karen's battle

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I think it's important not only to blog about when you are trying to get insurance approval, and when you are recovering from surgery, and when you are learning about your new stomach, and going through the joys of weight loss...ohhh what a feeling that is when you are used to being soooo fat all the time BUT it's also very important to note that some of us have longstanding issues due to the fact that this IS NOT the normal way for your body to process food.  It was not made to act this way...this is a man made way of routing food through the system and it's not necessarily going to work for everyone's body make up...such as mine.

Since I last updated quite a few things have happened.  I was diagnosed with Causalgia...basically I have hypersensitive nerves.  Everytime they went into my belly and cut more nerves, the nerves screamed louder.  So now they are constantly screaming and if I try to eat...they scream louder.  So I have an pain pump implant basically feeding fentanyl into my spinal column near where the abdominal nerves are located.  This has been a wonderful addition to my body, EXCEPT, I am really short...and short waisted...so the pain pump which is supposed to sit between the hip bone and the bottom of your rib cage with a catheter feeding around into the spinal column, is not sitting well as there is not enough room between my hip bone and my rib cage.  So it starting flipping over...so therefore, I had the implant last June, in December I had it fixed...the pocket made smaller, the pain pump sewn in again, etc.  It's been just over a month and it's already flipping again.  So now I go back to the neurosurgeon again on Tuesday and will most likely have to have the pump moved to the other side of my tummy and possibly have to have my back reopened as well to move the catheter.  GRRRRRRR.

One good thing...I'm not gaining weight like most people would be at five years out...lol.  I still weigh my lowest weight about 159-161...I fluctuate.  I would be tiny if I could have all the extra skin removed from my thighs and my butt, arms and boobs.  But at least my tummy is flat, right?  LOL.

It's humorous that my bmi still lists me as obese but i'm in a size 12 and everyone thinks i'm thin.  WHATEVER...it's just a number.  My gynecologist is the only one not in the loop as far as to everything I've been through.  I see her once a year and leave the other areas of the body to those that need to know about them.  Well she calc'ed my BMI and told me to diet because she wants my BMI to go down.  I told her I lost six pounds when they took the extra off my tummy.  Imagine that for each leg and my boobs and arms...I would be about 120.  She didn't get it.  I eat about three bites per meal...I live on coffee...what should I cut out, pray tell?  One of the bites I eat?  Seriously?  LOL...it's laughable.

On the positive side...I still have a very good attitude...with the addition of the pain pump I am back to work full time (I had to go down to 80% time due to medical issues) and I'm not sick much anymore.  Once we get this thing to stay put...I'll be all set except for every seven years when I need to go and have the new battery put in.  They load the meds into the pump once every couple of months and I do have some pills for breakthrough pain but I'm doing okay.

so that is the update...I have gone through alot being a member now of a pain clinic...I've had times where I was so depressed I couldn't deal...at one point I was on pain patches as well as oxycodone, etc...now I have the pump and still am on oxycodone but I'm functioning and THAT is what matters most.

I will make it through all of this and no, I do NOT regret having the surgery...not at all.  But I will say this...for the first few years, I still had my food issues...I still tried desperately to eat...now, I do not like food.  I choose NOT to even TRY to eat.  I used to over order in the restaurants...used to try to eat protein all the time...nothing...couldn't do it.  So after five years of getting zapped every time I went for the cheese, this mouse has learned that food is NOT my friend and I can do without it.  I am officially cured emotionally of my battle with food.  I don't like it...don't want it near me.  It's gross, and it's painful and it hurts coming back up...and it's actually pretty ugly too.  That's what i think of food.

So if you are having a hard time...know that it will end.  Take one day at a time...and if it's hard...take one minute at a time.  You'll get through.  If I can...you definitely can.

God bless!
me

Hi, All, I had a gastric bypass revision in June of 2009 and was out of work for six months.  I also had a tube put into my remnant stomach and kept in for about five months to drain it on a regular basis.  Some foods were refluxing up into my remnant somehow.   I did get the tube removed about a year ago.  For about six months now I'm having more issues.  I think i have a now more serious partially obstructed bowel.  I have been waiting since YESTERDAY for my insurance company to approve a CT Scan to figure out what the issue is but they don't think it's medically necessary so want more info on why it is.  Gee, hmmmmm...the gastric bypass?  the two subsequent surgeries in my abdominal area?  Plus two abdominoplasties, a c -section and a gall bladder removal surgery?  Did anyone tell my insurance company that the more abdominal surgeries you have the more issues you have?

hmmmmmm...so if I have a bowel obstruction, I hope to God, it's fixed before gangrene sets in.

Currently I am having diarrhea when the pressure in my belly is to the point it's going to explode.  I can't eat at all...it's not worth it.  Even drinking is painful at times.  I am weak and dehydrated.  But I have to wait for insurance.  ugh.

I am still in the 160's.  When I was feeling good for a little while I went up to the 170's...but it didn't last long.  My body is completely rejecting this surgery.  It's not supposed to be this way and it doesn't like it.  So I have to suffer.

I also have back issues now from being so fat and am supposed to have back surgery but if I end up in the hospital over this...it may not be able to happen till February.  Sigh.

Okay, I'm signing off for now.  I just haven't updated in forever!!!

Hope all of you are doing well

Hi, All, it's been awhile.  I had another tummy tuck in November of '08 covered by insurance again...yayyy Harvard Pilgrim and Dr. Marble in Exeter. 

I am now seeing a Mass General surgeon to help deal with my complications of pain and vomiting which no one in NH seems to be able to figure out.  I am having another surgery soon...an exploratory done at MGH and hopefully she will figure out what is happening.  She thinks it is my gastric remnant.

I am having level 7-10 pain on a regular basis and when that happens, I vomit...no one is treating me for pain...cuz ya know...I must be a drug addict if they do treat me for pain even though there's nothing in my history that shows that would be an issue.

I am losing more weight now...am at 161, only 21 pounds from my original goal weight...and this is the time that people usually gain twenty pounds and level off.  So I guess I could look at that as a positive...maybe I'd have positive things to say if I wasn't so sick all the time.  Sigh.

Do i regret the surgery?  No, i don't.  Because i believe this will be solved and i had a year of no pain...so there must be something there that can be fixed...right?

That's it for now...will try to update soon.

Sorry, time goes by so fast now...i wore a two piece bathing suit this past summer...lol.  i am currently trying to get approval for a revision.  I am not impressed with Dr. Gray.  He didn't perform the surgery he said he was going to do...so now i need a revision.  I am NOT happy...but am hoping to schedule it for December as that will have been a full year since my last one and my body will have had time to heal completely from the first one.

Okay so i have been hospitalized three times this past year for stomach issues...they did exploratory surgery and found a few minor things...a kink in my bowel and some scar tissue which they corrected but neither of these were at the site of my pain which is still there.  So i suffer ongoing.  It may be the scar tissue behind my pouch that they cannot fix because it's too dangerous of an area to mess with.  Dr. Looser has been great, stating that he doesn't know what is wrong with me...and why the pain is there...i'm glad he can admit that...so i may have to make an appt with the GBP surgeon in Boston at Mass General.  Then again, maybe it has nothing to do with Gastric Bypass...but it does affect my ability to eat when i'm having a flare up.  So there are down sides...but the up sides are sooo much better...so i am still happy and do not regret my decision for a minute.

i get to see family next Saturday that i haven't seen in forever at my Nana's 90th birthday party...i'm very excited...they will be floored...i hope.

Anywho, that's the update.  i logged on to find out if there were any tummy tuck appeal letters here just in case...lol.

Okay, so i went to see Dr. Gray in Portsmouth and he actually does the procedure on an outpatient basis.  He will do lower, upper and abdominal muscles.  He said I would be a rare case for approval as I haven't even been on antibiotics for skin infections.  

They put in for insurance approval the week of Thanksgiving and the following Thursday I was approved.  No hassles at all with Harvard Pilgrim.  So next Tuesday I am having my Abdominoplasty!!!!

I can't even tell you how thrilled I am...it hasn't even sunk in yet that this is real.   I may be in a two piece bathing suit next summer!  Wow.
I will be going in at 7:45 a.m. and having surgery at 8:30 a.m. and will be going home at some point in the afternoon.  I am going to stay with some friends for a few days and should be home by the weekend.

I am so thrilled.  Wow.
I will keep you updated!

11-20-07
Wow it's been a while...sorry about that...nothing to post though.  I am still at the same weight...fluctuating of course.  Still losing inches but not in the belly.  Apparently this belly stuff can keep you from losing more weight.

So anyways, I bit the bullet as in December it has been 18 mos since surgery and went to see the plastic surgeon.  He thinks with surgery he will remove over ten pounds of fat and skin.  OMG.  Fabulous...sign me up!

So I think between that surgery and my boob job which will happen eventually too i will be at the weight that will make me happy.  I am not going to do my arms or my thighs unless i suddenly strike it rich.  My butt is actually okay and my hips have a tiny bit of loose skin but you can't really tell so i am going with a basic abdominoplasty with repairs of the abdominal muscles.  I have harvard pilgrim and the doc said they are one of the best for coverage for the abdominoplasty.  There will be a small fee on top of what they cover as they only cover cutting off the big honking piece of skin/flab...so but they will cover the anesthesia, facilities, and some of the surgeon's fee.  So it won't be too horrible.  I am not doing a Body lift...just the abdominoplasty...one of three different kinds he could have done. He said Harvard Pilgrim usually comes back with a decision within two weeks so I should know more soon.  My Plastic Surgeon is Dr. Gray at Atlantic Plastic Surgery...he has his own facility and though some docs put you in the hospital for a night, he doesn't.  He does it at his facility because he does not believe in sending a healthy patient into the germ infested hospital.  He said I will walk out of there at the end of the day cursing him...but he can live with that as he will be happy I have to be up and about to go home...less risk of blood clots.

I will then have to have someone take care of me for about three days and I will walk hunched over for a while.  Two to three weeks out of work, and then back to normal completely in about six months...this is due to the muscle repair.  I have to be really careful not to pop the inside sutures.  So that's the story.  It sounds great and I'm looking forward to a whole new me.  I just know that once I get this gut off of me I will be in a MUCH smaller size pants...it's really gross cuz i can pull my tummy out of my pants and hang it over them...EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
I love to gross out my friends that way.  But it's okay...cuz a lot of my friends have had the surgery as well.

Well, i'm off...glad to see you!  Will update when i know SOMETHING.  Let's hope there isn't another battle pending.

Oh if there is a denial it will be because i've only had one documented skin infection so far...so most likely will just need to try again in a few months after a few more trips to the doc.

ttfn
me

hi, I'm still fluctuating between 170 and 173 but losing inches now...people keep telling me I'm still losing but my scale says differently.  I don't really care though because I really do look nice at the size I'm at now.

I don't need to get toooooo skinny, I guess and I've started looking into plastic surgery...I think once I get the lower body lift I will go down to a size 10 at least and there I'll stay.

And be HAPPY!

I'm having a blast having a busy social life and doing all the things I couldn't as a fat girl.

Life is good...life is so much better than food.

God bless!

Hi, just thought I would stop by...

I'm at 171...wow two pounds since last month.  That was a surprise!  Still wearing my size twelves...bought another pair and had to buy new shirts size large and some mediums.  Still needing the plastic surgery but not going to look into it until after the holidays which are still a ways a way.  I would like to plan on a tummy tuck next spring if possible.

Exercise is on the back burner right now...I've had a lot going on and that's not an excuse but work wise I am working through most of my lunches which is when I was doing all my walking!  I am going to try to find something to do at home while I am watching my netflixes or reading.  I am regretting giving away my elliptical glider now...lol.  Oh well.  I really want to get into aerobics...really sweating and am going to find a good DVD that will allow me to do that.  Maybe that will get me motivated.

Anywho, that's the update.  Still man-less...which is fine for now but am increasng my social life which iS FUN!!!!  My major food faux pas...I am addicted to Starbucks Iced Mochas...I get half the syrup and no whipped...and to be honest...I seem to lose more when I stick to one a day of those babies...lol.  I have to have something snackish and crunchy at night...whether it be kix cereal, Go Lean Crunch, a couple of breadsticks or a small bag of cheezits (i buy the snack bags so I don't over do it on the box).  Oh and during PMS, I tend to eat carbs until I feel like vomiting which techincally doesn't take a whole lot right now...but still...  NOT good...I have to find something to fix that...that usually lasts two nights.  But overall, I am doing well...I love my popsicles still and eat about two per night.  I love salad with eggs and meat on it...and tacos are faboo too...and the kids eat those.  So I am learning slowly but surely to eat the right things but still need more protein in my diet.

Well that's the scoop for now.  Hopefully I will see the 160's eventually.  That would be nice!

TTFN!
me

7/18/07

Howdy!  It's been awhile...and the sad part is I'm only 173...I only lost a pound since April...lol.  BUT...on the other side...I'm shrinking somehow.  I am in a size 12 jeans!!!!!!  I just put them on this past friday to see how far away I was and they fit!!!  Of course I had to buy them...even though I wasn't really keen on them...but they are twelves...hellooo.  LOL.

AND I know that once I get surgery on my tummy, I will be in a much smaller size.  That's the problem area...if I get rid of that...I will be happy.  I have almost no fat at all on my back...no rolls or anything....my boobs are empty sacks of nothing...lol....so it's just a matter of toning things up with a little PS and I'll be a happy girl.  I think that the tummy tuck will take a good ten pounds or so off of me...it's really gross.  That will put me at 163 and I am fine there for my life, I think.

I had a quick relationship...had a boyfriend from Feb till last week.  He made a terrible mistake and hurt me...so I am taking time away...don't know if anything will ever get back to the way it was...but I'm okay...I survived.  Oh yes...the joys of dating.  Fun fun.

Anywho, what do I love about the new me?  Well, I think I'm kinda cute now...lol.  People look at me and say hello to me.  I love the way I look in clothes.  I feel good...I feel confident.  I want to talk to people.  I'm even going back to school in the fall to take courses toward a second bachelor's degree in behavioral science so I can change my career path to include people...lol.  I need a more active career anyways.  I do too much sitting right now.

I think that is about it for my post.  I will probably only post quarterly until I am going under the PS knife...there isn't much to say when you aren't really losing (except inches).  My new life is amazing...and I don't regret a thing.  Oh, I still dump all the time...I love sugar free popsicles and now hood makes root beer and banana so I'm happy.  I don't like to eat much at all anymore...but do it out of need.  I am much more of a coffee drinker which isn't great...but I love it.  It's my new chocolate.  So overall, I'm doing well...am working my food issues out and finding that there are so many things to be happy about in this world and I am learning to feel pain instead of eating my way through it.  My break up was hard without a gallon of ice cream...but i did it...and I came out the other side...and am doing really well and reveling in the fact that I made the right decision for me and my kids.

So that's the scoop.  This is the new me...and I'm loving it!!!!

4/25/07

Okay, I had to post because we are messed up as a country or world in regards to the fashion industry.  I went bathing suit shopping last night with a weight of 175.  The last time I shopped for a bathing suit I was 270 or something close to that.  It was a HORROR show last night.  I tried on numerous bathing suits.  Let me start from the beginning.

I looked online yesterday to get an idea of what kind of suit I wanted.  I wanted to try a halterkini because I figured it had the full coverage but I could pull it up while sunbathing and let my midsection get some sun for the first time in umpteen years.  Well those things offer NO support whatsoever so that was a no go until I get the boob job that I want.  BUT I did find a bottom that I liked...kinda skirtish but still little.  So I bought that.  It was a size large in the normal bathing suit section.  No extra in front of it...a good thing (I bought capri's the other day size large as well and they are actually baggy on me.  Life is good).  Then I tried on numerous other bathing suits that looked horrible.  I tried on some size 16 one piece suits...but couldn't get them on my body...literally couldn't get them up my legs.  Now this was strange as I wear size 14 jeans now...and size large capri's...I was wearing size 16 jeans last night that I have to hike up every FIVE minutes cuz they are falling off of me.  But a size 16 suit couldn't even get past my thighs.  Okay fine...so i looked in the plus sizes again for a suit...found one 16w that fit...but looked like I needed one more size up...it was a slimming suit and nice...so I figured I would go with that.  So I had to buy a size 18W plus size bathing suit.  Talk about a downer on my progress and everything else!

Now last year...it took me about two minutes to find a plus size suit.  Why?  Because at that size they know we hate suit shopping and aren't going to spend a lot of time. So there are less to choose from and the fits are good and the sizes are real.  Last year when I went to florida, I had two suits...complete with little sarongs as well.  This year...I have one and a half suits and I'm not happy.  I haven't even tried the 18W suit on...I just figured it would fit because the 16W was a little too tight in some areas.  Here's hoping as I'm going away this weekend for my birthday weekend and want to swim!

Okay so since last April/May, I have lost about 97 pounds...but only went down one size in a bathing suit?  Something is wrong here people.  Wouldn't you agree?  So to the fashion industry...we are on to you!!!!  There are a lot more people losing weight nowadays than just being skinny...so they should be a bit more careful in how they play us!!!!

Oh and all this was at Target...so tonight I am going to Walmart to see if I can't find a top to wear with the little black bottom I got.  I hear the selection at Walmart is huge right now and that's where I shopped last year.  So I'm going with it.

Okay now on to my next subject:

EXERCISE:
I have been walking the track at lunch time (I work at a university) and I am up to 1.5 miles in about twenty five minutes.  Today I am going for 1.75.  It is making all the difference in weight loss and inch loss of course.  I just started doing this last week and am already noticing a difference in my tummy area.  Make sure you suck that baby in though while walking.  It's hard to remember to do that!

Also, my arms are SOOOO gross.  I bought new summer shirts as it was eighty this past weekend and the sleeves are really short.  The bat wing thing is so gross. I never had those as a fat person.  So I looked up online and found some bicep and tricep exercises and am going to do those every other day while making sure my arms are getting a work out on the track as well.

Besides that, I am stuck in the mid seventies forever (it seems) but am upping the exercise so I can try to get out of this rut.  I've been here forever and I'm still in my honeymoon period.  I actually went out and bought more carnation instant breakfast to see if that would help.  Besides I pretty much dump on EVERYTHING lately.  I had chicken last night and I think they put sugar in the gravy cuz I dumped afterwards horribly (out to eat).  Somedays I just dump on everything and other days I'm fine.  I need to stick to yogurt and kashi bars and sliced turkey.  I never get sick on those!

Okay...well that's it for now (and that's alot).  I'm rambling cuz it's seven thirty in the a.m. and I'm at work early.  LOL.
TTFN
me