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OK so on the way to work Friday I was listening to Kelly Clarkson's "Sober" and realized that she could be singing about my three month bandiversary and I got why I have always loved that song, although I didn't always acknowledge my food addiction.

This week I have used TOM and the scale being 4 lbs up as an excuse to eat.  I ate at Taco Bell twice in one week, and I haven't eaten there at all since being banded!  I have skipped beverages, I have just done bad things.

Friday evening I got home with my son and it was just us and I found the stash of Reese Cups which incidentally I have been craving.  It's the DH and DD stash and they know better than to bring THAT particular chocolate into the house.  So even as I acknowledged to myself that I am a damn addict and not hungry I unwrapped one, put it into my mouth started to chew and realized that I am not powerless in my addiction.  I spit out the Reese cup and threw it away. 

I will win the battle with my food addiction.  I will not allow my life patterns, my former fear of success, my fear of being attractive, my fear of being vulnerable and small and weak to prevent me from being a success with my band, Towanda.  I will be victorious.

TOM is here and so no onderland for me...pout sad sob.......

OK I will do my best to stay on plan and get through this bloody week and then start losing again next week! 

AARGH!

No wonder I was craving chocolate last night!

On a positive note, new NSV, did push-ups, crunches, situps, stretches and toe touches w my 7 yr old and she said "good job mommy" when we were done, it was too cute.  Now we have a standing appt every night to do them.

Yesterday had to have a .5cc unfill, same as what he put in the day before, couldn't keep runny soup or yogurt down, bad day, lots of pain.  When you have the warning signs like not keeping down liquids, a partial unfill is definitely in order.  Trick or treat I was exhausted from no food and inadequate liquids for 24 hrs but felt better later.  Had the victory of meeting people my DH knew as a child and not having to be his "fat white wife" and stereotype.  I have struggled with that for years because when my DH and I met I was not fat but I am sure people assume the opposite.......

Today feeling good, down to 202!  3 lbs to Thanksgiving goal and then I can work on Xmas goal of 185!  That is one tough # to get to!

pics from work Halloween.........and race day GNG
]

Started at 233, set goal at 215, then 210...then 199

Down to 203.6 and feeling good about dropping, just busted a plateau and I am post-fill on liquids.

Xmas goal of 185 is looking good.....

Just a little history....I started the Thanksgiving challenge at 233 and I originally set my goal at 215 but then dropped it to 212, 210, then 199.

I was stalled for a while but I am down to 203.6.  I am on full liquids since my fill yesterday so I hope to drop another lb today, which will only leave 3 lbs to onederland. 

So what will my new Thanksgiving goal be when I get there?  My Christmas goal was 185, I am still going to stick with that because my average loss has dropped from 3.5 lbs a week to 2.5.

Hmmmmm.......delicious pondering.

Well, I had to return my old 2x Lands End coat because it had a part which came unglued so I was able to return and just in time to get a winter coat in a new size........got my credit, went to Sears to try them on in person, completely intending to get a size Large, which is 14-16 which is what I have been working with and it fit so well my DH convinced me to try the Medium......tried it on, could just zip it with a thin shirt on, a little tight right across, the Hips, (its the Weatherly, a very flattering jacket if you have an hourglass or pear shape)...and so we got the MEDIUM 10-12 jacket because it isn't even Winter yet and it should fit by December......unfreaking believable.  It's fuschia, I will post a pic with it later....I also have never bought a coat that bright but I actually chose it because it was eye catching and flattering!  I feel on top of the world!  Had my fourth fill today, just a partial of a cc fill to get back to my sweet spot I enjoyed for three weeks!

I was reading another bandsters post and clued in on her words.  She was talking to someone else but it could have been me.  I "gave myself permission" to eat bad foods this weekend.

I ate corn bread on Friday.  I ate a piece of potato yesterday.  Not the end of the world things but also not conducive to weight loss, particularly for me.  I was really hungry this weekend, blamed it on restriction, but it could just as easily have been those *(*()*) carbs I ate.  So this morning I fried potatoes o'brien, and I didn't just eat the peppers and onions!  Then for lunch I rolled the potatoes up in salami.    Then later I ate a caramel rice cake. 

In summation, though I did not binge and met properly all of my food quantities, I did what I bash others for when they complain about not losing - I ate what I bloody wanted or desired instead of thinking it through. 

So it stops now, I am making an orange chicken dish for dinner, and I will definitely be good for that meal, I am going to have greens and chicken only. 

I have to follow Jean's menu and make carbs ONLY for my DH, DD and DS.  I don't get to eat them and shouldn't be "saving" room for them in the first *()*)*)_(* place, that isn't how I got here!!!

My DH gave me two new NSV's this weekend so I will post all that I have accumulated thus far

1. Walking over 3 miles a day (started at less than .5 mile)
2. Wearing size 7 ring (wedding rings size 9.5)
3. Easier to throw around (playfully of course) and "so small" to sleep with
4. Have lost my daughter in weight, working on losing my daughter and son combined .  DD is 7, 46 lbs, DS is 1, 22 lbs.
5. Size 22/24 to 16 misses
6. Saw old "frenemy" from junior high and didn't have to feel self conscious, fat, ugly or inferior.  She had gained weight and was about the same size!  She didn't know I had "lost" weight to get there, and didn't need to know.  I was really small in junior high and so was she.
7.  Jump in and out of cars, chairs, couches, just move faster around the office, they call me "speedy" because I am always walking with a purpose
8.  Going up and down stairs quickly without my knees screaming as much, and my lungs scream less too
9. Someone at work called me "thin mint" last week.  That was even better than "hot momma" a couple of weeks before.  I have to admit, I totally love the work compliments, they are the best.  And they offset the "haters" at work, and believe me, I have those too!
10.  Washing my face is like closing my eyes and learning the face of a stranger - the planes and angles are sooooo unfamiliar!
11. Outgrowing everything in my closet except the one Old Navy dress I had bought years ago doing WW...everything else is borrowed or Goodwill!
12. Food is no longer my passion, my friend, my lover, my comfort, my focus in life.  Food is what I do to survive, not what I live for.  I finally eat to live and rarely find myself looking for food to make myself whole or better.  
13.  I look forward to getting on scales!

My original Thanksgiving goal was 212 but since I am about to bust that (I was 213 Friday), my new goal is ONEDERLAND by Thanksgiving, which was originally my Xmas/Birthday goal.  So here's to another 14 lbs by Thanksgiving, it's a lot but I know I can do it!

I got my third fill on Wednesday and it's amazing.  I totally cannot eat a lot and I have to watch how I drink and I have...RESTRICTION.  I know from the long-timers that it may not last so while it's here I will enjoy it, use it, and LOSE it.  I cannot wait to see that 1 on that scale!

Ok I should have posted a long time ago.  I love my band.  I lost 29 lbs pre-op, and I have lost 53 lbs as of today.  I carried my daughter (46 lbs) to bed and she felt huge, I told her I couldn't believe that I used to carry more than her around.  My son is about 25 lbs and I am looking forward to being able to say I have lost my daughter and my son.  Only problem is, that stinker gains about 2lbs a month right now, so that's more I have to lose.......

I follow the rules.  I sometimes want to eat more and lots of time I could eat more but I don't.  My surgeon is happy with my progress, and wants me to continue.  My average loss is 4.2 lbs a week since surgery, but I have some weeks where I loose none, and some where I lose between 7-10, so again it is an average.

The band is a tool.  I knew that going in and I have no illusions about its part in my weight loss.  I HATE IT when people say "I did it on my own" or "well if you were doing it on your own.'  I would like to see them show me how the band absorbs my food for me or how it tells me what to eat or how much to eat or how often to eat........I stand up for myself when people say stupid things, but maybe that's because I am new in the game.

My band is great, I have a 10cc Lap-Band.  My surgeon, Dr. Teel is the best ever!