with fairly good results. Yes, I would go off on binges and gain some weight then get back on track and lose it again. I will say that I never made it to my goal weight again, but overall I kept all but 8 pounds off most of the time.

Here I am again, post sleeve 4 months out and with a 25 pound weight loss and entering maintenance again. I have ben thinking about what this means recently. No, it is not the strict losing diet it was with my first loss. Nor do I want a very loose unstructured thing like I used to maintain with my band. This time I truly want to maintain a healthful diet free of white carbs or other junk. What? Can I never have any goodies Do I have to be perfect? Nope, not what I meant. I want this time to be weighed, measured, and logged. I don't want to have "treats" on a regular basis. Some people can handle it but I can't. It is just too easy to revert to old patterns of grazing, eating sweets, skipping meals, etc. I want this time to be something to maintain life long. I want to make new habits so secure that they are not easily put aside. Nor do I want to get on that slippery slope again. I did it far too often with my band and have been doing it now. 

I might as well put it out there right now. I have been grazing the majority of the time, and eating far too much junk. I have not been getting in all of my protein nor getting enough water. By far. I have rationalized it as that I can have those things right now without fear of gaining weight. Bull pucky! Since when did fear of gaining weight ever stop me? Never that's when, except for sometimes before my revision. My rationalizations are legendary. Take the peanut butter cookie one I figured out years before wls. Peanut butter comes from peanuts, which are a legume. Legumes are very good for you. There are eggs in the cookies, which are also good for you. There is sugar and isn't that bad? Nope. Sugar is made, primarily, from sugar beets. Beets are a vegetable and therefore good for you. Then there is the flour, white of course, it is made from a grain and grains are good for you, too. Of course there is butter, but that comes from milk which is very good for you. THEREFORE peanut butter cookies are practically health food! The ice cream one was just about as good. It included the little known fact that when you freeze all those good for you things you also concentrate the calcium so that makes it important to have often.

Seriously, we had lots of fun with those rationalizations for something we were going to eat one way or the other anyway. Now it is time to put away the nonsense and quit rationalizing. I need to find my way in this maintenance maze to some thing I can live with forever. I don't expect to become perfect, nor will I beat myself up when I eat foods outside of my normal eating plan. That is the point right there... Part. Of. My. Normal. Eating. The occasion of eating something else must be planned in advance, less than once a month, and not continued with leftovers. There should not be room for spur of the moment things, or "just because it is there". There should be no room for "just a bite" or I would feel left out.

This is serious stuff this weight loss surgery thing. I got 80% of my stomach removed, gone forever. This is my last chance. I make good now or risk failing grandly. That would mean returning to the shame that was a constant part of my life. Shame about how I looked but also shame about the way I ate. My patterns were far from normal as to be nearly insane. An addict is an addict is an addict. Do I want that back in even a minimized  way? No I can't handle that. If so, then the only thing to do is to put new habits to use. I need to journal, daily. I need to be very very mindful of my eating. I need to detox. I need to get my head in the right place. I think that is going to be my major issue. I made a great start at it when I got my band and was new with it. I just never quite finished. The program has to start again, now.

I am not sure where this will lead me but I sure am going to find out. Starting today.

I had my 3 month check up this week and all looks good. My surgeon says it is normal to not be able to handle meat at this point but before I return for my 6 month I should be doing fine with it. I hope so. I feel good and am enjoying my sleeve, mostly. I think it is just more difficult for me because I loved my band so much.

Thanksgiving was a great day with my family, my 84 year old parents, and my sister and her husband from Tenn. When my sister, Karen saw me she said it wasn'tt fair that I was wearing a size 8 pants. She claims she couldn't if her life depended on it. She has always been the skinny one but she has more butt than me and I am thicker in the torso. As for dinner that didn't go so great with eating. Things I thought I could handle didn't work. I ended up having to bring it all back up, yet that has been rare for me for a while. I tried some different things last night and same thing. I think my tummy was too irritated by then. What I did not expect to tolerate but decided to risk was pecan pie. 1/24 size piece went down just fine. Now that is something to be thankful for! Honestly I knew ahead of time that it all would be iffy so it isn't a big deal. The company was what was important so I didn't feel deprived. I would have avoided more of it than I did but my mother kept eying my plate. She freaks about how little I eat though I keep reassuring her that it is normal and that I get my nutrients other ways. You know how mothers are. The dog liked the tidbits I kept sneaking to him. He was very very thankful. lol

It feels very good to not have food as my primary focus.

I am now nearly 9 weeks out from my revision. I have been doing much, much better and have quit the "Buyers Remorse" thing. The sleeve is still difficult for me to adapt to but I am gradually doing it. I have been able to eat much more normal food the past week with good results. I still don't have a clear idea of my stop signal but have been relying on the feeling of "One bite more and there will be trouble" feeling. I still miss being able to drink several swallows at a time. My 2 medium sized sips are not enough to quench thirst and I have to wait a time after I take them in order to do more. I have the same problem with liquids as I do food; a bit too much causes suffering and may well come flying back at me.

We took a couple of days this week to go camping. The first two days were lovely but yesterday we had to pack up in a break from the rain. Today we have rain and cold. It makes me not want to move. We sure needed the time away since we have been running constantly since late July. The few times away we have caught have been sanity savers. Today we are driving the hour to our daughters' new house in order to install cabinet hardware on her kitchen cabinets, plant some perennials I dropped off last week, and help unpack. With being a single mom with 3 kids in lots of activities, a full time job, and cerebral palsy it is not easy for her to do it herself. The big move was last Fri. We got all the beds set up and furniture placed but oh my the boxes! It took her till mid week to find her phones. The wireless router is still missing as well as the box of remotes. I am glad it is not me doing it. We have been here 38 years on Halloween and there is stuff every where. Just having to sort it all would be overwhelming. I try to get rid of stuff but more comes in somehow. I will be delighted, though, to take this daughter and children the things I have been storing in an upstairs bedroom for 4 years now.

Back to wls for a moment. Since my revision I have done a lot of thinking (and some cussing). I have done some going back to the beginning of the whole process and what I have learned. I have learned to respect myself. I have learned something that has been most important to me; I don't have to be perfect. If I have bad days or even weeks it is not the end of things. I don''t have to continue to binge, eating more and more of the old foods as if they would never be there again. I don't have to berate myself. What a relief that was to learn, I have been my own worst critic and enemy since I was about 6. No one could possibly beat me up more than I did myself.

I have also learned to enjoy going out in public, shopping, all those fun things we never wanted to do before. I recently went to a wedding and reception that I once would have blown off. I was running a bit late and when I pulled out the outfit I had planned to wear it had gotten wrinkled in the closet. I didn't have time to deal with it so I picked something else. Do you hear that? I could just reach in and get out something else, change jewelry, and be on my way. It turned out to be a happy thing because I got lots of comments about how great I looked. In fact the dress looked better than it ever had before. Even my 84 year old mother said "That dress looks HOT on you"! I was worried she would fret about me being too thin since I am a few pounds too low. She did worry about the small amount I ate and how long it took but I keep telling her that once I am past the 3-4 month point or at the worst 6 month, I will be able to eat more and in a slightly shorter time. Actually I was thrilled that I could eat REAL food and keep it down.

I have more "\things I have Learned" to review so I will update my list next time.

Sue
Down to 138 pounds, previous low was 145. I had regained some so that between the start of the revision process and two weeks ago I have lost 25 pounds. The hard way....puking and calorie depletion. I will allow some regain  but I suspect my sleeve will remain stricter with me than my band did.

In 4 days I will be 6 weeks out from my revision. I can eat a bit more and feel much better but still cannot eat much. Unless I am super well hydrated every thing I eat gets "stuck" and has to come back up. When I am hydrated I can eat better but mostly purees and soft stuff. Egg beaters are a no, but oatmeal that is thick works as long as I chew it. Solids are a long way off. This is so different from the band. At 6 weeks out from that I ate steak! It is funny though, the one thing that I can really handle well is Wasa crackers. I love them and they go down when nothing else will.

Last weekend I thought I was developing another stricture and was very discouraged but suddenly the pipes opened and I could eat and drink again. What a relief. We celebrated by going camping. Being where I couldn't watch my scale and not a lot of extra to eat I lost another 2 pounds. I am 5 pounds below my previous goal of 145. At least I don't look as scary as a few weeks ago! I still claim my ears look too big for my head. I really don't want to lose any more but I cannot get in enough calories to make a difference. I drink SoBee, use V8 Splash to mix my shakes, add sugar to my tea, etc. I guess I will be able to adjust that later and regain some. Oh my gosh! Regain? Isn't that a dirty word? I feel guilt about the sugar and high cal, full fat foods and drinks and now I am talking regain? Something is seriously wrong here.