Beckypooh

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Feeling great! Down to 212. I feel like I'm losing a little slow but I'm not discouraged. I think I need to stay off the scales though because I obsess about it some weeks. I had another CT Scan done on my hematoma and some labs drawn and have the results back: My hematoma has shrunk to 5 cm. My hemoglobin is 12.5 and my potassium is a little low; the Dr. wants me to take potassium for a month to build it up again. My scar is still very bright reddish pink. I spoke to my friend Melenia and she said to try Maderma. Her scar from March 26 looks far better than mine so I will try some kind of scar treatment.
Recently we had dinner with a couple who hadn't seen us in a few months and they were so surprised by our weight loss--together we have lost 210 lbs. They had lots of questions and one of the questions they directed to my husband (who has lost over 150 lbs) was: do you feel like people treat you differently now? It occurred to me just then what is in store for me as well. Wow, I hadn't even thought about it really. In fact all my life I felt like people treated me differently because I was overweight. I haven't even absorbed yet the idea that I will be percieved differently as a thin person. God, this is going to be an adventure.
Our vacation to Las Vegas is rapidly approaching! I'm so excited. We've planned a side trip to L.A. since we are going to be so close to California. Thursday we got our tickets to be part of the studio audience of the Tonight Show with Jay Leno! How cool is that? I can't wait! My weight loss goal is to be under or at 200 lbs. when we get to Las Vegas.
 

Well, I'm doing great! I feel wonderful. I still walk every day at working getting in 1 to 1.5 miles a day. I don't exercise otherwise. I was doing some exercise tapes before I went back to work but I really like walking and I know it's good for me. It was Dr. Shina's recommendation--walk every day for 20 mins a day. I walk for the 20 mins. at lunch and also on my 15 min breaks twice a day. It is really getting addictive which is a pleasant surprise for someone like me who used to be so exercise-phobic! The scale is moving nicely. I'm down to 216. I lost about 5 pounds this past week. Not bad for being 11 weeks out from my surgery. I was in Sears yesterday with my husband and I've been needing pants so badly. My size 26's and 28's are so incredibly baggy. I tried on a size 20 black dress pants (bootleg cut) and a frilly feminine blouse in size 18 and WOW I looked so cute. I haven't been thinking I looked so much smaller until I tried on those clothes that actually fit and flatter my figure. This journey has been so great for my self esteem. Next month we are going to Las Vegas and it will be the first vacation where I will not feel like people are staring at me because I'm so big.
 

I went back to work last week and have been doing fine. I actually have more energy at work than I expected to have. Everyone was wonderful. There were flowers on my desk upon my return and lots of kind words and hugs from my co-workers. I walk a lot on my breaks. I also don't get the munchies at all. This is in sharp contrast to how I was before the surgery. Believe me, now I could care less what's in the vending machines at work. Before I ate out candy or chips from them 3-4 times per week. I don't skip meals but at work I keep myself so busy I don't think about food and could probably go all day without eating. But I know that's not healthy so I eat my little meals even when I'm not hungry. Today I walked for 20 mins. of my lunch and ate afterwards because I find I feel better that way. It's more uncomfortable to walk after I've eaten my 60cc because I feel full.
 

I guess it's been awhile since I updated. I'm feeling much much better. Dr. Shina decided to leave my hematoma alone and just check it with a CT scan every few weeks. My second scan revealed it was smaller in size so he feels we can just let it absorb over time. I hit a plateau for about 3 weeks where I was stuck at 237 (on my scales) and couldn't lose. In the last week the scale starting moving again and I'm down 7 more lbs. I really started to feel a lot better last week. I haven't had my iron checked in a few weeks but I would swear my hemoglobin is near normal because I don't get exhausted and out of breath anymore.
I started exercising last week and was working out to a tape 1-2 times a day and walking for 20 mins. at a time until the weekend. We had our nephews all weekend and I didn't make time for myself to work out. We did swim with them on Saturday (I don't swim but I move around some) so maybe that counts at least. I notice I can do more of the housework without it being too taxing. I'll be ready to go back to work on Thursday when my leave is finished. I'm still sore sometimes but I have more good days than bad days now.
I'm a little disappointed with my scar. I thought it might be smaller but it's ugly. The length of it is not as bad as other incisions I've heard about but every single staple left a bright red dot and the incision is wider in some places than in others. I was measured before the surgery for a special binder but it was soiled badly when my drain leaked so they threw it away and brought me a binder that was too big I think. So the binder I came home with wasn't really a good fit and it was so long I had to roll it up to go to the bathroom and constantly adjust it when it kept riding up to my waist.
I really notice the difference in my face and my waist is back! Yay! It may seem hard to believe but yes, I used to have this indention between my ribcage and my hips that most refer to as waist. I'm wasting away! HaHa!
I have my normal sense of smell back and my sense of taste. I have tried some sugary foods but don't like the taste of sugar very much. Nothing really makes me sick but I just don't like the taste. The only time I got really sick was after I foolishly ate some Ben & Jerry's ice cream, about 1/4 c. and I was really sick. I had dumping and tried to throw up but it was only clear liquid. I am really careful about chewing thoroughly and I watch my portion sizes. I did have one day where I binged over the course of about 3 hours on 6 pieces of boneless wing nuggets from KFC. I didn't feel sick at all and later I felt really alarmed that I could eat so much. Since then I am really watching and measuring what I eat. The guilt when I eat something I'm not supposed to is far greater since I've had my surgery. I'm aware even though I've had this surgery that I am still a food addict and always will be. I never want to be 275 lbs again and I have to do what it takes to make sure that never happens.
 

I finally got my drains and staples out last Tuesday and started to feel a little better. Having those drains pulled out was one of the strangest sensations of my life. It wasn't exactly painful so much as a sickening feeling. I got really nauseous after the g-tube was pulled out and thought I was going to throw up but I took some deep breaths and the next one made me yell a little even. I couldn't help it. I would rather drink another bottle of magnesium citrate then have a tube pulled out of my body again. I also got some bad news from Dr. Shina. He had sent me for a CT scan on June 10th because he was concerned about how much fluid my duvol drain was collecting. By the time my CT scan came around I wasn't draining anymore and I thought maybe they'll take out the drain on Friday if I call and the results are o.k. I talked to his nurse on Thurs. afternoon and she said she'd call me if they could take out the drain. They called Friday and without telling me any of my results, just said that Dr. Shina said it needed to wait until appt. next Tuesday. So when I went to my appt. I saw the Dr. after the L.P.N. took everything out and he told me I have a hematoma, which is basically a pool of blood that has gathered into a clot (not the kind that goes to your lungs) and may become infected if my body doesn't absorb it soon. He is treating me with antibiotics and told me to call if I run a fever over 101. The night I had my drains out, I ran a fever that got up to 100.4. I was really worried because I knew if it got over 101 he would send me to the emergency room and I was so tired I just wanted to rest. I took 2 Tylenol and went to sleep and in the morning my fever was gone. He said that the antibiotics could stave off infection long enough to give my body more time to absorb the clot. The worst part is and this is really disheartening: if it gets infected and/or doesn't go away he will have to re-open my entire incision in order to drain it. Man, I was so floored by this news. When he first said he would have to drain it I was like, "so you'll just open up about this much, right" holding my thumb and finger open about 4 inches against my drain sites. That was when he said he would have to open the entire incision which runs from between my breasts to the top of my belly button. I couldn't help it, I started to cry. I wish my husband had been there. I tried to write down everything he said so I could tell my family about it, but it was devastating news for me. Dr. Shina told me he didn't want me to be upset about it. I guess he is just obligated to tell me all of the scenarios involved. Later I talked to my home health nurse and she was more reassuring telling me that she has seen hematoma in patients before and has never heard of anyone actually having to go through with a surgery to drain their hematoma and that the antibiotics and waiting always work. So I felt a little better. I think I have been feeling the hematoma in my body. I've noticed I can't take a really deep breath and when I walk it is hard to hold my shoulders up and have good posture. I tend to unintentionally slouch. (Does anyone ever intentionally slouch?) Anyway I feel I am getting around better now than I was. Maybe it is going away and my prayers are being answered. The good news is I lost down to 243lbs. according to Dr. Shina's scales. I think I weigh less now but I am trying not to obsessively weigh myself at home.

Well I've had my RNY! My surgery was May 27th. I got kind of upset because the hospital called me the night before the surgery and told me to be there at 9 am. Well my surgery has been scheduled for 9:30 am all along. It turns out my time was different and the dr's office never told me. So I wound up not having surgery until about noon on the 27th. I weighed 265.2 on the morning of my surgery. I remember waking up at about 3pm and I had this tube in my mouth and I couldn't breathe and I was kind of panicked about it. The nurse told me you're breathing, you're doing fine. I had a clock above me and I watched the hours go by in and out of consciousness in the recovery room. They took the tube out not too long after I complained about it and gave me oxygen. I heard them talking with my pulmonary doctor about my sleep apnea. Apparently, they thought I was having trouble breathing on my own because of the sleep apnea. They talked about putting me on the machine (which my husband later told me he brought to them) but they never did. It was 7:30pm and I still hadn't seen my family. I started to worry and I told them "my family will worry". (Actually my husband and parents had been kicked out of the surgery center waiting room at 5:00 pm. Dr. Shina had been out at 2:30pm and told them I did excellent and I would be in recovery for about 2 hours.) I didn't make it to my private room until after 8:00 pm. I woke up and Mike and my parents were hovering over me. It was so surreal. I think I was kind of disturbed by their hovering because I think I said I'm ok, don't hover, I'm ok...I ended up having to have 2 pints of blood because my hemoglobin went down to 6.3 (normal is 13) due to blood loss during the surgery. My hemoglobin was up to 9 by the time I left the hospital. My blood sugars got whacky too; they had to give me insulin, since I'm home it's been better. This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. It's been over a week since the surgery and I am still very sore and need assistance sometimes to get in and out of bed and out of my recliner. But everyday I do a little better. I force myself to get up and move about because I don't want to get blood clots. I came home May 31, 2004 and the first few days I felt like I was carrying a bowling ball out in front of me. I have to wear an abdominal binder of course but I still felt so distended in front that my back felt like I was swaybacked and it put me off balance; I needed my husband to help me around--just to be there so I wouldn't fall. I wish I'd known I would need really strong back muscles after the surgery. My posture was really thrown off but everyday it's better. I have not thrown up yet. I'm careful not to eat more than allowed and I am trying very hard not to eat and drink at the same time. I don't have much of an appetite. I was very, very thirsty for 6 days after the surgery but now I feel more normal. I make myself drink to get my fluids in--water, crystal light, decaf. iced tea, and I drink a protein shake everyday. I like the UNJURY brand samples the dietician gave me better than the GNC stuff. Unjury seems to dissolve better. I was using skim milk but I suspect I may have a lactose intolerance because I get kind of bloated. My husband bought me some lactaid milk which I will try. I'm on blenderized proteins and soups until 2 weeks after surgery. Not too much longer and I can eat more normal stuff like deli meats, etc.
I came home with an extra drain I did not expect. It's called a Davol drain. It's a plastic pint jar with a long tube leading into me. It is pinned to my night gown and is putting out a lot of blood--some of it actually goes in the jar but a lot of it soaks my bandages. It's really gross and depressing. I can't wear real clothes. Every night gown I have will have blood stains and my binder is blood stained. Hopefully the doctor will take it out next week, then the week after that I'm supposed to have my staples and G-tube out. Yay! I think I will feel so much better when all that stuff is gone. I don't have the energy to exercise or the motivation frankly (when I walk the Davol jar bumps up against my leg) but I think that will improve. I weighed myself and I have lost 10 lbs. since I've been home. You can't really lose in the hospital because of the IV fluids. My family have been so wonderful and supportive. They brought me flowers in the hospital and my parents came to stay so MIke could go back to work 3 days after I came home. Mike has had the surgery so he is a great touchstone for me. He remembers what this was like and has so much compassion. I love him so much. I can't get in the shower because of this Davol jar so he puts a sheet over a kitchen chair by the sink and washes my hair and bathes me. Being clean makes you feel so much better, especially since I have been hot and sweaty most of the time. It's very hard to get comfortable. I am aware of stuff smelling differently. "Outside" smells odd to me. I don't like the smell of my hair. It's weird.

Well, this is the week. Tonight my hubby is taking me for my last "feast" as a normal person. We are going to Macaroni Grill. I won't be able to enjoy pasta for a long time after the surgery so I thought I'd have a last fix:) In talking to post ops patients everybody seems to have a last hurrah...:)Tomorrow I start the fasting and bowel prep...

Saw Dr. Horowitz, the pulmonary dr. and he cleared me for surgery! I really liked him. He encouraged me to be as active as possible in next 2 weeks I have to go before my surgery to prevent the chance of blood clots in my legs. He said to look at it like basic training:)to get as fit as possible and as strong as possible. Next week I go for my nutrition class to teach me how to eat after my surgery. I went through a couple of days recently where I began to worry I might die undergoing the surgery and/or recovery. I talked to my husband and he encouraged me not to worry so I am doing better now. Actually, I'm kind of getting excited about this major life-changing event. My husband has lost 125 lbs. since October and I am hoping by Christmas I will see some real results in myself.

I just saw a cardiologist Friday and he cleared me for surgery! I have passed that hurdle and just have 2 more. I go next Friday for all of the labs and gall bladder ultrasound. Two weeks before surgery I see a pulmonary dr. and then I'll have final clearance.

May 27th! Not crazy about being in the hospital over a holiday weekend(Memorial day wkd) when the more experienced hospital personnel (those with more seniority) are probably off for the weekend. My husband was in the hospital for one of his stays over Thanksgiving and the hospital had a skeleton crew and they were "green". But anyway I would have had to wait until June 24th and I don't want to wait that long. So May 27th it is and I'm so grateful to not have to wait longer. I'm going to follow Dr. Shina's advice to try to lose as much weight as I can before the surgery to make it easier on myself.