Karen T.

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Okay I would like to go on record as saying I am happy with my weight loss.  If I didn't lose another pound I am happy where I am at.  My diabetes is under control, I am down 80 lbs and I am just happy in general. 

Why is it then that I continue to compare myself to others that had the surgery at the same time as me?  And why when I remind myself of the above things does something happen where someone makes me feel bad about what I have lost?  I had to get blood work done today for my 6 month (I am really at 7 but my dr. put behind a month cause of an early problem).  The lady at the lab said she had it done 5 years ago, and was sorry she hadn't done it sooner (aren't we all).  So she asks how much I have lost and I told her.  She tells me she lost 120 in 8 months, but that in the last year she gained 20 back.  Okay, wow 120 lbs, that is impressive.  Then later in the visit she asks what I started out at and I tell her, and she says oh I started at 269, which is only 21 lbs more than me...so I felt like she was like...I lost 40 more lbs than you and I only weighed 20 lbs more.  Maybe it wasn't her intention at all, but I felt bad like I have failed at this.

Grrrr.  And on top of all that my lab work cost $731.  I could have gone on a nice vacation for that...dayamn!

So I think, alright know, that I am spoiled.  In comparison to some people I get to do a lot of things.  In comparison to others I haven't done anything (traveled out of the country, taken a cruise, etc, etc). 

Last week I got to go and meet up with family from IL in KY.  I did it last year for a few days and it was fun, and this year was not only not a disappointment, it was so much better w/o the extra weight!!!!  My mom and I traveled up to KY Lake for the week and had a blast just hanging out at the lake all day, chilling with family and friends at supper, and playing games at night.  One night we went to a bonfire at a relative of theirs that lives close by, first time in years that I can get cold enough to enjoy a bonfire (welcomed it in fact!)

My cousins' Aunt came to the lake house on Tuesday and we had just gotten in from the lake, I was still in my swimsuit fixing dinner for the night.  She came in and we all said hi and she gave me a funny look.  I was saying how the pasta salad had traveled from GA with me to give her a clue as to who I was.  Then her husband came in the room w/my cousin and he said Uncle Jerry this is my cousin Karen.  I smiled and said..we've met Jerry I just look different than last year.  At which point he and his wife were like...OH yeah you do a lot different!!!  It was fun!

I got sun, and had fun, and was wiped out by the time we came back Saturday.  Sign me up, I am in for next year!

Last weigh in 169(.8)  Very close to the 80 lb mark...wooohooo!

Went white water rafting on the Nantahala river yesterday in Bryson City, NC.  We chose that because a couple of people were first timers and it's a relatively calm (class I & II with a III at the end) river.  Our other choice was the ocoee river in TN which is class III and IV throughout.  I had been on the Ocoee, but it has been many, many years.  Never had been on the Nantahala but figured how bad can it bee...it's just class I & II.  Whenever you say how bad can it be...be prepared for the worst!  The water was freezing...wow this surgery sure sucks the extra padding out of ya doesn' it?  (hehehehe)  Then we got dumped...not once, but twice...the entire boat, including our guide (whom we later found out it was his first summer on the river...eeek).  The first time we got dumped my foot was wedged in the boat so I went down the river on my back until I could get my foot free...my knee is feeling a little tweeked today.  My sister, whose first time it was, catapulted over me, landed in the water on top of someone, then the guide landed on her (6'3 big guy) and then the second guide Josh from the other boat spider monkeyed from his boat to ours, but missed the mark a little and landed on top of them!!  Sheesh it was cold. Josh pulled me back in, and everyone was rescued, and bumps and bruises were earned, but nobody got seriously hurt.  We got to the last rapid and  here we go again!  All out, including guide.  This time my sister got stuck in a whirpool, and our friend Brandi rescued her from that, and the other guide (Josh the spider monkey man) got me, her, and Brandi in his boat. 
Except for my knee I did not get bashed by rocks and such (not that I have felt anyway) but several of the other women (including my sister) have some serious brusing going on.

Would I do it again?  In a heartbeat.  Would I request the same guide...hell no...I want Josh next time!!

Weight was 172 this morning!

So I have just been on the go non-stop it feels like for a month now, and the next three weeks will be no exception.  I started losing again, so I am happy.  I finally lost the urge to eat every two minutes.  It seems like it happens 2-3 weeks out of the month so it is still a struggle.  I did start exercising at the gym (too hot to do much outside)  I can't say I feel 100% everyday but it is all good.  Hopefully this post won't get lost too (like my July 9th one)

As of today I am down to 174 lbs....that is 74 lbs since surgery.  Woohoo thank you Dr. Scott!

More later when I am not running around like a chicken with my head cut off.

Karen

So

Okay so as not to be Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde I will start out by saying that I am still struggling a bit.  I am going to chalk it up to female stuff and move on next week.

But on the flip side I love my weight loss, and my new energy levels, my boosting confidence (still ahve a long way to go..but I am working on it).  This past weekend 8 women and I embarked on a mini-trip up to North Georgia.  I had my apprehensions, since I only knew 2 of them women previous to the trip, about all of us traveling in one vehicle, and just about the weekend in general.

I had a freaking blast!!!!  We all clicked and it was so nice to spend time out with people.(that weren't all family and no kids were there...hallelujah!!)  We went shopping the first day up at a huge outlet mall.  I actually was able to buy an outfit that I loved w/o worrying about it to go out in later that night.  The band we saw was freaking awesome (looked into hiring them for a birthday party in September...and they are a little out of my price range).  Even though I was the only one who couldn't drink it was still a blast.

The next day we went kayaking on a small river.  It was so much fun.  Now I would have enjoyed it last year at this time, but no where near as much as I did Sunday.  I would have been so worried about falling in the river, getting stuck, being uncoordinated, a hundred things that would have hindered my enjoyment.  Instead I just enjoyed it.  Even when I hit some rocks and got stuck (all of us did at one time or another).  It was also some good exercise.

We later went to lunch, did a little more shopping and headed home.  It felt like we were gone a week (in a good way) even though it was a day and half.  

I didn't obsess about food either.  Keeping busy definatly helps.

Can't wait for the fourth...good times!

I don't know what my deal is right now.  Instead of focusing on good choices, I am eating badly and pushing my pouch to the limit.  Everyday I wake up I say today is the day I get back on the program 100% and then I don't.  Is it laziness (partly) but why am I trying to sabotage myself?  I don't understand it.  Is it because I started feeling semi-sexy again and that scares the crap out of me?  What on earth do I have against being healthy.  Why does our brain try to do this to us.  Since the beginning I have struggled with cravings that I never had around my period time, but now it's creeping out during other times too.  My blood sugar, while still in the normal range, is higher than it had been.  

I have been trying to do laps in the pool everyday, but the pool is almost intolerable to me right now, I just can't stay warm in it!

So even though I had a rocky start today (ate some multi grain Tostitos already) I am going to try and focus on doing it right...or else what a waste of money this would have been!!  (Plus I would really like to lose a little more weight before seeing a bunch of family in August!)

That's my rambling for now...I just had to put it down in writing that I am sucking right now.

So back to back mini trips have taken their toll on me.  Being out of my routine for any length of time messes me up, but doing two mini trips (one to Chicago for a hs graduation and one to FL for some R&R (which was less R&R than drama & drama) and driving to both have messed me up.  My legs hurt today like I ran a marathon, but in actuality I think it was from the car ride and fighting the waves at the beach.

I will say this about my Florida trip...no matter what crap goes along with it  the beach makes all things better.  I will also say don't mini vacation with 12 other people that are not your family.  It is nuts.  I did get an invite back from my best friends' sister to visit when the whole clan isn't there.  If there is any way on gods green earth that I can swing it I will.  I think I was meant to live at the beach.

My weight ,179,was down a couple lbs when I got back from this trip, so that is good news.  Bad news is I am dealing with major constipation again.  Verrrrry annoying, I am so over it.

I won't lie and say I did wonderful while I was in FL.  In fact I tried to make myself dump by eating some very bad foods while I was there just to try and not be constipated.  In true Murphy's law fashion I did not dump...and I ate a Krispy Kreme donut and some ice cream....go freaking figure.

I am pretty much back on track now...just trying to get over my lack of energy and my knees hurting so much (go kart track?.drive  home?...which to choose to blame for the soreness)

Well I guess I should point out...I rode go karts in Destin.  Last year at this time you could not have paid me enough to fit my body in one of those things.  The thought of not being able to buckle the buckle would have me saying I was not interested in even trying.  I had to let it out some from the person that rode it before me, but then the dude came by and tightened it back up...I had it too loose.  Sometimes I still think I am the bigger person and go to sizes I used to be in out of habit...I guess I did the same thing with the harness.  It's these little wow moments that make me feel good even if my weight loss is slowing down.

I don't know if the excuse if valid or not, but every time I get my period I want to eat everything!!!!!!  All good eating habits go by the way side and I want junk, tasty, fat ladden, junk.

I resist as much as I can, but if I were perfect I wouldn't have needed the surgery in the first place.  I suppose the silver lining is I only feel these urges when I am on my period, but still and all.  I have to find a healthy alternative to satisfy these cravings.  Last month when it happened some people suggested pickles cured their sweet tooth, and I tried it, but alas it did nothing to squelch the cravings.

Thank god it only happens once a month!

I have come up to Chicago for the weekend for my niece's graduation.  Had I not had this surgery there is no telling how many pounds I would have put on this weekend alone.  Between the pizza, the italian beef, the hot dogs and home cooked food I would have been in a diabetic coma.  It was a little tough cause everything looked good, specially since I am pms'ing and all, but I held out on all the stuff that might hurt me.  Can't wait to get home and see if the scale moved any from all the walking we did this weekend.

More later.

Karen