DustinD

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I'm finding it agonizingly hard to make this post. It's been 4 years since my surgery, and while I haven't regained half the weight I lost at my peak, I've definately regained a lot. I'm currently at 278.8 lbs and the best I saw on the scale was 255. It's no fault of the surgery, but a result of choices that I've made. I drink while I eat, before this last week I had not been working out barely at all, I don't stop when I feel full, and I have made just flat out poor food choices. Basically everything that I was doing before the surgery.

  But it's June 2013, and June seems to be the magic time for me to realize that I need change. My original goal was to get to 230 lbs, 100 down from my heaviest. It may take me a while to get there, but I'm making changes today. TODAY. I refuse to see 280 on that scale, and I'm sick of seeing anything with 270 in it as well. I choose to be thinner right now. (BTW, there is power in seeing this in writing!)

  I went through a period of time here, where I was blaming my increased eating on a "stretched" sleeve. However I don't truly believe that it is beyond recovery. I think more than anything it's the habits that I let creep back in. It's just so easy to make excuses for myself and want to be able to eat like what I consider a "normal" person. No more.

I do wan't to say, I was pretty distraught to find that none of the friends that I had listed on this website, have posted in years. I was hoping to find some sort of similar story I guess? A success story this many years out, that would help me believe. Even with a community like this available sometimes it's easy to feel alone in this struggle. However maybe it's my duty to be that motivation. I did it before, I will do it again.

  BTW, looking back at my previous posts, many of my goals were realized outside of weight loss. I graduated with my Bachelors degree, I am half way through the Masters program to a change of career to Counseling. That is exciting, though it has obviously taken longer than I'd hoped. But other positive changes happened as well... I moved to Denton, TX and the kids are with us full time now. I took a new job, which was desperately needed in Lewisville. Though it's by no means what I really want to do again, it is much less stressful and more balanced. I don't feel as micro managed as I was, and my day to day activity is led by actual need versus my bosses opinion of using my time.

Anyways, enough for now. I'm glad I posted even though it may never be ready by another. :)

Man I didn't realize how long it had been since I'd posted here. On the other hand, it's awesome seeing the differences from the view of "holy crap is that the same person?" I've still got the same job which is freaking amazing considering how busy I've been. I'm finishing up another semester this next week with finals at school too. That's gonna leave me getting my Bachelors this summer if all goes well next semester. Hopefully I can get into the graduate program, but I'm not holding my breath the first time with my wonderful (read sarcasm) GPA. We shall see.

I've got to get back into the gym workout thing. Sure I walk alot at work and school, but I wouldn't really consider that cardio or the body shaping I'd like to be doing. It's just very difficult to find the time. I'm thinking that after finals would be a good time. Christmas break... more family stuff goin on but also a little more free time. I'm super nervous about the soreness the first couple of days. It has a tendency to be pretty extreme in the past, like barely being able to lift my arms for a couple of days. 

I know it will be worth it to get started, and to keep it up. I've got a cruise coming up in about 3 months, and I'd love to be looking good and feeling better. Right now I'm down 63 lbs and would like to lose about 47 more pounds. That would put me in the 215-225 range. At 6'4" with some muscle definition that would be amazing.  I started out with a goal of 225, so I'm on track but my mind starts doubting that it will be "enough". Even now it's hard to not still see myself the same as I did. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to be where I'm at, it's just my brain hard at work. 

I hope all of you are doing great, and I look forward to catching up.

I'm excited about how much I've lost, but confused at how yes, my clothes fit better but I'm still in the same size. I mean really have you ever though about how much fat 44 pounds would look like in a bucket? Yuck.. not the best imagery. :D

I know that the weightloss will continue, which is great. I started a new job this last week and have to walk a TON! I literally probably walk like 5 miles a day since the Casino from one end to the other is 1 mile and I'm all over that place. Besides work and school, my schedule has gone from zero to crazy in a hearbeat. I work 5 days a week and go to school 8 hours the other 2. It's gonna wear me down fast, but  I suppose it will make me lose faster as well. It's just a big change for me and the family.

I'm a bit concerned that I'm able to eat too much. I fear that at some point I might have overdone it or something? I read about what other people can and can't eat and think... that seems like a lot less that I normally do. And I have yet to get stuck on anything. I would say I eat about a cup of food at a sitting now about 2 to 3 times a day. It's mostly meat since I'm trying to keep the protein level up. And water intake just varies so much, but I really haven't been focused on it like I probably should be. I'm going to try to change that today forward. Best part of the whole thing is, I'm not really physically hungry very often at all. It seems like the only time I get hungry is when it's way overdue, or when I've had a glass of water. Man that water makes me hungry! Not sure why...

Anyways, hope everyone is well. It's great to see everyone progressing down the weighloss road.

Thanks for all the support when I was feeling stuck. I know that I shouldn't complain about it, cause after all it is weightloss regardless right? It's just that I'm so ready to be at my goal weight, and when the scale isn't moving it's easy to get frustrated and wonder if I did the right thing. I know, without a doubt, I did the right thing. I'm losing weight, eating better, exercising and feeling healthier and better about myself. Life is good. My dad is another story....more on that next time. Right now I'm down 35 pounds and praying that this little ride won't slow down or stop for a bit. I know part of the reason it's not more at this point is the Chromium Picolinate that I'm taking, but I just refuse to give up what muscle I have left. I don't want to be skinny, I want to be fit. And if a slower ride downhill gets me there, I'm good with that.

I've been stalled here for over a week. Every morning it's the same exact number on the scale. Granted, I've had some victories with clothes fitting better but that number is always on the back of your mind. It's just hard to believe that with the change in volume and quality of food that I'm eating, and the increased activity, that I'm not dropping like a brick. I know it will come, I just wanted to gripe... :D All these things I used to eat and can't and I'm still not losing weight!!!!!

There I feel better already! :D

I can't believe I'm down 20 lbs already! Although not eating will do that to ya I guess... :D I'm still on liquid diet of course, which after surgery isn't that bad. I am craving some real food, even though its just for the desire to eat and not hunger. I snuck a chip in today, munched it slow and very little bites. No problem. Though I know I'm at least staying on liquids for 2 more days then moving up a little to some very mushy food. My Dr. recommended that I wait 3 weeks before moving from liquids... 3 weeks!?!? Forget that.

In the manual we received about how and what to eat after the surgery, it even said there that mushies start 1 week after, they only recently changed it to 3. Bah... If I can't eat, or have problems, that's one thing... I'm not "not" gonna eat just because they've had some people getting stuck too much or lose their control or whatever caused them to change it. I know just by how much I'm eating now, that I am going to be eating very very little. I really think 1/2 cup will be making me feel stuffed. And I'm sure that's how it's supposed to be.

That's still 2 days away, so no sense worrying about it now. I'm going to do some research to see what experiences others have had, how long they waited, what they enjoyed, etc. Then I can customize my menu from there. I'm just ellated getting 20 lbs off!!!

By the way, thank you so much for the words of encouragement everyone. It just makes everyday that much better!

Well this is my first post since completing the surgery. I think it went well even though I did have to stay an extra night. I probably could have gone home, but I was crampling so bad getting anything down. I was afraid I was going to get dehydrated without the IV. Last night seems to have been the last of the gas pains, which is an incredible relief. It's really amazing how bad that can hurt in your chest, shoulder, stomach, everywhere...Now its just the soreness of staples and dealing with the pain from my bad back. Ive got to figure out a way to get my Lyrica and Naprellen in my tummy safely. Im still abstaining from both till I can visit with Dr Kim.

Dr Kim was great, but very absent after my surgery. I was a bit disappointed in this, but Dr Rho was awesome. Our nurse Happi and Maya were excellent, and our nurse Tomika, terrible. She "forgot" my pain meds twice after being reminded 3 times over an hour peroid the first night and my wife finally went out to bring her in. But... no point telling the bad here when there is so much good that will come of the surgery, right?

My wife took great care of me for the whole  visit, Im so blessed to have her by my side. This will be our jumping point for a wonderful future together! I cant wait for the cruise next Spring Break now! Im already down about 13 lbs and cant wait to see things continue to get  better.

Ok, so I'm having surgery Thursday and I slipped today. My wife was out of town with the girls, and I had my son here at the house. I went out with him to get a haircut and it was around dinner time (first part of the mistake I guess) I had to get him something to eat and went ahead and ordered for me too.. bummer. I ate about half of a burger and a few fries and threw the rest out. I know it's probably not that big of a deal, but it was depressing. The first bite was great, but even then in the back of my mind I was wanting to toss it out.

Oh well, nothing to do but move on. :-) Im sure it won't really affect my surgery, and in a way it's nice to know that my desires are changing enough to not burn through the whole burger. I think that it might have actually made me stronger.

I'm pretty excited about tommorow morning because I finally get sworn in as a CASA volunteer. I had been praying about and tossing the idea around for a long time, and finally decided even though it will be hard when school starts back up, that the effort will be worth the rewards of the labor. I hope I get assigned a child that I can really help out. Of course, that will be a little after the surgery now.. :-)

So I'm sitting here sipping some "deliciouso" beef broth... The doctor had recommended just Optifast but man, you can only have so many chocolate and vanilla ones. That's all they sold at my Doctors and I 've had trouble finding any of the optifast soups on the internet or in my area. Oh well... these broths are mainly water, although they do have a lot of salt. My body is used to the salt, trust me :D Besides, I'm getting a ton of water in, and it's going out just as quick (yuck! man that's a crappy side effect no pun intended)

Anywho, my spirits have been pretty good. I just went to church with the family and am having a great Fathers day already. They bought me a day trip with a fishing guide that they will all go on as well. I can't wait to see the girls catch some fish, not to mention myself. My wife claims to have gone fishing as a kid, but... we shall see how she handles reeling in her own. It's kind of a bummer, because she had it planned in a week and had to move the date back due to the surgery. But right now, this surgery is the most important thing goin on. I HAVE to get this weight off so that I can live a long healthy life for myself, my wife, and my kids.

Well I'm headed out to the garden to take care of the vegetables that I now cannot eat.. :D Sucks, but hopefully they will still be producing by the time I can eat them. It's so awesome to walk into your own backyard, pick some squash and cook it up.

Ok, so I haven't been 100% on my liquid diet. I got really disappointed when I attended the three hour class and found out directly from the nurse that a liquid diet didn't even used to be done, then it was a week, then it went to two.... The only reason was that patients were gaining like 20 pounds in the weeks before surgery having their last meals. So I get to suffer for two weeks because of someone else's mistake? This last week will be different, I am going to be on liquids 100% so the end result of shrinking my liver for an easier surgery will be there.

I had back surgery in 2006, and have struggled with recovery ever since. I take a anti-inflammatory called Naprosyn that has worked wonders for me. Dr. Kim is allowing me to only take this week off the pill, but man am I worried about it. Having back problems can be soooo debilitating. I'm praying that God will get me through this week and beyond, with both the liquid diet and the lack of pain relief. And of course the surgery itself... :D

I'm torn on whether to tell my friends about me having this surgery. They'd planned a get together on the 27th, only two days after my surgery and I've had to say I won't be there, but didn't give a reason. While all we do is sit around and play cards, I think part of me is very self conscious about taking this road. The other thing is, I'm wondering if I'd even be able to sit there very long. I know everyone's recovery time is different, I guess if I'm feeling good, I could just show up. :)

Thanks for the support and comments guys!