cintigirl

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OK, after four months of eating what I wanted, I have gained a total of 15 pounds.  I was very dissapointed with myself......that was until this past weekend.  I just walked 60 miles in the 3 day breast cancer walk.  I finished every mile of every day.  Not only did I finish, but I was not near death at the end.  I walked in the 2009 walk also and was unable to complete the walk.  I weighed 271 pounds and could barely breathe without my inhaler.  This year was very different.  I know that normally after dieting, I would gain every pound I had lost back, plus another 20.  I know my band works, it really kicked in during the walk.  I realized that I don't eat much, I just have to pay attention to exactly what I am eating.  This victory felt as great as any scale victory I have ever had.  And it has made me refocus and start eating band healthy again.  

I have officially moved back to North Carolina.  I am a resident of a small town called Ayden, NC.  It is so country and quaint and I love it.  I spent the last week unpacking and setting my new home up.  I was fortunate enough to have my ex-husband and a former co-worker drive my moving van from Cincinnati to NC.  They both stayed long enough to unload the moving van and get the large items into the proper rooms.  I am now living in a strange town where the only people I know are my mom, step dad and brother.   As much as I am excited about my new phase in life, I recognize that I have not always dealt with this type of stress in a healthy way.  Me of last year would either eat all the junk in the world or over-indulge in fermented beverages.  Instead today I went for a 4 mile walk (before 8am due to the above 90 degree day), purchased two white rocking chairs for my front porch (I plan to sit on the porch, drink sweet tea and wave at strangers), picked up some ferns and potted flowers for my patio, and telephoned some friends back in Cinti.  What an awesome day.

I finally got my new refrigerate delivered on Friday.  I stocked it with band friendly foods and am trying to totally get back into my band routine.  Bought a rotisserie chicken which I have eaten from the past two days.  Tomorrow I will be making chicken salad with the left over chicken.   I will have to find a Kroger's because I miss my carblite yogurt.  I spotted a Whole Foods in town yesterday.  I'll have to check it out tomorrow.  What a life. 

I got a fill on Wednesday, June 23.  Wow.  This is the first time I can really tell.  Thank you.  Suddenly, I am getting my soft stop pretty quick.  It took me a couple of days to realize that my portion size would be a lot smaller.  No discomfort, just awareness.  

Last week I was all stressed because I gained weight while home on vacation.  I weighed yesterday and I was back down to 200 pounds.  That is unbelievable.  I have been making better choices.  I am just in awe at what a difference .5 cc makes in my band.  This will be my last fill until September, unless I make a special trip back to Ohio.

After three weeks in NC, I have gained nine pounds.  Nine pounds.  I know I haven't been eating right and not exercising, so I should have expected exactly what I got.  I refuse to repeat the same cycle of weight loss sabotage.  I paid an awful lot of money to change my life.  I cannot repeat this cycle.  I get to see Dr. C. tomorrow for my last fill before moving back home.  I almost feel like I am reporting to the principals office.  This will be my first visit that I have not loss weight as planned.  Maybe I need this to wake me up to the reality that I will still have to diet to lose weight.  Ice cream and cake are not on the diet plan.    

    There is almost a peace that comes over me when I come home to North Carolina.  It is like everything is in slow motion.  Nobody is in a hurry to do anything.  I love it.  I've been looking at homes.  For some reason they all seem to be so modern, and seem nothing like the country homes I remember.  I hope to find an old farm house to remodel and make my own.  We'll see.  My official diet has been a bit flexible the past five days.  I have not over eaten, but I have had a taste of some things I would not have eaten at home.  I feel fantastic and I am not going to stress over my diet.  
    Everyone is so shocked at how much weight I have loss since they saw me in December.  I didn't tell anyone about the surgery and I am glad I didn't.  My mom just informed me that she loss one of her good friends (age 32) just two weeks after she had wls. I didn't ask too many questions about it, so I don't know which surgery she had or what her complications were. 

  I feel so blessed to be able to come home to the country and take it easy.  God is good ALL the time.

Today is day one of my five day liquid diet.  This diet will consist of  5  Premier protein shakes.  This will equate to 800 calories, 150 grams of protein and 25 carb grams daily.  I am hoping that 5 days will be sufficient to cleanse my system of sugar and carbs and alleviate my carb cravings.  I need to get back on track and continue on to my goal.

I went to the park today and walked a total of 9.6 miles in 2 hours and 20 minutes.  The walking felt great as usual and was at a comfortable pace.  I am slightly ahead of my virtual trainer for the 3day, 60 mile walk in October.  All the time walking provided opportunity to reflect on my decisions about weight loss, retirement, relocating to NC, and dealing with my ex-husband. 

Monday May 24, 2010  Day 2 of liquid diet was good.  I drank a total of five protein shakes and managed not to eat solids.  I stayed busy shopping and getting a pedicure.  I did have to hit the sf popsicles at night to control need to munch.

Tuesday, May 25,2010.  Day 3 of liquid diet went well.  I managed to only have protein shakes and sf popsicles.  When they say liquid in equals liquid out, they were correct.  But I am still gonna ride it out.  Two more days of liquids. 

Wednesday, May 26, 2020.   Day 4 of liquid.  I went for a fill today.   My liquid diet was a success.  I weighed in at 199.  That means I loss all the pounds gained and am back in Onederland.  I can return to my normal diet now.  (Minus the Ben and Jerry of course) 

Wow.  I have had my first weight gain since I started this journey.  I got on the scale this morning and I have gained 5 pounds in one month.  I can't blame anyone but myself.  I have been eating more than I should and not exercising as much as I had been before.  Of course the weight gain would be right after I get to onederland.  I can't believe I have hit such a bump.  I have been hungry a lot.  This is the first month I haven't had a fill since December.  I am definitely getting a fill  on the 27th.  I have mostly made good choices, but there has definitely been a few bad ones.   I am going to star Phase I of the Atkins diet tomorrow.  It should help me focus.  I know that before the band this would be the point where I would lose control and gain all my weight back.  This time its only 5 pounds and I am going to stop it now.  I have had excellent progress with this band so now I need to buckle down and work my band.  I know I want to have loss 100 pounds by my bandiversary.The weight is not gonna just fall off.  I have to do some hard work to make that happen.  Lord give me the strength to change the things I need to change and the .............

I have come to the conclusion that I am addicted to sugar.  I am craving sweets.  I'm trying to make good choices, but it is not as easy as it was.  This is the first month since surgery that I have not gotten a fill.  Could  this be bandster's hell?  I have gotten all processed sugars out of the house.  At least I hope I have. Now why did this struggle have to happen just as I fell below 200 pounds?  Interesting.  I have not weighed myself since Friday.  I'm afraid.  I really don't want to see that scale go back over 200 lbs.

The good news is I ran a mile on Monday.  I haven't run in several years.  I also walked 3 miles that day.  I have started my training for the 60 mile 3day walk.  I can walk forever, but running is a bitch on my knees.

I have lost my focus.  It's like I hit 199 and decided to sabotage myself.  I have been working out a lot, but I have been eating crap.   All of a sudden I have no self control.  What the hell is going on.  I'm going to start the plateau buster tomorrow.  I know my band is only a tool and I ultimately make the decision on what goes in my mouth, so why am I doing this again.
  I have a trip home planned for the end of the month.  Could this be anxiety over going home?  Maybe it's anxiety over selling my house or retiring?  I will work through this with lots of prayer and a lot of self reflection.  I walked five miles today all the while planning to refocus.  Then I stop at the store on the way home and bought M & Ms.  What?  Regroup Darlene.  Get your head in the game.  The amazing thing about my band is tomorrow can be a fresh start.  Tomorrow I will be starting the plateau buster diet.  I haven't plateaued.  I just need to clense and get back to the basic.  I actually just called my girlfriend over and purged my house of all the foods that might lead me astray (fruit, crackers, trail mix, cookies, and rice cakes).  I get 10 days of clean eating.

PLATEAU BUSTER

May 6,2010
Day 1:   2 scrambled eggs/cheese
               20 oz decaf coffe with splenda
                3/4 cup black bean soup
                4 oz grilled chix
                lettuce/tomato/red onion with fat free balsamic dressing
                20 oz sugar free hot choc
               6 bottles water
               4 bottles diet green tea    

On Friday I noticed some tenderness and pain in the area of my port and band.  I also found a bruise over my port.  I called Dr. Curry's office and they got me in today.  Dr. Curry checked me under fluro, and all is okay.  I could see that my port was fine and so was my band.  He thinks I may have pulled a stitch near my port.  I was so relieved.  I was afraid I had a port infection and would require additional surgery.  
  I also found out today that if I had waited 5 months, my insurance would have covered my wls.  Evidently, my insurance through work, United Health Care, excluded wls, but my retirement insurance through my pension board United Health Care Choice Plus) covers weight loss surgery.  The good news is if I have any complications and need additional surgery, I'm covered.  And doctor visits for the first two years were covered in my self-pay amount.  I don't think I would have wanted to wait for my surgery.  I would just be starting my journey now.  I have already loss 71 pounds and feel fantastic.  It was worth the $15,000.  

Yesterday, I went shopping for some clothes that fit.  I bought two pairs of jeans and some spring shirts.  My jeans are now a size 14, and they are loose.   I never thought I would get back to this point again.  I ran around my house in my jeans like a kid at Christmas.  I look better than I have in a few years.   I love my band.