Disappointed

Mar 12, 2010

Today I went in for my psychological evaluation.  The clinical therapist told me she was going to recommend I have therapy before surgery.  She said that seclusion was a sign of depression and I need to talk to someone.  I am so frustrated!  I think she is wrong.  I was honest about some postpartum depression I had after having 3 kids in 31/2 years but that has gotten so much better if not resolved itself!  My youngest is 5 years old.  I have some monthly moodiness but what woman doesn't?  Mostly I just hate being heavy.  I am uncomfortable in my own skin.  It hurts to be fat.  It is uncomfortable to be fat.  It is embarrassing to be fat.  It is inconvenient to be fat.  I don't like it but I don't let it overtake me.  I am VERY shy...so when she asked if I avoid social events I answered yes.  Wrong answer!!!  Apparently being shy is a sign of depression.  Honestly?!?  I was shy as a child, I was shy as a young adult, and I will probably still be shy as an old woman...skinny or not!  Seriously, I am very angry!  I am not a recluse.  I don't let my weight keep me from volunteering at the kids schools or showing up for baseball games or teaching at the church.  I haven't missed a single family function or shower or wedding.... AHHH! ...
Wednesday I did all the pre op with the hospital, surgical nurse, radiology and nutritionist.  I am supposed to have surgery Tuesday, March 16th... If Dr. Bellanger delays it I will be extremely disappointed.

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