LJ1972
The Hard Work of Maintenance
Nov 24, 2013
I literally stopped losing weight the month of my 1yr anniversary from surgery. At 167lbs (13 lbs lower than my goal) I was cool with that. I ran 5k's, 10k's even a 15K! I was in 3 short distance triathlons, I bought a horse, and I went to the water park and rode the slides!
Year 2 was active, - always in the gym or pool, riding my bike, taking classes.
The beginning of year 3 I slowed down, and I started binge eating again. Compulsive chocolate sprees (I don't dump), large portions, grazing. I was training for a half marathon as well as a short distance tri, so my trainer wanted me to take 2 rest days per week instead of just 1. Tri training was canceled several times because of severe weather, so I ended up with 3 rest days (because I didn't fill in the time on my own). In July she had me stop doing 5k races because I was using them to abuse myself mentally / emotionally. In September my mom went into ICU for 6 days and 5 nights, then the regular hospital for 4 more days. We thought we were going to lose her - called in family from Texas. I didn't train with the trainer for 4 weeks, or run for 6 weeks. But I still ate.
Weight - 180lbs (I usually stay 172-175); gained on my measurements for hip, thigh and waist; body fat % went up
And today? I had a regular sized Hershey bar with peanut butter.
I really really want to do better. I think to myself "Starting this instant, I will make better choices" .... until some compulsion takes hold of me. My counselor told me to try thinking through it logically instead of emotionally - I don't "need" something, I just "want" it, and want doesn't really have to control me. So far - fail.
My dietitian allows me to email her my food log everyday. I did it for a while, then just stopped.
I have a 10k this coming Saturday, a 5k or so coming up, and a half marathon 1/11. double bridge run 15k 2/1.
and I am afraid to pre-register for other runs beyond that, because I am afraid I will be too heavy and out of shape to do them.
*sigh*
