Kellye G.
Holiday is O-V-E-R
May 29, 2007
My grandmother had prepared as best as she could to accomodate my special needs, but I don't think she quite "got it" when I emphasized PROTEIN FIRST because she still thought having fruit for breakfast would be okay for me. Hell, I rarely, if ever eat any fruit and it's usually put into a protein drink for a smoothie or something. But just eating a bowl of fruit?? NOT!! Overall, I think she did farily well in making sure I had things there I could eat. I also brought along some Nectar protein powders divided up into little baggies, my shaker cup and a few protein bars to help fill in any gaps.
I met my mom, stepdad and aunt at a local restaurant in town for lunch on Saturday and there was absolutely NOTHING I could eat there. I had brought along a protein drink just in case and I suppose it is a good thing I did. I must admit I was a bit pissed that they didn't consider my special needs when they picked the place to eat - I mean the name of the place was Tom's Pizza - that should have been a clue, you know? I ended up going by KFC and getting a thigh a few hours later (no skin) and ate that - better than nothing I suppose.
Trying to find good, sensible choices of food when you're traveling and don't want to go to a sit-down style restaurant is I must say nearly impossible! Everything seems to come on a bun, or is fried or is just something you don't want to eat or can't eat. I did okay for the most part, but sometimes you just have to improvise, even if it isn't the most smart choice to make.
I'm honestly glad to be back home because I can get back to eating the way I know works best for me and not have to rely on someone else to figure that out. Sometimes it just gets tiresome trying to explain it all. And to be frank, most people just don't get it - not unless they've been through WLS or are preparing for it or maybe know someone who has gone through it. How do you explain to to people? Is it even possible?
I had hoped that I would have lost at least those last 2 pounds I needed Friday to officially have the 50 pounds off .... BUT .... dumb me forgot to weigh myself before I left for KY Friday morning!! I couldn't believe it!! I was about an hour away from the house before I realized I'd walked out the door without stepping on the scale and if had been possible I would have kicked myself. LOL I debated on whether or not to weigh when I got home Monday but decided to just wait until the next Friday to weigh. It was hard to resist stepping on it this morning, but after not having such great food choices I thought it would be a good idea to get back on track for the next few days. Who knows, maybe I can say after this Friday I've officially lost at least 50 pounds, right?
I still have soreness in my left knee when I twisted it working out at Curves last week. I'm debating on when I should go back and try to start working out again. I want to make sure my knee has plenty of time to heal, but I hate that I'm paying for memebership and can't use it. I know if I go to the doctor & get a note saying to stay off of it or refrain from exercise, I can get "credit" at Curves, but that costs money as well. Sucks not having any health insurance.
Only one person said anything about noticing a change in my weight. My mom said it looked like I had lost some weight in my abdominal area. I know that with only 50 pounds (maybe??) gone that not much of a difference may be seen right now. Maybe by Christmas it will be different.
The Journey Continues
May 24, 2007
I am going to be traveling to Kentucky tomorrow to see my family. It's the first time I've been home in over 2 years. No one has seen me since I had my surgery and now with 48 pounds gone in two months, I wonder if they will be able to see a difference. To be honest I can't see a change but it's different when you see yourself every day. However I have noticed in differences in my clothes and in how I can go about my day - things are easier for me to do. Plus with so much weight to lose, it might be a while before I can look in the mirror and actually see a physical change. Although sometimes I think I might always see a fat person staring back because that's what I've seen for so long.
I weigh myself tomorrow and I'm hoping that at least 2 pounds is gone so I can say that I've lost 50 pounds (or more) when I see everyone this weekend. I would love to have lost over 50 pounds in 2 months - I just think that would be great. But I'll take anything to be honest. It's just wonderful to see the scale moving down and continuing to move down. My next "big" goal is to get out of the 300s. Not sure what I will do do celebrate that particular milestone, but that will mean that 85 pounds is gone - or 105 if you take into consideration what my highest weight was - and I definitely think that is something to celebrate.
I've already decided to get a tattoo when I have lost 100 pounds. I've decided on a basic design and once I've gotten to 285, I'll be calling the tattoo artist to set up an appointment. She said she'd create something very unique that I would love so I'm actually looking forward to it. Hopefully I won't be too much of a weeny and can deal with any of the pain that goes along with the process. I also plan on getting another tattoo once I reach goal - just don't know what that will be yet.
I joined our local Curves gym Wednesday. I had been given a free weeks trial to workout and see how I would like everything. My mom and aunt both belong to Curves where they live and seem to really enjoy it. So I thought I would give it a try as well. It's pretty good and I like that I only have to go a minimum 3 days/week for 30 minutes each session. You can work out longer or go more often if you want to. Right now the 3 days/week is good enough because I also do some things at home on the days I don't go. Even though I'm still not a huge fan of exercise, I don't seem to mind going there to work out. The 30 minutes seems to pass quickly and it's not boring - which is helpful when you get tired of doing the same thing over and over again and then quit. I'm hoping it will help with weight loss and maybe make it so that I don't have to have extensive plastic surgery once I've lost all the weight I want to lose. It will depend a lot on how my skin handles the excessive loss.
I can honestly say I've been feeling great since my WLS. No problems or complications to speak of - other than the ones I inflicted on myself by overeating or eating too fast. Sometimes old habits sneak back up on you and the gorge fest begins. However the old body sure does quickly remind you that those habits are major NO NOs as I had to make a dash to the bathroom to throw it back up.
The only negative thing I've really experienced on a more "regular" basis has been nausea. Not sure why either. Some days it just seems that no matter what I eat or drink I just feel queasy. I've wondered if maybe I was eating too fast or if it was the type of food or maybe it was just one of those days?? I honestly don't have a clue. But that has seemed to pass over the last few days (for now at least). There are certain foods that I know make me sick - eggs are in that category. I just can't seem to tolerate them very well.
Moving on down :o)
May 11, 2007
I have reserved a car to make my trip home at the end of the month. I was able to get a good rate and was surprised I could have the car for 4 days for $100 bucks and unlmited miles. I think the cost of the gas will end up being more than renting the car. Oh well, at least I have more reliable transportation to get me there and back. Everyone seems very excited about me coming home for the weekend. I wonder if they will be able to tell if I have lost any weight. When I look in the mirror I can't tell. I have been able to tell a little bit in my clothes and just the fact that I can do things a little easier. I also don't have my gut rubbing the steering wheel when I drive anymore - that was a nice "treat" one day. Who knows what they'll see in 2 weeks.
I really must get back in the habit of exercising regularly. I started slacking once I developed this damned cold and cough and came up with every excuse NOT to work out. There really is no good reason for me to keep avoiding it because basically I feel fine except for the nagging cough I can't seem to shake. I just have never been very fond of exercising and I don't know that I ever will be.
So I bit the bullet and called our local Curves today. I have an appointment on Monday to go in and see how everything works and prices, etc. My mom and aunt are both members where they live and they both really seem to like it. I thought it would be a good way to force the exercise, since I'm paying for it, as well as socialize with other women who are trying to lose weight or even stay in shape. I don't know if I will disclose I've had WLS but I'll just wait until my appointment and see.
I feel like I am getting the hang of eating now. I've learned I do better if I drink my breakfast. So of course I'm thankful I have a rather large supply of protein drinks. When I've tried to have a "typical" breakfast (or solids so to speak) it makes me queazy and I feel like I need to throw it back up. Not a fun way to start the day. At least the protein drinks help start my day right and it seems to set the tone for the rest of the day - knowing I need to eat right, follow my diet, etc. When I would try a solid breakfast, sometimes I would end of grazing all day. I don't find myself doing that when I have a protein drink first thing in the morning.
I don't know if I could be as successful without all the great protein products available though. How in the world you can get in all the protein required by eating meat, eggs & cheese is beyond me. I can't do it that way and I've tried. It is definitely easier to have a couple of protein drinks and then 2 to 3 small meals every day. I'm eating a very small amount of veggies - maybe 1/4 cup or less a day, but sometimes I want something to go with my fish or chicken. I end up eating fish a LOT. It seems to be the easiest thing to eat, unless I can find really moist chicken or turkey.
I'm still having an incision heal slowly. And the incision that is right at my bra line on my diaphragm is a problem when I wear a bra. The bra seems to rub it and it hurts. I put a small bandage over it the other day when I went out and it helped a little but not enough. Guess I will have to pad it a little more.
Catching up
May 04, 2007
Unfortunately right now I am suffering with a mild head cold - UCK! I have a sore throat and cough and just all around icks. I've also had a low-grade temp for a couple of days and can't seem to get warm, which is about as annoying as the damned cough! My hands feel like ice. Used to be my feet could never get warm, now my hands are following suit. Oh well, could be worse I'm sure.
I also have to admit that I went through a period of self-pity and doubt after my weight loss just seemed to slow WAAAY down after the first couple of weeks. But when I average out all the weight I've lost since my surgery 5 weeks ago, I've lost almost 8 pounds a week and that really ain't bad. However, when you lose almost 30 pounds in 2 weeks and then the next three only lose 10 it pissed me off. One morning after I got off the scale I actually cried. I wondered if I was doing something wrong, if I wasn't following my diet correctly, if everything I had gone through had been a waste of time and money. But I also did some reading on the boards of others who had the same WLS as I did, and almost everyone had stalls or slow downs about the same time as me. So I didn't feel so alone or distraught anymore.
It is still frustrating though. I think I just am so ready and anxious to have all this blubber come off that I don't want it to go slow, speed up, slow back down, and so on. I just want it to fast track to goal! Wouldn't that be great - isn't that what we would all like at this point? But I know that's really not realistic either. That my body will take time to adjust to everything I'm throwing at it - the immensely decreased amount of food, exercise, surgery, (and currently a cold). I didn't pack on all this weight in a short time and it will just take time to take it off.
One of my incisions is a bit irritated and inflamed. I had a bit of infection with it and it seems to be slowly healing now. I've been doctoring it as best I can and hopefully it will just clear up. If not I'll be making a trip to the clinic to get an antibiotic. Can't very well go see my surgeon in Tijuana now can I?? That's definitely one downside to having surgery done so far away from home. But in all honesty I still wouldn't change a thing about it. Overall I have had great success and no major complications. I really could not be happier with my decision to have WLS.
Off topic of me... I learned yesterday that my grandfather who has Parkinson's recently had a barium swallow study. He's been having trouble swallowing for some time now and after the test they saw that some of the things he eats/drinks are going into his trachea instead of his esophagus. And he's gotten so used to it that he doesn't even bother to cough it up or try to bring it up to make it go down the right pipe. He will be 90 in September and has been slowly deteriorating for the past several months. He was permanently placed in a nursing home last month - which I truly hate for him. Anyway, it was suggested he have a feeding tube and he out rightly refused it. My mom and aunt were there with him when they discussed his options. My mom said she was a relieved he refused the feeding tube.
In truth, I think I am as well. His quality of life is poor, almost non-existent. The feeding tube would only prolong this and I think he's come to a point where he has accepted it is just his time to say his good-byes. My mom seems to think he's at peace with this. Now I had intended to go see my family sometime in August, but because of this new information, I will probably make the trip in a couple of weeks. I really wanted to wait to go after I had been further out post-op from my WLS just because it would be easier on me, but I don't want to put off visiting, especially with my grandfather's condition getting worse. I'd like to see him while he can still visit with me - I didn't get that chance with my grandmother and it's something I will always regret.
So now I have to reserve a rental car to make the trip because our vehicle probably wouldn't make it - not the most reliable hunk of junk on the road. *sigh* I suppose once I know more specific dates of when my DH will be home again, I can make all the reservations and then let the family know. It will be the first time I've been home to see anyone in over 2 years. Wonder if people will even notice a difference or not? Either way it's a trip I have to make, even if it is not under the best of circumstances.
Shrinking Already?? :o)
Apr 19, 2007
I got up this morning knowing if the weather was agreeable I would make my way over to Portage to storm Walmart and get a few things and basically just get out of the house to have something different to do.
Well, I was getting dressed and before I grabbed my pair of biggest jeans I had a thought.... wonder if the other jeans I have (I think they're 1 to 2 sizes smaller) will fit? My fattest jeans are sliding off my butt every time I walk and I'm constantly pulling them up. I was worried I'd be walking around and they'd fall down - how embarrassing that would be! LOL
So I found the ones that are about 1 (or 2) sizes smaller and THEY FIT!!! WOOO HOOO!! Now I know going down from like a 38 to a 36 is a very small step, but hey, it's a step in the right direction. At least these didn't fall down! haha
I did fight the evil mental hunger demon today though. Every damn food joint I passed I could almost taste the food I used to buy - the burgers, chicken nuggets, grinders, fries, shakes, pizza.... However, I was a "good girl"and didn't give into any of it. Doesn't mean my mind wasn't bugging the hell out of me saying "just try it, you might be able to tolerate it okay".
Maybe I could, but I damn well don't want to find out either. I know with the VSG dumping is not supposed to be an issue, but I'll just pretend that it is. Maybe, far off in the future I might be able to go through a drive through and get something, but for now I don't want to know if I can tolerate those kinds of foods. I'd rather just believe I'd have a BIG BAD reaction (dump, barf , whatever) and stick to my better eating habits I'm trying SO hard to develop.
I have recently noticed that my big stomach doesn't rub the steering wheel when I'm driving now. Not so long ago it was difficult to even turn the wheel because my gut got in the way. Now there is about an inch between me and the wheel! :o) Still have to use the seat belt extender, but that's okay. Every little "milestone" is a good one.
One thing that has been bugging the crap out of me lately though.... after sleeping my 6 to 8 hours at night, I wake up with the WORST dry mouth. It's like there is absolutely NO spit in my mouth at all. My tongue is even dry and cracked. It's AWFUL! I never used to have this issue before WLS. Maybe it's because I'm still not getting in all my fluids yet. Who knows?
Another 15 pounds -- GONE!
Apr 13, 2007
I started adding exercise yesterday. I'm finally using the treadmill we bought almost 4 years ago. Up until now it's basically been collecting dust in the basement - just like so many other pieces of exercise equipment we've bought in the past. Funny how lots of them become places to hang laundry. haha
My grandmother is driving me a little crazy though. She's calling me a lot to check up on me. I know she just cares about me, but at times it can be a bit much. And she's still griping about having to lose 5 or 10 pounds. Okay, come on people - - 5 to10 pounds!! Is she kidding me?? Here I am trying to take off more than 200 pounds and she's concerned about her measly 10 pounds?? I shouldn't ridicule her for that because for her, that weight probably makes a big difference in her clothes and how she feels. But it still doesn't stop me from getting a bit aggravated at her. I don't know if she's trying to tell me she knows how it is to need to lose weight or that she knows what I'm going through.... something she'll NEVER be able to understand. I guess I should just chalk it up to her "unique" way of trying to tell me she cares.
At least our snow is gone here (for now anyway). The sun is out and the temps have gotten into the 40s. Will be glad when it gets warmer because I might try to start walking outdoors for a change.
The mental hunger is still a problem but I'm finding ways to try and battle it - staying busy really helps. But it sure doesn't make it easy when every other commercial on TV is a food or restaurant advertisement. The other night I gave in and tried to eat some cheese. BIG mistake! I really paid for it too - lots of abdominal pain, gas and just general misery. At least my body rebelled and taught me a lesson. LOL
The Battle Within
Apr 08, 2007
Last night I was almost in tears because I wanted something to eat so badly. All I could think about was food - how it tasted, how if felt to chew, to stuff myself with massive amounts of food and consume 1000s of calories at one time. I don't feel physical hunger at all so it's all in my head and I know that. But our minds are very powerful little buggers and to be honest I felt like a junky last night needing a fix!
Being addicted to food is laughed off by some as bunk, but for me it's not. I don't think my desperation for desiring food last night was any different from someone else trying to kick alcohol or drugs. At least with alcohol or drugs you can conquer that demon and never have to use them again - that's not the case with food.
Keeping busy I know will help me a lot. I'm hoping to start using the treadmill we have this week for some exercise and once it warms back up again I'm actually looking forward to walking around the block and enjoying the fresh air and sunshine. I desperately want to have a better, more normal life. I'm just so scared that my mental battle is going to be lost. I've had these terrible eating habits for almost 20 years so it will be hard to break them. And I know I can't change them overnight, but I'm still terrified.
8 DAYS POST-OP
Apr 07, 2007
Well, I am finally able to say I'm post-op and it feels GRRREAT! I weighed myself yesterday and had lost 12 POUNDS and was thrilled about that. Just knowing that the scale numbers will continue to decrease is a wonderful feeling. Having the surgery was the best thing - although I didn't feel that way the first day afterwards! Part of me wondered what in the hell I had done to myself. But once I got up and started moving around, and having my pain managed so well, I knew that every bit of pain, nausea, cramps, etc were worth it.
The only main complaint I'm having now is it's hard to get warm. I always feel cold. I've had to turn up the heat in our house as it is unfortunately snowing! So much for Spring! But it seems like no matter what I wear or how many blankets I use I'm still chilled. Takes me a long time to get warm, too. I have heard this is common after any WLS and have heard others speak of it - I was just hoping I wouldn't have to deal with it. Oh well, if that's my only complaint then I think I'm doing pretty well.
I have yet to tell my family that I had my WLS in Mexico though. They still assume I went to a surgeon here in Michigan about 2 hours away. I just didn't want the added stress or negativity from them about my choice to go there to have it done. They are all very happy for me that I've had the surgery and are equally happy that everything went well and that I'm doing well. Now that the worry and fear of me having complications or dying from WLS is behind us, it will be easier to "fess up" and let them know where we really were for the past week.
I plan on posting some pictures in the next couple of days. I still need to download them from my digital camera before I can get them on my page. I only wish I had thought about getting one of my surgeon and the other people we were in contact with there. We met so many wonderful people and everyone was very nice and helpful during our stay. We do plan on going back sometime within the next couple of years to have a "real" vacation and I'll definitely have to take the pictures I should have taken while I was there for my WLS.
HELLO!! From Sunny Tijuana Mexico!
Apr 03, 2007
Today is post op day #4 for me and I'm feeling really good. I have had very few post-op problems like nausea or vomiting. Have only thrown up once and that was soon after surgery and I think more from the anesthesia than anything else. My pain is moderate but the pain meds have been very good at keeping it under control. I have been up and moving around since Saturday afternoon, walking in the hospital hallway and even going outside to sit in the sunshine and visit with some of the other family members of patients at the hospital. We arrived in Tijuana on Thursday morning and met with my surgeon for at least an hour. We talked at length about my surgery scheduled for the next day and had some labs done at his office. He answered all of my questions and even those my DH had for him. Dr. Kelly is really kind and compassionate and seems to care deeply for the people he works with. All of his office staff are wonderful as well and always have smiles on their faces. We dealt a lot with Grace while we have been here and she is very friendly and seems to genuinely enjoy working for Dr. Kelly and with his patients as well. Later that afternoon, Dr. Kelly came by my hospital room and said that he and his colleagues had discussed my case and thought that I might be a better candidate for the vertical sleeve gastrectomy (VSG) instead of the RNY. We discussed both surgeries, the pros/cons of each, the differences, etc. and ultimately I said that I trusted him to make the decision on which surgery would be best for me. He said he wouldn't even know which surgery he would be performing until he actually got started. So I didn't have any idea which surgery I would have until I woke from anesthesia. Friday my surgery was first thing in the morning. I was walked down to the OR, asked to get up on the table and they started hooking me up to everyting. A second IV was started in my other arm and once my anesthesia was started, everything is a blur until waking up sometime on Saturday and asking what day it was and which surgery I got - turns out Dr. Kelly performed the VSG. I vaguely remember having my catheter removed but that is about it. I suppose it's just as well that Friday is a day I don't really remember. I did have one case of vomiting the night after my surgery, but other than that one episode, my nausea was controlled very well with medication. I’m hoping we will be able to do some more sight seeing tomorrow but we’ll be staying closer to our hotel. There is a large shopping center about one block from our hotel that is supposed to have several shops and restaurants that we would like to visit. Just to be able to get out and enjoy the fresh air and get some exercise. I am amazed at how much energy I really do have even though I’m not consuming much. I think I just am so thankful that I have finally been able to have WLS that life just seems better. I have a better outlook on everything and already feel happier. My mood is better, I’m smiling more and even being kinder to my DH! This surgery has definitely already made amazing changes and there are certainly more to come.
I was admitted to the hospital later that Thursday afternoon where they did a few more tests and took x-rays. I had an IV started and had to drink some NASTY stuff to cleanse my colon. It was G-R-O-S-S!! Hopefully I'll never have to drink that stuff ever again. It was 4 liters of water mixed with the stuff, supposedly cherry flavored - NOT even close to cherry flavor. BLAGH! Makes me cringe to even think about it. AfFter drinking about 1/4 of the stuff, the multiple trips to the bathroom started. I've never pooped so much in my life! LOL Even though I had been on a liquid diet for the past week, I couldn't believe the number of trips I had to take to the bathroom. Sometimes it was just gas, but thank goodness the toilet wasn't far away because there were times I had to run to make it in time before pooping on myself.... reminded me of the time I tried that disgusting medication Xenical.
I was restricted to clear liquids the rest of the day and then nothing at all around 8pm. I wish that the pre-op tests had been done earlier that day because we waited all day for the cardiologist to show up and perform the EKG. He finally made it to my room around 9:30 that evening. It didn't take long to complete the test but I have to admit I was a bit annoyed that I had to wait all day for him. I was afraid to walk around and leave the room for fear of missing him. So my DH and I felt like we were trapped in the hospital room all day.
I was supposed to get something that evening to help me relax or sleep but it seemed to take forever for the nurses to give it to me. We asked at least once after the EKG test was done and it took maybe 30 to 45 minutes before the nurse came in with the meds. I was a bit peeved, but I think more than anything I was just anxious because I knew that my surgery was happening the very next morning.
Hospital Oasis is a small hospital that has a good reputation for cardiology as well as cancer treatment. There were a lot of Americans there for cancer therapies and it's common to have several Americans there at any given time for alternative therapies for cancer that US oncologists tend to dismiss or think aren't acceptable treatments for cancer. There was at time a language barrier with the nursing staff, but for the most part we were able to communicate with everyone. Most of the staff did speak some English, some were very fluent while others spoke none at all, but I can't say that it really posed any major problems. The staff were all very nice and helpful making sure we had everything we needed and tried to accommodate all our requests. I have absolutely no complaints about the hospital I used or the staff that helped both me and my husband during my stay there.
Saturday and Sunday during my hospital stay were rather uneventful. Dr. Kelly came by every day to check in on me and see how I was doing. I continued to get IV meds for pain and nausea. I got to take a shower which felt WONDERFUL and I was also up and walking around which helped relieve the horrible gas pain. I was consuming very small amounts of the meals they brought which were herbal tea, jello and juice. I also sipped water throughout the day. I burped and tooted a LOT. I had been warned about the gas but just didn't realize how much there really would be. I was definitely giving my DH a run for his money! LOL
I was discharged from the hospital on Monday morning. They started a 3rd IV in my hand and left it as a port (heplock) just in case I needed IV meds after leaving the hospital. My other IVs had become inflamed and burned whenever meds were pushed, so the 3rd one was started before I left. One thing I can say about the nurses at Oasis is that they can start IVs! When I went to the ER in 2003 here in the states, it took them 8 attempts to get an IV started. At Oasis, one was started on the first try every time!
I am now recuperating in a very posh hotel named Camino Real. The only thing I wish the room had was a recliner because I ended up calling the front desk to request an extra 8 pillows to help me be propped up in bed because I still cannot lie flat and sleep - very uncomfortable to do that. I highly recommend you have a wedge pillow with you or something to help you stay elevated because it will help with your comfort and pain.
Today my DH, Grace and I went sightseeing around Tijuana on the very popular avenue called Revolution Avenue. There are tons of places to shop, eat, people watch and just enjoy the wonderful weather and scenery. All the sights and sounds of the area can be overwhelming but also quite fun. My hubby and I found some very nice things at very reasonable prices - be sure to bring your bartering know-how around here. *wink* I would have loved to purchase more but we also had to factor in how to bring it back with us on our flight since airlines are so picky these days. I really hope we get a chance to go back in a year or two when I can better enjoy myself and maybe eat a little of the authentic Mexican cuisine without stuffing myself like a pig. *BLAH*
This is the week
Mar 27, 2007
We drove over to Portage/Kalamazoo today to check out a health food store that advertised they had protein powders and lots of organic foods. They had a farily decent selection of stuff but I know I'll still end up ordering things, too. But it's good to know there is a place close by that has the high protein powders.
Guess I'll pack everything I possibly can tonight. I'll be taking my laptop with me and maybe if I'm up to it I'll post while we're away both pre-op and post-op. I've gone through the "what am I doing?" phase over the last few days. I am very confident in my decision and I admit I'm really excited about it. I want to tell everybody I'm having surgery - hell I told a perfect stranger at the health food store today. He probably thought "too much information" but I don't care! LOL
This will be the last summer I am ever miserable again because I'm so fat. This will be the last summer I won't be ashamed to go out in public with shorts on. This will be the last summer I don't get to swim because I can't find a suit big enough to fit. This will be the first of many "lasts" and I'm SO thankful for that. Just to be comfortable in my own skin for the first time in such a long time will be a wonderful feeling.
It is still hard to believe that it has been almost seven years since I originally started considering this option. Have the chance to do it close but so far away - no insurance, no hidden away money, etc.
Today I did something I didn't think I'd ever do though... after taking my shower this morning, I set up my digital camera on timer mode and took pictures of myself in my birthday suit to have for a record of the "before". These are photos I'm not sure I'll ever share, but I don't ever want to forget either. I never want to get complacent again and let the pounds slowly creep back up and end up right back where I am now. I don't think I could deal with that, not after how long it took me to finally be able to have WLS.
I do plan on taking some photos of me (with clothes on LOL) today while I'm home to add to the board. I have always avoided the camera, but I thought I would try to get a few photos taken before we leave tomorrow. I'll be taking my camera with me on the trip, too. I'm sure I'll be more apt to be in front of the camera once I'm post-op.
