I came clean......

May 11, 2011

Well.......I couldn't stand the quilt of cheating an I had to send my nurse an email letting her know what I have done and that I would not touch another cig as long as I live!!   and that's the truth!!   The pressure of all of this is just ......ugh....coping with the anxiety, stress, change in mood.....I mean....we change our whole lifestyle and on top of that ......drop all of our coping mechanism's (smoking, chocolate, soda, whatever your poison)  and I broke.....my emotions got the best of me and I caved....Now I have picked myself up and dusted off the hurt and quilt.......got my head on straight and givin this my whole attention.  

I can handle the liquid part, the changing the way I eat, what I eat, how I eat.......the exercise......all of this I have been changing for the last 6 months to a year.......I never once thought about the smoking.....but now.......now that I have finally seen the light.....finally in my heart know what I want........now I know I can do this.......has it been hard....HELL YES!!  but no one said any of this was gonna be easy.   So,  I sit here in front of my computer today....proud......with a smile on my face......knowing I have been honest with everyone around me and with myself.......that this is going to be a battle........and I will rule the day....I will defeat this addiction......I will become stronger, healthier,  vibrant,  person ........

I'm so excited!   a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.   I am a week and a half out from my surgery date and I pray with all my heart things will be ok and all will go as planned.

one day at a time ..............just take one day at a time...........  :)

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