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This past Thursday was Thanksgiving.  Being 17 years post-op I can eat anything my heart desires and not have issues with it.  However, the fact I’ve gained weight and in the process of losing it changes things a little.  I had decided to eat only a few bites of stuffing and scalloped potatoes, and instead blow all my carbohydrate intake on a small piece of apple pie.  With this decision in mind I enjoyed my large serving of turkey and waited to have dessert with the family.  

Things seemed to go well until about 20 minutes after dinner and dessert, I seemed to develope a headache.  This headache continued to increase until I was miserable and grumpy.  Though I took into account my carbohydrate intake, I had failed to realize that since I had been mostly off sugar for the last month, the small piece of pie sent my sugar intake through the roof and made me completely ill.  I didn’t know I could get sugar induced headaches until that moment.

Since I’ve been post-op for so many years, I had been eating sugar on a regular basis and my body was use to it and it didn’t seem to bother me.  I’m greatful for the massive headache I got Thanksgiving evening, because it was a good reminder of what I should and shouldn’t put into my body.  It was also a great lesson learned.  I won’t make the same mistake during Christmas. 

Life is a constant cycle of ups and downs, and losing weight is no exception.  I’ve been watching what I eat and moving more over the last 7 weeks.  By now I’ve usually gotten discouraged, hungry, and tired of eggs and chicken, but to my relief that’s not the case.  

I went to a Dickens Festival over the weekend to kick off the Christmas season.  There was cookies, cup cakes, brownies, hot chocolate, cheese cake and all sorts of sugar filled carbohydrates to temp even the most diligent of dieters.  My husband asked me if I was going to eat any of the items.  I told him that I knew with the holidays coming, there would be desserts everywhere I looked, so I was going to have to make an effort to pick what I really wanted and to be strong enough to disregard the rest.  He and I picked out a chocolate brownie with caramel and pecans.  I took one bite, chewed it very slowly savoring the flavors and making it last as long as possible.  I then handed the brownie to my husband and told him I had all I wanted.  As the after taste lingered, I realized that I had become sensitive to the amount of sugar that one bite had.  I’ve avoided sugar for 7 weeks now, that large amount of sugar doesn’t taste very good any more.  This give me hope that I’ll be able to resist the sweets during the holidays, and not get addicted to them again.  

My constant circle of life seems to be still going up and I’m encouraged that I’ll have another strong week even with Thanksgiving being celebrated. 

I read something earlier this week on this website.  The person said (roughly), “An alcoholic can’t have a single drink, or a smoker can’t have just one cigarette.  If you want to lose the weight you can’t eat just one cookie and think it won’t harm your plans and goals”.  When I read that it really seemed to hit me.  I always thought eating an entire bag of cookies was a problem, but one cookie wasn’t a big deal.  But it is true that a cookie, a drink, or a cigarette, even one can be a start on a path you don’t want to be on.  I don’t know why it didn’t sink in earlier.

This has been a successful week for me.  I’m not talking about weight loss; I’m talking about staying on a proper eating regimen (I don’t say diet).  I made it through all the withdrawal cravings and stayed true to my goals and plans.  I’ve thought about my goals and it’s always been to lose (x-amount) of weight.  That being said, I decided to change that frame of mind.  The scale can be you’re best friend or worst enemy.  You can do a great job all week and then the scale will tell you that despite all you’ve done, there is no progress.  That gives an opening to discouragement and giving up.  So here are some of my new goals I want to reach.  I want to lose enough weight that I can stand for 6-8 hours at work without my feet killing me.  I want to lose enough weight that I can fit into my stylish winter coat I bought 2 years ago and haven’t worn since.  I want to lose enough weight that my work clothes can fit OVER my hips instead of being bunched up above them.  I want to lose enough weight that the doctor will stop threatening to put me on blood pressure medicine because it’s boarderline.  With these new goals in mind I hope it will help me continue on a proper eating path instead of beating my self up when the scale doesn’t move down.

Like most people my weight has been a personal demon most of my life.  I graduated high school at 225, got as high as 252, dropped to 175 a few years later, got married at 190, 5 years later had bariatric surgery at 340, 3 years later got divorced at 165, and 8 years later had 4 knee surgeries got up to 260, dropped to 195 last year and currently I’m up to 235.  

It isn’t easy keeping the weight off, even with the help of surgery because life gets in the way.  I’ll work hard for a few months and then I’ll look at the chicken or egg and the very site of it makes me want to gag, and I think to myself “I cannot choke down another piece of chicken/egg to stay on this diet”.  I’ll start eating carbs again and then I won’t be able to stop.  I’ve done this circle for years.  

I got “back on the wagon” last month because I developed plantar fasciitis in my right foot and the pain is killing me.  I know if I dropped the weight it would put less pressure on my heel and I would feel better.  It’s not the best reason to lose weight but right now if that’s what it takes to motivate me than I’ll take it.  

I’m doing this weight loss journey a little different.  I’ve read blogs from other people, but never fully participated as a member.  I hope as I share my up’s and downs I’ll be able to hold myself more accountable for my actions.