ItsMyLife1

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Hi folks.  Life continues on.  I'm still not dealing with this well.  Trying to get by.  My friend took me out today so I could get a pedicure and a manicure.  I ended up getting acrylic nails.  I also had a lovely chair massage.  It passed time.  I feel pampered. 

Yesterday morning the anesthesiologist doctor called me to check on me.  I was so surprised by this.  He was so kind and concerned.  I was truly touched by this.  He emailed me 10 minutes later with a 2 page report on what happened in the operating room.  Very detailed with medications used, procedures used, what they did when my lungs went wonky.  I was able to take this letter with me to my appointment with my primary care physician.

I went to my PCP yesterday.  All in the office were so sad to hear what happened.  They were also shocked.  My PCP is great.  He read over what the anesthesiologist wrote.  He fully examined me.  My lungs have been awful since the OR incident.  He ended up putting me on steroids and an inhaler.  Referred me to a pulmonary specialist which I have an appointment with on Friday morning.  He also set me up for a PFT (pulmonary function testing) which I have next Wednesday.

I have a followup appointment with my surgeon on April 8th.  I hope to have answers by then.  Fingers crossed.  I really want to get back on her surgical schedule.  I don't want to be put off on this too long.  I have waited long enough.

And thank you to OH peeps.  Lending me support  just when I really needed it.  XOXO

I am an emotional wreck.  I was under general anesthesia, intubated, and ventilated.  Then my lungs started to be difficult to ventilate manually.  They listened and heard very coarse breath sounds throughout both lungs.  They said it was the type of response they see when patients have an asthma attack.  They gave me treatments with albuterol and within a few minutes my coarse breath sounds went away but not completely.  my oxygen saturation in my blood was stable between 95%  to 100%.  After a short period my breath sounds began to coarsen again.  They used a video fiberoptic bronchoscope to see if there was anything anatomically wrong with my lungs.  They found nothing.  Both lungs were clear.  They gave me another nebulizer treatment and once again y breath sounds began to clear up.  At this point the anesthesiologist decided they should not proceed with the surgery.  Chest xrays they also performed did not show any obvious abnormality.

The anethesiologist does not know why I had the lung response that I did when placed under general anesthesia.  One possibility is an allergic reaction to one of the anesthetic drugs.  Aside from the lungs there was no other evidence of issue.

Now they want me to see a pulmonary specialist for a pulmonary evaluation to see if they can find something.  I am going to see my primary care physician today.  I am in so much pain.  Now I am coughing and wheezing.  My chest & stomach & sides are hurting.  My throat is sore & a bit hoarse.  I also have a huge bruised & swollen lip on the right side.  They said from the equipment used yesterday.

So....I'm on hold.  I don't know for how long.

I am devestated.  I haven't stopped crying yet.  I have gone to my dark place in my mind that I know will take me forever to get out of.  I never expected this.  I was not prepared for this.  I don't know how to handle this.

Today is the day.  I have to be at the hospital in 4 hours   

Had quite the hectic day at work trying to wrap things up & pass things off.  Took much longer than I wanted but it is done for a while.  Boss & coworkers are being supportive.  They know I am having surgery.  That's all I told them.  They don't know it's WLS.  My preference.

I told my daughter this weekend.  We went away for her birthday (told her after her birthday).  She took it as well as a 13 year old could.  Tonight she was so sweet.  When I was tucking her into bed she asked, "mommy, are you nervous?".  I told her no.  She asked "why not?".  I told her because I have faith, trust & belief in my doctors and in God.   She then told me she was nervous enough for the both of us.  She was cute.  She fell asleep quickly.  I'm worried about her waking up in the morning and me not being here.  My parents are here and I know she will be fine.  I always worry about her.

Looking forward to change.  Looking forward to doing things I haven't been able to.  Looking forward to a good recovery.  Looking forward to a new lifestyle.

Tomorrow I tell family the real reason for surgery.  i figure I can handle their questions or negativity they may have better under the influence of medication!!  That's my plan and I'm sticking to it....hahaha.  I sense some will be negative.  That is their issue.  I am doing this for myself.  I am doing this for my daughter.  Period.  That's all. 

It's My Life.....

And yes, I have my ipod all set, my kindle all set.   Nice relaxing pre-op and post-op.  Let's see if I accomplish this!

More to come in a few days. 

Curious.....does anyone see this?  I've been on here for a while.  No comments.  No support.  No OH love???  What am I missing????

One week from tonight will be my night before surgery. I know it will be a night of reflection for me.  I know it will be a sleepless night for me.  I know I will be thinking about my daughter.  The benefits of this wls is the driving force.  It has been keeping me focused.  It has not allowed me to "plan ahead".  I just had my first "forward thinking" thoughts yesterday.  I have a cousin getting married in August.  It will be 5 months from my surgery date.  I actually found myself wondering how much smaller I would be by then.  I found myself thinking about what family members would say when they see me for the first time then.  I haven't allowed my thoughts to get ahead.  Don't want disappointment.  Right now I would think this is a normal feeling.

I received my copy of the insurance coverage letter today.  I added it to my WLS book.  It felt great to have that piece of paper in my hands.

Work has been supportive.  They don't know what I am having done.  They know I am having surgery.  They have been very flexible with all the appointments I have had so far.  Just received my post op appointments. I hope they are equally understanding with the list of these appointments.

Time for sleep.  Night.

 

11 days until WLS....everything in order.  YAY!   Learned today I have to be at the hospital at 5:45AM and that I am the first surgery on the dr's schedule.  Hoping it stays that way.  Get in, get it done.  Yes. 

I started the "shrink your liver" diet on Wednesday.  It's been ok.  The "detox" from no caffeine is killer though!  I would love a cup of coffee right now.  I'm not looking forward to the 2 days before surgery and what I have to do...but it is needed and I will do it.  Definitely dropping some weight.  It feels good.

I've been busy getting the items needed for after the hospital visit.  So much to do.  I will get it done.

Waiting patiently for the new me.

Well, this past week was a bit not expected.  Had all the pre-op testing on Feb 28.  There evidently was an issue with my EKG.  They were all out of sorts.  Told me I needed to get cardiac clearance from my primary care doctor.  Then they called again saying the cardiologist wanted an echo cardigram done.  They suspect a heart murmur.  Oh boy. 

This same day heard from the surgical coordinator that my insurance still hasn't approved....that my surgery may be postponed.  Feb 28 turned into a very lousy day. 

Had the echo cardiogram yesterday.  The cardiologist gave me the results right there & then.  Nothing found.  I have an excellent heart.  Very strong.  Valves in excellent condition.  No murmur.  Gives me 100% clearance for surgery.  Phew!!

Today, nutrition appointment.  Tells me I should have started the "shrink the liver diet" today.  Um, hello??  My appointment was at 3:50 pm.  No on told me this.  No one gave me any info.  So, she said to start tomorrow.  GREAT....had to run out to get things for this diet.  I dislike last minute stuff.  Hopefully I have what I need.

Surgical coordinator told me today the insurance company told her to call on Friday for update.  I'm trying to stay positive.  Its just hard to possibly run into an issue 2 weeks before surgery.

Trying to be patient.

24 days until surgery.

I've lost 6 lbs these past 2 weeks.  Goal is for more before the surgery.  Going to take some "before" pictures this weekend.
I hate having pictures of myself but feel I should have some before pictures. 

This is the text I received this morning:

Hear the birds chirping? See the sun shining? Smell the fresh crisp air dawning a new spring?  That is the feeling I get whenever I'm with you.  Good morning my sweet pea.  Hope you are well.

Isn't that the sweetest thing to start your morning off with? 

Today I'm off to meet with the psychologist.  She's going to put me thru a sleep program to try to help with my insomnia.
I'm trying to remain positive.  It's hard because I've had insomnia for as long as I can remember.  Perhaps she will be my lucky charm and be able to help.

 

So I have 4 1/2 weeks until surgery.  I have been trying not to let my thoughts run crazy.  I look at people's before & after pics and I am amazed.  I hope for similar results.  I have been doing this with only one person knowing.  I have not told my family or friends. My number one reason is my daughter.  I am having surgery 4 days after her birthday.  I had spinal surgery several years ago and she was filled with anxiety and worry.  I don't want that happening again.  She was wonderful after I got home from the hospital.  She wouldn't let anyone else help me.  I love that about her.  SO, she will be told that I'm going on a business trip.  My mom knows I'm having surgery.  I just haven't told her the truth.  She thinks it for ovary/uterus issues since I have a lot of PCOS issues.  Very well.  That works for now.  Am I wrong for not telling?  Am I wrong for wanting to do this for me? My terms?  My way?  I will tell after I'm home from the hospital.

I'm fortunate that I work out of my house.  Computer & phone.  My boss has given me a week off.  No questions asked.  After this, I can work what I feel up to.  No bad I don't think.  I've had several surgeries in the past.  I have lived with chronic pain for 20 years before I had my spinal surgery.  I was actually in less pain in the recovery room.  The doctors were amazed.  They wanted to put me on morphine.  I asked for tylenol.  Yes, I can handle pain.  From what I have read on people's blogs here, the pain does vary but does depend on how you handle pain.  I'm prepared.

What I am not prepared on is what I need in the house for afterward, like the first 2 weeks at least.  I'm a planner.  I like to get things out of the way ahead of time.  I have several appointments coming up that I know all this will be discussed.  Guess I am getting antsy.  Impatient. 

I have been stocking up on my water.  Yeah.  No biggie.  I'm a big water drinker anyway.  I have been trying to drink in small sips.  Boy that takes adjusting to.

So peeps, what do I need to know?  Share your experiences with me.  Please.

Thanks!!
 

2/1/2011

ME

Here I am today. 
43 years old. 
I'm 5'3"
286 LBS
I was down to 220 two years ago.

Plan & simple..... I HATE me right now.

Tried:
Weight Watchers
Jenny Craig
Nutritionist
Slim fast
Alli
"no-name" diets a plenty.

Life happened.  Stress happened. 

I HATE pictures of myself.  I probably only have a handful thru the years that I actually like of myself.

My reasons for moving forward with RNY gastric bypass:
- I'm obese
- severe chronic back pain
- neck pain
- hips hurt
- arthritis
- acid reflux
- I want a better quality of life
- I want to smile again
- I want to be sexy
- my PCP supports my decision & recommended it.
- I want to be a better role model for my daughter.
- and the list goes on......

I've been thinking about surgery for a long while.  My PCP help put it in motion in May 2010.  I received my surgery date a week ago.....March 22, 2011.   Just 7 weeks away from today....RNY gastic bypass. 

My partner recommended this site to me last week.  I've been poking around.  I am amazed at the stories I have been reading.  Now I don't feel alone.  Now I don't feel I'm in my dark place again.  I have hope.

I wish to remain quiet about it right now.  I feel it's very personal.  A very personal decision.  I have to cope & deal with it all myself first.  Then I will share.  My biggest reason is I don't want to be a failure again.

My surgery is 12 weeks before I have leave on my dream vacation.  I am going to Italy for 2 weeks.  This was planned well before I was approved for surgery & the surgery booked.  The doctor is fine with the travel. 

Reading blogs here I have become so hopeful over the past week.  I'm beginning to dream & think about how much will I weigh less in 11 weeks.  Will I fit comfortably on the airplane?  This will be my first major goal!!

Please post comments, suggestions, thoughts.  I need the support.

It's My Life