Donnaslifepart2

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Optifast is finally done and I made it through.  It was hard, primarily because of the monotony.  Yesterday was tough because the family were doing bbq.  I felt like one of Pavlov's dogs.  The smell of burning charcoal had me drooling. 

Now it's on to clear fluids for two days.  Golly gee I can't wait.

I am struggling with the Optifast regime.  Not with following the diet.  The shakes are not bad and I have found that Pomegranite Crystal Light mixed with the drink is actually tasty.

I am struggling because I am not losing the weight that other people seem to be dropping and because I am seriously premenstrual right now (Aunt Ruby is due to arrive on May 24).  I know these are connected and I am sure that the weight will eventually come off but I become very emotional during this time and sticking with any diet is very difficult.

I hate this and can't wait for it to be over.

Yesterday was such a great day. 

First Danae was here all day and she is getting to be such a little character.  She is really her own person.

Also, Bert and I got tons of gardening done.  I cleaned up my asparagus bed and picked a bunch of it for dinner (worth noting because it's my first harvest ever and I planted this bed 3 years ago)  We also moved the composter and collected 2 garbage cans full of black gold which we promptly added to the freshly dug vegetable beds.  We also added the garbage bin of fruit/vegetable peelings which we had collected over the winter because it was too far to walk the 20 feet to the composter in the snow (just lazy!) to the composter and layered it with the partly decomposed stuff and a bag of well rotted sheep manure.  I cleaned up most of the branches which had fallen to the ground over the winter. I worked in the yard for about 3 hours and noted that my face is slightly burned now.  I must remember suncreen.  

Morgan took down more of the fence which blew over during the wind storm.  It's too bad that fence blew over because for a rotted old thing it's surprisingly well nailed together and is causing lots of work to break apart for disposal.

So,  then we barbecued pork chops because Jessica didn't want chicken wings.  That's fine.  We also had the wings and despite the plan for a healthy cheesecake we had regular cheesecake (how bad could it be?)......

...Let me record this for posterity........and because I know I'll forget.......

It's 3:18 am and I'm sitting here typing instead of sleeping because I have heartburn and an upset stomach!!! and I didn't even go for broke but after 2 weeks of really watching what I ate, I guess my stomach just couldn't take the fat from dinner.  Thank goodness!  Optifast starts tomorrow but it will be protein shakes and low cal beverages for me today...Oh my aching belly...

Well today is my last day of being 45....and the 2nd to last day of my old fat life.

I have been working on eradicating the ugly pink walls in the living room.  Yes life is changing.  I have until Thursday morning to finish it all.  I am hoping to have baseboards done and curtains up by then.  Tall order but that is the goal.

Starting Optifast on Tuesday morning.  It will be good to have something to keep me busy on these days. The last few weeks have been about mental preparation and now I am ready.  Let the games begin.

I have figured it out:

9 more shifts to wear my old fraying, faded uniforms that I didn't want to replace because my surgery is coming...

22 more sleeps before I start to climb out of this body...

1 1/2 years to become....

  HALF THE WOMAN AND TWICE THE PERSON I AM NOW!

I am on a quest.  The holy grail at the end of my quest is ME....or at least who I am becoming in this next phase of my life.

When I was in my early 20's, my goal in life was to become a wife and mother and to fill those roles to the best of my ability.  I have accomplished both of those tasks. 

I have been a partner and wife to the same man for 26 years.  He is my bedrock and I could not imagine life without him.  He has been the greatest blessing in my life. 

I have raised 4 terrific kids.  They are human beings who I am proud to identify as my children.  The last 24 years have been a challenge, filled with both smiles and tears, and my priority was to impart whatever wisdom I had gleaned as a human being to my children so that they could stand on my shoulders and touch stars which are farther and brighter than I could hope to touch.  These days, with my husband and children, have sometimes been difficult, always been memorable but they have formed the fabric from which my life is stitched.  It has been a good life.

I am no longer the captain of my family ship, giving - sometimes shouting - the orders which would keep us out of rough water and hopefully out of harm's way.  My children now view me as a consultant whose advice they sometimes consider when making decisions for themselves. This is as it should be....

....but that doesn't make it easier.  This transition has been difficult for me.  It has been a struggle to go from being the central figure in my children's lives to a loved but symbolically significant person.  No longer useful but always treasured.  Kind of like the security blanket which protected them from danger as a child but now lies forgotten in a corner.

So I am seeking a new me, with a new purpose.  My priority, initially, is to discover who I have become and to improve on that me so that I can use the time remaining in my life with the same vigour and purpose that I approached my first years of marriage and parenthood.

This is the reason I have chosen the image of a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis for my avatar.  It is not a new thing.  It has lived and devoured the days and experiences in the first phase of its life, as it prepared and struggled to reach the pinacle of its new existence.  Now it is experiencing a natural and necessary transformation.  It is becoming a new creature, capable of distant flight and beautiful grace.  I aspire to live as graciously and gracefully as that butterfly.

The first half of my life has been amazing.  I would not change a thing.  I pray that the second half will be as remarkable. 

 I just saw a video on Youtube where a woman, who had WLS and lost loads of weight and regained, appeared on Rachel Ray.  The doctor who appeared with her talked about how eating carbs - especially really sugary carbs - causes the release of serotonin which makes you feel good.

He talked about the importance of finding other things which will cause that serotonin release instead.  For some it is exercise, for others it is focusing on other people such as volunteer workers do.  It might be artistic pursuits, or really hot sex (I could be down for this LOL).

What he stressed was that you CANNOT take away a reliable source of serotonin without finding a way to replace it or you will eventually return to the original source = eating and being fat.

Which, of course, begs the question - what non food activities make me happy and would help to ensure that I don't return to food when I am blue or just need a serotonin boost?

I love artistic things.  I wouldn't call myself an "artist" in the fine arts sense.  But I do love to create things that I think are beautiful and I am unapologetic about that.  I call myself an "artistic crafter".  I would like to be much more social than I am currently.  I would love dearly to include DH, but he is much more introverted.  I want to be more physically active but just walking is B-O-R-I-N-G!!!  I would like to take dance lessons like zumba or bellydancing (maybe with my daughters) or ballroom dancing.  It would be a way to be social and get great exercise at the same time (and an excuse to dress up in a beautiful dress).  I think I would also love to study art at the Dundas school of art, a local art school.  I always feel great when I spend some time digging around in my garden.  I just need to be able to haul myself around a bit better.

I think I need to create a list of things that I am going to do - complete with costs, dates, etc. so that I get my required dose of "happy" without diving into a Tim Horton's box.

 

Ok.  I'm finishing up my second day on the Atkins Induction plan: keep carbs at 20g. per day.  This means no fruit, no bread products, and basically a green leafy salad or broccoli once per day.  I can eat whatever protein I want at this point.  I cooked up a package of boneless, skinless chicken breasts then packaged them individually for work.  I had a green spinach salad with chopped cooked bacon, the chicken breast and a touch of cheese with oil/vinegar at work last night.  Lots and lots of tea, Crystal Light and water.  I took sardines and ate them out of the can, the night before.  My co-worker, laughed when she saw my face as I ate them. very fishy but I got them down.

I figure the Atkins model will be how I eat post-op (lean chicken, lots of fish, etc. keep the carbs to a minimum - maybe 40-50 gr. per day) so I might as well get familiar with the program now.

I have absolutely NO ENERGY today.  I figure this is because I am depleting my glycogen stores and it shouldn't last too long.  Less hungry today than yesterday.  Still have heartburn.  What would I do without ZanTac.

www.youtube.com/watch

I have been toying for some time with the idea of a vlog documenting my transition into "The second phase of my life".

I wanted to start by creating a visual record of changes related to my surgery and weight loss.  I think that will help me through the times when I will inevitably stall or feel like things just aren't moving fast enough.  I hope it will help to bolster my resolve when the blues strike as well.

I have been so inspired by the successes I have seen documented on youtube as well as by the blogs of people such as Diminishing Dawn. 

When I began to look into Gastric bypass I found it quite difficult to find information about how things work.  This lack of information, I think,  caused me to hesitate before I finally initiated the process because I am not a very adventurous person, at  heart.....at least when I don't have the information I need.

I hope you will check it out.  My username the is the same as here.  I will try to create a link but I am techno-challenged.