I Need A Therapy Session

Feb 18, 2011

Today I must say is not a very good day. First off let me start by saying it is now 5:49am pst, and I have been up since 3:10am pst, I have been fighting the urge all month long to stay away from the scale, because quite frankly it gives me anxiety. As the Good book said " be anxious for nothing, but pray about everything". So That's what I have been doing. I must say this journey has not been for the swift, it has truly been and eye opening experience. I had not logged on in a few weeks, however I missed you guys and feeling myself needing support. In the past I have been so emotionally unstable after this whole surgery. I was told by my social worker and peers that I needed to relax this is not an easy process, and to have realistic expectations. So I decided that the people have spoken and I took a step back and breathed, however, didn't they tell us in the pre-op classes to set goals for ourselves, isn't this site based on goals that are set from Dr. and our selves, so why am I being accused of having unrealistic goals when that's what is encouraged? I can't help it is I am an high achiever, and I stride for excellent, ESPECIALLY when ti comes to myself. Well the purpose for this rant today is, I finally gave in to my scale and I was once again bummed, let down, feeling like I was robbed once again! I lost 6lbs!! Shocker!! in 3 weeks is that it!! So all the sugar, bread, rice, pasta, that I refused throughout this month has gone unnoticed, un rewarded!!! All the salads I eat and soups I drink, and the protein that intake, has not paid off!! If I wanted these results I would have joined Weight Watcher!!! And then I logged on to my trusty site OH and I immediately saw updates from friends. I read a friend blog who had surgery the same date as me, and whom by the way is down 60lbs!!(Congrats to her) and I know every body type is different, however she touched on the topic of a friend making a comment about the weight not leaving fast enough, and when I read that I laughed aloud because I had the surgery and is thinking the same exact thing!!! LOL!!! However, I have a;ways been muscular and solid within my body so my weight has always been a high number, but my clothes size a small number, so I expect the same to happen however, I am not feeling the sizes getting smaller yet, Yes I have stopped wearing some of my slacks because they are drowning on me now, and yes I complain about not look tidy when I get dressed because my clothes are hanging off of me, hense the reason why I am upset at 11 weeks out 40lbs lost! I am working hard what is the problem! What do I need to do to turn thee tides...I have been getting compliments from people telling me how great I look and how refreshed I look and OMG your face has gotten so small, your skin is glowing, in my head I am like come on i keep-em coming, but they never get to the real compliment, "Oh my your so much smaller". Yesterday afternoon my BFF who hadn't seen me in a month saw me yesterday and said" Wow you really lost weight, I can see it, well your face looks smaller" I said what! What about my body, why do I keep hearing about my face, who cares about the face, what about my size, then she replied with a little chuckle" well it takes time, you will get there" that was so condescending I felt. Whats a girl to do, take out my stomach all together???

0 Comments