Fears, Concerns about moving closer to goal

Aug 03, 2012

 I made this a post in the maintenance forum - but decided to post it also on my blog - so I can look at it more often and remind myself of my feelings.

At my last appointment with my surgeon, he told me to increase my calories slowly from 500 to 700 in the next month.  I am approaching goal, and since I had been doing so well I balked a little bit at the idea of increasing calories.  Seriously, I was frightened.  But even with being sick earlier in the week, I did as my doctor said.  I am around 600 calories now and have found something strange happening.  First, my mini-stall I was in broke.  (I call them mini stall – they last about 5-9 days and I bounce up and down on the scale around the same 2 lbs or so).  The stall broke, and at first I thought it was due to the stomach bug I had.  But since then – I keep going down, even with the increased calories.  And not just going down slowly – but at an increased pace than I experienced the past month.  For instance, the first day the stall broke I went down .6 lbs.  The next day – 1.2 lbs.  This morning – 1.8 lbs.  I don’t even know what to think really.  Is this a normal thing to happen after an increase in calories – or is this still attributable to my illness (that I seem to have completely recovered from).  Any information, thoughts or insight is appreciated.

For my second concern – I am getting closer to my goal.  I am now only like 23 lbs away.  At the rate of my loss (normal – not the recent increase) I should hopefully reach goal by October or November.  Here’s my concern about reaching goal.  I now know how to lose – I can follow that plan pretty well.  By all accounts, I definitely know how to GAIN.  What I have not accomplished is maintaining - ever.  I am finding that I am anxious and nervous about hitting goal and then the idea of trying to maintain that goal.  My surgeon said that after I hit goal, it should be close to my next follow up visit, and he wants to see where I am body and health wise, as he still thinks my small body is more suited to a lower goal than the 115 I have set.  I could probably keep on the losing path – but my true goal is to be HEALTHY.  I know that healthy means maintaining, and then the anxious thoughts come rushing back in.  How to maintain without ending back on a vicious cycle of gaining and losing and gaining and losing?  Does anyone else have experience with this or these kinds of thoughts?  I seriously am open to most input. 

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