I'm still here!

Feb 03, 2012

 
I think it's important not only to blog about when you are trying to get insurance approval, and when you are recovering from surgery, and when you are learning about your new stomach, and going through the joys of weight loss...ohhh what a feeling that is when you are used to being soooo fat all the time BUT it's also very important to note that some of us have longstanding issues due to the fact that this IS NOT the normal way for your body to process food.  It was not made to act this way...this is a man made way of routing food through the system and it's not necessarily going to work for everyone's body make up...such as mine.

Since I last updated quite a few things have happened.  I was diagnosed with Causalgia...basically I have hypersensitive nerves.  Everytime they went into my belly and cut more nerves, the nerves screamed louder.  So now they are constantly screaming and if I try to eat...they scream louder.  So I have an pain pump implant basically feeding fentanyl into my spinal column near where the abdominal nerves are located.  This has been a wonderful addition to my body, EXCEPT, I am really short...and short waisted...so the pain pump which is supposed to sit between the hip bone and the bottom of your rib cage with a catheter feeding around into the spinal column, is not sitting well as there is not enough room between my hip bone and my rib cage.  So it starting flipping over...so therefore, I had the implant last June, in December I had it fixed...the pocket made smaller, the pain pump sewn in again, etc.  It's been just over a month and it's already flipping again.  So now I go back to the neurosurgeon again on Tuesday and will most likely have to have the pump moved to the other side of my tummy and possibly have to have my back reopened as well to move the catheter.  GRRRRRRR.

One good thing...I'm not gaining weight like most people would be at five years out...lol.  I still weigh my lowest weight about 159-161...I fluctuate.  I would be tiny if I could have all the extra skin removed from my thighs and my butt, arms and boobs.  But at least my tummy is flat, right?  LOL.

It's humorous that my bmi still lists me as obese but i'm in a size 12 and everyone thinks i'm thin.  WHATEVER...it's just a number.  My gynecologist is the only one not in the loop as far as to everything I've been through.  I see her once a year and leave the other areas of the body to those that need to know about them.  Well she calc'ed my BMI and told me to diet because she wants my BMI to go down.  I told her I lost six pounds when they took the extra off my tummy.  Imagine that for each leg and my boobs and arms...I would be about 120.  She didn't get it.  I eat about three bites per meal...I live on coffee...what should I cut out, pray tell?  One of the bites I eat?  Seriously?  LOL...it's laughable.

On the positive side...I still have a very good attitude...with the addition of the pain pump I am back to work full time (I had to go down to 80% time due to medical issues) and I'm not sick much anymore.  Once we get this thing to stay put...I'll be all set except for every seven years when I need to go and have the new battery put in.  They load the meds into the pump once every couple of months and I do have some pills for breakthrough pain but I'm doing okay.

so that is the update...I have gone through alot being a member now of a pain clinic...I've had times where I was so depressed I couldn't deal...at one point I was on pain patches as well as oxycodone, etc...now I have the pump and still am on oxycodone but I'm functioning and THAT is what matters most.

I will make it through all of this and no, I do NOT regret having the surgery...not at all.  But I will say this...for the first few years, I still had my food issues...I still tried desperately to eat...now, I do not like food.  I choose NOT to even TRY to eat.  I used to over order in the restaurants...used to try to eat protein all the time...nothing...couldn't do it.  So after five years of getting zapped every time I went for the cheese, this mouse has learned that food is NOT my friend and I can do without it.  I am officially cured emotionally of my battle with food.  I don't like it...don't want it near me.  It's gross, and it's painful and it hurts coming back up...and it's actually pretty ugly too.  That's what i think of food.

So if you are having a hard time...know that it will end.  Take one day at a time...and if it's hard...take one minute at a time.  You'll get through.  If I can...you definitely can.

God bless!
me

0 Comments