Donnaslifepart2

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I went to my 4 week appointment.  No surprises.  BP is down to 143/82 20 cm off waist measure, 9cm off hips. Good stuff.  No Dr. Anvari, no surprise.  Apparently he never goes to the clinic, which means I'll never see him.  Oh well.

OK....I have gotten control of myself.  The scale still isn't moving but I see the nutritionist tomorrow and she can review my journal to see if I am doing something that could be better done a different way.

I think the biggest/hardest part of this will be getting control of the deamon who lives in my head and takes great pleasure in sabotaging me.  Aunt Ruby will arrive any day now and I have great faith that she will take a few pounds with her when she leaves.  At least , that's what I hope.

OK. I am 3 weeks post-op.  Maybe I am just PMSing because Aunt Ruby is due in this week but I really am getting frustrated.  The scale hasn't moved all week.  I am tired and feel nauseated far too often.  And the worst is that I see my family eating and I can't have any so I am feeling deprived.  I have to go back to work so navel  gazing isn't the only thing I have to do.  I wanted to retire in 10 years.  If retirement is this boring, I don't think I will.   

According to my surgical centre, I should be following a modified fluid diet right now.  Can you imagine nothing but fluids for 6 weeks. I think that is so no one has to see us for at least a month.  My 4 week follow up is on June 23, 2011.  I hope to see the dietician then and maybe get a little more insight into how to get eating again.  Even a bite  of good savoury flavour would be better than this sweet crap all the time.

Holy cow!  I can't believe I am so tired.  It takes all my energy to just crawl through the day.  I am getting my vitamins and calcium, taking in the protein and fluids and getting 600-700 cal daily.  The weight is coming off but clearly I don't get enough calories to provide much more than the strictly basic metabolic requirement.  I will stay at this level until I see the surgeon / dietician on June 23rd.  I want to get as much weight off as I can but  if I'm going to go back to work and be expected to get through my regular life, I need more energy.

I cannot believe my eyes!  Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever imagined losing 13 lbs in 1 week.  But there it is ~ in black and white ~ on the face of my scale.  That brings my grand total to 29 lbs since April 29th.  It my not be as fast as some.  I don't care. I am getting around 600 calories per day, at least 60g of protein and drinking 2 litres of fluid daily.  Despite not seeing the dietician, I am eating some finely pureed food.  Last night for supper I had shrimp 3oz. pureed into a thin paste and mixed with seafood sauce.  It was delicious.  I walk as much as I can but I tire pretty quickly.  I actually went to sleep on my right side last night (only worth commenting on because I haven't been able to lay on my side since surgery day.)  I threw out my first garment yesterday - a pair of 3x shorts that are just too big now.  My husband said "So what are you going to wear?"  My reply "A smaller pair of course".  I can't believe it's beginning.

I went and bought a scale today because I needed to have some indication that all this deprivation is having an effect.  What a nice effect!!!  It says I weigh 270 lbs.  That is down 7 lbs in 4 days.  Booyah!!

I went for my 1 week post op appointment today.   Everything seems to be going fine.  My incisions are healing well even the one that hurts the most.  The nurse says that one is where my bowel was stitched and that they pull incredibly hard to make sure everything stays attached.

Today I weigh 277 lbs.  Down 3 lbs.  The nurse almost didn't weigh me.  She said that there was no point because the remaining IV fluids almost certainly made my weight higher.  I don't care.  I waited all week for numbers and I'll take 3 pounds.

I am drinking 3 Boost diabetic per day and am pretty much getting 60g protein and 2 litres of fluid per day.  So far so good, I guess.

The only change the nurse told me to make was to add 1 scoop of benefibre or metemucil to get my bowels moving more regularly.

Bert and I walked 1 lap around the main part of McQuesten park.  It's about 600m and it took me around 20 minutes.  The hardest part was the bumps in the car ride to get there and home again.  I swear Bert aimed for every pothole in the street.

I survived the surgery!  I stayed in hospital for 3 nights because my bowels were slow to get moving and I couldn't drink.  They did give me IV fluids (I gained 10 lbs and look like the Michelin Man) but by the third day I was drinking and I left hospital on Sunday morning.  It was so nice to meet Tammy and Joy.  I finally met Dr. Anvari after I was discharged (I had to go back to the room to see him.  You know he did his job and got me through this surgery and for that I am grateful.  The person who held on to me though was Dr. Dauphin, the anesthetist.  He saw how scared I was and reassured me that everything would be OK.  He likely does that for everyone and doesn't remember me. but I remember him.  The Pacu nurse assigned to me was an  absolute b##tch.  She thought I was moaning too much, even though I was in a lot of pain, I wasn't moaning too much on purpose.  I pray she never has a reason to be in pain.  I wish her the best.

Now I just have to get better.  The shakes are fine.  I got all 3 in yesterday.  I'm struggling with water.  I drank more yesterday and hope to do better again today.  I am going for a walk today as well.

I can't believe that tomorrow is finally the day to have my surgery.  After waiting for what seemed like 7 interminable months, it's here!

I am scared to death and I think I must be crazy!  Who lets a surgeon cut up and permanently alter their bowel when it is healthy for the sake of cosmetics?

Only, I'm not doing this for cosmetic reasons.  I am doing this because I am in the early stages of liver disease, as are many people who are seriously obese.  I have cared for many people with cirrhosis of the liver and/or liver cancer and it is always the same.  They are disabled for a long time and become confused, incontinent and difficult for nurses to care for at the end.  Death is not pretty. 

That is the reason I have put myself through this process.  Not because I am lonely or because I can't buy clothes at the stores at the mall.  I have a wonderful husband who loves me enough that even though the nurses told him he doesn't need to stay at the hospital tomorrow (because the day will be long and boring), he intends to pack a lunch and bring a good book because while his wife is in surgery, he can't imagine being anywhere but there.

I am running from death as much as I am running to a better life.