Kellye G.
It's not long now!
Mar 21, 2007
I can't believe that in a little more than a week we'll be off to Mexcio for my WLS. I have mixed emotions - excitement, fear, dread... wondering if I've made the right decision. Should I give another diet yet one more try? I know this second-guessing is typical, but it's still a bit unsettling. I realize that WLS is my best option for a healthier longer life; that dieting just doesn't work for me and that I need this to help me reach my goals or I will be dead by I'm 40. I just KNOW it. Still doesn't make the decision any easier sometimes. I have to admit at times I'm ashamed of the fact I need surgery for weight loss; that I've been unscuccessful with other methods to lose weight time and time again which just adds to the feeling of helplessness and failure. Even though the statistics are basically against all who diet with traditional methods, it doesn't make the realization any easier that I can't just have more self-control, more self discipline, more "will power". That may all be a crock of poo, but you feel what you feel, no matter how unrealistic.
My parents were here this weekend. It was a short visit but I loved having them here. It will be the last time any family sees me before my surgery. Hopefully I will never be the fattest member of my family nor be ashamed to go visit because I've become so fat. Being uncomfortable in my own skin around those who love me the most. I've avoided any family functions for the past 2 years because of my weight and I don't want to miss anything else ever again. Hell, I've missed so much in the past 10 years that it's like I've been inprisoned in my own body, watching life go by while I sit indoors watching the world move on without me. The fact that WLS will help me get my life back, allow me to start LIVING my life is reason enough to go through whatever will come as a result of it.
I still feel utterly alone though. Even though my DH and I discuss the surgery and the before/after aspects, I don't know if he will ever really "get it". Granted he's overweight as well, but men are treated differently when they're heavy; they're even described differently. When you see an overweight man, they're described as "a big guy" but when you see an overweight woman, they're oven described as "heavyset" or "chunky". Or how about the comment, "you have such a pretty face"? So what does that make the rest of me??
My parents were here this weekend. It was a short visit but I loved having them here. It will be the last time any family sees me before my surgery. Hopefully I will never be the fattest member of my family nor be ashamed to go visit because I've become so fat. Being uncomfortable in my own skin around those who love me the most. I've avoided any family functions for the past 2 years because of my weight and I don't want to miss anything else ever again. Hell, I've missed so much in the past 10 years that it's like I've been inprisoned in my own body, watching life go by while I sit indoors watching the world move on without me. The fact that WLS will help me get my life back, allow me to start LIVING my life is reason enough to go through whatever will come as a result of it.
I still feel utterly alone though. Even though my DH and I discuss the surgery and the before/after aspects, I don't know if he will ever really "get it". Granted he's overweight as well, but men are treated differently when they're heavy; they're even described differently. When you see an overweight man, they're described as "a big guy" but when you see an overweight woman, they're oven described as "heavyset" or "chunky". Or how about the comment, "you have such a pretty face"? So what does that make the rest of me??
Sometimes I wonder...
Mar 12, 2007
... what in the hell is wrong with me??? Why I continually sabotage myself and have another binge? WHY?? WHAT triggers it? Most times I don't see any pattern of the why or when either. I know today I was just so fed up with eating the same thing over and over and over that I had a binge even though I felt lousy right afterwards, and was so sleepy from consuming so much food. I do good for a few days and then something "snaps" and I have to have my fix. It scares me, especially with my date quickly approaching, especially since it will be something I physically won't be able to do. Maybe I should go back to some OA meetings and damn the woman who told me I was taking the easy way out by having WLS. She'll just have to get over it. The WLS support group is good for WLS, but I don't know if it will really address the food issues.
My parents will be here next week for a few days. Looking forward to seeing them - will be the last time they see me before surgery. While I'm really happy they're coming, getting out and doing things is so difficult at my wieght. Everything is a chore and often times quite painful. I have to dope myself up with OTC pain meds before I go out and run errands these days. I know that my mom wants to go over to Amish country while they're here. Hopefully I will be able to tolerate it okay without thinking I'm going to die of pain.
I sent my deposit to the surgeon last week, so at least I have that done. Now I just have to get a cashiers check for the remainder of the cost. Have to call the bank tomorrow to get that taken care of. With each new step I take, the WLS seems more "final". Don't know if it is exciting or scary or both. I'm sure once I get started with the packing for our trip, my nerves are really going to take over. Luckily my DH is typically level headed so he'll just have to stay calm for the both of us.
My grandmother called yesterday and again was asking how I was doing on my diet. I know she means well and in her own way is telling me she cares and is worried, but I get tired of every conversation being about my weight. I just don't think she'll ever "get it". She complains about needing to lose 10 pounds! Hell, I'd jump for joy if all I had to lose was 10 friggin pounds! My weight has been a topic of conversation since I was in junior high school. Usually the first few words out anyone in my family's mouth that had not seen me in a while was, "You look good; have you lost weight?" I doubt it would have mattered if I'd put on 50 pounds -- I'd still get asked that question! I guess when you're the fattest member of your family, always the fattest person in the room, your weight will always be a topic of converstaion. I just wonder if this will change post WLS? Probably not. I'm sure there will be tons of questions initially but maybe after a while the fascination and curiosity will fade?? Man I hope so.
My parents will be here next week for a few days. Looking forward to seeing them - will be the last time they see me before surgery. While I'm really happy they're coming, getting out and doing things is so difficult at my wieght. Everything is a chore and often times quite painful. I have to dope myself up with OTC pain meds before I go out and run errands these days. I know that my mom wants to go over to Amish country while they're here. Hopefully I will be able to tolerate it okay without thinking I'm going to die of pain.
I sent my deposit to the surgeon last week, so at least I have that done. Now I just have to get a cashiers check for the remainder of the cost. Have to call the bank tomorrow to get that taken care of. With each new step I take, the WLS seems more "final". Don't know if it is exciting or scary or both. I'm sure once I get started with the packing for our trip, my nerves are really going to take over. Luckily my DH is typically level headed so he'll just have to stay calm for the both of us.
My grandmother called yesterday and again was asking how I was doing on my diet. I know she means well and in her own way is telling me she cares and is worried, but I get tired of every conversation being about my weight. I just don't think she'll ever "get it". She complains about needing to lose 10 pounds! Hell, I'd jump for joy if all I had to lose was 10 friggin pounds! My weight has been a topic of conversation since I was in junior high school. Usually the first few words out anyone in my family's mouth that had not seen me in a while was, "You look good; have you lost weight?" I doubt it would have mattered if I'd put on 50 pounds -- I'd still get asked that question! I guess when you're the fattest member of your family, always the fattest person in the room, your weight will always be a topic of converstaion. I just wonder if this will change post WLS? Probably not. I'm sure there will be tons of questions initially but maybe after a while the fascination and curiosity will fade?? Man I hope so.
Less than a month away!! :o)
Mar 01, 2007
I can't believe that in less than one month I'll finally be splayed out on an OR table having my GBP! It is really exciting to think about. Of course I'm still a bit apprehensive (it IS major surgery afterall). but for the most part I just want these last remaining days to come and go quickly. It will be such a wonderful feeling to finally be on the losing side - only on this site does that phrase mean something good, you know?
I attended my first WLS support group meeting last night and it was very good. All the people there were post-op (except for a DH) but it was still a good feeling to be around people who knew exactly what I was going through and were supportive & excited for me to be having WLS. I won't be able to attend the meeting this month as it's on the day we head over to Chicago to catch our flight, but I really hope I'll be up to the meeting in April. By that time I'll be almost one month post-op so maybe I'll feel up to the 30 minute drive.
I finally found a couple of 32 oz water bottles I like and I don't know if it's some mind game or what, but I manage to drink my fluids better if they're in a bottle. I actually do a better job of getting in the 64 oz (or more) if I drink them from a bottle than just filling up a glass several times a day. Knowing I only have to fill the bottle twice a day to get the minimum fluid intake doesn't seem so impossible. Funny how we can "trick" ourselves into doing things by simply changing the approach. Whatever works, right?
I still think I'll see about getting a smaller water bottle that I can carry around with me if I'm going out so it can more easily slip into my purse or fit in the cup holder of the car. The 32 oz ones are great for home, but a little too big for travel and errands. I had planned on going out today to get some supplies in Portage but the weather is SO nasty that I decided to just stay in and catch up on other things.
Hopefully this will be the last month I ever have to be on the complete Medifast program for my meals. As much as I know this program works for weight loss, it is SUCH a bore! Thankfully an angel gave me a bunch of recipes & samples (thanks Cyn) that I can add to my program that I'm definitely going to start using so I don't get so bored with it. I think boredom is probably the #1 diet killer of them all. It is for me anyway.
I attended my first WLS support group meeting last night and it was very good. All the people there were post-op (except for a DH) but it was still a good feeling to be around people who knew exactly what I was going through and were supportive & excited for me to be having WLS. I won't be able to attend the meeting this month as it's on the day we head over to Chicago to catch our flight, but I really hope I'll be up to the meeting in April. By that time I'll be almost one month post-op so maybe I'll feel up to the 30 minute drive.
I finally found a couple of 32 oz water bottles I like and I don't know if it's some mind game or what, but I manage to drink my fluids better if they're in a bottle. I actually do a better job of getting in the 64 oz (or more) if I drink them from a bottle than just filling up a glass several times a day. Knowing I only have to fill the bottle twice a day to get the minimum fluid intake doesn't seem so impossible. Funny how we can "trick" ourselves into doing things by simply changing the approach. Whatever works, right?
I still think I'll see about getting a smaller water bottle that I can carry around with me if I'm going out so it can more easily slip into my purse or fit in the cup holder of the car. The 32 oz ones are great for home, but a little too big for travel and errands. I had planned on going out today to get some supplies in Portage but the weather is SO nasty that I decided to just stay in and catch up on other things.
Hopefully this will be the last month I ever have to be on the complete Medifast program for my meals. As much as I know this program works for weight loss, it is SUCH a bore! Thankfully an angel gave me a bunch of recipes & samples (thanks Cyn) that I can add to my program that I'm definitely going to start using so I don't get so bored with it. I think boredom is probably the #1 diet killer of them all. It is for me anyway.
INSOMNIA BUG
Feb 25, 2007
Well, I can't sleep again. *sigh* I swear I deal with this every few weeks and it just drives me absolutely NUTS! Last night I couldn't sleep and it was probably 5:30 am before I finally got drowsy enough to try and go back to bed. Right now it's 3am and I'm hoping that by journaling a little I'll finally start getting droopy eyed and actually yawn!
Thanks to my new friend Cynthia, I learned of an area support group for WLS that is only about 20 miles away from me. I'm REALLY looking forward to going and meeting others and getting out of the house! I was considering going back to OA but I think I'd rather go to a group that is for WLS because not everyone at OA can relate. It was good source for support, but I really would prefer something centered more around WLS. Now if the weather will cooperate, I'll attend my first meeting on Wednesday.
My DH was supposed to be home this weekend, but he is having mechanical troubles with his truck and I don't expect him to be home now until it's time for us to head for Mexico at the end of March!! I'm really disappointed with that, but it's not the end of the world. I just don't like it when he's away from home for such an extended period of time. Two weeks at a time is okay, but when it's so much longer - we both really hate it. I will be glad when he can finally give up the long haul trucking and be home every evening. And hopefully once my weight gets more manageable I'll actually be able to go back to work and start using my nursing license again!
Okay I just yawned a few times so maybe I can finally get some sleep. Hope everyone had a great weekend - the mutts and I stayed indoors and avoided all the ice.
Source of Friction
Feb 23, 2007
Well, my DH and I were talking earlier tonight and I had mentioned that I planned on getting an IUD after surgery for my BC choice because the pill gives me chronic headaches & I liked the convenience of the IUD & that it might lessen or eliminate my period - something that would just be absolutely WONDERFUL after suffering with menorrhagia for the past 15 years. He brought up the subject of a family and that he still wanted a couple of kids.
Well, I'm sorry, and maybe I'm being selfish, but for the past 7 years of my life I have basically been isolated from the world, not able to have a "normal" life, sitting down and watching the world pass by as well as feeling as though I am just taking up space & not contributing anything to the world or the people around me. So why is it so hard for him to understand that after WLS I want some time for ME? That I want to actually be able to LIVE my life for a change, do things with him, be active, go back to work, take care of ME and what I want?
I honestly don't know if I will ever want to have a child. If I had to answer that question today, right now, the answer would be NO. Since I feel like I've been cheated out of so much of my life while being MO, I want to try and make up for lost time once the weight starts to disappear. Is that so wrong?
He said he just hoped that I wouldn't be selfish and only consider myself and not put our marriage first. I can't believe he said that!! Well doesn't it make sense that in order for US to be happy that I need to be happy as well? Why would he want to bring a child into our relationship if I wasn't happy with my life or us? I'm not going to have a baby just to prove to him that I put our marriage first! I've sacrificed a lot and I just will not be guilted into doing something as monumental as having a baby to prove something to him.
I don't know how this will affect our marriage down the line. I know that it is not uncommon for marriages to have troubles once a spouse has WLS, one of my best friends is experiencing that now as her spouse isn't comfortable with the changes she's going through (being more confident, outgoing, etc). Plus the last thing I want to do after finally having WLS and getting to healthier weight is get pregnant! I just don't think it's fair of him to ask this of me right now. Why bring this up? He said he felt like if he needed to voice it now rather than later. Hell, I already know that he wants a family - he's always been very clear on that. However, I tend to go back and forth on it. I can't help but wonder if he thinks that by me finally having WLS is also his chance of getting that family he wants? That he has some ulterior motives behind the support for the WLS?
Basically I just don't want to think that far into the future. I know that I have a lot ahead of me once the WLS is done. That my life is going to change drastically in all sorts of ways and to add on the stresses of having a baby is not something I want to deal with for some time.
Well, I'm sorry, and maybe I'm being selfish, but for the past 7 years of my life I have basically been isolated from the world, not able to have a "normal" life, sitting down and watching the world pass by as well as feeling as though I am just taking up space & not contributing anything to the world or the people around me. So why is it so hard for him to understand that after WLS I want some time for ME? That I want to actually be able to LIVE my life for a change, do things with him, be active, go back to work, take care of ME and what I want?
I honestly don't know if I will ever want to have a child. If I had to answer that question today, right now, the answer would be NO. Since I feel like I've been cheated out of so much of my life while being MO, I want to try and make up for lost time once the weight starts to disappear. Is that so wrong?
He said he just hoped that I wouldn't be selfish and only consider myself and not put our marriage first. I can't believe he said that!! Well doesn't it make sense that in order for US to be happy that I need to be happy as well? Why would he want to bring a child into our relationship if I wasn't happy with my life or us? I'm not going to have a baby just to prove to him that I put our marriage first! I've sacrificed a lot and I just will not be guilted into doing something as monumental as having a baby to prove something to him.
I don't know how this will affect our marriage down the line. I know that it is not uncommon for marriages to have troubles once a spouse has WLS, one of my best friends is experiencing that now as her spouse isn't comfortable with the changes she's going through (being more confident, outgoing, etc). Plus the last thing I want to do after finally having WLS and getting to healthier weight is get pregnant! I just don't think it's fair of him to ask this of me right now. Why bring this up? He said he felt like if he needed to voice it now rather than later. Hell, I already know that he wants a family - he's always been very clear on that. However, I tend to go back and forth on it. I can't help but wonder if he thinks that by me finally having WLS is also his chance of getting that family he wants? That he has some ulterior motives behind the support for the WLS?
Basically I just don't want to think that far into the future. I know that I have a lot ahead of me once the WLS is done. That my life is going to change drastically in all sorts of ways and to add on the stresses of having a baby is not something I want to deal with for some time.
Doing a LITTLE Better Today
Feb 17, 2007
I guess yesterday was a rough one. I know I just sat and cried for about half an hour but couldn't figure out why. And today while I was waiting for the water to heat up in the shower I started bawling again. What the hell is wrong with me??? As I sit here blogging this, I'm giggling a little bit because I sound like a friggin nut job, but I suppose it has just been one of "those" days again.
Maybe I'm just stressing about my upcoming surgery? I know my hormones are all out of whack (as usual) since I'm having one of my "lovely" mega periods again. I swear, I think I've finally finished and then the floodgates open right up again. I know I passed a clot the size of a Kiwi fruit earlier today. No wonder I was cramping so bad. I really think I'm going to have an IUD after WLS. There are two types available & one is supposed to diminish or even eliminate your periods! Hallelujah! Wouldn't that just be AWESOME!! Right now I'd be happy if everything was just yanked out, but I know that's just because I'm so frustrated & disgusted with it. Sometimes I get raw from having to constantly use tampons & clean everything so often. Sometimes I think I should just stay naked from the waist down & when it's time, jump in the shower & rinse off. UGH!
More SNOW! Now I don't mind winter, but it's time for the snow to just bloody stop! Every day for the past 2 weeks - enough already! And to make it even more less liked - we got another damned ticket because we were accused of not having the walkway shoveled & clear of snow which is BULLSH*T! My neighbor and I were out taking care of the excess snow at the same time and we are BOTH going over to the court house to contest this ticket. I don't know what that cop was thinking, but I'll be damned if I'm paying another $50 dollars to the city because he screwed up!
I've taken a little break from Medifast - I just couldn't keep doing it. I know I really should as it is beneficial to lose some weight before surgery, especially to shrink the size of your liver, but I just can't. Well, I can but it boils down to I don't want to I guess. I mean, I've got to be honest with myself.... I really CAN follow the program but I choose not to. I guess I just want to have the WLS & let that be my answer. Why is this so hard sometimes? I don't know why I keep sabotaging myself - which worries me for post-op, too? How will I cope with that?
Maybe I'm just stressing about my upcoming surgery? I know my hormones are all out of whack (as usual) since I'm having one of my "lovely" mega periods again. I swear, I think I've finally finished and then the floodgates open right up again. I know I passed a clot the size of a Kiwi fruit earlier today. No wonder I was cramping so bad. I really think I'm going to have an IUD after WLS. There are two types available & one is supposed to diminish or even eliminate your periods! Hallelujah! Wouldn't that just be AWESOME!! Right now I'd be happy if everything was just yanked out, but I know that's just because I'm so frustrated & disgusted with it. Sometimes I get raw from having to constantly use tampons & clean everything so often. Sometimes I think I should just stay naked from the waist down & when it's time, jump in the shower & rinse off. UGH!
More SNOW! Now I don't mind winter, but it's time for the snow to just bloody stop! Every day for the past 2 weeks - enough already! And to make it even more less liked - we got another damned ticket because we were accused of not having the walkway shoveled & clear of snow which is BULLSH*T! My neighbor and I were out taking care of the excess snow at the same time and we are BOTH going over to the court house to contest this ticket. I don't know what that cop was thinking, but I'll be damned if I'm paying another $50 dollars to the city because he screwed up!
I've taken a little break from Medifast - I just couldn't keep doing it. I know I really should as it is beneficial to lose some weight before surgery, especially to shrink the size of your liver, but I just can't. Well, I can but it boils down to I don't want to I guess. I mean, I've got to be honest with myself.... I really CAN follow the program but I choose not to. I guess I just want to have the WLS & let that be my answer. Why is this so hard sometimes? I don't know why I keep sabotaging myself - which worries me for post-op, too? How will I cope with that?
Rough Time of It
Feb 15, 2007
I've developed yet another damn boil on my body. I never used to get these things, but ever since I had a peri-rectal abscess 3 years ago, I've been periodically getting them. They appear everywhere. For a while they seemed to prefer my ass, but they've been migrating to other areas as of late - my boobs, my stomach, my legs, my arms. They hurt like hell, and the worst of it is, they tend to be in places I can't reach or are in locations that make it hard to heal - between skin folds or under my arm. Currently I have two - one between skin folds on my abdomen and another one where my thigh and butt meet - it's not much fun to sit or go to the bathroom let me tell ya! I've been cleaning them with peroxide (OUCH) and scrubbing the crap out of them in the shower hoping to clear them up. I have even changed to an antibacterial bar soap by Dial to use when I shower now because I keep getting these damned things. I can't figure out why either and it just makes me so miserable. I think they're gone and then another one shows up - just makes me cry. I'm so tired of being sick & tired!
And of course my monster period isn't helping either. Having such an irregular cycle that lasts for weeks - and I do mean WEEKS is enough to make any person go a little crazy. I should buy stock in Tampax I use so many of them. Before I got so fat I had a "normal" cycle but now, well, lets just say that comparing it to Niagara Falls is a rather good description. But can't forget the clots - oh no - those are the best part! They just hurt like hell to pass & make cramps seem like labor pains. When my OBGYN explained the increased pain with passing clots, he said it was similar to contractions because my uterus was trying to expel something solid. All I know is that I feel like a blood clot factory and wonder where in the hell all this keeps coming from - it has to end eventually doesn't it?
I wanted to get an ablation but OBGYNs are reluctant to do it on someone my age because I'm still within my "childbearing" years. Doesn't matter that I tell them I don't care if it means I can't have kids or not, I just want to have a normal period or not one at all. I swear after suffering with menorrhagia for the past 12 years isn't a good enough reason for an ablation I don't know what is. Hell, if I could I'd have it all yanked out! Bring on menopause I say - anything is better than this.
Yes, I suppose I am bitching a lot today. I just feel like crap and haven't been able to talk about this stuff at all with anyone - so this is the best place to do it I suppose. I got aggravated earlier today because someon had suggested a surgeon here in Michigan that has a very reasonable price for WLS. Well, at first the cost is good, but it's also deceptive because the price they give doesn't include all the pre-op stuff they want BEFORE the doctor will even consider you as a candidate. AND if after all the pre-op stuff is done & he decides against taking you as a patient, you're just SOL. I don't know why it upset me because I have already scheduled my WLS with Dr. Kelly & am very satisfied with my choice. I suppose some of it has to do with other people's attitudes of me having WLS in Mexico. Well, when I can have it done there for less than half of the average cost in the US, why should I pay so much more for the same procedure? I researched my surgeon there just as much as I researched surgeons here in the US. Even the hospital I'll be in is as good or better than many of them here. So, to hell with the nay-sayers right? This is MY choice, MY body, MY life, MY health --- and I have to do what is right for me.
My hubby has been so supportive and I have to say I don't know how he's put up with me for so long. It's been at least 2 years since we've had sex - yup you read that right - 2 years! I just don't have any desire for it at all. In the past when I would see love scenes on TV it would make me a little "tingly" but lately .... NADA. I don't know of many men who would be "okay" with a sexless marriage, but he hasn't pushed it. I know he understands, but I doubt he likes it. LOL I'm just thankful that he has been the man he has. I take so much frustration out on him and he just takes it. He gets the brunt of my wrath & mood swings and says nothing. He deserves so much better from me and sometimes I hear myself being a total bitch but can't seem to stop my mouth from spewing the hateful words from pouring out. I often wonder where this person comes from? Why she manages to be so spiteful to someone who is nothing by kind and supportive - he just happens to be the only around so of course he is the target. Why do we hurt the ones we love? (sorry, that's so cliche, but it's true)
Well, before I just keel over at my computer (it's 0430) I'm going to get my tired butt into bed & try to get some rest. Maybe it will snow even more giving me more of it to shovel later today! I love winter, but damn - can't we at least get a few days without having to dig out a trench to get to the newspaper?
And of course my monster period isn't helping either. Having such an irregular cycle that lasts for weeks - and I do mean WEEKS is enough to make any person go a little crazy. I should buy stock in Tampax I use so many of them. Before I got so fat I had a "normal" cycle but now, well, lets just say that comparing it to Niagara Falls is a rather good description. But can't forget the clots - oh no - those are the best part! They just hurt like hell to pass & make cramps seem like labor pains. When my OBGYN explained the increased pain with passing clots, he said it was similar to contractions because my uterus was trying to expel something solid. All I know is that I feel like a blood clot factory and wonder where in the hell all this keeps coming from - it has to end eventually doesn't it?
I wanted to get an ablation but OBGYNs are reluctant to do it on someone my age because I'm still within my "childbearing" years. Doesn't matter that I tell them I don't care if it means I can't have kids or not, I just want to have a normal period or not one at all. I swear after suffering with menorrhagia for the past 12 years isn't a good enough reason for an ablation I don't know what is. Hell, if I could I'd have it all yanked out! Bring on menopause I say - anything is better than this.
Yes, I suppose I am bitching a lot today. I just feel like crap and haven't been able to talk about this stuff at all with anyone - so this is the best place to do it I suppose. I got aggravated earlier today because someon had suggested a surgeon here in Michigan that has a very reasonable price for WLS. Well, at first the cost is good, but it's also deceptive because the price they give doesn't include all the pre-op stuff they want BEFORE the doctor will even consider you as a candidate. AND if after all the pre-op stuff is done & he decides against taking you as a patient, you're just SOL. I don't know why it upset me because I have already scheduled my WLS with Dr. Kelly & am very satisfied with my choice. I suppose some of it has to do with other people's attitudes of me having WLS in Mexico. Well, when I can have it done there for less than half of the average cost in the US, why should I pay so much more for the same procedure? I researched my surgeon there just as much as I researched surgeons here in the US. Even the hospital I'll be in is as good or better than many of them here. So, to hell with the nay-sayers right? This is MY choice, MY body, MY life, MY health --- and I have to do what is right for me.
My hubby has been so supportive and I have to say I don't know how he's put up with me for so long. It's been at least 2 years since we've had sex - yup you read that right - 2 years! I just don't have any desire for it at all. In the past when I would see love scenes on TV it would make me a little "tingly" but lately .... NADA. I don't know of many men who would be "okay" with a sexless marriage, but he hasn't pushed it. I know he understands, but I doubt he likes it. LOL I'm just thankful that he has been the man he has. I take so much frustration out on him and he just takes it. He gets the brunt of my wrath & mood swings and says nothing. He deserves so much better from me and sometimes I hear myself being a total bitch but can't seem to stop my mouth from spewing the hateful words from pouring out. I often wonder where this person comes from? Why she manages to be so spiteful to someone who is nothing by kind and supportive - he just happens to be the only around so of course he is the target. Why do we hurt the ones we love? (sorry, that's so cliche, but it's true)
Well, before I just keel over at my computer (it's 0430) I'm going to get my tired butt into bed & try to get some rest. Maybe it will snow even more giving me more of it to shovel later today! I love winter, but damn - can't we at least get a few days without having to dig out a trench to get to the newspaper?
47 Days & Counting!!
Feb 11, 2007
Less than 2 months to go before WLS. Hard to believe after waiting for 7 years I'm now faced with counting the days and it's wonderful!!
My hubby is home this weekend after being OTR for 2 weeks. Any & all progress I make with dieting seems to fly out the window when he is at home. He's supportive but also enabling - doesn't seem to "get it" that I have to be consistent with my eating & dedicated to the entire process both pre-op & post-op. I just wonder what is going to happen once I get home after surgery & he tries to appease me with food. But I should really have more determination to keep at it & not put the excuse of me "slipping" on him.
I can't blame it all on him - we both kid ourselves about what we eat. He grazes all day when he's at home using the excuse that while he's on the road he doesn't get a chance to eat well because his choices are so limited. But that excuse only goes so far since I drove with him for 2 years & I know better. Yeah it's hard to eat healthy as a truck driver, but it's not impossible either.
I think that since he & I are bored & can't really do anything because I can't tolerate the physical activity being so fat, we substitute our time with food. It's something we can do together & something we both enjoy. Sad... but true. Hopefully after the WLS & once I start feeling better & am better able to tolerate activity without being in so much pain, we'll start taking advantage of that and replace the food with other things.
My hubby is home this weekend after being OTR for 2 weeks. Any & all progress I make with dieting seems to fly out the window when he is at home. He's supportive but also enabling - doesn't seem to "get it" that I have to be consistent with my eating & dedicated to the entire process both pre-op & post-op. I just wonder what is going to happen once I get home after surgery & he tries to appease me with food. But I should really have more determination to keep at it & not put the excuse of me "slipping" on him.
I can't blame it all on him - we both kid ourselves about what we eat. He grazes all day when he's at home using the excuse that while he's on the road he doesn't get a chance to eat well because his choices are so limited. But that excuse only goes so far since I drove with him for 2 years & I know better. Yeah it's hard to eat healthy as a truck driver, but it's not impossible either.
I think that since he & I are bored & can't really do anything because I can't tolerate the physical activity being so fat, we substitute our time with food. It's something we can do together & something we both enjoy. Sad... but true. Hopefully after the WLS & once I start feeling better & am better able to tolerate activity without being in so much pain, we'll start taking advantage of that and replace the food with other things.
Progress
Feb 07, 2007
Now that my surgery date is set, I've been making travel arrangements and trying to get everything organized before we leave for Mexico. I have our flight reservations made and sent my itinerary to my patient coordinator so they know when we'll be arriving. The more steps I'm able to complete, I get a little more excited and anxious. While I'm thrilled to finally be getting this done, I'm also still a little fearful - is that normal?
I am still following Medifast in order to try and lose some weight before my WLS but it's rough going. Maybe I shouldn't have started it so soon, but I also know that I needed to start it to get ready for the major changes that will happen once I'm post-op. Just sometimes I have this uncontrollable urge to gorge myself & raid the house for any food I can find. I've emptied out the pantry & refrigerator the best I can, but I also have to have food on hand for my hubby. At least since he's a truck driver, I only have to have additional food when he's home, which isn't very often. It still doesn't make it any easier.
The impulse to binge & stuff myself is still there. I HATE having it. I was attending OA meetings before the weather changed & made the trips to the meetings a little dangerous. So until the weather warms up a bit, I don't feel comfortable driving the 20 miles at night to attend. Too bad the temps haven't gotten out of the single digits at night lately. *sigh*
I am still following Medifast in order to try and lose some weight before my WLS but it's rough going. Maybe I shouldn't have started it so soon, but I also know that I needed to start it to get ready for the major changes that will happen once I'm post-op. Just sometimes I have this uncontrollable urge to gorge myself & raid the house for any food I can find. I've emptied out the pantry & refrigerator the best I can, but I also have to have food on hand for my hubby. At least since he's a truck driver, I only have to have additional food when he's home, which isn't very often. It still doesn't make it any easier.
The impulse to binge & stuff myself is still there. I HATE having it. I was attending OA meetings before the weather changed & made the trips to the meetings a little dangerous. So until the weather warms up a bit, I don't feel comfortable driving the 20 miles at night to attend. Too bad the temps haven't gotten out of the single digits at night lately. *sigh*
I GOT A SURGERY DATE!!
Feb 02, 2007
** My surgery is set for March 30th! :) **
I'm in the process of filling out preliminary paperwork and getting all my information sent to the surgeon. The closer the day approaches the more excited I get.
I've already started getting ready for the post-op stages; I've gotten my vitamins ordered as well as supplemental protein products that other WLS pts have recommended. My family is being very supportive as well as concerned, but are behind me all the way. I'm so happy to finally have this happening!
I'm in the process of filling out preliminary paperwork and getting all my information sent to the surgeon. The closer the day approaches the more excited I get.
I've already started getting ready for the post-op stages; I've gotten my vitamins ordered as well as supplemental protein products that other WLS pts have recommended. My family is being very supportive as well as concerned, but are behind me all the way. I'm so happy to finally have this happening!
About Me
Columbus, OH
Location
40.3
BMI
Surgery
03/30/2007
Surgery Date
Jul 11, 2000
Member Since
