meeshimo

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Today is a better day.  I've joined a baseball team (not sure what I was thinking since my surgery is just over a week away), I've got my blender, protein shakes and viatmins.  I've had to pick up some more broth and have discovered chicken and vegetable make a very tasty combo. The Optifast is going down better than ever before and there is no gagging - which I am very thankful for. 

I worried the first week that I wasn't consistently having bowel movements and was told that I would experience the runs.  Well, today it has hit and it is crazy!  Sorry if this is a little too much information, but I figure if I keep it real maybe someone can benefit from this.  I can't venture too far away from a bathroom facility because it seems like I have to go all of the time.  I've lost 15 pounds since joining OH.  Oh and a nice benefit - I am starting to get my energy back.  How cool is that?

Take care everyone and be kind to yourself!

I'm new...

I think that's become my new motto of late.  I'm 30 years old and my RNY surgery is coming up in 9 days.  I'm currently consuming Optifast and supplementing that with broth, jello and gum.  My dog is starting to look like a very yummy food source LOL.  In all honesty, I am struggling with the Optifast - not just with the feelings of hunger and general lack of energy, but what I find difficult are people's response to the Optifast and how uncomfortable they are with my new lifestyle.  it truly surprises me how much socialization revolves around food and when someone is not able to participate in that socialization it becomes an issue.

I am nervous about the surgery.  I worry about the impact it will have on my life.  I worry that my diabetes will not be cured (which is the primary reason for the surgery).  I think today may be an off day in general.  I've been told this is fairly normal before the surgery.  I hope so. LOL.

I am buying the vitamins and protein shakes etc tomorrow.  I have emptied my fridge to reduce any temptation of cheating.  My family and friends support is mixed.  I do have a strong support system overall, however there are a few that are worried about and for me. 

My sister is fearful that something might happen and I could die from this procedure.  Since both of our parents have died in the last 3 years from diabetes, this fear is normal.  I honestly thought that this process would be fairly smooth.  i had been researching this for 10 years and really evaluated if I wanted to actually do this surgery.  Every time I met with a specialist, social worker, nurse, I asked myself the question "Is this truly what I want?"  My answer was always yes.

I did not anticipate the emotional rollar coaster this journey would be.  I have been caught in the crosshairs of poltiical nonsense from the program study I am involved with that is studying the results of bariatric surgery on patients and the obesity related diseases - specifically diabetes in my case.  My work environment has not been the most supportive - which has caused a great deal of stress.  Added to all of this is the emotional journey of changing my lifestyle and starting a "new" life.  I am just starting to realize the full impact of this and believe that I will not truly understand this until well after the surgery. 

So for today, i am taking things a step at a time.  For today, I will appreciate each moment of my journey as a necessary piece to my evolvement and growth on this path I have chosen.  =)

It is now Day 5 of the Optifast.  I am now looking at my dog as a potential food source which is not good! LOL!  However I have learned many things during this time (and I imagine that  I will learn plenty more before this is all done).

Lesson #1
When you are on a "diet" or otherwise restricting your intake, it often makes others around you uncomfortable.  This presents some interesting opportunities for laughter if one is willing to seize the opportunity. =)~ (which I do when I can).

Lesson #2
When you are hungry the taste of something becomes less and less important.  When I was first introduced to Optifast I almost threw up.  It was the smell that did it to me.  I wasn't sure that I could handle two weeks of this. 

Lesson #3
When you are only consuming approximately 900 calories a day - it plays with your mind.  Several people on Optifast have reported feeling energized - I am still waiting for this to occur.  I am tired and have had a headache for the past 3 days.  I think that this is a mind over matter situation - but i will let you know later. 

Lesson #4
My attitude is what will determine my ultimate success.  This has been a VERY BIG lesson and one that I am continuously learning. 

I thought today was the day that I was to start the Optifast. I had it marked on my calender and was prepared. I made a minor indulgence last night of a frostie as my last hurrah! This morning at 5:30 I prepared the mixture that tastes like chocolate flavored wood and took the advice of the dietician and added a Crystal Light to make this concoction more palatable. Turns out Crystal Light gets rid of the wood taste (who would have thunk it)!

So bravely I have gone forth and have consumed 3 of these delectable drinks, only to receive a message from the dietician that I am to start the Optifast on Tuesday (tomorrow). I seriously need to learn how to count. Well, for a practice run it has not been too horrible. I definitely have to make sure that I have sugar free popsciles, jello and broth on hand.

I only hope that by day 10 I am not trying to gnaw on someone's leg.

Okay so I have been a little remiss in properly journalling my adventure thus far, but better late than never. I had my sleep apnea test last night in preperation for my surgery which is in 22 days. This photo captures it all. I was wired to the gills, including head, legs, chest and stomach. Then the technician has to calibrate you (flex your legs, breath in and out, blink your eyes, close your eyes, look left to right, up and down) and then she nicely says have a good sleep. For those of you who may not know, not only are you wired and taped so that you can barely move - you are also gooped, in a room that is pitch black and being video taped. The pressure is tremendous not to pick your nose or engage in self-love - not that I do those things mind you. =)~

I am not great at sleeping in the best of circumstances. I usually need the tv to be on so that I can fall asleep and avoid nightmares. Something about hearing voices. So needless to say this sleep test was an adventure. After many hours of tossing, turning, having to go pee (which is quite an adventure when you are wired) I was woken up at 7:07 am by my technician and asked to fill out a questionnaire about my alertness level (COME ON!) and energy levels (Yeah OK). After I was disconnected and full of goo (which I cannot begin to describe how gross it was) I had a shower. Two shampoos later and the goo still did not come fully out of my hair.

I'm not sure how everything is giong to go, but what I do know is that I am hopeful that the future will bring much blessings and even better health. This should be fun.