melly37

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The scale said 200.6 this morning!!  UGH!!  I recovered from Auntie Flow okay.....she just always seems to throw things off!!  Damn her!!  I am at least confident now that I will hit ONEderland this week though!  My friend Linda (from the boards) have bee really trying to help each other get to that mini goal and she made it this morning!  Yeah!!   We both came to realize that we have worked too hard and been through too much to just let the weight stall now. 

I have my Upper GI done in a couple of weeks.  I hope and pray that my band and pouch look good.  I just can't understand why my band is so tight still.  IF everything looks like it's supposed to then I will be happy and thankful I haven't needed another fill yet.  So, please cross your fingers ad pray that my band and pouch are good!   Yesterday, I couldn't really eat much of anything.  "Journey" was extra tight.  I have been very stressed lately at home and some at work, so that can pretty much explain it.  However, my mind starts thinking awful things about slips, etc. 

I will try to make time to ride my bike this week,and I am going to tackle cleaning out the closet.  I have no idea how much and what kind of winter and fall clothes I need until I get in there and try on some stuff!  Luckily I saw some size 16 dress pants (a few pair) the other day that I guess I kept from the last time I yo-yo'd down to that size.  LOL  No more yo-yo'ing for me now!!!  And THAT is a great feeling!!! 

Auntie Flow came to see me yesterday.  UGH!!   She really tightens up my band and makes me feel miserable.  Cramps, back ache, fatigue.  Yesterday was Joe's birthday, so he took a day off and we went to see Batman.  I normally don't have trouble with popcorn, but I had some trouble yestrday.  To continue my unhealthy eating, we made some corn dogs for dinner and that was a no-no.  The few bites I had felt stuck in my stoma. 

I am sipping a protein shake now, and will probably have coffee, water and soup the rest of the day.  My weight still refuses to get below 201.  I really want to get down below 200 finally.   UGH!  I don't know why it's going so dang slow! 

I have my upper GI scheduled for August 19th, I sure hope everything looks good.  Some days, like yesterday I am always afraid I am stretching my pouch.    There  have been a lot of people posting about slips, etc. lately.  It makes me paranoid.  It makes me wonder just how delicate your stoma and esophogus are.  I mean.....would it take repeated and extreme abuse o cause a slip or pouch dilation?  Or, could it be just a couple of bad days?   I love my band....I'm sure most of my negativity is Aunt Flow talking.  Stupid bitch.  LOL

This last week flew by!  Now that I am working 4/10's the work week seems to be a blur.  I had a bad day at work though.....UGH.  To make a long story short, I basically got told that I dressed inapropriately one day.  I was wearing a cute sundress that I got at Wal-Mart.  I had already wore it a few times to work and got many compliments.  It's a halter dress, so I had to wears a strapless bra underneath it.  . 

I had a meeting to attend on Tuesday.  Since I am lead where I work I get lumped in with the supervisors and management.  Leadership wanted a meeting to go over upcoming changes.  I was wearing THE dress.  The next day, my supervisor pulled me aside and said someone in leadership voiced concerns about my dress.  My boss conveyed this in the nicest way she could, and struggled with having to tell me. 

After her talk had a little while to sink in, I was mortified.  I was so emarrassed.  I don't dress provacitevly.  This dress isn't sexy, it's cute.  But, the damage had been done.  I am hoping to get a supervisor slot, in fact I am working on my application now for an open position in my area.  Was this going to ruin my chances?  UGH!!!  I started crying and feeling sick about it all. 

Before I left work, I talked with my supervisor and manager and felt much better.  They assured me that everything was just fine.  I really love my job and didn't want this to ruin it!  So, hopefully everything will be fine. 

Other than that, not too much else going on.  I weightloss seems to be at a standstill again.  I was down to 202.8 last Saturday, and this morning it's at 203.  I had yo-yo'd back up to 205 this week and have been eating very badly....so, to see 203 on the scales this morning made me feel better.  I know I don't need another fill.  I don't know what it's going to take to kick start this weight loss again other than maybe really going low calorie and trying to find time to exercise more. 

I weighed in at 202 this morning!!!  Well, TECHNICALLY 202.8 but hey, I'll take it!!!  Getting closer to ONEderland!!  YEAH!!    
I went to see Dr. Liljestrand yesterday.  I just adore my PCP!  He is a cutie, but he's very sweet and always listens to me.  I hadn't seen him since I thought my incisions from surgery were infected.  So, it was about two weeks after surgery.  He was really blown away with my progress.  He said I looked VERY GOOD and that I looked completely different.....didn't look like the same person.    LOL  See why I love the man?   He was voted one of the best general practitioners yet again in Albuquerque this year.  When I mentioned that to him he just blushed and said he didn't know that until another patient mentioned it to him. 

I had to go see him because my insurance company is switching my surgery after-care to a new surgeon!!  YEAH!!  No more Dr. Frezza!!  Before I can meet with this new surgeon, I have to have an upper GI done.  Dr. Liljestrand had to order that for me to be done, and it was time to have all my numbers checked.  So, next week I will have to have blood drawn.  I REALLY hope my diabetes looks better.  I quit taking my meds over a month ago and probably shouldn't have. I just felt like the Avandia was holding my weight loss back and the Metformins are just WAY TOO BIG.  And YES, I did confess that to Dr. Liljestrand.  LOL  He said he will soon find out if I will need to start taking them again.  ha ha ha ha Hopefully not!

I am very glad that I'm getting the upper GI done.  Unfortunately the first available appointment wasn't until 08/17/08.  I have to wait a month.  Sometimes I just feel like my band is way too tight still.  I wasn't able to eat too much this week, hence the 3 pound loss I'm sure.  Monday I had a bad stuck episode.  Sometimes I think I am having problems because I'm not drinking enough fluids and not staying hydrated enough, but at  other times I really fear a problem with my band.  So, I am committing right here and now to get all of my fluids in.  Within a week or two of getting in at least 80 ounces of fluids in I should be able to tell whether or not it's hydration or too much saline. 

My week wasn't too bad.  Auntie Flow came to visit on Monday, and she brought a few extra pounds with her.  My band wasn't quite as tight this time around when she was here.  I think the fat pad around my stomach must be shrinking a  little.  There are times that I still have trouble eating, but hopefully I am okay. 

On to the NSV's.  I got called in to Mary's office (the manager) on Wednesday.  For some reason I always think the worst.  LOL  Turns out she just wanted to ask me how much weight I have lost and to tell me that I look great!   The very next day, my supervisor did the same thing!!  It feels so good to be noticed!!  I think a lot of it was the fact that I was wearing shirts that actually fit me, an XL vs. a 3X.  ha!  I weighed in at 205 Friday morning, but back up to 206 this morning.  So, we'll see where the weight loss is going.  Hopefully I can get to ONEderland by the end of the month!! 

I am applying for a supervisor position at work.  It's making me nervous, but I think I have a chance.  It will be a lot of extra work, I believe, but more money!!  Cross your fingers for me!!  The vacancy announcement closes in early August. 

 

I took my son to the movies yesterday for the holiday.  It was fun, but I ate way too much popcorn!   So much so I was up a pound this morning!  UGH!!  Oh well.  I know it will come back off, but I am gettin frustrated again.  I have been stuck right around 206 for at least 3 weeks now.  I want to get to ONEderland already!!  

I was cleaning out the office this morning and stopped to look at a bunch of photos.  It's so weird to see myself at different weights, at different times in my life.  I have been my weight at surgery for several years.  I am now down to about the low point I got when I was first diagnosed with diabetes.  Well, I will probably be there in another 15 pounds.  I haven't been at a normal weight since probably 1992 or 1993.  15 or 16 years is a long time to carry around this extra weight.  

I went to my consult with Frezza almost one year ago.  My journey hasn't been quite what I expected....some Frezza's fault, and some mine.  It's been hard to eat healthy foods all of the time.  When I didnt have good restriction I could eat almost anything in moderation.  Now that I am very tight I can't get much solid protein in.  Tonight I grilled out steaks.  Mine was very tender and I measured out a piece weighing 4 ounces.  I was only able to eat 1 or maybe 1.5 ounces.  I had a couple of bites of beans and 2 small bites of mac-n-cheese.  Calories-wise, I am sure that isn't much.  Most of my meals go like that.  I think I get my calories from my protein shake in the morning, cashews and sunflower seeds.  ha ha!  Yes, I have still been eating those.  Well....I have cut back.  Thursday we had a pot luck and I went wild.  I had banana cream pie, brownies, chips and a hot dog.  I couldn't eat this all at once, but I did eat it all!  Oh well.  Guess I can see why the scale went back up a notch, eh? 

Down to 206 this morning!!  I had gone back up to 209 and stayed there for most of the week.  I think it's the dang sunflower seeds I have become addicted to!    Too much sodium!!  

I got a call from Fill Centers USA yesterday.  They were wanting to know how things were going and they probably wanted to schedule another fill.  ha ha, no way!!  I am still very tight, and still debate if I should get a little taken out even.  I had trouble eating most of the week, but then Thursday night I ate an entire fish plank at LJS.   So, who knows?  

Everything else is going okay.  Time is just flying by, actually.  I can't believe it's almost the 4th of July! 

  I weighed in at 208 this morning!   I hope I don't have to wait 8 weeks just to get to ONEderland, but hey....I'll just be glad to be there.  It's been so long since I have been there it seems like a mythical place to me.  Is it true that the sky is always brighter?  The stars shine more brightly?  The grass is lush and green?    Oh wait.....that's the same place I am in now, only wearing a size 14's I hope!!  ha ha ha ha

I had a huge NSV the other day!   I had run to the grocery store one night after work.  As I was opening my trunk to put the groceries in to, a man was driving by with his windows open.  He stopped his car and said, "Excuse me."  When I looked over at him he said, "YOU ARE GORGEOUS!!"  Well, I was shocked and kind of muttered a "thank you.." and as he was driving away he said, "YOU ARE HOT!!"  
LOL  Okay, it was flattering.....would have been more flattering if it was some dude that wasn't so gangsterish.  LMAO.  But then again, a nice upstanding guy probably wouldn't say that out loud.....but, now I am wondering if they think it.  Hmmmmmm

Compliments like that are a little unsettling also.  With the abuse I have suffered, I tend to get a little scared when a guy pays that much attention to me.  I will not let this sabatoge my weight loss though!!  I am happy and safe now, and Pam would be proud! 

I am down another pound from last Saturday to 209!  Yeah!!  I can't wait to get to ONEderland!!  That will be sweet!!   I am focusing on that now.  It's inspiring to have mini-goals.  
I am STILL wondering if I am too tight.  Eating solid protein has really been a chore lately.  I didn't really count this last week since Aunt Flow was visiting, however she left on Thursday and I was still pretty darn tight last night.  *sigh*  If it wasn't so costly I would run in and get .25 CC's taken out, and I still might do that.  I am trying not to be stubborn about it, I just don't want to have some saline taken out if the problem is my chewing and eating habits.  
We will see what the next few Oh well.....I guess I should have just stuck to liquids at that point.   This is all such a huge learning experience!

YEAH!!!    As of this morning, I am down 50 pounds!!!  Wooo Hooo!!!  In just under 5 months, not too bad.   If that trend continues I will be down to my goal weight by my birthday in November.   My goal is 150, but I know I could safely lost 10-15 pounds more than that.  I'll cross that bridge when I get to it though.  For now, my goal is to lose 60 more  pounds, and that doesn't seem nearly as overwhelming as where I started at 110 lbs to lose!  YEAH!!  

So, the scale showed 210 this morning, can't wait to be in onederland!