Here I am..

Mar 01, 2012

After two months of hiding out, I have decided  to make myself visible once again. First off, I want to start by saying that I have not yet had my surgery. My life seemed to be spinning out of control in December, and I got scared. For anyone who doesn't know, I started my six month diet program at the end of September 2011.  I planned to have surgery around the end of March/beginning of April. In December, I got a call from my patient advocate telling me thatthey were submitting my claim to the insurance, and I may be approved  for surgery, and could have it at the end of the month, IF I MET MY WEIGHT LOSS REQUIREMENT. I had been slacking off, thinking that I had six months to lose nearly 40 pounds. I didn't feel that I needed to rush it.(Better yet, I wanted to have multiple food funerals and induldge in all the things that are bad for me) Well, there I was, trying to lose 45 pounds,(I had gained 8 pounds since  my start) on a liquid diet. There was so much food around me that I snapped. I ate everything I could get my hands on. (okay, I was nowhere near this crazy, but that is how I felt) I was so disapointed in myself when I got the call that I was approved.
 
Most people are probably thinking "Why didn't you just get it in January?" Well, my insurance provider changed on January 1st, so I was no longer approved. I then had to continue on the six month program, shooting for March/April. Well, here we are in March, and I still havent lost all of my weight. I had my monthly visit with everyone last thursday, and have since then been very strict on my diet. I even joined a gym so that I am guaranteed to get my exercise(because I am paying $40 a month, I'm not going to skip this) I meet with my NUT again in a week, and will weigh myself to see the progress I have made. I am hoping that I will have lost 15 pounds.

Now, for the reason that I haven't been on here, or at least making any posts or videos, is that I was ashamed and intimidated. I was ashamed that I had failed, and intimidated by all of those who have suceeded. I am now getting my life back on track, because I need the accountablility of making myself known. I feel that if others know about me, it will be much harder to fail, because I don't want to let down so many people. I can do this! I will do this.

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