lookinglass
Stall no more..
Nov 21, 2015
So I got frustrated and angry that my stall would never end. It went for just under 2 months, ok 6 1/2 weeks. Of sitting at the same weight, same measurements, I just stopped weighing myself. And then...it ended. I've lost 7lbs so far in the last 21 days bringing me to a total loss of 77 lbs. I'm 208. I really wished but was trying to come to peace that I would never get close to this weight during my stall. Thank you for finally moving body. Sure, I want to be in the 160's, and I'm jealous of those who've lost more because I want to be smaller.
But this is me. 285 in June, 208 in November. June seems like yesterday. My Christmas wish is to be in onderland. I hope I'll make it. I hope I can keep working on this and figuring out my new relationship with food and how to overcome all the other stuff that was wrapped up in my food and obesity. My bigger wish is to kick up exercise. I've gone on a few hikes lately and shocked at how little it actually taxed my body. How easy it was to hike up hills and as I was expecting to get out of breath, while ever so slightly winded, I was fine. I have this new body that I'm trying to see, to feel, to work but with this midset that is changing. My mind is in a state of flux, sometimes confused over these changes, my connection and addiction to food, and who I want to become. I've had 2 coworkers lately say "morning skinny" and my gut reaction is to think they're making fun of me. But they aren't, and neither am I skinny. But I need to come to terms with the fact that not every single comment about my weight is meant to harm me. Some are just observations, non judgemental, and that in general people are being kind to me. I've spent a lifetime feeling bad about myself and the things people would say. Now it's time to shift my thinking not just about food and exercise, but about myself. Having this surgery was an extreme step, it was me forcing myself to deal with and change my ways physically. But I've got to keep working on the emotional side of this, keep focusing on mental health. The mental health pulls my physical health along.
I've got to be kinder, gentler with myself while understanding that being healthy and making those types of choices is a form of self love and health.
If I never loose another pound, if I never get below 208, I feel this surgery was worth it.