7 Days left till surgery

May 25, 2015

I've been on pre op diet for an eternity. Well, it feels like it. After what seemed like years the scale is finally showing a 10lb loss. This gives me hope that once I have the sleeve I could get under 200 lbs. God, I hope I'm doing the right thing. What I actually mean is I hope I'm not doing something which is either going to result in death or a diminished quality of life due to some complication. I know all the potential complications, the odds of complications. I know a few people who have had the surgery online who seem incredibly happy. Then I run across someone who almost died, is $25k in debt because she opted for the "cheap" medical tourism complication surgery and had it in Tijuana. I don't even have medical tourism insurance and her story is terrifying. Her Mexican doctor was vetted and chosen by her personal physician in the US. We have different doctors, but I think complications can happen at any time. The truth is doctors make mistakes and you never want to be the one they have a bad day with. 

But like most people on this website I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of being medically "special" and worrying every month that every lb gained is more stored estrogen which will cause cancer due to my basically nonexistent progesterone my body makes. I lucked out in this last biopsy. Simple hyperplasia versus what I had previously. Yes, I want to be thin but more than anything I don't want to be afraid anymore that my weight is killing me slowly. I think that's what I've come to peace with a bit, the whole less than 1% chance of death versus a for sure slow death.

I already feel invisible, I don't want to disappear. My hope is loosing the fat, loosing the excess estrogen stored in these fat cells, and having a chance to see me underneath it all.

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