Jacki1965

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So here we are again.  Christmas and Easter are behind us and spring and summer bbq's are on the way!  It has been a good ride.  I am currently sitting with a total loss of 143 lbs.  It has been very good.  I am now wear size 14 jeans and dress pants and being true to my family build really have no ass or hips to speak of!  The chest would be a bit bigger if I could get it back where it belongs, but alas, without a lottery win or a profiterable corner to strut my new stuff, plastics will be a ways away just yet.  My son will be heading off for University or College in the next year and somehow that takes precidence for how I need to spend my excess cash...That's ok for now...As long as I have my Fat Sucker undershirts and control top undies, the rest is ok.  What are a couple of flabby arms or legs where good friends and lovers are concerned!! 

The journey has been a good one.  Sometimes exhilerating, sometimes overwhelming and tiring.  I would never have thought that I would get annoyed with the same people telling me how great I now look.  Isn't that just stupid?  But sometimes I just want the attention to my former self to stop and let the new me shine.  Really it's just the package that's all that different.  My essence is basically the same...It just has more energy now and isn't afraid to move about. 

Relationships have changed.  That is an understatement.  The biggest one is the relationship I have with myself.  I am changing my ways of thinking and reacting.  My relationship with my husband and son have changed.  They are needing to get used to new me with new needs and new demands...For far too long my life has been about serving the needs of my family - a plight that we can all relate to.  I would think that each one of us puts too much out there and in most cases, that doesn't come back to refuel.  The biggest difference is my demand to refuel...Either by mine helping me or me helping myself.  Maybe it's maturity, new sense of awareness due to this experience or a new found selfishness - either way, it's long overdue and trials and tribulations aside it will work out...

To those who have gone before me in this journey thanks so much for being my guiding light, my sense of direction, my laughter and my tears.  To those yet to come, don't be afraid...this is AMAZING!!!!!

Well, here we are in a new year and a new framework.  New mindset, new body, new experiences.  Sometimes the newness of things can be overwhelming at best.  At this point in time, I am about 4 months since my surgery.  I have lost a total of 122 pounds, 90 of that having been since I started this process in June of 2009.  I am soon going to stop breaking down when I lost how much and just give out grand totals.  At first I felt a bit like a fraud if I did that, but it's all hard work so why not acknowledge it!!  So there - first resolution - take ownership - I have lost a total of 122 pounds!! 

All kidding aside it has been an amazing ride.  My friends have been supportive as have been my family.  There have been some upsets, but nothing too drastic.  My husband (and I) are enjoying the differences with my body and all I will say to that is that everyone is beautiful with the lights off!!  Plastic Surgery here I come - where is a lottery win when you need one??  My son has discovered that he can close him arms around me when I give him a hug and that mom looks good in smaller clothes.  The two of them together are quite funny - hubby likes to see me in colours, while my boy thinks I look more sophisticated in blacks and grays - more dramatic...It's like I've become their life size barbie doll...  Shopping has gotten a lot more interesting!! 

My sisters and neices are all very happy as diabetes is rampant on both sides of our family and until surgery I was taking 5 pills and 4 needles a day to control it.  Since surgery - NOTHING!!  I am so happy about that.  I'm not sure what is better - diabetes free or currently wearing size 16 pants!! 

I must admit I am concerned though - weight loss has slowed down considerably from the "early days" and my fear is that it is going to stop before I am ready.  I think I'd like to lose about another 50, although my husband thinks I should maybe just try 25 first.  We'll see - I guess I'll know when I get there.  My biggest obstacle to overcome during this time has been not being a slave to numbers.  I have been reading about weight regain and issues tied to that for WLS patients and that scares me.  I haven't come this far to go backward.  I am praying and working towards making sure that I am aware of my body enough that if things start to change I will be aware and ready to rework what I need to stay on track.  In the past, I have just gone into hiding when weight gain happened and that just made it worse. 

My wish for all of us is this - Better Health, much happiness, to be surrounded by love and most of all - to love ourselves enough to recognize when we need to relax and enjoy the ride!!

It's been coming up to four months since my surgery.  I have lost 80 pounds since surgery and a total of 115 pounds since my heaviest weight of about three years ago.  For the first time in many years I have energy, I have vitality, I enjoy movement and I am looking at life so differently.  I still love cooking for my family - I just don't eat until I'm stuffed anymore - well, I get stuffed much quicker  and I try to avoid that- that might be a better way to say it.  I spend more time listening to my body and finding more joy from different things that have nothing to do with food...This journey has been amazing - stalls and all!!

My wish to all:
Feel the absolute beauty of this amazing Christmas Time.  It's there in the quiet moments...

Well I can't belive it.  I just made a whole Thanksgiving dinner for my extended family (14 people - and that's only my husband's side).  I had mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, corn, turkey & stuffing, pork and of course gravy!  I also made a work of art kind of cake.  A four layer pumpkin and pecan delight with cream cheese & caramel.  I did it all...I didn't go overboard and hurt myself.  I had a taste of everything including a fork full of cake (small fork) and I feel great.  I didn't feel cheated because I couldn't go nuts.  I felt like I enjoyed the fruits of my labour without worrying about what anyone else was thinking!!  For the first time, it was just food, that's all, just food...Is this what's it's like to not use food as a crutch!!