16 months post-op

Jul 12, 2009

As I approach my 29th birthday for the tenth time I have to sit here and reflect on my life. I thought I was really enjoying life prior to wls but that's not true. I was just going through the motions of living. Being a single mom of three I put my children's needs and wants ahead of everything. That's what a mother does, take care of the babies. I didn't even know I weighted 468.8 lbs. How could I let myself go to that point? I just got into auto pilot and didn't deal with a messy divorce and cruel family members who did things that i wouldn't do to a dog. I made a vow to myself a long time ago that if my weight would ever become a problem I would do something about it. Well I did and now I'm enjoying the benefits of being 238 lbs lighter. My momma said I look like myself again. I laugh because when I look in the mirror I see her. My stepfather who has been married to my mother for over 40 yrs would have a hard time telling us a part at a distance. So you know people confuse us all the time. That's not the point I wanted to make. I wanted to share with you the things I gained as the result of the weightloss. I love to exercise and even created a new term for what I do "socising". That's socializing while exercising. I can now wear some 16's and Large shirts and pants. That's from a 36/38 plus size or 7X. I still hate to shop because I get overwhelmed with the choices that are available. I guess I'm in the stage where people are really beginning to notice my weightloss. Yesterday, my momma, my aunt, and my cousin and I were trying to take pictures and someone called me away. My momma said I took my fat ass off knowing they were trying to take my picture. My aunt said she couldn't call me a fat ass no more. All three of them were laughing as they told me what was said. 
Men are beginning to notice me again.  I'm having a hard time with that because I can't help but wonder would that person have noticed me when I was 468.8 or would they have been interested in me then. I'm still the same person and if you didn''t want me then you don't want me now. I never knew it would be so hard to say goodbye to my ole self. I'm still a flirt and flirting makes me feel good. Who knows what the future holds in that regards. My ex-husband saw me out this past weekend and he was watching me so closely. My said I was showing too much skin and he was checking me out. I had on a thin strap shirt that revealed the chest area. Nothing too bad my daughter picked it out. My baby sister said I looked cute. That's the first time she's ever said that. Usually she claims I dress like a granny. Any way a new me is emerging and I don't know who or what I'll be. I just know I can't wait for school to start to see my co-workers reaction to the new and improved me.
I had plastic surgery on June 4 six days shy of me being 15 months post op. Many people believe you should wait at least 18 months post-op before considering plastic surgery. So even claims your weight needs to be stable for six months prior. Neither my RNy surgeon or plastic surgeon felt I needed to wait. I'm realistic and I know I probably won't lose too much more weight. However, I'm praying for that first number in my weight to be a one. My RNY surgeon's goal for me was 250 and mine's is 190. My weight keeps jumping between 230 and 235, so I just need 30 more lbs and I'll be at my goal. I can't tell if having the 17 lbs removed from my stomach has freed me up to exercise harder or not yet. It's too early to tell. However, I can't help but touch myself in amazement of the missing stomach. She had been with me for over 30 years and now she's gone. In her place is a old friend of mine's that I hadn't seen in a long time. She and I are getting to know each other again. She has moved up a little higher and I have to get used to her being so noticable.
Hopefully, I'm getting to the time where looking good taste better than any food because I want to reach my goal. However, I have to admit that the food still taste good and I eat just because I can. This is a mind battle more than anything else. I've been eating more and more sweets and that concerns me. Typicalll I'm not a sweet eater so hopefully, this phase will end soon. Need to go back to work, get out this house, and get back into a routine. The structure thing really works for me. I just have to continue to work my tool and stay the course as no one can complete this journey for me.

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