horrible_monster

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Writing this from bed. I love the future and I love my mobile device. 

Let's see. How am I doing? Mostly well. I've had a few days where I've been extremely sleepy, but that might be due to my weird unemployed-person schedule. Getting some nausea after I take my protein. Haven't been 100% with anything, really. Missed a few vitamins here and there, and I'm not always able to get in enough water. I should probably be walking more, too. Overall though I'm hanging in there. Tomorrow will be one week till I get to add puréed foods to my diet and I am just beside myself with glee. 

Speaking of food, I would really like some food. Except...not really. It's getting much easier to be around food. The hunger isn't there and while yeah, if something smells good and looks good I sort of want to eat it it's not an overpowering need. Not sure how to explain it, really, but I like it. 

In fact, right now it's not so much that I want food as it is I want to give up my protein shakes entirely. I know they're important but I am SO sick of them. That's the only major source of angst in my life right now. 

 

Things went well this morning. I met with my surgeon  (future appointments will be with his nurse practitioner) and he seemed pleased with my progress so far. I’m down to 194 pounds, yay. It’s probably been about five years, at least, since I weighed less than 200 pounds. Incisions look fine. My occasional nausea is pretty normal, and my terrifying Lovecraftian poops are normal (for someone taking iron supplements.)

 

I’m pleased. I think I needed a little jolt of good news since my spirits were sagging a bit. 

 

Things are going fairly well. I’d give myself a B- as a patient. Tomorrow is my two-week follow-up with either my surgeon or his nurse practitioner, so I guess I’ll get a fuller idea of my progress then.

 

First, stuff I’ve been not-so-great about:

 

1.       Water: this has gotten better, but for a few days I was barely getting fifty or sixty ounces. Not good! I’m still not where I want/need to be, but getting better every day. Sixty-four ounces is happening pretty easily now.  Onward.

2.       Protein: doing okay, I guess. Three servings, 30 grams apiece, every day. My plan calls for using four ounces of liquid (instead of the eight ounces recommended on the package.) When I use my About Time peanut butter, I use four ounces of plain unsweetened almond milk. But when I use the Unjury “chicken soup” I use eight ounces of water because it is SO SALTY as it is I can’t imagine trying to prepare it with half the water.
Just realized last night while reviewing my plan that I shouldn’t be using almond milk yet; they want us using only water until the third or fourth week. I tried making my About Time with plain water and it was completely unpalatable. So I guess I’m “cheating” on that count, and for using too much water with my “chicken soup.” Finding it impossible to get too upset with myself for these two transgressions, even though my goal was to be Perfectly Compliant All The Time.

3.       Vitamins: missed a few earlier this week due to some nausea, but I’m doing way better. Got them all nicely organized in my fancy pill box. Have timers set on my phone to make sure I take things when I’m supposed to. One thing that sucked: the multivitamin I was taking REALLY turned foul on me. Just too sweet, absolutely cloying and inedible. I read the label and the first ingredient is fructose. Son of a…anyway, I’m switching to a different one, one I can just swallow. Yuck.

4.       Walking: I’ve done all right. Although I think my treadmill is breaking down, maybe? That would suck. I’d have to walk outdoors, like a peasant. I feel like I’ve been really sedentary today. I walked for fifty minutes in one stretch, but the rest of the day seemed to involve way too much sitting. (Got sucked into a new-Pope news wormhole, as one does.)

 

Overall: definitely not perfect, but making strides. Looking forward to my appointment tomorrow, and to getting through the next two weeks so I can finally start purees. I’ll be honest: food is on my mind. I think I’m feeling actual hunger. Or at least a strong approximation. And I’m so so so sick of protein shakes. Maybe I need a third flavor. Food. I want food. Daydreaming of refried beans and cheese. And I think I’m starting to freak out my husband by not-at-all-surreptitiously sniffing his food. (Charming!)

 

I’ve also started being a little more open about my surgery. Well, in the most cowardly way possible: as a postscript to a LiveJournal entry. (No one reads LiveJournal.) I’m really very happy to talk about it to anyone who’s interested, but I’m happy to ignore it, too. Just don’t want to make a Thing about it on Facebook or whatever. We’ll see how it goes. I wonder if anyone will even notice the weight loss. I think I give off a pretty serious “do not talk at me about weight, weight loss, or any of that bullshit” vibe, so even if folks are noticing they probably assume it’s better not to say anything. That’s fine too.

 

What else? My incisions are still a little sore but not too bad. In the interest of full (and unspeakably vile) disclosure, I should mention that pooping has become a terrifying, Lovecraftian ordeal. It’s the iron supplements, I suspect, but I’ll bring it up tomorrow and we shall see. Since I’ve been fatigued and even a little light-headed the last two or three days, I of course assume I’m slowly dying of internal bleeding. (See this thread for terrifying poop-related details.)

 

I’ll update tomorrow about my follow-up appointment.  Probably.

 

Well, today marks one week since my vertical sleeve gastrectomy. It’s been a lazy day: movies and treadmill and not much else. Which is fine, as I’m feeling a little lethargic today. Drinking is easy now so I got in about eighty ounces of water. Very, very relieved to finally be able to drink normally. (That started yesterday or maybe Monday. Before then, each swallow was a bit of a chore.)

I think last night was the first night I went to bed without any kind of pain medication. Sunday was the last time I used the narcotic, and Monday night I took acetaminophen.  There’s still some soreness at a few of the incision sites but it’s not bad at all.

Tomorrow I get to re-add my protein shakes and I am SO EXCITED about this. I’m supposed to make them thick, with only four ounces of fluid. I guess we’ll see how it goes.

As for weight loss, I’m finally starting to feel like it’s happening. No idea how much I weigh; we don’t own a scale and the one at my parents’ house is notoriously inaccurate. But there are visible changes and I’m liking it. I think once I’m getting some protein each day my energy will really come back and I’ll be feeling great.

Next food-related milestone will be adding pureed foods, which happens in the fifth week. So, end of March I get actual food—blended, but actual food. I won’t pretend I’m not looking forward to this.

Overall, I’m feeling physically well and optimistic. Next job is…to find a job. This will be exciting.  Yikes.

 

I’m annoyed with myself for not updating before now. So here we go:

 

Wednesday

Surgery day. Woke up early, arriving at Saint Francis by a little after 5:30. Got checked in and shown to my pre-op room where I took off all my clothes and changed into little socks with tread on the soles and a billowy gown that a nurse later hooked up to a device that pumped warm air into it. I inflated like the Stay-Puft marshmallow man, and it was remarkably pleasant.

 

There were lots of comings and goings. I had to watch a DVD about staying overnight at the hospital. Lots of nurses going over paperwork.  Putting in the IV didn’t go well. Left hand didn’t work, right hand didn’t work. Left forearm didn’t work. Each time they’d get it in and then the vein would just “blow.” I baffled the nurses! They were so sweet and so apologetic. I know my attractive collection of lipomas wasn’t helping. FINALLY they succeeded with my right forearm. Not sure what would’ve happened if that had “blown” too; I was entertaining upsetting visions of an IV-in-the-thumb.

 

My husband was back there with me this whole time which made everything better. Having someone to talk to during the downtime was great.

 

And then, after a couple hours chilling in the pre-op room, I was whisked away.  To another pre-op area where there were other patients. Got checked on by lots more nurses and received a visit from the C4WLS nurse practitioner. Got asked lots of questions (name, date of birth, which surgery I was having) to make sure everyone was on the same page. Got to see my surgeon, who was pleased to hear I was down to 206 pounds as of that morning. He seemed in fine spirits. Got to chat with the anesthesiologist.

Off to the operating room.  Onto the table, mask on, lights out. I don’t really remember much from when I woke up, aside from a very pleasant nurse feeding me ice chips. I vaguely remember getting something for my nausea, which was intense at first but then receded almost immediately when they gave me whatever it was they gave me.Then  I remember being in my recovery room, which is located in the “Mom ‘n’ Baby” wing. No babies, though, so it was eerily quiet. (Suited me.)

 

I remember nurses helping me off the bed so I could try to pee. I could not, however, pee. I think it’s an anesthesia thing but although there was pressure in my bladder, pee was simply not happening. Disconcerting. I was very, very out of it at this point.

 

The rest of Wednesday was really a blur. My husband was there with me, playing on his laptop while I dozed on and off. Every now and then I’d walk, pushing my little IV stand ahead of me. Walking felt good. I’d get injected with Heparin. I’d be reminded to keep sipping. (There were many tiny plastic cups filled with water and/or ice. I’d do my best to get them down but it was slow going.) I’d receive some PRETTY AWESOME liquid narcotics. Time lost all meaning. If someone had told me I’d been in that room for three days  I would’ve believed them.

 

My wonderful parents and sister came to visit. They and my husband hit Panera for dinner then came up to see me. I was stoned out of my mind and kept falling asleep but I managed to communicate via lots of thumbs-ups and smiles. They hung around a while which was really nice. Just hearing their voices made me happy.

 

After they left, eventually my husband took off for the night. He could’ve stayed with me overnight but there wasn’t really any need. Then it was all about the sleeping, sipping, Heparin injections, walking, and attempts to pee. Eventually I managed to pee a little and was SO EXCITED.  Sometime in the middle of the night a lab person came for my blood. During one of my walks I was weighed, and due to the IV fluids and whatnot I was at 216. Ten pounds like THAT. Glad I had read up on the OH forums and knew to expect it, or my stoned self would’ve been dismayed and weirded out.

 

Thursday

Like I said, everything kind of blurred together so I don’t have a firm idea of when Wednesday ended and Thursday began.

 

I had to drink contrast dye for a CT scan. It was kind of amazing though because they mixed it in with apple juice, which was just ambrosial. Didn’t mind that at all, but I was dreading the barium swallow. Can’t go home without that peek into the upper GI to make sure there are no leaks, so I tried to be brave.

 

Drank what I needed to drink for the CT scan and got wheeled down to do it. Now, another thing I learned from the OH boards is that it’s really common to have gas pain in your shoulder after surgery. And I certainly had. My right shoulder had experienced a fair amount of pain but so far it was pretty bearable.

 

Then I tried to lie down.

 

Oh my god. My right shoulder hurt so badly I couldn’t recline. It was like someone was taking a pair of bolt cutters to my bones.  I was very frustrated and embarrassed; they had to call one of my nurses and have her bring me a bouquet of Simethicone syringes (the kind they use for babies; it just shoots the med into your mouth. It isn’t injected.) After the Simethicone and some embarrassed pacing around the room I was eventually able to lie down. Seriously, that right-shoulder gas pain was the only pain I’ve experienced as a result of this surgery that I’d actually characterize as “excruciating.”  Otherwise, the CT scan went fine.

 

The upper GI was thousands of times less harrowing than the first one I had when I was going through all the pre-surgery tests. Much less to swallow, and they didn’t recline me. Still unpleasant but not at all what I’d been bracing for. And, yay, all seemed well.

 

I really can’t say enough good about my surgeon, his nurse practitioner, or any of the nurses and techs I met at Saint Francis. So kind, patient, knowledgeable, and reassuring. I would recommend the C4WLS in a heartbeat, I really would.

 

Eventually I was good to be discharged. I was reminded of the importance of coughing (that had started Wednesday night; one must clutch a pillow to one’s abdomen and cough—even though it hurts—to help stave off pneumonia) and given a device to help me take deep breaths. I’ll be back to the clinic for my first checkup on March 14^th. Gingerly, I dressed myself and waited for my husband to sweep me away. The car ride home was uneventful. We stopped for a bottle of Simethicone because the gas pain in my shoulder was still pretty heinous. (Ultimately, though, I found I preferred the Gas-X strips, the active ingredient in which is…Simethicone.)

 

Then, home!

 

 

 

Friday & Saturday

Pretty laid back. Just hanging around with my husband, taking all my meds and prescribed supplements. He’s been absolutely gallant, making a spreadsheet so I know I’m taking everything when I need to—even crushing up my Omeprazole and dissolving it in water for me. First couple days I bummed around in boxer shorts and tee-shirts and just took it easy.

 

I’m grateful for my treadmill because it made the walking simple. I’d get in as much as I could at a time without feeling like I was overdoing it. So far it’s been comically slow but I’m sticking to it and just in general trying to keep myself from sitting around too much. Each day I’ve felt better and been able to do more, which is great. Saturday afternoon I showered and took off my bandages. The steri-strips over my incisions will fall off on their own, apparently.

 

The pain has been very bearable. I’ve only taken my heavy duty liquid narcotic at night. In fact, tonight’s my last night for it. It was either Thursday or Friday that I took some acetaminophen for pain during the day but since then I’ve been okay during the day and haven’t felt the need.

 

Getting in all the water I need just hasn’t been happening, unfortunately. I’d sip-sip-sip all day like they tell you to but I know it wasn’t adding up to enough. That’s why it’s important to stay on top of the nausea, gas pain, and any other pain—it’s difficult to take even a little sip of water when you’re nauseated or in pain. Writing this out I’m wondering now if I should’ve been more aggressive with the acetaminophen over the last couple days; maybe I could’ve gotten in more water if I had.

 

Didn’t have any Jell-O or broth my first few days back.

 

Today: Sunday, March 03, 2013

It is 7:27 PM and I am savoring a cup of Pacific Natural Foods - Organic Free Range Chicken Broth Low Sodium, which is rewarding in ways I never would have dreamed possible.

 

Today’s just been great. Each day the pain’s decreased but today’s been the biggest difference I’ve noticed. The incisions feel more like a pulled muscle than, you know. Incisions. For the first time my right shoulder isn’t painful. I’m still getting an unpleasant sensation behind my sternum when I swallow, but that’s improving too. I suspect I’ve had twice as much water today as I did yesterday, although it’s still not enough. However, if I keep getting better every day I suspect the water won’t be a problem very long. Just sip-sip-sip, all day.

 

For the first time since I got home I put on “real” clothes and makeup and ventured into the outside world. Walked to my folks’ house (they live one street over so this wasn’t much of a trek but it felt good, even though I had to stop a lot.) Then my husband and I drove to Bartell for more Wellesse and Gas-X strips and other miscellany. It was a good day.

 

I had Jell-O this morning but it was a little gross because I made it on Tuesday. (Oops. Figured I would’ve been eating it by now.) Then, tonight, my chicken broth. OMG. It tastes like food.

 

Speaking of food, in the interest of full disclosure I should admit that I am thinking about food a lot. I miss eating. I miss deliciousness, and bonding over meals. Food smells kill me a little. But I’m really not hungry. It’s pretty much entirely olfactory-emotional. I’m probably spending too much time fixating on What I’ll Get To Eat when I arrive at the pureed stage in a month or so. But other than that I’m really feeling great. Using my treadmill, walking outside, drinking my water: life is good.

 

Over the last few days I’ve spent the majority of the day on the internet, reading OH, checking on my favorite bariatric blogs, looking at Twitter etc. My goal for this week is to disengage from the internet and do more around the house. Lightweight stuff like folding clothes, or working on some creative projects I’ve been neglecting. (While keeping up with the walking, of course.)

 

Really, right now I’m just ready to be healed up and moving forward. 

Tomorrow is the day. Yikes.

 

Today's been fine. I set up a bunch of projects for myself and then ignored them to watch clips from Disney movies on YouTube. Did get a few chores done, which feels good. But mainly I was fidgety and ready for tomorrow to be here already.

 

Still need to: pack a little bag for the hospital, stick the anti-nausea patch on my neck, double check a bunch of stuff...um, probably things I'm forgetting. 

 

When I get back from the hospital I'll be on clear liquids only for a week, then on day eight I reintroduce protein shakes. Speaking of which, I found an Unjury flavor that makes me happy. I'd been pretty "meh" toward vanilla and strawberry but I tried the "chocolate splendor" yesterday and omg, it tastes like something I'd drink on purpose. It tastes like chocolate milk. It's pretty sweet (and unlike Jay Robb and About Time it actually has 3 grams of sugar in it) so I don't think it'll be my staple, but maybe more like a treat. I hope my tastes don't change so drastically that I start to dislike it, because we ordered a canister of chocolate splendor. That, and an Unjury "chicken soup" (even though I haven't tried it yet I've got to imagine something savory will come as a relief--I also need to ask the nurse practitioner if it'll be okay to have that during the clear liquids phase since it's like a broth. Guess I'll find out.) Oh, and we ordered a canister of About Time peanut butter. Once I'm back to protein shakes on day eight these will be my arsenal.

Hard to believe this is actually happening. Still occasionally feeling like I'm doing something frivolous but I think it's going to be a good step. Hunger and FOOD-WANTING weren't huge issues today. (Even though I never actually had any broth or Jell-O. Just water and protein shakes, weird.) We'll see how I'm doing after four more weeks of liquids (pureed stage begins week five.) I know right now that actual hunger won't be half the issue that emotions-around-food will be. Social eating, anxiety over missing out on "abundance," etcetera. We'll see how it goes.

Off to pack. Further updates will be from the post-surgery side of life. (YIKES.)

Liquids, day 8

Today has been eventful. Had my final consultation with Dr. Srikanth. It went well. I got a pile of prescriptions filled: stuff for acid, for nausea, for pain, special supplements. Apparently my iron and vitamin D are low. Craziness. I feel really ready. Hungry, but ready. Now just trying to get the house picked up so my husband and I don't end up completely overwhelmed when I get home from surgery. 

One other thing of note: I asked if I have a hiatal hernia. Turns out that it's not exactly a hiatal hernia but some kind of issue with the diaphragm being too big. Or something. Dr. Srikanth explained it clearly & it made sense in his office but now the details elude me. Anyway, they might stitch it up when they're in there. Whee!

Liquids argle bargle day who knows.

 

Today I am just hungry. Had to go to the grocery store and it was a bit of a trial. This evening I am reduced to Googling pictures of foods I'd like to eat. 

FOOD

 

FOOD

 

FOOD?!??

 

Liquids, day interminable. I mean “seven.”

 

In better spirits today. Slept in ridiculously late just because I could, and now I'm trying a new protein shake: About Time (banana.) It's pretty darn good. So I have two protein shakes I like: two flavors of Jay Robb and at least one flavor of About Time. Now watch my tastes change completely after surgery.

 

...it's now 6:41 pm and I'm feeling a little weak, a little cranky, and a lot hungry. Weirdly, I'm specifically craving some greasy food court food. (Healthy instincts!)

 

Going to bed at 8:31. I've managed to be awake for eight and a half hours. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

 

PS: The About Time chocolate peanut butter shake was good too.

 

PS, part two: slept pretty well with the new CPAP mask. It stayed on all night, unlike the hated nostril pillows which seldom lasted more than a couple hours.

 

Liquids, day six.

 

Okay, I'm losing it a little. I want some food.

 

It's 11:34 pm and it's a been a pleasant but kind of long day.

 

Went to my parents' house for lunch with a couple of their friends. Everyone had grilled sandwiches that looked sooo good. While everyone else ate sandwiches and homemade soup and drank wine and ginger beer I...had some water, sipped a mug of broth, had a protein shake. (Tried the vanilla Unjury. Didn't really care for it. Wasn't loathsome, but it had a bit of a smell. I guess the Jay Robb shakes have a smell too, but it's not one that's noticeable or bothersome to me. Unjury tastes okay but does have a smell that strikes me as weird/unappetizing.) It was a little exhausting, watching people eat warm, homemade food. And my parents keep a lot of produce around, so there was a pile of lovely apples staring at me too.

 

Yeah, definitely getting kind of cranky today. I think the aspartame in the gelatin “desserts” I've been eating has been giving me some headaches. I hate artificial sweeteners. Once this phase is over and I can upgrade to “full” liquids from clear I hope to banish artificial sweeteners from my diet for good. Nothing against them; I know plenty of people who eat and drink artificially sweetened stuff with zero problems. But they just don't agree with me, I guess.

Didn't do amazingly with the water today, unfortunately. I'll try for sixteen more ounces before bed. The more water the better I feel, really. Helps with the headaches that creep up occasionally.

 

A bright spot: this evening my husband and I went to a friend's house where we met some of our beloved gaming people to roll up characters for a new campaign. For several hours it was luxurious to just get absorbed in character creation and not really think about food, or fatness, or surgery. Now I'm home and I'm tired and a little melancholy. I just miss food, you know?

 

At least my CPAP mask arrived so I get to try that tonight. Mmm, refreshing sleep.