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Hey all! 

Wow. It has been a HOT minute since I have last been on this page. And the only excuse I have is because I got lazy, distracted and discouraged. And there is absolutely no one else to blame but myself. When I originally started my curvy journey, it was literally about being a plus size girl just trying to get fit and toned physically. Little did I know that was NOT the only curvy journey I was wandering down.

The past couple of months have been interesting to say the least. I have experienced A LOT of emotions and changes with my hormones and body. Struggling with accepting how things were and what is to come. Worried about several different life situations. I was just a mess and went in a downward spiral SO FAST! Which was weird, I left my toxic ass job after a year of being there, but things weren’t bad until 6 months prior. I got my dream job with my alumni school district, where my children attend as well. But it seemed every since, life itself went downhill fast. 

Thankfully I am on track with getting the right medical help I need along with just making some over all changes and recognizing my feelings. My husband is extremely supportive in helping me up my communication game and just being there for me and letting me cry. I’m not joking when I say I have been overly emotional and out of whack lol 

I have come to the conclusion that I HAVE to get better. Not only for the sake of my husband, children, family and friends, but for ME. I jotted down a few things that I know truly helps me feel better and to keep in check. Not making any promises it will be a daily occurrence, but I am going to give it an honest attempt. It takes several days/weeks/months to form healthy habits, and I am at a point where I have no other choice but to enforce them at full will. 

Writing brings me happiness. But I am a slow writer in order to be able to read my handwriting. Then I lose train of thought and end up stopping. So my goal is to take blogging/e-journaling more seriously and do it more often. Whether it is an email to myself, a google doc, blog, etc….I can type as fast as I think (for the most part) so I am confident this will help me along my journey. 

This journey is not just for physical health, but for mental and emotional peace and freedom. There aren’t many things I feel I “deserve” but sanity is one i DO deserve, as well as everyone else! 

So here are my goals for 2020; forgive whole heartedly, be at peace with my whole self, find contentment in every aspect of life, improve my communication with my head, heart, soul and loved ones. Share my experiences in hopes to someday help someone who may be going through the same struggles but are too shy or embarrassed to ask questions and talk about it. Like me!  I would rather bury my emotions to help someone else, I never want to feel like a burden. That mindset has been the unhealthiest one I have ever allowed myself to be swallowed up in. WELL NO MORE. No longer will I convince myself I need to live for everyone else and let outside influences dictate my life desires. 

It is always easier said than done to “not give a f**k” or “you do you”....no. that has never been a mindset, it’s always been about other people and letting their lives effect mine, because I allowed myself to allow that. They didn’t force it upon me, I did. And what an awakening that it brought to how poisoned I was from my own thought process. 

So here is to a an even curvier journey than imagined, but nothing has excited me this much in a long time. Just grasping the idea of mental and emotional freedom, accepting that I CAN BE HAPPY. Wow. Just thinking about being happy makes me happy! 

So thanks to all my friends, family and supporters for sticking with me during this wild ride. It will only get better, with road blocks of course, but with the support of everyone, I know I will succeed. I need to. I owe it to myself right?

Yesterday was the day I decided I needed to stop relying on others to get my rear end in gear. It's all fun and games to talk about going on walks during lunches with coworkers and eating healthy and crap. But how often does that actually happen? rarely. 

So, I woke up, looked at myself in the mirror and said, "stop being dependent and waiting for others to get you up and going. Stop setting high expectations on yourself about getting skinny. You have a husband and 2 kids who need support and motivation. Lose the mindframe of I am going to this to get skinny, I am going to do this for my husband, I am going to do this so I can fit in normal sized clothing. NO! No more! I am going to do this for me because I need to get healthy. I need to see my kids grow up and blossom in their own lives. I have so much to offer and so much more to live for. Stop trying to do this for others and waiting on others to make your lifestyle changes. Do it your damn self!!"

That was the best pep talk I have ever given myself. Working in the healthcare field I have gained such a different perspective on health. And as I am creeping up on my 30s, I realize that it doesn't get easier. If I don't take care of myself now, then how can I take care of myself later?

I went from primary care, running around like a chicken with it's head cut off from 730am-530pm, no energy or desire to be a mom or wife after hours due to the high stress work pace and over the top high stress level that I started hating life and who I was. 

Now I am in a specialty and over the past few weeks I have improved. My husband and kids told me one night over dinner that they are so happy that I am in my new job because I am happy again and seem to be more peaceful. That spoke tremendous words! I was so wrapped up in stress and my own issues that I did not realize I was bringing my misery home and it was effecting the loves of my life. 

I am looking forward to bettering myself, and I can honestly say this is the first time I am actually looking forward to it. 

My main goal is to not set expectations for myself and to just do what makes me feel good, for myself! 

Pregnancy after WLS

This is a subject I see too far and few in between. So many times have I heard and read about people choosing between weight-loss surgery and bearing a child. As expected there is a HUGE fear of gaining all your weight back, never getting the chance to “get skinny”, worrying if you’d be able to fulfill your babies needs, and the list goes on and on.

What if I told you, that pregnancy after weight-loss surgery, IS possible??

A lot of people don’t experience their weight struggles until pregnancy. Like me. I was always fit and healthy, until I got pregnant with my first and I gained 100+ pounds during and after the pregnancy.  When I decided to get my WLS, I also decided I was not going to have any more children. It was either another kid, which would prolong my fatness, or WLS to end my fatness. Although I already made my WLS decision, my heartstrings were still being pulled on because deep down I wanted another child. I did a little research, but never found the answer or sign I was looking for about having children after WLS. I can’t tell you to this day exactly what it was that I was looking for, but I was waiting for something to just click. But, no matter what my research confirmed, I was still going to get my surgery. I was being stubborn.

I kid you not, from the time of my decision, to the time I reached my goal weight, I always had a second baby on the back of my mind. I did some more research about the pros and cons about having another child, discussed it with my husband and talked it more seriously with my doctor. I mean HELLO PEOPLE, WLS is not a form of contraception, it’s not a vasectomy or tubal ligation, it’s a freaking weight loss surgery!! 

So, after a couple years of debating on what to do, I became pregnant with my second child early 2012. I ended up getting my band unfilled per doctor’s recommendation, so I could eat and gain nutrients for myself and my growing child and guess what? I did juuuuust fine without a fill! Well, for my first 6 months, the last 3 months I went a little overboard with the boredom eating from bed-rest, and living in Louisiana at the time, it was nearly impossible to avoid good, heart of Cajun Country deep fried cooking.  So of course, I packed on the weight. Come delivery time, I had gained a total of 60 pounds. After I had my son, I got back into walking and making better eating choices, then it all stopped and I started to slowly regain my weight. Due to finances and insurance circumstances at the time, I could not go get a fill.

Months later I am just sitting there, back to square one. Feeling fat, ugly and hopeless. All my hard work and money spent was down the drain. Yes my son was so worth it, but that wasn’t enough to get me to feel better about my choice. I slowly slipped back into my depression and misery . Luckily it did not last long because I realized, I had the tools to get the weight off. Yes getting my band filled would help tremendously, but I wouldn’t be able to just jump back into the swing of having a filled band. I had the potential and means to retrain myself like I had to for the surgery. I had to fast, I needed to start taking my vitamins and most importantly I needed to learn self control.

So yes, pregnancy is possible after weight loss surgery and it’s even worth it! WLS is to help you better your health, not stop you from fulfilling your maternal dreams.  Just keep your goals in mind and stay focused. You can have a very healthy happy pregnancy. You have to be SAFE as you don’t want to risk any harm to your child or yourself. There are so many people out there with successful pregnancies post WLS, you’re not alone and there is absolutely no need to be scared or worried, but it is ok to feel that way. WLS is just as big of a decision as having another child.

So play your cards right, follow your WLS rules and you will be just fine! Gain weight back? Don’t stress, that’s the point of WLS, to help you get back on track and to continue leading a healthy and happy life. So go ahead and get your surgery, that way you can lose weight and become even healthier so you can live long and cherish your sweet offspring for a long time, and be a role model for them in the future.

I am 26 years old, 2 kids (7 and 2) and husband, full time college student and a photographer. My children do sports, school, and extracurricular activities, and I am very active in their school and have my own hobbies as well. I am busy, life keeps me that way. I am so busy you would think I'd be the size of a toothpick by now! NOPE! Plus, being a woman, it's natural to put ourselves last, even in health. 

When I first got my lap band in 2009, I became so obsessed with getting "skinny" that I didn't even think about my health. I lost weight yes, but I lost it the totally unhealthy way. And it backfired on me because after my 2nd pregnancy, I gained all my weight back. Now, almost 3 years after 2nd baby, I finally got filled recently, but the weight is not coming off anywhere near as fast as the first time. Why? because I screwed up the first time, and with health, it's hard to get a second chance to redeem yourself. Being stressed out with little to no results from recent fill, I began to get frustrated but then something in my big ole busy brain something clicked, a light bulb popped up and shined bright, there must be something else "wrong" with me which would possibly explain my slow weight-loss. I make decent food choices and walk regularly, but I wasn't seeing any improvement.

I went to my primary care physician (not my bariatric doctor) and asked for him to check me out and run some tests. He is an awesome doctor, he tells you everything you don't want to hear, but need to hear. Anyways, he told me that I am aging although I am only 26, I have had two kids and I have struggled with obesity the past 8 years. So of course it's going to be harder than before to lose weight. Not only am I getting older, I am not getting the correct amount of nutrients and vitamins (which is my fault). So I took in all he said, he gave me some great reading material and ways to make sure I am losing weight the healthy even with my band filled. 

I went back the next day for blood work, had to fast for the thyroid and glucose test. I tell yea, the couple hours needed for these tests to be done are the longest hours EVER! My results were in within 48 hours and what my doctor found kinda surprised me. My thyroid is ok, but it's borderline of being whack-o, I am Vitamin D deficient (which my husband found funny because I am always in the sun), but I also learned I am lactose intolerant and have celiac disease (gluten sensitivity). I thought you were born with lactose intolerance so I was shocked when I learned that adults are more prone to develop lactose intolerance than those born with it. 

So on top of the Lap-Band rules, I now am very limited to what I can consume. It's hard. It really is. It's hard going from a binge eater to protein shakes then soft foods. I have to vut out soda, sugar, dairy and gluten from my diet. I know having these "conditions" will benefit me in the long run, but it will also be a healthy lifestyle change for my husband and children as well. I am using my mistakes and learnings to guide them down an obesity free life. 

I am glad I am still young enough that I can make these changes, remain active and get on the right track, but I am also bummed that I have to face the reality of aging haha So just because you think you're young, doesn't mean you are. Your age is a number, that number is nothing. You're health and body are what really determines your age. Don't wait until you think you're old enough to get tested and help, do it as soon as you can and make it a routine to keep your health in check! Easier said than done though, trust me. But it is now a MUST. 

June 1st I received my 3rd adjustment after 2 years of no fill. I thought I was filled all the way, but I wasn't. I finally found a bariatric Dr. that would listen to my concerns and he did just that. He took an ultrasound of my stomach and saw the saline had gotten stuck in the tube. He unfilled me completely, used different imaging machines to make sure everything was done correctly, he sent me home with strict orders to enroll in over eaters anonymous and to seek nutritional and psychological help (I need the psych part, especially when it comes to eating). After doing both of these 2 times a week for 3 weeks, I was able to get my band filled AGAIN. 

The reason I am sharing this is because it is easy to get off track and break the rules. I was embarrassed to go to over eaters anonymous. But I never felt so much relief and strength once I accepted I had a problem and realized I was not the only one with this issue. My new Dr. Reminded me how dangerous it could be if I keep breaking the rules. I had a good wake up call, I needed it. I could cause more harm than good just to get a taste of junk food that last for 5 minutes. Its so not worth it!!

Also just a warning out there to those who have questions and concerns about their health and don't get the answers you deserve, either make your dr answer them or move on to someone else. My old dr didnt take the necessary steps to make sure my fills were safe and effective, which made it easier for me to consume bad foods. 

Dont be afraid to take a stand and get the health care you deserve, also dont be dumb with your weight loss surgery! you and/or your insurance paid thousands of dollars to help you fix your life and get better, not make things worse. It was hard for me to hear, but I so needed to! ACCEPT IT! =) =)

You know what sucks? Stretchmarks. I'm not talking about the actual marks on our bodies, but the whole "what society thinks" about them. It's sad that it has only been recent (like a year or 2) that Stretchmark shaming has been minimal and "accepted". I was not raised to judge others or think of them differently because of their body types. Society always shamed those with flaws and over a size 6. SSSOOOO many ads for creams, lotions, and even surgical procedures to rid of stretchmarks (i see less and less ads for them everyday though!) I found out myself first hand that stretchmarks were ugly, society was right, therefore I felt I was always ugly. I was never going to wear tube tops, crop tops, bikinis, tight clothing, ever again. Society portrayed it just as that, so therefore it is true. Its AMAZING that people have taken a stand and have really turned around the whole negative self image thing. Accepting your body for what it is, loving yourself, not caring what others think, etc, etc. I love seeing plus size women posing in magazines and becoming icons for self acceptance. Because of women like Tess Holliday, Joby Bach, Ashley Graham (just to name a few models), and even a few plus size ladies I know personally, I have grown more confident and less worried about other peoples opinions. However, I am going on 8 years (since first pregnancy) of accepting my stretchmarks. Yes they have lightened up tremendously, but I look in the mirror and think "ew" before "aww, those came from a growing child that I homed, nurtured and gave birth to. Those are my tiger stripes. My battle victory scars."...Hell no, I'm far from it. So if you're a "long time" stretchmark subscriber like me, keep in mind it's ok to feel gross from time to time, but it's NOT ok to dwell on them and let them control you. Its a struggle to accept them, trust me I know. You're not alone in the whole accepting yourself game. But together, we can lift each other up and remind each other that we are in theis together, we all have flaws and it's ok to embrace them. I can't wait for the day where I have enough confidence to not flip out if my shirt rolls up in public, or my tankini isn't long enough. Its a long awaited day that is coming soon, it takes alot of mental and emotional strength to fully understand and show off "confidence". It won't happen overnight. Self acceptance is one of those things that if you want it bad enough, the WORK for it, FIGHT for it and EMBRACE the journey! I sure hope I make sense haha WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL NO MATTER OUR SHAPE, SIZE, WEIGHT, HEIGHT, AMOUNT OF STRETCH MARKS, RACE, and the list goes on!! smile emoticon smile emoticon

Can't believe I haven't been on here since April! So crazy busy between 2 kids, sports, full time college, photography sessions, and with the sun being out more and warmer weather we are doing ore BBQ's and playing in the sun more! 

I am finally HAPPY! My weight hasn't changed much, but I just got my 3rd adjustment yesterday and I am filled all the way! Havent been this filled since before 2nd pregnancy 3 years ago! During this process I have traveled down the road of self discovery. I have found who I am and who I want to continue being. I found self acceptance, confidence and boosted my self esteem! I have gotten my insides figured out, now time to focus on the outside! 

With the yo-yo effect of losing/gaining weight, I have stretch marks and stretchy skin. That always negatively impacted my self image and self esteem. I discovered products that help tone, tighten and firm, plus some amazing green supplements for shakes, and just overall GOOD stuff that has HELPED me. So that has REALLY helped boost my self estee, knowing that I am working out, eating right and looking better each day! 

This summer I have alot of weddings I am photographing so I am determined to look as best as I can! I have accepted the fact that I am OK with being plus size. I don't want to be as skinny as I was in 2010/2011 (nasty skinny), I want to embrace and show off my curves. I just want to tone up. While toning up I know I will lose weight, but thats not a huge goal. I just want to be tone so I can feel comfortable wearing shorts, tank tops, sundresses, and swimsuits. Its an EASY fix and achievable! Plus with the products I am using that will help tremendously with my results!! 

So all in all, I am HAPPY, and I am perfectly fine with keeping it that way =)

day 253....Today is the first day of Spring Quarter. It is also my last quarter of pre-reqs for the medical assisting program, yahoo! I have been off the grid for some time now, and I don't like it. It's amazing what I have discovered and accomplished in these past 253 days. Although I have not lost much weight. I have discovered who I am and who I want to continue being. I am an adult. I make the choices that I want. My choices are mine and mine only. They bring no harm or impact to my family or myself. I would never do anything to hurt myself or my family. So learning to speak up in order to do what I want to do and not tolerate any shit from people, has been a huge success. I am very opinionated and am not shy about voicing anything anyways, but I always felt like I had to hide some things. I felt like I was living more of a double life. So now that I have broken my shell and am fully living one life, I am doing fabulous! I feel free. I am 26 years young with alot of life ahead of me. I am working on my career and I have added new goals and am taking action to achieve them all.

Now that I have life more in "order" I am ready to take on my weight-loss more seriously. I have no excuses, no voices of giving up in my head. I have life figured out as much as possible and am ready to take on new changes. Freedom is what I have discovered and achieved in My Curvy Journey of self discovery. It is never too late to start. I have already started, I just need to press forward and continue working towards my goals. I got this. The adventure will only continue from here on out, as it has from Day 1! =)

be sure to follow me and MyCurvyJourney on

instagram: @mycurvyjourney

Google+ [email protected]

Facebook: Ashleigh Gleeson [email protected]

Twitter: @arg2689

Instagram: ashglee89

In previous blogs you can read about my health and fitness lifestyle before and after the surgery, husband and kids. This is to focus on WHY I started MyCurvyJourney. I am ALWAYS willing to answer questions you may have about anything and everything, literally. I won't hold anything back, (unless I feel it is extremely personal, but those are rare subjects haha)

What is the point of MyCurvyJourney?

To start, I was going WAY out of my comfort zone by sharing my story. I am a very open and honest person, but something this personal all over social media wasn't exactly my cup of tea. Until I realized I enjoy helping others and sharing myself is a great start to accepting myself. So when I first started I was just focusing on weight-loss, health and fitness and overcoming my battle with obesity. Then I realized that there are little to no blogs out there that include everything else that comes with the issue. Obesity is a choice, as it is controllable. I am responsible for gaining my weight. I am responsible for destroying my self esteem, confidence and self image. There is not one person that I can blame, even though I wish I could because blaming someone for my health mistakes would be easier than owning up to and admitting that I am responsible for my obesity. 
I was SSSOOOO ready for a change, but weight-loss wasn't my only battle. I suffered from migraines, depression, anxiety, bi-polar and obesity. I brought it upon myself and I am ok with owning up to it. Medications were not helping, counseling was not helping, nothing seemed to be helping me, which is when I found the key ingredient, the common factor in it all. My weight. Not just the numbers or the size of my jeans, but EVERYTHING to do with it. I hated looking in the mirror. Not only did I destroy and hurt myself, I was also hurting my husband, my children and setting an extreme poor example of self image. I always asked my husband "how can you look at me?", "why do you love me?", "you deserve better", etc etc....I was pushing him away but didn't even stop long enough to care, because it was all about me. Not only did my husband have to listen to me moan and groan, but my own children did too. 
In August, I decided to make the change. I had absolutely NO excuse to remain the way I was. I wanted to get better, I wanted to change, I wanted to be happy. So not only did I focus on weight-loss, I focused on healing my soul and brain. I had the tools to help me too, I had a treadmill and a ton of in home exercise equipment, a husband who was loving and willing to encourage me, two perfect kids I had to set a better example for and to top it off in 2009 I had a lap-band weight-loss surgery and all I had to do this time around was go get it adjusted and I would be well on my way. NO EXCUSES.
Never did I believe I would actually stick to this and keep going, although I have not lost a whole bunch of weight, I have lost some and I haven't gained any! I have found what triggers my anxiety, depression and migraines as well as finding ways to control them and help them. I have learned, and am still learning, how to communicate with my husband and those around me, ask for help and be open. I am doing my best to not be so OCD so I don't stress out over messes and little things that can wait to be cleaned up. Being patient has helped my migraines be minimal due to smaller amounts of stress. Bills are bills, we are always going to have them, they will get paid early, on time or late. No need to stress about them. We have set up a budget for finances and groceries (which helps stress level tremendously).
So all in all here is what I have accomplished in 182 days:
1. improved self esteem and confidence
2. how to control migraines, depression, anxiety, anger, emotions and stress
3. closure of my past (it was never horrible, but situations have scarred me, and I am ready to peel off the bandage and let the forces of nature take over and heal)
4. positivity
5. Energy
6. Mental and emotional healing
7. Controlled eating (although I splurge here and there, it's ok)
8. New recipes for myself and my family 
9. Workout routines that work for me and my schedule
10. Not to be so OCD
11. How to communicate
12. Decided to pursue my dream of becoming a Registered Nurse
13. Launched and am enjoying my little photography business
14. Discovered things that make ME happy and gives me some ME time
15. Rebuilding friendships and making new ones
16. Laughing way more
17. Enjoying life one day at time, not living by an agenda (but use one to keep our tasks in line =))
18. How to help and encourage others who face the same battles as I do
19. SEEKING help and encouragement from those who I share similar battles with
20. Finding over all happiness in every aspect of life. 

I also realized I would love to get more tattoos! 

I am still discovering myself, I have a long ways to go. You can't change a few years of bad habits and mental self poisoning over night. I share pictures, posts, recipes and workout routines that are personal to me, I share personal pics from time to time, and as I grow more comfortable with sharing, I will post more progress pics. I am not on the road to perfection, I am on the road to self recovery and eternal happiness. My support system is overly amazing, I just have to stay focused, and take one day at a time. I know I have a long road ahead of me, but if I can accomplish this much in just 100 days, I can not wait to see what else I can conquer in the next 100+ days to come!!!

You can follow me on

Instagram: @mycurvyjourney

Google+ [email protected]

Facebook will be up and running soon but you can find my personal page on there under Ashleigh Gleeson or [email protected]

182 days of self discovery...what an achievement! Unfortunately I haven't lost as much weight as I know I could have, but that's ok because I needed to heal and discover different areas of my life. Reiterate my priorities. I am now to a point where I feel I NEED to get in better health condition before it's too late and it becomes even harder to lose weight. Tomorrow I turn 26, have lots to look forward in the near and distant future, time to get my shit together once again! =) In 2014 I have spent 157 days discovering who I am, how to overcome my battles and deal with personal issues. I am 98% healed from my depression and anxiety. I reconnected with my inner crafty goddess and discovered new hobbies. I chose a career I am excited to pursue and returned to college. I pursued photography as I have a passion a passion for pictures and people. I have learned to accept my body and looks and be comfortable in my own skin. I have accepted that I am in charge of my looks and well being therefore I can make changes as I please. I am the one who has caused all the damage, and I am the one who can undo it all . I found rememdies to help me with my migraines, headaches, depression, anfer and anxiety. All in all I have found peace, acceptance, forgiveness and will power like no other! 2014 has been a roller coaster, but I feel confident enough to enter 2015 knowing my shit is somewhat together =) If I can handle 2014, I know damn well I can handle 2015!!