Onmyweightohappiness
Some of my goals
Jan 12, 2010
Mainly these are going to be health goals but I may throw in other ones. I don't know if it's because of the new year or the fact that I am going thru this journey but it has got me thinking about a lot of things with my life and life in general. I was thinking the other day what are my goals in all this, what would I like to see or what would be something I would love to accomplish. Some may sounds stupid or silly but unless your in my position or have been you would understand. I am being very open and honest with this stuff. Something I normally don't do but it's time to start being real and enough hiding.I am 2 months into my 6 month journey. At first I thought it was going to take forever but I sit here thinking wow it's the middle of January already, next month will be my half way mark and before I know it May will be here. I just keep praying that all will work out and nothing will prevent me from taking this next step. Because if so I don't know what I will do because I don't know what else to try.
Ok here are some of my goals:
- To be under 200lbs - It's been about 7-8 years since I have seen this and I think I would faint if I got to see it again.
-To be able to work out consistently - My biggest enemy is myself. I get discouraged if I don't see results, therefore I give up and think that it's never going to work. Which I am working on. I know I have to deal with my weight the rest of my life but knowing that I will see progress will be great motivation. I will have that pay off reward for doing the workouts and be able to do workouts that I can't do now. I am working now to get myself prepared to be able to work out atleast 4 times a week for 30 minutes. That is my ultimate goal to be.
-To be able to shop at any store-I hate not having a selection of clothes to look at, the ones that are my size look like grandma clothes (no offense) or are just plain ugly. So I stick to my t-shirts, jeans, and sweatshirts.
-To be able to buy clothes that aren't double digits or plus size-This would just be an amazing feeling!
-To be able to wear my clothes and not worry about hiding my fat, mainly to not wear such baggy clothes to hide behind it-I hate this and despise this. I would love to see the day I can throw on anything and be able to look in the mirror and not the first thing I do is turn to the side to see if my stomach sticks out or you see too many fat rolls. No one would believe how much I weigh right now because I do hide a lot of it. Just to have more of a selection of clothes would be great too.
-To be able to wear high heels and feel sexy in them-I own a few pair of heels and never or rarely wear them. I don't have anything cute to wear with them. They hurt my feet because of my weight after too long. I don't feel sexy in them. I wish I did. Instead I wear my tennis shoes and flip flops.
-To be able to run with the dogs or my son and not get winded or worry people will look and laugh at the fat girl running-This is why I work out at home on my treadmill or weight set. I would love to take the dogs for walks more but I always feel like people are watching me and thinking oh gawd look at how big she is, yeah she really needs to walk etc etc. Yes I know a majority of the time people probably aren't even paying attention to me but maybe its a fat person thing. I just always feel it. I know this is something I need to just deal with and get over pretty much, I'm sure at any weight people might feel like this so I am working on it.
-To be able to go swimming at a swimming pool-Wow I haven't swam in a swimming pool or lake in probably 7 years. When I use to it would be in shorts and a t-shirt. If you have ever done it you can relate as to how fun swimming is with that on. Not very at all. Not saying I want to be able to wear a bikini, doubt that will ever happen, but to be able to wear a swimming suit even if I have to have a cover up on or some shorts on. Thats my ultimate goal. We have access to a swimming pool whenever we want, I have taken Angel there a few times and just sat there wishing I could of went in with her because I love swimming. Next summer it will happen come hell or high water!
-To feel more confident in myself-Yes I know it shouldn't matter what I weigh, I struggle with this big time. No matter what I tell myself, no matter how many times my husband compliments me it just doesn't work or help. I'm not saying losing weight is going to solve it, sure it will be something I will struggle with the rest of my life but to have some confidence back in my life would be wonderful! This is a major one I need and want to change. There's times I sit and think why is my husband with me, how can he make love to me, I look at me and want to throw up so why would he want to touch me. That is terrible to think like that but I can't help it.
I am sure there is more, I know there is more I just can't think of them at the moment. Really I just want me back. I feel like I have lost myself in the last few years. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore or who I use to be. I use to be so outgoing, life of the party, made friends easily etc and now I don't feel that way anymore. I don't have any friends down here, I hate it, I never realized how much my weight held me back in so many aspects of my life. It's really sad. I refuse to allow this to keep going on. I am taking charge and things WILL change. Maybe not today or tomorrow but they will change. I am a work in progress. If any of you feel that I have distant or not the Sarah you use to know, you are right and I am sorry for that. Just be patient with me. I am trying to get me back.
It was cute the other day my husband says to me, " So your really going to go thru with this surgery, huh?" I replied, "Yes, I don't really want to resort to surgery but I am at my wit ends of fighting this demon and I don't know what else to do, nothing I am doing is working." He says back to me, "I understand baby, I just want to see you happy, and I promise to start working out more so I am all buff and sexy for you." Made my heart melt and I giggled a little. I couldn't ask for any one more supportive. He even confessed to me when I had first brought it up and attended the seminar to get information that he was scared I was going to lose all this weight and realize he is a loser and I would leave him. It broke my heart when he said that. I told him baby no matter what my size is I love you more than anything under the sun. I promise not to leave you. You are stuck with me for life! I am glad I have him in my court if I sometimes don't always show it but I am working on it. It's so sad that my weight has held me back in so many ways with him. I am thankful for him and promised to him I will make it up to him. He deserves better. I deserve better. We deserve better.
Until next time.......
0 Comments
About Me
Houston, TX
Location
25.0
BMI
Surgery
06/17/2010
Surgery Date
May 18, 2010
Member Since
