JennaKopanyi

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Is it weird that I get irritated with people who think they are being complimentary?

I'm still overweight, but people keep calling me skinny, or one person in particular addresses me as "skinny minny" and has for the past 20 pounds.

I know I've lost a lot of weight, but I'm in no way skinny. When they say things like that I feel like a fraud, which leads to irritation. I'm thinner, I look better, but I'm not at my goal, I'm not yet even at healthy weight.

Maybe it's just the being addressed by size thing... Like when I was pregnant and people kept telling me I was HUGE, and was pretty much all they said to me. I had to bite back comments like "I'm got a life growing inside of me, what's your excuse?" to people who had nothing nice to say to me. But that wasn't nice either and I held back.

I also think I just hate the term "skinny" makes me think unhealthy. Thin is a good word, healthy is great, "you look great (you can leave off "today" that also irks me)".

Yup I'm whining.

Is it asking too much to be seen as me instead of my body size/shape?

End Rant.

It's funny how looking back in October at my anniversary party, I thought I looked fabulous in my pictures (well I did) but compared to how I look now? I'm amazed at the transformation I've made in just a couple short months.

Yes, I did this for my health, but I'd be stupid to not appreciate how much better I look now, too :) As far as side effects go, this one is great. I am not self-conscious wearing sleeveless shirts anymore (too bad it's winter), I'm more flexible (I like to fold myself up when I sit down), food is not my priority anymore (though I really enjoy menu planning), I take no medications other than vitamins (coming from at least 5 shots a day and couple of other pills), I go to the gym every morning during the week (whether I feel like it or not) and sometimes on the weekend. I've also started throwing in an excersize video a couple nights a week (Jillian MIchaels is the devil) and it excites me rather than intimidates me. I love being more active and my son thinks me jumping around in front of the tv is hilarious. I hang out in his room and he climbs all over me, sometimes he lets me bench press him (he's a wriggler though) some times he jumps on me too hard and since I've got less padding, I'm finding more bruises. But I can live with that. I can live with this body, I can live IN it. And now I'll have many more years, healthy years, I'll be around for grandkids and great grandkids (eventually, my son isn't even 2 yet, but I can look that far ahead now!)

I should have done this sooner. My relationship with my scale is still emotional, but it's in a good way. I cry at my weight not because of how high it is anymore, but because of how low it is, the tears of joy cannot be held back. This is me, this is my weight, my body, it's mine for as long as I take care of it... that's new to me. I was a prisioner to diabetes for 12 years, and I'm finally free.

I have the most amazing support system. My husband does everything in his power to help me succeed, he eats as I do (only more of it) and he's losing weight and happier with himself. He supports me and listens to me talk about all of this stuff. I have great friends who either have had the surgery or are just great cheerleaders. It's been amazing watching my friend's family change their eating habits because one of them had RNY. I know not every one is as lucky as we are, and it always makes me grateful when I realize that. So many people don't get the support they need and they second guess themselves... and that's just tragic.

I guess the sum of this ramble is that I love my life, myself, my body, my support system, and my RNY

I have passed the 75 pounds lost marker! I love weekends, I lose more weight over the weekend than during the week because I am more active and forget to eat :P


2.6 pounds to not overweight! maybe by this time next week?

Personal Rant.

I understand this has no place on the message board. I could put it there but I’m sick of listening to people argue with me. I just want to voice my feelings and be done with it. Besides these are personal opinions, and not everyone cares.

I am so SICK of DS’ers telling me that I am going to fail because I don’t have a DS. I am TIRED of them acting superior to the other three surgery types because they “get to eat 3000 tasty calories a day”. It’s true, I didn’t know about DS when I was going through choosing my surgery, but I love my RNY. When I learned about DS, I thought, wow, that is pretty cool, should I have done that instead? Then I listened to DS’ers and realized I so don’t want that lifestyle or mindset.

They consume A LOT of calories a day, most of them fat because they don’t absorb a lot of it and never will whereas I eat like a normal person but in small, healthy portions. I don’t care want to eat like them, I want to be healthy and put healthy things in my body and feel good about myself.

They tell me that after 2 years I will absorb all my food like I did before surgery and they never will. Okay, so if I can’t learn how to eat right and portion control over the next two years then I deserve to be fat and diabetic again. WLS is a tool, not a lifeline. At least not to me.

I am not my WLS, I am Jenna! Amplified! Healthier, living my life, making better decisions and being able to be satisfied with smaller portions. Food doesn’t rule my life. I eat between 500-700 calories a day and I’m perfectly happy with that. I don’t want to have to fit in 3000, when would I have time? My life would go back to revolving around food, and I don’t want that. I wanted freedom from food, and I got it.

I don’t believe in the statistics quoted at me on failure rates of certain surgeries. Did the surgery fail? Or did the patient? If you go back to eating the way you did before surgery YOU WILL GAIN WEIGHT. Why would you want to go back to habits that drove you to WLS in the first place? Only to have a revision that doesn’t require any self-control and can’t really be healthy in the long haul. Makes you wonder why a lot of surgeons aren’t doing it and why it’s hard to get insurance approval for it. A person should do everything in their power to be who they want to be. If you can do it with adjustable banding, that’s great! Fabulous even. If a sleeve is what you need then that’s phenomenal! If RNY is the option you chose, then  go for it, it works. If you need DS, then do it, but don’t try to tell me that I need to because you “know” I will fail. Because you don’t know me. RNY was one part of the equation, I am the rest, and I am an unstoppable force when it comes to getting what I want. And I want to be a happy, healthy, normal surgically altered freak.

 

End rant.

So, I'm a little upset with myself. I weigh on Friday and Monday mornings. Doing this generally tells me what I need to improve either during the week or over the weekend in my eating habits, or it just motivates me.
Last Friday, I was down .9 pounds, by Monday I was up .7 and now I'm up an additional .2, so I am back to where I was a week ago. I know, I know, it's less than a pound, I should get over it... but I can't. I didn't have this surgery so I could gain weight! Especially when I am so close to not being overweight anymore. I'm sure that this is one of those wacky stalls that everyone goes through when they are close to a goal, but I HATE IT.
On top of that, I seem to have no energy during my work out in the morning, I feel like I'm just going through the motions and wasting my time. Guess the honeymoon period is over :(
I guess I'm just frustrated and wanted to vent. Thanks for listening. Maybe I'll take my measurements and that could cheer me up (usually when I'm not losing pounds, I am losing inches instead)
Sigh.

Todd came home today and decided that not only would he pick me up but he would help me to acheive my goal of being carried across the threshold. I love my husband :)

Just blasted through the 70 pounds lost mark! I'm very excited... 7.8 pounds to normal BMI! I'm going to make my Yule goal!!
Got weighed and measured at the gym yesterday, in the two months since I've joined, I've lost 29 pounds, 22 of which were fat.
I've also lost a total of 21" off various body parts in that time! Woot!!

A lot of people haven't known me under 180 pounds, friends I've had for the past 10 years! This is a very exciting time in my life. I'm very thankful I found my surgeon who gave me the tool I needed to get where I am today. I think I'm going to blow his goal weight for me out of the water by my 6 month check up (in January)

Bulletin: Todd picked me up last night, that is lifted me off of the ground from a standing position with no help from me, and held me! for like a minute!! and wasn't even breathing hard. This was afer I told him that one of my goals was to have him carry me across the threshold!

I think I am going to start bawling again...

I am the happiest girl on earth. Today the scale is no longer my enemy, it told me that I am 9.8 pounds away from being normal weight! I cried almost all the way to work... with joy! And I just updated my weight and saw how far I've come, I just want to go hug my surgeon! Maybe Monday at support group...

Sooooooooooooo deliriously happy

It's been a great day so far, and I am only now sitting down to drink my breakfast. I went to the gym this morning, as I always do before work. I pack my clothes for work teh night before and I wear my gym clothes for the drive. So I go to Curves, I do my circuit, have nice conversation, do the 60-second squat challenge (and lose track of time and totally make it!) Then I rush off to the changing room and pull on my skirt, which promptly tries to fall back down as I lift my arms to change my shirt! Well crap, it fit last time I wore it, which now that I think on it, was about a month ago. It's a size 13 and I am just barely in a 10 (the tight side not the loose side). So I pull back on my tight shirt and secure my skirt with it, then put on my regular shirt over that. My beautiful pin stripe skirt is now about 3 inches too big, I know because I measured it as I put a safety pin in it (which I had to liberate from my nemesis at work).
On my way back to my desk, I ran into a co-worker who went out for surgery in early October. He stopped what he was doing and just stared as I walked toward him, it was pretty hilarious. He said many nice things like "damn how long was I gone?" and "You look great!" "You must feel like a new woman". 
So between people being nice and my skirt falling off I am pretty full of myself today :P
Tell me about that nice things that have happened or been said to you!

Teddi~ Let me know if Rachael or Kelly wins the fight for my skirt :)