JulesB124

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So I have just come back from a vacation in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic and I am delighted to report that not a pound was gained during this vacation.  This has to be the first time in 38 years that I have gone away and not put weight on, the norm would be at least a 10-15lb weight gain.  I was pretty good with the alchol, did have one or two in the evening, but made sure I drank flat club soda during the day.  And the all inclusive didn't bother me on this vacation, i always ate an egg yolk, piece of salami and cheese and yogurt for breakfast, cheese and shrimp for lunch and supper was always a very small portion of seafood and a scoop of rice.  I had a scoop of choc. ice cream one night and I paid the price, I spent the rest of the evening sitting on the toilet whilst my head was in the trash can.  My own fault, but i had to try it and suffer the consequences.  I know, why would i have the surgery and then risk it with a scoop of ice cream, but i am only human, and old habits are hard to break, but apart from that i am very proud of myself.  And I walked along the beach for an hour every morning, so i also got my exercise in.  It was very hard coming back to Saskatchewan though to -30 temp.  I am seriously considering moving to a warmer climate, California seems very appealing to me.  If anyone has some advice for me on relocating please let me know, I would be very interested to hear from you.

Jules

I am terrible at maintaining my blog, I read everyone else's for inspiration but when it comes to me inspiring anyone, forget it, I just cant find the time to update, and my home computer has been on the blink for the last 4 weeks which is a pain in butt, because it has all my passwords, photos, finances, basically everything I need to survive and be a productive person is on the computer, AND I CANT GET ANY OF IT!  I knew I shouldn’t have given in to my 9 year old son's plead to get a computer at home.  I was perfectly fine with only using the one at the office, everything was stored in one place, and I never had to worry about losing my files.  And then my friends daughter was selling her home computer, really good deal, and I finally gave in and bought it.  Got it all hooked up and within hours I was hooked, my poor child was now pleading with me to let him have a turn on the computer.  Well I have all my finances nicely completed on spreadsheets, passwords stored nicely in a file, weight loss info beautifully graphed out, right down to my  shoe size loss(gone from a size 10 shoe to a size 9 - how bizzare)!  And then I got the dreaded black screen and a message that’s seems to indicate some drivers are missing or corrupt.  What’s a gal to do?  I suppose I am going to have to take it to be fixed, but I am going to the Dominican very soon so I will not be getting it fixed before the trip.  I feel lost without all my files, but luckily I have the computer at work, so decided it was about time I give you all an update on the weight loss.  So, started weight loss program on March 19, weighing in at a whopping 305.4lbs.  Lost 38.4lbs on my own (which would not have stayed off for very long given my multiple weight loss attempts in the past).  Had the gastric bypass surgery on Oct 6th, 2008 and its been 13 weeks, and I have lost 52lbs, so a total weight loss of  86.4lbs in all.  And more importantly I have gone from a 26 dress size down to a size 16, and I even bought a few pairs of size 14 dress pants yesterday, although they are a bit tight if you know what I mean.  I’m kind of sucked into them nicely and then the roll of flab comes up over the top of the pants, so its loose flowy tops for me for a while until I fit "normally" into the pants!!  But regardless of how tight they are, I am able to wear them and with both buttons done up!  Its a miracle, this WLS is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  Despite having to have an endroscopy twice for 2 strictures, I would do it all again.  I can’t believe it but I am actually loving trying on and buying clothes, its like a new addiction for me.  Thanks god I am frugal and only buy clothes on the sale racks, otherwise i'd be broke by now.  AND I LOVE WORKING OUT, not something I thought I would hear pass from my lips, but its true, I really enjoy my 60-80 minute work outs, and some weeks I go every day.  Now that is just frickin crazy, this is from the gal who would be in despair if she couldn’t find a parking spot right outside the door of Wal-Mart, god forbid I had to walk too far!  But seriously, feeling so fit and healthy is amazing and I thank god everyday for sending me Dr. Kaban, he did a great job.  This will be the first time in 25+ years I am comfortable about wearing a swimsuit on vacation - yipee!

Well, I am in my 2nd week of post-op and have lost 15.4lbs.  It is a great feeling to know the surgery is working as I had a fear that I would be starving all the time and that trying to handle those feelings would be unbearable and very difficult to control.  Although I am still on liquids, I don't think I have felt any hunger pains yet!  Well maybe I have felt a couple of dull pains nearer to bedtime, but its certainly nothing I am acting on.  I feel so good, I am walking everyday around the park and I feel myself getting stronger each day and I believe I am healing well (although I must admit I am feeling a little low in energy - but this is to be expected).  My staples were removed last night and one of the incision sites has healed so well there is hardly any scar.  Not that I am worried about scars, my body looks like railway tracks as I have quite a few stretch marks all over my stomach.  It used to bother me, but it doesn't anymore, they are part of me, of who I am, and they will serve as a reminder of how out of control with food I was, and that I will never go down that path again!

I have decided that although its only been 9 days since the surgery, I am going back to work on Monday.  I'm getting bored at home, and I don't want to become too obsessive about loosing the weight, and knowing my addictive traits, I know that I will start weighing myself every bloody hour at home to see the weight loss and it will become all consuming and that end up being the only thing I think about.  I just want to get on with my life, go back to work and focus on my job and not obsess over the surgery.  So I am back to work Monday, although I will only work approx 8-2 for the first week, and as long as that goes well for me, I'll ease into full days the following week.  I know my parents are a little concerned about me going back to work so soon, but I think I have eased their minds that if I get too tired I will just leave the office.

On Wednesday I meet with Dr. Kaban and Allison, my nutritionist, for follow-up.  I will have started pureed foods by then (although I have had a couple of spoonfuls of pureed peaches and applesauce already)!

 So I had my surgery performed by Dr. Gordie Kaban at noon on Monday Oct 6th, and I survived!LOL.  Despite reading all about the blags on the surgeries, and what to expect etc, I was still not prepared for the after effects of mine.  DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW ABOUT MY EXPERIENCE, AS I DO NOT WANT TO SCARE ANYONE FROM HAVING THE SURGERY.

Well, I am recovering well at home now,  and it feels so good to be in my own home with the windows open and fresh air breezing through the house.  Each day I feel a little more positive and today is the first day I have not regretted my decision to have WLS.  Over the last few days I have felt very nauseated and very miserable.  At the hospital you are given water and jello, and i was so hungry my body ached for something other than water.  I was bloated like a puffer fish and extremely sore.  I had terrible nightmares from the morphine and eventually asked to have it removed as the side effects were worse than the pain i was experiencing.  I came to enjoy the pain relief suppositories that were pushed into my butt every few hours, and they provided me with a more gentle form of pain relief.  I had a room to myself and I was very glad of that as I spent most waking hours crying, the feeling of regret was enormous, and I felt such despair, I couldn't understand why I wasn't happy as i had finally received the WLS I had dreamed about having most of my adult life.  I wasn't prepared for the feelings of sorrow I had, especially as no-one seemed to have mentioned this in their blogs, they only mentioned how happy they were, I felt like there was something very wrong with me.  Well, it is 5 days after the surgery and my body is healing, i went for a half hour walk yesterday which was great, its chilly here in Sask now so I walked around the park with my sweatshirt pulled up under my boobs to get the fresh air on my tummy, the coolness felt so wonderful.  My stomach and bowels appear to be working o.k (not something I ever though I'd mention in a blog to people) and the bloated feeling is gradually disappearing.  And for the first time since the surgery I actually got on the scales in my kitchen and weighed myself (i couldn't face going near them after the surgery as I was so despondent I didn't care less).  Anyway, on Monday I went into surgery at 267lbs, and today (Sat) i weighed in at 254.6lbs, so I am overjoyed.

I really believe every day is getting better for me and I am feeling less depressed about the surgery and beginning to feel more positive for the future.  The fog that I felt so immersed in is finally lifting, and I am beginning to look forward to living my life again.

Stay tuned for more news!.....................

I received an e-mail form another WLS patient tonight who was feeling very sick post op and was regretting having the surgery.  She was exhausted, in pain and in starvation mode.  Not exactly what I was wanting to hear 2 days before my surgery, however the more I read about this type of surgery, the more I realize this seems to be a common theme amongst many post op patients.  I am glad to read though that the majority of patient find that this feeling of dispare and regret appears to go away after about 3-6 months, as they come out of starvation mode and find a comfortable level of food intake, along with foods they can keep down and enjoy eating.  It sounds like a very tough place to be in post-op, but all I can say to myself is "keep your eye on the prize Jules - a new slimmer, healthier me".  I have waited most of my life to become slim and to have this surgery as I have battled with my weight since my early teens and have been like a yo yo up and down certainly for the last 20 years.  I have known most of my life the WLS was going to be the only way to help me with my obesity as I have lost large amounts of weight in the past but have never been able to keep it off for long, and have ended up putting it back on with even more, a nasty vicious circle of loss and gain.

So only 2 more days left until the big day, and despite hearing the not so nice side of WLS, I am still very excited, and am ready to do this.  I just wish that before I started the 2 week liquid diet I could have had a nice plate of fish and chips form Joey's only - my last treat, but unfortunately I wasn't smart enough to think of it at the time!  I am looking forward to no longer thinking about food in the same way as I have done in the past though, and am hoping that this surgery will help me no longer turn to food as a crutch.  Here's hoping!

I have been reading all the journals and looking at the before and after photos and I am truly inspired by all the weight loss and success stories, and as I sit here typing this, tears are rolling down my cheeks as I know I am soon going to some be one of those people - and I can't wait.  Its a dream that is finally coming true.  For most of my life I have been overweight and miserable, trapped inside this fat body. and soon I am going to shed this shell and reveal the beautiful butterfly within! 

I have no preconceived ideas of how much I will loose weekly/monthly, but as long as I do loose I will be happy.  One friend told me I ask allot of questions about this surgery, but that's because I would prefer to be as well read and knowledgeable as possible before the surgery, and if that means I am going to ask questions, you bet I am! 

1. No longer worry about whether I will fit in the plan seat and get the belt around me.
2. No longer worry about the sturdiness of the chair before I sit down in it. 3. Not have to hide under layers of clothes during the summer and be so self conscious.
4. Be able to lie on the beach or by the pool without worrying about people staring at me because I am so fat.
5. Be able to join in fun events with my son, and not worry about embarrassing myself or him.
6. Feel more feminine and sexy.
7. Jog for 1 mile, bike for at least 5.
8. Be able to see my collarbones clearly defined.
9. Wear a size 8-10, but not be obsessed by this number, even a 12 or 14 would be wonderful.  
10.Be able to buy clothes off the rack in a regular size store.
11. Have great sex again!       
12.Take trampoline lessons.
13. No longer have triple chins.
14. Not hide from the camera and allow pictures to be taken of me!
15. Feel alive again.

I'm having gastric bypass (RYN) surgery on Oct 6, so Iv'e started the obligatory 2 weeks whey protein liquid diet.  It was going o.k. (well I'm only on the 5th day) but anyway I was so hungry last night that despite knowing better I couldn't stand the hunger pains any longer and ran to the fridge and ate 3 pickles straight out of the jar!  I'm hoping that by surgery date the pickles will have worked their way out of my body and the surgeon wont be able to tell what I did!.  My only solace is that he told me a few of his clients have had their "big last suppers" the night before the surgery, which is crazy, even if I can see why they did it, but I did that the night before the liquids only.  So I think I'm safe but I'm going to have to tape the fridge door shut!.  Does anyone know why we can't eat veggies leading up to the surgery? I know the purpose of the liquids only is to shrink the liver and make it less fatty so it doesn't interfere with surgery but I wonder why they don't allow veggies?

Also I am terrified of surgery, never had one before and I have been told they will put a tube in my nose and down my throat.  Please god, someone tell me I wont be awake when they do that as I have terrible gag reflex and I am terrified of the thought.  Also, can anyone who's had the surgery tell me if the tubes are out before I wake up as I don't want to have a panic attack when I wake up and find they are still there. 

Well that's my ranting for today, nervous but very very excited - my dream is finally within my reach - YIPPEE