5 1/2 months post op

Oct 29, 2011

Things have been going well....and luckily the hair loss has finally slowed down! I can even see sprouts of new hair growth at the bangs. I am so happy about this, since the hair loss was more depressing than I thought it would be...I actually hate seeing pics of myself due to the hair right now...it is so thin and ugly that it puts a damper on any excitement of my much skinnier body.  I hate that I am so vain that I let this bother me...but it is what it is....I always liked my thick, long hair...and now I have short, wispy, thin hair.

On a more positive note, I've lost 95 lbs since my highest weight! My 10's and 12's jeans are getting baggy, so I'm probably about ready for a size 8...I fit into small tops in regular stores like Old Navy...it's so weird since I never remember being in a small before...maybe I just wore things baggier in the past....I am back in the bra size I was in as a teenager....unfortunately, they don't have the same perkiness...but there is always plastic surgery if I can come up with the cash. I finally broke down and bought panties, a size 6!  It's crazy that I was wearing plus size ones that were huge on me for so long during this journey.  I even bought high heeled boots, that fit my calves and look really great...I'm liking my wardrobe lately...Finally, I can wear the cute styles I wanted to wear.

I've been struggling with the fact that there are places on my body that seem too thin and places still with too much fat. It is discouraging sometimes, to feel disproportinate...I guess I will just have to get my body fat % down and see what happens, maybe once I'm really lean, it will all look better together. There are still definite pockets of fat (plus loose skin) on the upper arms, upper thighs, and lower tummy...everywhere else is pretty bony. And my face definitely looks a little gaunt...people are already questioning me about when I am going to stop losing weight and saying I should be done at this point...but I am still not at a normal BMI or scale weight.....Maybe though, only plastic surgery will fix areas of my body at this point...but I am determined to try all the exercise and weight loss possible first. 

I have been having more junk food lately...maybe due to the ambivalence about my continued weight loss...maybe due to the hair loss...maybe just a renewed desire for the taste of chocolate and chips... at least I still can't do much damage and have only had small amounts. I think for the last month, I just wanted the weight loss to slow down....but I have made a decision to stop that path and make sure I hit goal weight first...only 11 more pounds!

I also have yet to pick up the exercise to what I was doing early post op...I'm only working out twice a week now, and I used to do 4-5x...I have been busy, but it is not a good excuse...I need to find some cardio that is enjoyable and that I can look forward to doing, unlike the boring treadmill...I was looking into martial arts or boxing...

Overall, I feel great...love the energy I have, love not taking medication, love being able to move around easily...it is still the best decision I made....and am so glad I was able to have this surgery and am so close to a normal BMI.

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