Being Assertive

Jun 23, 2011

.... is a whole new thing for me.  I am generally a muddy washed out doormat.  Two times in one month I have stood up for myself in what would normally be a very intimidating situation. I am so non-confrontational I put up with a lot of things even I know I don't have to tolerate, but I just do.
   Anyway, most recently was at my primary care doc's office.  I love love love my PCP, he is very knowledgeable, kind, caring, compassionate and firm.  His nurse is great. His office staff is horrid.  Example: 2yrs ago I had horrible neck pain.  I have a really high pain tolerance so I just dealt with it - laying down, sitting up, standing etc was excruciating and tear inducing. At work people would walk by and ask if I was ok because of the pain in my expression.  After a couple of weeks of dealing with it, I called my doc on a Friday morning.  They prescribed a muscle relaxer and said if it didn't help to go to the ER. Well, Saturday night found me in the ER where I was formerly employed.  They did some neurological checks, prescribed some Lortab (did nothing) and told me to see my doc on Tuesday since Monday was a holiday.
   
 Tuesday morning I call my doc - they won't schedule me without the ER records which are at a different hospital. I jumped through hoops all day to get the records sent and finally the receptionist told me to go to their ER so they could get the records. I assured her there was no way in Hades I was going to pay another $50 for records saying I had neck pain and to see me PCP. I gave up and went to work that evening.  Wednesday morning I called them in tears and his receptionist told me I should have gone to their ER so they could get the records.  I told her if I was the kind of person that it was an option, on Saturday evening I would have shot myself in the head.   They got me an appointment for that afternoon (I wasn't threatening anything, just trying to emphasize the severity of the pain).

 Anyway, to make a long story longer - I had a doc appointment this past Monday 6/20. I thought it was at 1120a, but it was at 1020 so I missed it.  She told me she would have to reschedule me and I was fine with that... until she said "I can't get you in to see him until December"
ummm... no.  I am having surgery in late July / early August so I need to be seen before then
"Well, he has a PA you can see"
no.  no.   I am having major surgery and I need to see my Doctor before then.

She just stared at me a minute and then said she would make a note and he would have to tell her when he wanted her to work me in.  I told her I'd call her next week to check on when I should plan on my appointment.

Not a big deal you say? wrong. HUGE for me. 


  I have submitted for a day off to attend the support group for my surgeon in July. I want to try to go as much as possible even though I am in counseling and have a wonderful counselor.  Last month a friend at work brought me the handouts from the support group and I gave my counselor, J, a copy.  I want him to be as informed as possible about what I may face post-op.


My worst fear is the anxiety. Not now, but on surgery day and while in the hospital. I have severe claustrophobia - I mean anything that feels like it restricting my breathing causes an anxiety attack.  I just don't see me doing well with the OR, being strapped to the table, waking up in recovery with anesthesia brain, my legs being "trapped" in the compression stockings, me being "trapped" in the bed because of wires etc.     When I was 16 I had my wisdom teeth taken out under general anesthetic and I had an anxiety attack waking up with the oxygen in my nose and my throat numb. 
  My last visit to the NUT I talked to the nurse and told her about it... she said she would make sure I am taken care of because she is claustrophobic as well (and had WLS).  I just don't have a lot of faith in it though.

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