lilshani919

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Correction: life is GREAT!!!!! It was 9 months since surgery yesterday and i am officially down 100 pounds since surgery 105 from my highest and only 16 more till my final goal. I cant believe that!!!!!

I just got back from Miami, a little vacation with the girls and it wsa INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!! absolutely incredible. One of the bouncers called us out of line to skip PAST the VIP line and get right in with no cover. WHO knew I would be one of those girls!!! We got it on everywhere we went, everyone wanted to talk to us. EVEN Natalie Nunn from the Bad Girls Club invited us into the VIP section on our last night out and bought us shots! whaaaat. oh yeah, i was brave and wore a two piece! a Bikini top and skirt bottoms, NEVER in a million years did i think that would happen. I loved Miami, I need to convince everyone I know to move down there with me. Its just a different way of life the atmosphere is incredible, carefree and friendly. LOVES it.

oh so yeah, i got ENGAGED too!!!! I was SHOCKED! I mean i knew it was coming eventually, even coming in the near future, but not the way he did it...... So for our 4 year anniversary he asks what I want to do....and I say the famous last words....just surprise me. Side note: Poor Ron is not very good at surprises. For our first Valentine's day, I was away at school, and he commuted to a different school. Earlier that week he ordered himself a new computer. He calls me from school and asks if I could check his email to see if his computer shipped yet. Well the first email was from 1-800-FLOWERS........ So anyway, I dont know why I asked to be surprised, I really don't like surprises, its the control freak in me..... I have my suspicions about what we will be doing for our anniversary, but I don't know for sure. I get home on Friday and he has a present for me, its a Phillies T-shirt, and 2 Phillies tickets! YAY!!! This will be fun!!! I love phillies games! So about the 8th Inning, Ron gets up to "go to the bathroom" and I am sitting there all alone freezing to death, and off in my own little world. He comes back with a bag.....In the bag is another shirt, "what did you get me another shirt for" I open the shirt up it was folded perfectly by the way...on the front it says Chicks Dig Diamonds ( get it diamonds, baseball.....) and my first thought is ha ha ha you are NOT funny. I turn the shirt around and it says Marry Me! on it, I turn around shocked and there he is down on one knee with the ring. (holy Mother of God is this really happening) I give him a BIG hug and he says look up there (pointing to the top of our section) and I am thinking oh great there is a freaking camera in my face, ugh! But there are a bunch of people yelling and cheering and clapping. I say in my stupor and blurry vision, "who IS that" and he said its our family! I dropped everyting in my hands in shock!!! He invited my family and his family to the game to watch! They bought tickets in different sections and all met up at the first out of the 8th inning....sneaky sneak. I was beyond surprised, it was the most incredible day!

Life has been busy!! BUSY BUSY BUSY!!! I can do things I never would have done before! The confindence i have is astounding, i have honestly NEVER been so happy to be me.

The cruise in January was AMAZING, ate entirely too much, but it was great, being surrounded by food at 7 months out wasnt as bad as i thought. Trying to resit the evil assistant waiter that brought rolls around every 10 minutes, was hard, but I managed.

The weightloss has slowed down entirely too much for my liking for the past almost 2 months I was back and forth btw the same 3-4 pounds it was driving me crazy!!!!!!!!! But am slowly getting over that hump, and am now 149! I can not tell you the last time I didnt have to move the big weight on the scale past 100!!!! That was THE best day ever when i got on the scale and it was 149!  9 more pounds to my first goal, and about 25 to my ultimate goal. My hips and thighs have GOT to go. I need a lower body lift in the worst way, but that isnt happening ohhhhhh welllll.

Things were looking bad with the boyfriend of almost 4 years for awhile. He is jealous and clingy and whiny and I cant handle it. For the first time in my entire life I am happy with everything about my life, how i feel, work, friends, him, everything. And everytime i go out i get whined at. But we have worked through it. It would be sooo easy to just throw in the towel and say ya know what?! I dont need this anymore. I can now find someone who knows what they have, trusts me, and isnt being a big giant baby. But he truly is the love of my life and I want it to work out. After many talks and going around in circles things are definitely getting better! He has finally admitted that it isnt me going out, its him being insecure in himself. And that sucks I wish more than anything I could help him with that, but I know better than anyone that he has to take the first step to feeling better.

I am going to Miami at the end of April with 3 girlfriends. This would have never happened 92 pounds ago. I am going with three toothpick skinny girls I kid you not, but I am no longer the fat friend!!!! I mean i look like a round munchkin next to them, but I am not the fat one. I am having some issues in the bathing suit department. I can rock a monokini with pride, but i want to wear a 2 piece damnnit! I dont think i  have THAT much confidence, but i still want to. Bathing suit shopping is still a pain in the butt though after 92 pounds. I wish bottoms would come in half sizes too. The xl is too big, but the large is a little too snug for my liking. I'll probably wimp out and just stick with the monokini, i just wish I hadn't ruined my body, cuz this saggy skin is driving me nuts!!! (cant wait for the boob job though!) If there is one thing I am doing for myself within the next year or so, is a boob job. Yessir!


:)

HOLY HELL! Where in the hell did 6 months go!? I feel like it was june just YESTERDAY, christmas is over already like when did that happen!? This has been THE best 6 months of my entire life! I am happier now than I have been in my whole life. I have learned so much about me and the people around me its incredible.

Before surgery I would have told you that I was not an emotional eater, that I was happy with everything in my life except my weight. I just ate when I was bored, which happened to be all the time. Well I had NO idea how miserable I was. I had no idea how the weight pulled me down, physically and emotionally. I mean everything else in life was great, I was getting my Masters with a 4.0, I have a great family and friends and boyfriend but i was TRULY unhappy. Then the weight started melting away and so did my sadness and I had NO idea how much it took a toll on me and even the people around me. I smile more than I ever have before. I have more confindence than I probably should and NO ONE can bring me down NO ONE! I still have 20-35 more pounds to go but i feel beyond incredible.

I got a butterfly tattoo on my wrist to remind me of what I've been through I cant go back to that girl I was 6 months ago. So when I reach for that cookie or something I shouldnt eat, that butterfly will remind me to take 1 cookie instead of 4 like I did before. OR better yet no cookies at all.

If you are considering doing this, do it. For no one else but yourself! do it for YOU! you you you! this journey is all about YOU make yourself better! I am an open book ask me anything, my journey with weightloss and my battle with food and lack of exercise is no where near over but I'd love to help and answer anything I can. :)

to shoes!!!!! I LOVE SHOES!!!!!! I don't have to worry about trying them on anymore, I can buy them online!!! YESSSSSSS!!! Heels are my new favorite! I can wear them all night I can dance in them all night and it they make me feel sexy!!!

5 months out yesterday and down 71 pounds!!! wooo hooo!!! that is a 12 pound lost this month. I decided on Wednesday that the birth control i was taking has been slowing down my weight loss, maybe not by much, but by enough that I notice. I took it off on Wednesday night and in less than a week I dropped 5 pounds! 5 pounds in less than a week, no more birth control for me!!!

I feel absolutely incredible!!!! i can shop in regular stores, no more plus size stores for me!!!! never again actually never ever ever again!!!

I go out so much more than I ever did before, and my hormones have thankfully settled the hell down! My bf is still my heart, he loved me when i was fat and no sweet talking guy who wouldn't have given me the time of day when I was fat, will take his place!!!!! BUT damn  these boys are persistent!!!!! My bf works on the weekends, so i refuse to just sit at home anymore, I did that for far too long hiding from my peers, so I go out to the bars and clubs and dance. I wanna dance all the time ( SOOO much more engery)  but i wanna dance by myself or with my girlfriends, listen boys, i don't need you to touch me, holding onto my belt loops when we dance is not acceptable! If I tell you I have a bf take a hint! The attention is nice, but stop touching me, please and thank you :)

I have freakishly big calves, for only being 5'0" i have huge calves, i walked on my toes when I was a baby so my calf muscles are about the size of footballs! still have huge calves! BUTTT now if boots come in a wide I can zip them or pull them over my large calves. ahhH!!!!! i am SOOO excited.

I also got brave a tried on skinny jeans! skinny jeans!!!!! (there is a voice in my head that hears so bimbo saying, "skinny jeans in a size 14 is an oxymoron, they arent skinny anymore") But damnit bitch I worked hard to get wear I am, and I AM skinny compared to what I was before, so shove it! and if you dont like it, then don't look at me!!!
So yes yes yes you saw correct! Size 14 in womans size 15 in jrs!!!!!!! And at first I was really afraid my calves would look terrible in skinny jeans, but they arent so bad, especially since I havent been able to to find anything that come in short or petite, I have to cuff they at the bottom and it all balances out!

FINALLY about a very very slow month of losing in October, I dropped 5 pounds in a week!!!!! Down to 176!!! ahhhhh!!! I was soooo soo sooo beyond afraid I would never leave to 180's! Down 65 pounds! that is so much weight! It is hard for me to pick up and carry something that is 65 pounds, how did i carry it ON my body?! Only 36 more pounds to my first goal of 140! and about 50 lbs to my ultimate goal of 127-ish!!!

I have a cruise coming up at the end of January, we will actually depart on my 7th month surgiversary!!! I am hoping to be as close as possible to my first goal!!!

I feel INCREDIBLE!!!! this is the first time in a long time where I dont feel depressed and lazy and gross! And I actually never realized how sad I was when I was so close to 250 pounds, no idea that my weight had that much affect on me. I feel aboslutely wonderful! This is by far the BEST decision I have ever made, EVER!

59! ugh why cant it be 60!!! I am not complaining I have NEVER lost 59 pounds in my entire life. This was a slooooow month! I only lost 10 pounds, it has been about 15 a month before now. Hey as long as I am still losing right. I regret not measuring my inches because I think even though I am not losing pounds I am losing inches. I have to roll my size 16 jeans up becuase they are too lose and I look like I have a saggy butt. So even though its *only* ten pounds, I am still losing inches!!! Horray!

I started on the patch again this month I am wondering if maybe that is why the weight loss slowed. If it doesnt start up again after I start back at the gym, I am going off the patch, condoms were working just fine!  SIDENOTE:  on the package it says if i weight more than 198 the patch may not work for me! and I got nervous!!! until I realized that I weight LESS than that!!! It has been a LOOOONG time since i have weighted less than that.


I seem to go back and forth between the same 3-5 pounds and havent passed 182 yet! Since the day I got out of surgery this weight has been my biggest fear! This is about how much I weighed during high school and early college, this is the one weight I actually remember being. I am so scared I am going to be stuck here! I think when I was 12 I was probably around 160. My biggest fear is that I am never gonna get past the 180s and I am doomed to be obese forever.

I think my hormones have settled a little, thank you God! Life is good I cant complain, at least *i hope!* the weight will continue to come off, even if its only increments of 10....

I am down at least 55 pounds!!! I say at least because I havent gotten on the scale in awhile. I forget. Is it bad that I dont want to tell people I have lost 55 pounds? ugh! I cant believe that I had 55 pounds to lose, and that I still have another 55 or so more to go!

BUT anyway, I have collar bones and shoulder blades!!!!! I have been able to feel my collar bones since I lost the first 20 pounds,but not i can SEE them! Shoulder blades! I can see those too!! I was holding up a little mirror to look at the back of my hair and there they were, shoulder blades!!! who knew?!

Can we talk about these hormones! I mean I guess at least I have something to blame my thinking on! I truly expected to be miserable and unhappy and a bitch in general. BUT that is not the case!! woo hoo right?! no....! I have a boyfriend, for 3.5 years! He is wonderful! He is the one I want to marry and have babies with, he is the love of my life! He loved me when I was fat and no one else did!  But I like the attention from other guys! I like it entirely too much( have never acted on it though!) These guys would never have given me a second or even first  look 4 months ago.

Everything is mostly great with my bf! Except that I am ready to move forward, I graduated with my bachelor's degree in 08, Ive had a big girl job for about a year and a half, I will be finished my Masters degree on Thursday (yay me!) I am ready to get move forward. And he says hes is, hes just needs to save for a ring. (his words) He works at a bar, and is a photographer for the paper, and does photography for himself. So he has a mostly steady income, and he did just graduate with his Bachelors in May.  And dont get me wrong, I am willing to wait, its just that all this other attention is making it VERY hard to want to wait. I have been going out a lot more to bars and parties and just out in general, and he doesnt come cuz when you work at a bar or are the photographer at a wedding your weekends dont include going out. But he sees my confidence now and the way other people look at me, and I think it worries him. And I have told him, ya know what would make guys know that I am taken?! A very beautiful diamond on my left finger...just saying. And he laughs. I know he wants to get me the ring I deserve I know he isnt dragging his feet cuz he isnt sure or doesnt want to. Its just hard to wait, especially now with all this outside attention.

Hormones! ugh!!!!!!

Yesterday was three months, and I was angry that I hadn't lost any weight in 2 weeks, I was in between the same 2-3 pounds and even though I know stalls happen, its very frustrating. So I am officially down 50 pounds as of this morning!!! :)  I'd lost to keep losing at this rate! I'd be between my 2 goals. My first goal is 140, I think I was like 10 the last time I weighed that much, but it is still over weight for me, So depending how I feel I'd like to get down to 127-ish to be normal.

My hair is falling out!!!! I loathe that! LOATHE!!!!!!!!!!!! I know I dont get in enough protein, I think I'm going to have to go back to 2 shakes a day. And be better about my vitamins, I take them....usually, but I miss them a lot too, weekends are the worst. I need to set an alarm clock, is what I need! Hopefully I can stop the hair loss and work on new growth with biotin and Nutri-Ox. *here's to hoping*


Food intake has been good, I just cant physically eat enough to get 100 gms of protein in.  I do dump, discovered that the hard way, but I have a thick skull so sometimes the hard way is the only way to learn something. Me and bread don't really get along anymore, which is perfectly fine because I LOVE carbs, so if we don't get along I stay away. But let me tell you hoagies are no fun without the roll, oh well! I absolutely do not get in all my liquids, im really really bad with that, something else to add to the list of improvements. 

But hey this journey is all about learning and adjusting, sometimes its a hard lesson to learn . This journey is definitely worth all the time effort and money I put into it. Fastest 3 months even and it has been absolutely fantastic!

Up until very recently I have done fine with clothes. I had A LOT of clothes from being a smaller size so i have been shringking into them. I've had three sizes of jeans to fall back into, and even my biggest jeans will stay up on my hips, i just look like i am swimming in them (not complaining there)

BUT today I decided to dress up for work, heels, black pants(that i found shoved in the back of my closet that now fit!!!!) and a nice top....PROBLEM! most of my dressy tops are too big! YES too big, who knew I'd ever have this problem, I dont think I have ever had this problem!!!

Every weekend I play dress up in my closet, I try on old clothes to see what fits yet. I am now down to my smallest pair of jeans. They are Angel jeans and they run a little small its a 17 junior. The other pair of 17 juniors I have, have a little extra room. These Angel jeans I bought probably 2-3 yrs ago online and they were a little too snug, but I kept them thinking, oh its only a few pounds I'll lose the weight to be able to wear them! Well for the first time I can wear them!!!! HOLY CRAP!!!

I guess if my only problem is clothes being too big I can deal with that. I will have to hit up some consignment, thrift, goodwill or CHEAP stores soon.

So if anyone in the philadelphia area needs some clothes, come on over to my closet and shop!!! :)

WOO HOOO!!! fastest 2 months ever i think, and fastest 37 pounds I have ever lost in my life!!!

I used to tell myself, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." Even had it as a screen saver in college to remind myself of this. Obviously it didn't work, I wanted food! NOt just food, crap! I wanted to eat crap! All the way up to 241 pounds!

And now there is no way any of that tastes as good as I feel now. NO freakin' way at all.

I still have my struggles with food, I still like food A LOT! I still want to eat just to eat becuase the food is there, but I HAVE no choice I have to stop, and that is EXACTLY why this surgery works and none of those other diets worked. I don't feel deprived anymore like I did before.  It is crazy to step back and realize, I just want to eat because the food is there, rather than, I am satisfied, full even, I dont NEED to eat anymore.  This was something that never went through my mind before I had surgery.

I still have bad food days, like yesterday, I didn't eat great, still got my protein in and had grilled chicken for dinner, but I had a few too many not so nutrition snacks.

I dont dump, which is good and bad, No one wants to feel like that. But if I did dump I'd learn my lesson and not try that stuff again, but hey its all a learning process. And I am reteaching myself how to eat, and if that means a snack or two once in awhile so be it, skinny people eat snacks.